^ it depends...I'm not going to say okay...just cuz he has a past and he regrets it...
I would think, there are many good men out there...I don't know abt you, but I had many positive men role models in my life- so I;m not man hating..and I know I can find someone without a past....why go near something like that....Good for the girl that can, however...
And I wont' feel bad abt it either..past actions have consequences no matter how much you regret them...and I know if a girl were to do something like that, have a past like., she wouldn't be accepted just because she regreted it...so why should a guy? Just because he's a guy???
But it all depends on the person...if he's great Muslim otherwise, and we are compatible, then maybe, yeah...it's hard to just say "yes"....it really becomes a case by case basis.
I think the topic is valid. Deeba mentioned that there was a survey done in the UK and according to the results, a large portion of the guys were sexually active. Some of us could receive proposals in which the guy has been in such relationships. Not everyone can easily say “yes” or “no” right off the bat to such a proposal. Some girls can actually be confused on their decision- do you accept the guy or not? And what if there aren’t any other rishtas besides him? Do you simply accept him because you’re getting older and getting less rishtas? These issues can come up in today’s times.
It can also go the other way around- would a guy accept a girl who has been in 5 or more illicit relationships? What about girls or guys who are divorced and consummated their previous marriage? It’s a valid question and some people may be unsure about what to do but reading/hearing other POVs can help.
I never was a woman since birth and never will be :), but knowing women, I would say 'most' women (desi or non-desi) would still accept the guy (with all other credentials acceptable) if he is upfront and honest or if they find out after marriage.
I agree. I dont think it would bother me that much, especially if he was upfront about it all...
what matters is that he is ready to be with only me.
I live in the US... I can't say that most Muslim guys here aren't virgins. I've come across quite a few good guys involved in MSA and other Muslim groups.
The results of that survey are a bit of a downer, but maybe it's the UK guys?
Unfortunately there are few guys involved in MSA across the US and even local muslim clubs in uni's that have had sexual relations and done other stuff....but act holier than thou......just they would NEVER in a million years admit to their doings.....
Again please note I said "few".....from what I have seen/know....so i am not generalizing or anything....
i dont agree with the guy not being able to control his temptations, but I would appreciate the honesty. If the girl is considering the rishtha, id ask for a few blood tests from him...
5 hmm. I think I can digest 2... 5 I gotta think about...
Seriously... I would need to know the guy a bit better. What were they flings? One night stands? In college? High School? Relationships that went to that level? I would need some more context around it before considering a potential rishta.
desi girls and their complexed issues!! rolls eyes
WHO the hell cares if the guy has slept with 5 girls or 100 girls, if he was safe and protected u have nothing to worry about. If he wasnt get him checked. And if it still bothers u, serves your own right for not playing the field!! orrrrrrrr next. Not hard luv.
Wow.
Er, guys make comparisons you know. Especially to other women they have slept with. If you marry this type of man, who makes mental notes to his ex-bed mates, you are seriously out of luck.
I used to think it was not a big deal if a guy slept around, simply cause it's in a man's nature to do this. How incredibly naive of me.
Lots of men wait until they are married, just like girls do. They may be harder to find, but men who actually respect their bodies and religion are worth the wait.
i have seen girls and guys (desi) defend this kind of promiscuity in others and find it ok but only because they themselves have had similar experiences so they can relate. for those who haven't, will never be ok with it.
The biggest factor here is regret and repentance. I truly believe a person can make a mistake, or live a very un-Islamic lifestyle but regret it and become "good" again (and no I was NOT promiscuous :))....
but for someone who finds nothing wrong with it, and considers it normal and okay.....I would wonder if they would also consider infidelity to be normal and okay.
I would say the problem is not the action itself ... it's the personality characteristics behind the action. Just like with people who have extra-marital affairs. You have to be incredibly selfish, reckless and self-absorbed to have an affair ... and similar characteristics if you have multiple sexual partners prior to marriage. It's reckless.
Even if the person eventually regrets it, those personality characteristics are with you for life. It is incredibly hard for a person to change.
The biggest factor here is regret and repentance. I truly believe a person can make a mistake, or live a very un-Islamic lifestyle but regret it and become "good" again (and no I was NOT promiscuous :))....
but for someone who finds nothing wrong with it, and considers it normal and okay.....I would wonder if they would also consider infidelity to be normal and okay.
waiting for tamatarrs
While I totally understand what your saying, but that's not always the case. Some guys maybe immature or not religous at some point in life, bad influence whatever and have done some shady stuff, not justifying but stuff does happen. They may have realized what they did was completely & utterly wrong and regret it (not in this case). Then it is not necessary that there will be infidelity. Just take a look at non-muslim relationships...granted they are not muslim. However they date around etc....but when they marry they stick to their wives (the good normal ones). Depends on individual.
While I totally understand what your saying, but that's not always the case. Some guys maybe immature or not religous at some point in life, bad influence whatever and have done some shady stuff, not justifying but stuff does happen. They may have realized what they did was completely & utterly wrong and regret it (not in this case). Then it is not necessary that there will be infidelity. Just take a look at non-muslim relationships...granted they are not muslim. However they date around etc....but when they marry they stick to their wives (the good normal ones). Depends on individual.
You're talking about those who regret it and realize what they did was wrong.....Like I said, they can change and become "good" and treat their wives well...
but my point was about the dudes who think it was not wrong at all to do what they did. Like Mehnaz pointed out, its the personality traits and character behind all of it.
I think the topic is valid. Deeba mentioned that there was a survey done in the UK and according to the results, a large portion of the guys were sexually active. Some of us could receive proposals in which the guy has been in such relationships. Not everyone can easily say “yes” or “no” right off the bat to such a proposal. Some girls can actually be confused on their decision- do you accept the guy or not? And what if there aren’t any other rishtas besides him? Do you simply accept him because you’re getting older and getting less rishtas? These issues can come up in today’s times.