Language dilemma

[imxtraordinary]

Re: Language dilemma

@amana

Define “comfortably”, because your child -can- grow up with fluency in spoken Arabic and Urdu, and the most effective way to do that is for both you and your husband to speak your natal languages at home.

That said, once he or she begins school, those languages will be replaced outside of the home with English. My children are comfortably conversant in spoken Arabic and Urdu and have no problems understanding adults. They even know quite a bit of mandarin because we had a Chinese au pair for a few years. (I define fluency as the ability to sit at a dinner table with about 7 conversations going on and being able to follow each one).

Once they became older, though, they tended to reply in English. It’s up to you to nip that, but if you choose to remain here English will be their dominant language and they will likely even speak with desi kids in English because that’s the language they learn to express their emotions, etc. in. All kids who are multilingual will have a language preference, and in almost every case it will be that of the country they were raised in.

Children are like sponges when it comes to language learning, they’ll absorb everything in their environment.

Comfortably= like a native

[imxtraordinary]

Language dilemma

@Sahdia77

Teaching your children different languages increases their intelligence, or so I’ve read in recent years. Studies have shown that children who are raised with more than one language often become better students. I once met parents online who both had different backgrounds, and at home they spoke one language on Monday, then the second language on Tuesday, and then Wednesday again the first language, and so on. It worked for their family and they said their kids never mixed up the different languages. So go for it, teach your children all the languages you know..

I really like this idea of doing the languages interchangeably and have specific days where you only speak that language.
No doubt in learning a different language, it opens up your mind and knowing another language is like knowing a totally different world or culture..

[imxtraordinary]

Language dilemma

@Sahdia77

I’ve been a single mother for most of my life and as my children (and me as well) were born and raised in the Netherlands, I decided to make Dutch language a priority. But when they were older, it became more difficult to really teach them Urdu. I’ve tried, but I’ve become more used to Dutch myself as well. So now my children are 16 and 18 and know more Dutch and English than Urdu which is a pity, but I haven’t given up on that. Anyway, this is one parenting mistake I hope none of you make.

This is the reason I want to start early and teach the baby however much I can before he starts school.

[Golgappay]

Re: Language dilemma

Dear OP,

I think you should feel comfortable speaking urdu with baby in front of hubby, even if he does not understand, he can learn it with the baby and repeat the words to the baby and it will help him learn also. But if he does not want to learn it, then it is ok because he is an adult, it takes patience to learn language as an adult. I’m sure the baby will learn both language and English is obviously not going to be an issue at all.

[BellaShabba]

Paheli gave you valid advice please take it on board. As much as you feel embarassed if you want your child to speak the languages then make the effort and stick to urdu from your end and hubby to speak arabic. Your child will pick up english easily along the way.

I grew up in a bilingual family my mum would speak to us in swahili and my dad hindko/urdu and we were fine. I speak hindko and urdu more fluently and we use certain swahili words mixed in. Kids brains are like sponges they absorb. I have a 8 week old boy and i speak to him in hindko all the time, and i know as he grows hel remember phrases that hes familiar with. I also speak in english to him aswell.

@imxtraordinary

@Paheli00

Oh I read your original post. You need to go back and read every-single-post in this thread carefully because you are obviously not getting what people are telling you.

Several people already told you BEFORE you wrote this that you should talk to baby in Urdu and husband in Arabic and which will allow baby to learn both. You wrote in post #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) that you want baby to learn both Arabic and Urdu. Then why are you asking whether you should teach him more Urdu or Arabic? One language will NOT be dominant if you and your husband work as a team and teach him both. Now eventually when the baby starts school, by the time he becomes a teenager, most likely English will become/seem dominant b/c that’s what he will most likey speak most of the day around his friends. But for the next few years, you and your husabnd fully control his environment and have the ability to make baby equally comfortable in both Urdu and Arabic.

You and your husband need to start speaking to each other in Arabic. If you can’t find a specific word in Arabic, then say it in English. Again, not a big deal. Since your husband refuses to learn Urdu, there’s not other way around this.

You mentioned this in the first post and several people advised you the best way to teach the baby. In case it was’t obvious from all the advise, allow me to spell it out: Your sister’s advice is not valid.

If YOU feel awkward, then that’s your problem and it will effect the baby learning Urdu in the long run. Either you will speak to the baby in Urdu or not. Simple. YOU get to make that decision.

I’m not sure what your brother has to do with this. Do YOU want your baby to learn Urdu and know the culture? Because ultimately, YOU are the one who has to put in the hard work to make sure it happens. So forget about others want your baby to do…think about and decide how important Urdu/Pakistani culture is to YOU and how hard YOU are willing to work to make sure your baby learns this.

And this is your main problem. If your husband refuses to support the idea of the baby learning Urdu, then it’s not going to happen. And I don’t know why you’re writing that it “seems”. Sit down and directly ask your husband how he feels about the baby learning Urdu. Again…a simple solution. No reason to wonder about this. But going by your husband’s behavior, he has made it clear to you that he has no interest in Urdu. In return, since you’re obviously fine with it and have never made an issue of it…you also gave your husband the impression that Urdu isn’t that important to you.

Every couple I know that has taught their kids 2 different languages they speak did it as a team. BOTH mom and dad need to respect the other language and BOTH have to support the other’s effort to teach it.

And speaking of posts, I asked you a direct question earlier which you have not answered yet. Are there Arabic or Urdu immersion programs for kids in your area?

Additionally, do you know other Urdu speaking families with small kids that you spend time with regularly? How active are you in the Pakistani community and how active is your husband in the Arabic community?

Stop bullying around the forum, and please keep your rudeness and advice to yourself!.
Thanks!.

[ChiLLyMiLLy]

Re: Language dilemma

It really doesn’t matter what language you speak in most. Babies are sponges when it comes to language. So you just do your thing and speak Urdu and let bhai sahib speak Arabic. Thats how its in my household. I speak Urdu, hubs speaks Pashto. Eventually and in sha Allah our baby will speak both fluently.

[LP]

Re: Language dilemma

@imxtraordinary

Im in a bit of a dilemma here… I had a baby couple months ago who has not started talking yet except for the gooogoo gaga stuff…
My husband who’s an Arab wants our baby to spend time with his mom more so the baby can speak arabic later on (he didn’t say so but from his attitude that’s what it seems). I understand and speak arabic as well since I was brought up in an Arab country but moved to USA afterwards for college.
The problem is I want to teach our baby arabic and urdu both. Its awkward when I try to speak to him in urdu ‘baby language’ in front of my husband as he’d rather have me speaking arabic with the baby. Also, it doesn’t seem like my husband has any interest in teaching him urdu. One reason we are so connected is because I speak his language. He says at times he wants to learn urdu but has yet to learn it (which is fine with me).
My mom lives few hours away speaks little bit of arabic and my family has forgotten a lot of it as it’s not our first language (it is urdu). My older sister suggested I talk to the baby in urdu and repeat the same thing in arabic so the baby can have best of both worlds…
My question is what language should I be teaching this kid? Either continue speaking multiple languages or just plain english? Should i be worried about this from now or should i wait till the baby grows up a little?.

Speak in both the languages. It’s not difficult. My aunt spoke to her kid in urdu and arabic, though both parents are Pakistani’s they wanted their kid to be fluent in both because they live in an arab country. She would tell him what something is in both languages at the same time. Children grasp quickly. Being multilingual is a plus point.

[ALIREZA1]

Re: Language dilemma

My kids speak only one language and that don’t bother me the tiniest bit. Many of the most powerful and successful people know only one language. I wouldn’t stress over knowing more than one language.

[Southie]

Re: Language dilemma

Hillary speaks in multiple languages based on audience. The content of her speeches span 360 degree, with any consistency in content being purely coincidental.

[Sahdia77]

Re: Language dilemma

No, it’s not terrible to know one language, but if you do have more languages in your household, why not use them? Any extra knowledge can only be more helpful in the future life of your children.

[ALIREZA1]

Re: Language dilemma

@Sahdia77

No, it’s not terrible to know one language, but if you do have more languages in your household, why not use them? Any extra knowledge can only be more helpful in the future life of your children.

I didn’t want my children to be confused about their identities, this is their society and they should belong and be committed to it. Germans, Ukrainians and all other European nationalities who have settled here for generations mostly speak English.

[Mademoiselle]

Re: Language dilemma

Pakistanis should learn a thing or two from the Turks. Be it the Netherlands, Germany, Belgium, UK or anywhere else, even third-generations Turks are able to speak turkish fluently. :k:

And you sure as hell don’t find many ‘confused’ Turks.

[Sahdia77]

Re: Language dilemma

I don’t know about that. In the Netherlands we have a mixture of all kinds of Turks. Some of them are more Dutch than Turk, even when they do speak Turkish language fluently. Others do feel more Turkish, but knowing their language of origin has nothing to do with that.

Besides, I know plenty of people from Maroc and India or even fellow Pakistanis who all have children speaking the languauge of their origin fluently, visiting their countries of origin often, and still feeling more European (be it Dutch, British, or any other country). Nothing wrong with people feeling they belong more to one country than to another country.

[LP]

Re: Language dilemma

@ALIREZA1

I didn’t want my children to be confused about their identities, this is their society and they should belong and be committed to it. Germans, Ukrainians and all other European nationalities who have settled here for generations mostly speak English.

If knowing another language resulted in ‘confused’ children, they wouldn’t teach second languages in schools normally.

[Roshni]

Re: Language dilemma

my 3 years old son stays with my mum (work hourse only) who can not speak english at all but my son he mostly communicates in perfect english. We have no idea how he is so fluent. as mum watches desi tv but he watches cartoons too.

he also speaks good urdu and even tries punjabi.
Kids pick/learn what ever they hear.

[ALIREZA1]

Re: Language dilemma

@Mademoiselle

Pakistanis should learn a thing or two from the Turks. Be it the Netherlands, Germany, Belgium, UK or anywhere else, even third-generations Turks are able to speak turkish fluently. :k:

And you sure as hell don’t find many ‘confused’ Turks.

Haha..we are Turkish decent but wait, I read somewhere that 85 percent Turks in Germany are on welfare, when I went to visit Turkey, there were legal brothels, streets dedicated to call girl trannies for Saudi patrons, belly dancing, night clubs etc. On the other hand, some very adherent muslims…thanks but no thanks. That is not the future I mapped for my boys.

[ALIREZA1]

Re: Language dilemma

@LP

If knowing another language resulted in ‘confused’ children, they wouldn’t teach second languages in schools normally.

I meant culturally confused. You are an average of 4 people closest to you and it is very hard for me to find the right influences in desi community. If you learn the language then you have to hang and accept influence from them, They learnt French in school.

[Sahdia77]

Re: Language dilemma

Part of us perhaps are from Turkish decent, but not all. There is an interesting mixture of various backgrounds when you look at the history of Pakistan en India.