Im in a bit of a dilemma here… I had a baby couple months ago who has not started talking yet except for the gooogoo gaga stuff…
My husband who’s an Arab wants our baby to spend time with his mom more so the baby can speak arabic later on (he didn’t say so but from his attitude that’s what it seems). I understand and speak arabic as well since I was brought up in an Arab country but moved to USA afterwards for college.
The problem is I want to teach our baby arabic and urdu both. Its awkward when I try to speak to him in urdu ‘baby language’ in front of my husband as he’d rather have me speaking arabic with the baby. Also, it doesn’t seem like my husband has any interest in teaching him urdu. One reason we are so connected is because I speak his language. He says at times he wants to learn urdu but has yet to learn it (which is fine with me).
My mom lives few hours away speaks little bit of arabic and my family has forgotten a lot of it as it’s not our first language (it is urdu). My older sister suggested I talk to the baby in urdu and repeat the same thing in arabic so the baby can have best of both worlds…
My question is what language should I be teaching this kid? Either continue speaking multiple languages or just plain english? Should i be worried about this from now or should i wait till the baby grows up a little?.
Re: Language dilemma
you can speak to the baby in urdu and let husband and his family speak to baby in arabic.
Language dilemma
My husbands elder brother is married to someone not arab as well and their kids while being brought up in the same household do not speak arabic at all. Even though they understand it, they answer everything in english. I’m afraid the same thing is going to happen to our baby. He wouldn’t grasp one language well enough to speak it. I feel awkward speaking to the baby and my family in urdu when my husband is around and doesn’t understand it. My brother suggests all the time that I teach the baby urdu and make him aware of our culture as well.
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i would agree with the earlier poster that just speak to the baby in urdue (have your family speak to the baby in urdu as well,) and let your husband and his family teach him Arabic. No need to introduce to much english yet since once he/she start going to school they will pick it up automatically without issues. ( i have seen that happen in many cases.)
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Personal experience here, we are Pakistani Gujaratis so it was really important for my parents that us kids at least should be able to converse in both languages so we would speak with my dad in Urdu and Gujarati with my mom. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that your child will grasp both languages easily In-Sha-Allah
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Speak to your baby in both…he can speak in Arabic and you can push Urdu. YOu’ll have a multilingual child…what could be better than that?
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Agree ^
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Don’t take example of your husband’s elder brother’s kids. Take your own example. You can speak urdu, Arabic and English. I am sure you find it very advantageous. When you can learn three languages, why can’t he?
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Kids can pick up multiple languages. It’s parents who have to put in the effort and that’s where they lag. In Pakistan so many of us grew up knowing both Urdu and English. I’m sure there’s literature online on how to raise a bilingual baby.
Language dilemma
Thanks for the encouragement and advice. I guess my question is, should I teach him urdu more or arabic? because one language is going to be dominant on him and if I cant find words in one language (arabic) I use english to say it as me and my husband speak to each other in english (70%) of the time and the rest in arabic. And if my sister’s suggestion about saying something in urdu and then same thing in arabic is valid or not.
I just read an article that says the best time to teach them a language is from birth to 3 years and the next best is when they are from 4 to 7 years old. The third best from 8 to puberty.
“After puberty, new language is stored in a separate area of the brain so children have to translate or go through their native language as a path to the new language”.
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Your sister’s suggestion is not valid. Just speak to him in Urdu. Let your husband speak Arabic. Eventually, English will be his dominant language but he will be able to understand both and hopefully make some conversation in both languages.
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Kids can easily learn 3 to 4 different languages. No reason why your baby shouldnt be able to learn both arabic and urdu.
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I know a family where the mom is Mexican and dad Pakistani. All of their kids are fluent in Spanish, Urdu, and English. Mom spoke Spanish to them, dad spoke Urdu, and they learned English from school.
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^ This! I know a couple whose 9-year-old son is equally comfortable in all 3 languages (since birth dad spoke to him in Gujrati, chinese mom spoke to him in Mandarin, and kid learned English just growing up in NY). Not sure why this is so complicated for OP.
@imxtraordinary There aren’t any Urdu or Arabic immersion programs for kids in your area?
Language dilemma
@Paheli00
Please read my original post. It’s not complicated just want the best way to do this and the kid in question is only three months.
I have plenty of examples in front of me where the kids dont speak the ‘other languages’ comfortably. They understand it but dont speak it unless forced to do so. I want my baby to speak it really well. Not tooti phooti language, that’s all.
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Define “comfortably”, because your child -can- grow up with fluency in spoken Arabic and Urdu, and the most effective way to do that is for both you and your husband to speak your natal languages at home.
That said, once he or she begins school, those languages will be replaced outside of the home with English. My children are comfortably conversant in spoken Arabic and Urdu and have no problems understanding adults. They even know quite a bit of mandarin because we had a Chinese au pair for a few years. (I define fluency as the ability to sit at a dinner table with about 7 conversations going on and being able to follow each one).
Once they became older, though, they tended to reply in English. It’s up to you to nip that, but if you choose to remain here English will be their dominant language and they will likely even speak with desi kids in English because that’s the language they learn to express their emotions, etc. in. All kids who are multilingual will have a language preference, and in almost every case it will be that of the country they were raised in.
Children are like sponges when it comes to language learning, they’ll absorb everything in their environment.
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So what is the question here?
Whether or not to teach multiple languages effectively so the child becomes fluent in all?
or
How to teach multiple languages effectively so the child becomes fluent in all?
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I’ve been a single mother for most of my life and as my children (and me as well) were born and raised in the Netherlands, I decided to make Dutch language a priority. But when they were older, it became more difficult to really teach them Urdu. I’ve tried, but I’ve become more used to Dutch myself as well. So now my children are 16 and 18 and know more Dutch and English than Urdu which is a pity, but I haven’t given up on that. 
Anyway, this is one parenting mistake I hope none of you make.
Teaching your children different languages increases their intelligence, or so I’ve read in recent years. Studies have shown that children who are raised with more than one language often become better students. I once met parents online who both had different backgrounds, and at home they spoke one language on Monday, then the second language on Tuesday, and then Wednesday again the first language, and so on. It worked for their family and they said their kids never mixed up the different languages. So go for it, teach your children all the languages you know.
[And now that I think about it, I was raised with Dutch at school and from television, but at home Urdu was more important, yet our real ‘native’ language was from Kotli and though my parents often called it ‘pahari’, my cousins said it was actually ‘potohari’ and I knew that too. English was important as well. I benefitted from visits and long stays in Britain during my childhood which improved my English from a young age. When my brothers and I were growing up, we’d often speak Urdu and Dutch at the same time, mixing the languages up, yet we were capable of speaking ‘real’ Dutch and Urdu. And of course, in later years in secondary schools we also had some German and French lessons. Knowing all these languages from a young age was never confusing but an advantage. Only now do I realise that. So don’t hesitate to teach your children various languages, you can never start too early with that.]
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Oh I read your original post. You need to go back and read every-single-post in this thread carefully because you are obviously not getting what people are telling you.
Several people already told you BEFORE you wrote this that you should talk to baby in Urdu and husband in Arabic and which will allow baby to learn both. You wrote in post #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) that you want baby to learn both Arabic and Urdu. Then why are you asking whether you should teach him more Urdu or Arabic? One language will NOT be dominant if you and your husband work as a team and teach him both. Now eventually when the baby starts school, by the time he becomes a teenager, most likely English will become/seem dominant b/c that’s what he will most likey speak most of the day around his friends. But for the next few years, you and your husabnd fully control his environment and have the ability to make baby equally comfortable in both Urdu and Arabic.
You and your husband need to start speaking to each other in Arabic. If you can’t find a specific word in Arabic, then say it in English. Again, not a big deal. Since your husband refuses to learn Urdu, there’s not other way around this.
You mentioned this in the first post and several people advised you the best way to teach the baby. In case it was’t obvious from all the advise, allow me to spell it out: Your sister’s advice is not valid.
If YOU feel awkward, then that’s your problem and it will effect the baby learning Urdu in the long run. Either you will speak to the baby in Urdu or not. Simple. YOU get to make that decision.
I’m not sure what your brother has to do with this. Do YOU want your baby to learn Urdu and know the culture? Because ultimately, YOU are the one who has to put in the hard work to make sure it happens. So forget about others want your baby to do…think about and decide how important Urdu/Pakistani culture is to YOU and how hard YOU are willing to work to make sure your baby learns this.
And this is your main problem. If your husband refuses to support the idea of the baby learning Urdu, then it’s not going to happen. And I don’t know why you’re writing that it “seems”. Sit down and directly ask your husband how he feels about the baby learning Urdu. Again…a simple solution. No reason to wonder about this. But going by your husband’s behavior, he has made it clear to you that he has no interest in Urdu. In return, since you’re obviously fine with it and have never made an issue of it…you also gave your husband the impression that Urdu isn’t that important to you.
Every couple I know that has taught their kids 2 different languages they speak did it as a team. BOTH mom and dad need to respect the other language and BOTH have to support the other’s effort to teach it.
And speaking of posts, I asked you a direct question earlier which you have not answered yet. Are there Arabic or Urdu immersion programs for kids in your area?
Additionally, do you know other Urdu speaking families with small kids that you spend time with regularly? How active are you in the Pakistani community and how active is your husband in the Arabic community?
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Stop bullying around the forum, and please keep your rudeness and advice to yourself!.
Thanks!.