I never was a woman since birth and never will be :), but knowing women, I would say 'most' women (desi or non-desi) would still accept the guy (with all other credentials acceptable) if he is upfront and honest or if they find out after marriage.
That's why men do it. Honesty is good but it doesn't automatically erase other weaknesses. People need to really be humans first, make effort, and work on themselves.
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
I wouldn't mind as long as it's out of his system and he has changed.. better 5 before marriage than after.. it would bother me a lot more if he was a virgin but then checking out every other girl who walked past us and/or slept with others behind my back.. Tbh I wouldn't think 5 is promiscous for an average man in his mid/late twenties anyway.. as long as he's moved on and ready to settle down and be a good husband and father it honestly wouldn't bother me.
I wouldn't mind as long as it's out of his system and he has changed.. better 5 before marriage than after imo.. it would bother me a lot more if he was a virgin but then checking out every other girl who walked past us and/or slept with others behind my back.. Tbh I wouldn't think 5 is promiscous for an average man in his mid/late twenties anyway.. as long as he's moved on and ready to settle down it honestly wouldn't bother me..
So have you slept with 5 men by now?
I mean...5 isn't promiscuous for someone in their mid-late twenties, so I'm wondering?
Or does that rule only apply to men?
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
^ Course it applies to both but most ppl I know have slept with more than 1 person every couple of years.. all that matters to me is that the person has changed and gotten all that stuff out of their system.. nearly every young Muslim I've ever come across has been in some sort of relationship and even if it hasn't been actual sex it's usually pretty much everything else bar the act which to me doesn't seem all that different.. Anyway, like I said as long he's changed and settled down I couldn't care less what he did prior to me.. and that applies to other stuff as well as relationships..
My other half wasn't Muslim when I met him and he was promiscuous, it was a lot more than 5 girls. Having said that if he ever messed me around now I wouldn't hesitate in calling off the wedding and dumping him..
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
So why don't you have relationship and sex, and then in a couple of years, repent it, tell your husband its all behind you and get ready for your real nikkah?
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
Some ppl do genuinely repent, some ppl don't, I'm not in a position to judge them.. Realistically speaking most Muslim men don't seem to be virgins when they marry, I'd rather know what I'm getting myself into than kid myself into thinking he's always been whiter than white..
Ages ago, I read the results of a survey saying most of the young Muslims (men and women) in the UK that had been polled had admitted they **weren't **virgins when they married, wish I could remember the exact details..
Some ppl do genuinely repent, some ppl don't, I'm not in a position to judge them.. Realistically speaking most Muslim men don't seem to be virgins when they marry, I'd rather know what I'm getting myself into than kid myself into thinking he's always been whiter than white..
Ages ago, I read the results of a survey saying most of the young Muslims (men and women) in the UK that had been polled had admitted they **weren't **virgins when they married, wish I could remember the exact details..
I live in the US... I can't say that most Muslim guys here aren't virgins. I've come across quite a few good guys involved in MSA and other Muslim groups.
The results of that survey are a bit of a downer, but maybe it's the UK guys?
I live in the US... I can't say that most Muslim guys here aren't virgins. I've come across quite a few good guys involved in MSA and other Muslim groups.
The results of that survey are a bit of a downer, but maybe it's the UK guys?
It was definitely just referring to UK Muslims.
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
desi girls and their complexed issues!! rolls eyes
WHO the hell cares if the guy has slept with 5 girls or 100 girls, if he was safe and protected u have nothing to worry about. If he wasnt get him checked. And if it still bothers u, serves your own right for not playing the field!! orrrrrrrr next. Not hard luv.
Jeez, I'm a girl and I must admit, I'm sick of PyariCgudia's female chauvinistic behavior, specifically against ''desi'' men. It's as much unreal as online racism. Are you androphobic or just a flaming hater?
Oh and if he's really that sleazy, why not just turn him down straight up instead of whining online about his past sexcapades? Just tell him he's a flipping man wh*re right in his face and smoke a joint.
desi girls and their complexed issues!! rolls eyes WHO the hell cares if the guy has slept with 5 girls or 100 girls, if he was safe and protected u have nothing to worry about. If he wasnt get him checked. And if it still bothers u, serves your own right for not playing the field!! orrrrrrrr next. Not hard luv.
Some people do care. You're oversimplifying things, MB. It's more than just the issue of him possibly having an STD. If he's gotten the "playing the field" out of his system (as Deeba mentioned) it's one thing............if he hasn't.....then that would obviously create problems for the girl who is looking for a long-term relationship.
"Serves your own right for not playing the field." ??? That sounds flippant to me. If a guy only wants a good time....then he should get together with a girl that's on the same page as him. That way....no strings attached....no expectations...no emotional energy invested and wasted. I've seen how hurt some girls can end up when they feel that they've been taken advantage of (this is especially the case if the girl was actually looking for a relationship).
If one has usually gone about things with an attitude of self-interest and reckless abandon........then it's not unusual for others to be apprehensive about that person's ability to make a thorough commitment and not go back to their former ways. If the promiscuity hasn't been cured....and you're looking for a real relationship....then it can't be so easily brushed off.
desi girls and their complexed issues!! rolls eyes WHO the hell cares if the guy has slept with 5 girls or 100 girls, if he was safe and protected u have nothing to worry about. If he wasnt get him checked. And if it still bothers u, serves your own right for not playing the field!! orrrrrrrr next. Not hard luv.
And how exactly would u know if he was safe and protected in each and every one of those encounters?
Many people don't play the field, because Islam forbade it. and there are people who actually like to follow Islam, rather just call themselves Muslims for social reasons. Normally people like that want to marry someone compatible, who shares the same values as they do, so it would matter to them .
Jeez, I'm a girl and I must admit, I'm sick of PyariCgudia's female chauvinistic behavior, specifically against ''desi'' men. It's as much unreal as online racism.** Are you androphobic or just a flaming hater?**
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holy terror, YOU READ MY MIND!!! thank you!
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
You can pretend that you've had promiscuous relationships as well and see if he's ok with that. Instead of saying 5 men, say more like 7-10. If he's not okay with it then it means he is wanting more than what he deserves or he thinks that you won't change and continue to find other partners behind his back. Which means he's distrusting and insecure. Distrusting because he doesn't really believe he will change and so you shouldn't say yes to him. He has to accept you for who you are if he is expecting you to accept him for who he is.
I am from a small village and it's very conservative, so most girls would turn him down.
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
Wow! This guy sounds like a jerk! Having said that which guy hasn't done this? Most of them are the same.
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
Namaan isn't a girl, but his guess is pretty good. If I have rishtas in which the guy hasn't been so sexually involved with other women and has other good qualities as well, I'd pick them over this guy who has been with 5 or so women. The reason being below...
When someone has changed for the better, become a better human being and Muslim, then their past should not matter as much unless it affects the future of the marriage. If a guy used to hit the clubs and drink, but realized how wrong it was, completely changed, then I'd maybe give him a shot. But this guy you're talking about is not regretful about sleeping with these women and that tells me he still approves of pre-marital relations. I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that.
I agree with you soundarya...And plus I would want my own sons to have a good role model around them.
And to those who say, "all men are like that"...rethink your words....was your father like that, are your brothers like that? Were you husbands like that? A lot of you will say no- and that's a good thing..because there are good men out there! :)
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
If you want them to have a good role model around, why are you scoffing at the idea of rejecting a guy because he's got 5 illicit relationships in the past?
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
^ because, according to your scenario, he doesn't regret it either.
And he isn't regretful about it either. Just sees it as part of routine life.
Re: Ladies: promiscuous man
Ok, so if he regrets it, and it is clear to you he is a more moral person now after having been through a religious revolution at the age of 20-something, then you're ok with the rishta?
That wasn't the thread topic, so why are you huffing and puffing in this thread then when you and I are clearly on the same page?