Unfortunately there are few guys involved in MSA across the US and even local muslim clubs in uni's that have had sexual relations and done other stuff....but act holier than thou......just they would NEVER in a million years admit to their doings.....
Again please note I said "few".....from what I have seen/know....so i am not generalizing or anything....
That's why I also said that there are a "few" good guys in MSA and the Muslim groups. :) I know... there are some who go clubbing or are in relationships and have that holier than thou attitude. But I don't think I'd be able to generalize most Muslim or Pakistani men to be non-virgins.
While I totally understand what your saying, but that's not always the case. Some guys maybe immature or not religous at some point in life, bad influence whatever and have done some shady stuff, not justifying but stuff does happen. They may have realized what they did was completely & utterly wrong and regret it (not in this case). Then it is not necessary that there will be infidelity. Just take a look at non-muslim relationships...granted they are not muslim. However they date around etc....but when they marry they stick to their wives (the good normal ones). Depends on individual.
Wow, some of you girls sure are forgiving, considering that if a girl would do the same, almost none of you would give her the same leeway.
I'd not marry a girl who was willingly involved in even 1 sex before marriage and see no problem in that...
Yeah, I think most desi men would have this response. Question is, why are we girls so forgiving? Some of the girls here are pretty solid in their response that its not acceptable, but lots of girls in this thread alone are making excuses for the men in their culture...
However, just like you said, a guy would never accept it if they even slept around once (some guys wouldn't even buy it if you said you repented/regretted what you did and wouldn't do it again).
However, just like you said, a guy would never accept it if they even slept around once (some guys wouldn't even buy it if you said you repented/regretted what you did and wouldn't do it again).
Maybe we're more forgiving...? But I agree there are double standards. I've heard of guys who have been previously married (consummated) want rishtas from girls who are virgins. That doesn't make any sense to me.
Oh it makes perfect sense to me. Those guys were raised with silver spoons in their mouths and their moms and dads made it clear to them that they are a badhsah because they simply are, and they have the RIGHT to the best of everything, including yet again, another innocent virgin to marry.
I've met people like this. Trust me. They just think they have some God-given right because they were raised with a tremendous ego.
The idea of marrying someone their own age who may be divorced is like a big catastrophe for them.
Yeah, I think most desi men would have this response. Question is, why are we girls so forgiving? Some of the girls here are pretty solid in their response that its not acceptable, but lots of girls in this thread alone are making excuses for the men in their culture...
However, just like you said, a guy would never accept it if they even slept around once (some guys wouldn't even buy it if you said you repented/regretted what you did and wouldn't do it again).
^Islamically zina is prohibited for both genders; there's no leeway for either one.
But desi culture has its double standards regarding this issue. Why is that? I don't know. But perhaps it has to do with the presumed notion that it's easier to tell if a girl is a virgin or not.....that the absence of a hymen means that she's not a virgin. While medical science tells us that it's possible that she was born without one or that it broke during exercise....some people don't give this benefit of the doubt. Many women from conservative cultures will even have their hymens repaired.....to make it seem like they're a virgin. But since it's harder to tell if a guy is a virgin.......that could be one reason why there's less pressure on them to remain chaste....whereas the opposite holds true for women.
Some parents dismiss their sons' behavior with the "Boys will be boys" excuse. Maybe they think that since men are more sexual than women....it can be shrugged off more easily. Could it be that some girls are more forgiving because they think it's harder for men to control their urges? While women are viewed to be less sexual...or more in control of their sexual urges....and to be otherwise creates a "loose" and "reckless" image.
I was helping a friend out with her psychology assignments. And I recently read that people can discriminate if the gender go against their stereotypes. For example, women in a typically male dominated field may be disrcriminated against because people assume that they must have "male" characteristics if they are in a majority male field. The assumption that they're "less feminine" turns some people off. Is it possible then that control of sexual urges is seen as a female trait.....and that promiscuity is seen as more of a male trait....and that a promiscuous female is seen as going against that societal expectation/stereotype?
Or is female promiscuity likened to prositution....and therefore society is more unforgiving of a promiscuous female than a promiscuous male????
And could it be that guys AND girls are more critical of promiscuous women because of the uprbinging they've had? Girls in desi culture are more sheltered, protected, watched over like a hawk. So...when a desi girl is promiscuous......it goes against the general upbringing and shocks both genders.......even guys who have seen their own sisters raised in a very protective ands strict way.
********I'm not saying that any of the above reasons is a justification. It's sad that such double standards exist.
lol.. so much effort at making excuses to hate on men. and they arent even creative. :(
pcg, you need to look at the bright side. guys wanting virgins is the one thing working in your favor at your age. do you want to change this preference?
Its no deal breaker for me....its not like we are in the 18th century.....these days I am shocked if a guy tells me he is a virgin!!!! But these guys who are still virgins, I have LOADS of respect for them...shows what an amazing person he is.
I wouldn't be with such a guy. If he has been sexually active with 5 girls and thinks there is nothing wrong with that, he is just too liberal for me and we might have a problem when it comes to raising kids!!
The number is just too high. One would be fine, even two is ok but anything more than that smells fishy to me.
Not to bring Religion into this but when you truly repent, like from the heart, you're not supposed to go around bragging about what you did.
there is a difference between bragging, or admitting for two reasons. If asked point blank, do you lie? and if you lie what is the impact on the trust. Secondly it is a way for others to realize that an individual can change and that is it never too late to make a change for the better. Some people just stay stuck in wrong choices because they think that now its too late, that change will not get them forgiveness or change will never be that they turn a new leaf and move on forward with a better lifestyle.
Most happily married men and women whom I know did date and had relationships like normal people before finding the one and settling down. They are not sex addicts, promiscuous or of loose character. So I'd say the number of relationship a person had in the past may give you a hint about the commitment issues but not necessarily an indication of bad character.
Desi girls should say this too.... but again thats my opinion
I agree with D6C. I'm just shocked at how accepting desi women (here) are. But then, I wasn't completely brought up in the west..perhaps that explains my rigid view. I can't even fathom it, personally, despite not being all that religious.
The 'boys will be boys' reasoning just doesn't fly with me and never will. That's one reason why I'm going to look eastward when it's time to search. Oh...oops.
