Ok so its been a topic on my mind for some time now… How many of you ladies would tolerate ‘another woman’?
Religiously speaking, he has been given permission to more then just you, so would you not feel bad denying him his right?
Wouldn’t it be better he married someone else instead of him actually straying? Coz let’s face it not all guys can control their urges more so if you cant keep up with his demands.
Those of you who would rush into using the ‘D’ word are you sure? Would you rather potentially spend the rest of your lives alone then with a part time husband?
What makes us think that were entitled to the perfect love story? I mean everyone has different problems, aren’t u just one of those people?
Why is it so hard for us ladies to tolerate another woman in his life? Is it just who we are, females driven by jealousy, or could it be the norms and pressures of society which shape our thinking?
I can understand being hurt, I would most definitely be, but divorce? Isn’t that drastic
Ok so its been a topic on my mind for some time now... How many of you ladies would tolerate 'another woman'?
Religiously speaking, he has been given permission to more then just you, so would you not feel bad denying him his right?
Wouldn't it be better he married someone else instead of him actually straying? Coz let's face it not all guys can control their urges more so if you cant keep up with his demands.
Those of you who would rush into using the 'D' word are you sure? Would you rather potentially spend the rest of your lives alone then with a part time husband?
What makes us think that were entitled to the perfect love story? I mean everyone has different problems, aren't u just one of those people?
Why is it so hard for us ladies to tolerate another woman in his life? Is it just who we are, females driven by jealousy, or could it be the norms and pressures of society which shape our thinking?
I can understand being hurt, I would most definitely be, but divorce? Isn't that drastic
I would like your thoughts and opinions
If i am not being a good wife to him, not giving him the best of me, then sure he can bring another one. But if he has not complains against me, why will he bring another at first place?
If its about supporting a widow or something, we can support her financially, i ll give free tuitions to her kids, but still sharing my husband will be difficult :(
its not just the marriage you have to think about, its more about what happens afterwords......such as living arrangements, will we be together, separate? some days here some days there? just through everyday interaction I think it would become tough.....i guess its that vision we have that when we are married we can share everything with one another and its special between you two, no one else can share that with you guys ....however when he has a second wife he can share his feelings and problems with her too..so its not as special or tight of a bond ........i don't know its different
unless I am put in that situation I don't know what I would do, but ya I would definitely try to avoid divorce as much as possible
Ya ALLAH gave him the permission, but that doesn't mean everything. Men also have been given common sense. There is a way of going about this, and keeping your wife from getting jealous. But 90% of these polygamist who bring in another wife can not treat them equal. Most of them cant even keep up with their wives demands if it maybe in the bedroom or outside. SO instead of going through all this isn't it just easier to work hard at keeping each other satisfied?
Thats what i would say to him if he wanted to bring in another wife on me. And if I ever did give him a divorce, it wouldn't be off jealousy, but because ALLAH give me the permission to have a full time hubby!
i wouldnt.. There has to be reasons as to why he wants another woman, If their stupid reasons he can just go and divorce me.
I've seen such kind hearted women have their husbands marry again and i dont know why.:( However.. treating them equally is a big thing. If he can do that then fine. If i God forbid i couldnt have children or something and he wanted too.. And i was at a certain age that i couldnt get married again or no one wud want to marry me bcoz i cudnt hav children, i wud allow him too and i wud stay with him.
I know it's his right but with rights come responsibilities. Now those are up to him for he is the one who will be judged.
As for me, no I will not tolerate another wife for my husband. Ummm, if you say it's better to marry a second than to stray, well both are unacceptable. I guess if my husband decided to go for a second wife, I will consider leaving him. I do have that choice.
A lot of women "accept" it but only because they have no options. Just like a man will not tolerate his wife sleeping with another man, a woman will not either. It's how we've been designed.
Same here…mind you he will prolly say ‘that can be arranged’…
I don’t think I could/would tolerate it under any circumstances…you take the ups and the downs together.
If you were unable to have children, say, why is it ok for him to marry again just have them.If it’s his fault (not that it ever is),does anyone say to the woman to leave him and marry someone else?..I don’t think so.
If there is no love left,then why flog a dead horse?..leave with your dignity intact.
I also do not think he has any God given right.Surely he has to seek his first wife’s permission and also maintain all households equally.Nigh on impossible I say.But what do I know…
He does have to get permission of the first wife, thats why I asked why us women deny them their right to have more then one wife when its halal for them IF they can treat both wives equally
Unfortunately, contrary to the popular belief, he does not have to take permission for his other wife before marrying another.
In which case,it does not matter whether we 'deny' men their rights to another wife or not.They can basically do what they want?...hmmm nothing new there then.
I guess not all women have the luxury to get out of such a relationship,but have to put up with it.Especially if they are unable to conceive.
I wont tolerate it. Why should i? I wont ever share my husband, thats it.
I deserve and i have the right to have a husband who is fully dedicated to me and only me. When im going to be totally dedicated to him, when im going to just be his, when i will try my best to make him happy and give him whatever he want, when i will only him love and care for him , dont i have the right to expect the same from him?Even if i couldent have kids, i would still not tolerate him having another wife. As someone else said, if he was the one who couldent have kids, than its not like i would have gone and married someone else. I would been ok with, there is always other alternatives.So why should i let him get another wife? And if he is for some reason not happy, than i will together with him sit down and discuss why he isent happy and try to do something about it. If he still wants another wife, he can go ahead, but im not going to be there than. It has nothing to do with jealousy. Im just going to get married once inshallah,than i would want a husband who is just mine
Just like it is hard for men to tolerate the idea of another man in their woman’s life… its jsut as hard for me to tolerate the idea of another woman in his life. Its not just females that are driven by jealousy… it is men as well. It is HUMAN NATURE to be jealous and has nothing to do with the norms and pressures of society.
Its not just your everyday that you have to share with another woman… its the thought of sharing “a bed” with another woman. Like how can one even fathom the idea your husband being intimate with another woman??? sharing those private moments with another??? like omg ewe.
The whole “lets face it not all guys can control their urges and what if as a wife you can’t keep up with his demands” is a crap reason as well for a man to consider getting another wife. This little mentality goes back to the same “norms and pressures of society shaping one’s thinking” in my opinion. Goes back to the mentality that men are the only sexual creatures and women are there to satisfy them. Um no. Women have urges too and what… just because a man isn’t satisfying them she has the right to go look for it elsewhere??? Um hellz no. And it goes both ways. I doubt the reason why “men can have more than one wife” is allowed in islam is so that “men can satisfy their urges”. Pretty sure it had more to do with the fact that men went off to war more often during that time and there were a ton of widows and children left behind to take care off. This allowance was made to help WOMEN … not the man. And you tell me… today are men taking on second wives that are widows and divorced women with children??? Um no. They are taking second wives for their own pathetic selfish reasons.
Also the whole compulsory “make sure you treat your wives equal” … that is next to impossible. Allah made it difficult on purpose for a man to take on another wife. There is a reason behind this. It is human nature to favor one person over another. Especially in a situation like this.
It’s not about being “entitled to a perfect love story” … its about realizing and understanding that no relationship is perfect and they evolve with time. It is about compromise, understanding, and respect between the married couple.
And if he really wants to help out the world and do it a favor… I am going to say … Lets adopt some children. That is a very noble thing to do and you are truly helping another. Taking on another wife is not “helping another” in todays day and age.
I have heard many stories about men taking on another wife only for the sole reason because they want a son and their wife has only been able to provide them with daughters. That is bakwaas and a cop out.
So yea - in answer to your question: I would have no problem denying him his “right” and would get a divorce if he wanted to go ahead and do this. Its a matter of respect, understanding, and compromise that is lacking if this occurs in my opinion. And that is a recipe for a bad marriage.
Mabey back in the day women were too scared and didn’t have means to support themselves… but the zamana is different. I would have would have more self pride and self-respect for me if I supported myself than having to share a husband The same would be said for my family. They wouldn’t let me be “one of the wives” in a million years.
why’s that hareem? Step kids can be fruitful.. I guess
