maybe this helps u a bit.. one of ma cousins was in the same situation.. she got engaged.. didnt really got the time 2 think abt (not the time she wanted).. then after a while she had seconds thoughts.. she shared it wid her parents.. in the meantime she tried to get to know her fiance better.. n her parents were really supporting her in all this.. it eventually turned out ok for her..:) maybe u can talk 2 ur parents abt how u feel..
and ofcourse.. try to get to know ur fiance better.. how is he as person.. education.. views abt life n stuff.. likes/dislikes.. zindagi ka sawaal hai.. don't think it's bad to have second thoughts.. I hope everything will go well for u..:) gud luck..
wow im glad fro her! i never pictured myself in this situation but it happened in a bilnk of an eye nd never really sat down to think abt it! my parents thinks hes perfect for me nd they see nothing wrong wit him.. i duno if they wud understand the fact that we are not really connecting is an isssue for me???
edited
anyways im in the same situation i grew up in the west n got engaged in pakistan
n now its been 3 yrs since im engaged n getting married inshallah in the summer
i know exactly how u feel but like everyones been sayin just have patience
becuz YES there are goin to be many many differences between ur thinking n his even if hes from the city n modern
its just how it is wen a sumone grows up in pakistan n sumone grows up here
but u gotta be open minded n accept his ways as well as let him know ur views too so u guys can compromise in the future
n im sure that ur parents n u made the decision together after seeing him n his family so inshallah everything wil work out in the end
i left the decision to my parents n they know more than us bout ppl....
so dont worry n enjoy ur time now and get to know him....
Congradulation! omg thats wat my plan is to get married after 3 years. im happy for you nd wud love to know more on how much time did it take till u guys started connecting. i feel like i need to go back there and spend time wit him this way i'll get to know him better! yehh same here i kinda did leave the decision to them becuz seeing the guys here nd knowing how they are wudnt have worth groing thru the trouble. i hate it wen pple come to me nd put **** in my head like if u gotta do all dat y cudnt u marry pick some1 from here who will be settled!
Mabrook Pink. Getting engaged is the best part of yr life. Make sure u make the most out of it.
Dun wanna put u down or anything but one of my cousins had the same issue. Sadly her situation didn't work out. But there were a lot of factors involved. She was a hard core party girl where as the guy was a typical "Vadera" kinda spoiled village guy. One mistake she did was she never voiced her concern to her parents until it was too late. She was happy in the start but then after couple months things started to change. Long distance relationship was another factor. She also got involved with some other guy over here. Long story short. Let yr parents know that u r a bit confused & in the mean time get to know him too.
I personally know 5 other girls who r happily married & started the same way. Its all about communication & understanding each other & as someone mentioned if the guy is educated, it makes a huge difference.
Enjoy yr engaged life.
yeh i have kinda talked to my mom abt it but she thinks hes perfect for me! its hardd to have hour long conversations because of long distance.. its expensive nd plus i think dats how u get close to a person wen u talk for a long time not 10mins
Congratulationz.. Pink..
where are u guys goin to live after the wedding? Pakistan/ home country? It really matters, hows he abt moving...
I guess main point here is conversations, i mean try to talk to him as much as possible get to know him... i'm sure guys from Pakistan aren't that BAD,its just the image, or i should say its same every where...Achay buray log har jaga hotay hain.
Now u have to think what u want to do..? whens the wedding..? R u guys cousins,friends?
iduno wat to do! im so confused mayb i m expecting alot cuz its only been 4 months.. no we are gona live here offcourse! hes deosnt mind moving nd hes one of those pple who very frendly nd talktive so i dun think hes cares abt moving but dan again i think does he want to move cuz of visa llol i m so bad for thinkind like dat! the wedding is not anytime soon it iwll be in 3 yrs. we are family frend
Salaam and congratulations PINK. I have just read this thread and can understand your situation. I personally agree with everything eyelashes has commented on he/she is correct, and this is the advice i would give. I would just say dont panic, invest time in your fiancee and see where it goes, inshallah it will be fine. Pink i also got engaged this summer in pakistan, and my decision was also one made in under 2 weeks the time space of my holiday, in which i met the guy, got to sort of know him and ended up engaged. if you want to know more then just send me a reply. however all i would say is that i am very lucky my fiancee is very nice and he phones me daily and we get on great. i am off to get married this summer in pakistan so am busy planning that as well! i have just gone off the point.... so to end all i say is bee patient, work at it, dont make any hasty deiusion, talk to someone you trust about it if you cant talk to your parents about it. Inshallah it will be okay. Best of luck. Allah hafiz. Take care.
zeebs.
wat made u decide thats hes the one for you? thats great dat u guys are on a good start! mashallah my finace calls me evreyday too but its not like one of those long convos cuz long distance cuz of that we dunt really get into dep convos!
^u need to get into deep convos to really know how he is and how he thinks! does he have a computer? if yes tell him to make a screen name on yahoo messenger, msn or AIM :)
i mean maybe hes shy over the phone and you are too..so the computer is a great way to get to know someone without being put on the spot IMO
thnx for your reply. i guess i knew he was the one becuase i feel it inside my heart. me and my fiancee have deep conversations about what we going to do after marriage, life, having kids etc. i have very strong faith and believe that he is the one for me, i dont know its just there. i just pray that after marriage it will be the same. i will be honest with you, in that i am very educated and oxford graduate and postgraduate and have a good job alhamdolillah and many people came for my rishta here but turned me down becuase i weighed 16 stone. i went to pakistan and he didnt turn me down, he got engaged to me i know that it wasnt for a visa [long story beind that]. he gave me the willpower, belief and self-confidence and since i have been back i have lost 4 stone on a medical diet, got anothe 2.5 to go, becuase for me and mainly him. he cares, gives me time, has sent me gifts like flowers and that is not cheap from pakistan. i dont know how to describe it, but all i know is that i care about him soo much and feel like i am falling in love with him, even though he is the other side of the world! Just want to say best of luck with everything. anything eklse you want to know send me an reply.
tk care
allah hafiz
zeebs100
thnx for your reply. i guess i knew he was the one becuase i feel it inside my heart. me and my fiancee have deep conversations about what we going to do after marriage, life, having kids etc. i have very strong faith and believe that he is the one for me, i dont know its just there. i just pray that after marriage it will be the same. i will be honest with you, in that i am very educated and oxford graduate and postgraduate and have a good job alhamdolillah and many people came for my rishta here but turned me down becuase i weighed 16 stone. i went to pakistan and he didnt turn me down, he got engaged to me i know that it wasnt for a visa [long story beind that]. he gave me the willpower, belief and self-confidence and since i have been back i have lost 4 stone on a medical diet, got anothe 2.5 to go, becuase for me and mainly him. he cares, gives me time, has sent me gifts like flowers and that is not cheap from pakistan. i dont know how to describe it, but all i know is that i care about him soo much and feel like i am falling in love with him, even though he is the other side of the world! Just want to say best of luck with everything. anything eklse you want to know send me an reply.
tk care
allah hafiz
zeebs100
Mashallah, those are hefty feats! But, I don't quite understand what 16 stone means? I assume it is has something to do with your health, do you mean kidney stones perhaps?
yeaa i thought abt all of that b4 agreeing to it and hes prefect for al of that mashallah but we dunt connect right away nd thats wat makes me think!
Can I tell you something pink?
My fiance and I didnt connect right away either. It took work. Im not married or anything so my advice is from a fiance's point of view. You might find a married woman's advice more helpful.
We didnt connect right away at all. I am born and raised in the US and he was born and raised in Pak. He has been here for a few years now though.
I was introduced to him through family and was told to get to know him. So I started to make an effort and found it sooooooo wierd. We barely had anything to talk about. If I let the conversation lag, he did too. There were awkward gaps and so many times I was at the point of shaking him! One day, I got so irritated, I told him this. I told him I never sense anything meaningful from him and how can I sign away my life to someone who cant even converse with me? He listened for a good while and then said he was sorry for not making an effort. After that, I noticed him changing things around...he would call me more, text me more, he would bring up interesting topics, he opened up! I started seeing a funny and more engaging side of him that I didnt think was there.
There could be a number of things here:
He is shy
He is taking his time to get to know you
He is not a talker
He is better in person than on the phone - Im not much of a phone person myself.
If the basics are there...then it would be a good idea to give this a really good try before making any irrational decisions.
sounds like she is getting influenced by the people who are telling her she made a stupid decision by not marrying someone in the country she is who is settled instead of this fob guy who is going to be trouble and a big responsibility.
sounds like she is getting influenced by the people who are telling her she made a stupid decision by not marrying someone in the country she is who is settled instead of this fob guy who is going to be trouble and a big responsibility.
i agree wiv ur statemnt cz she has 2 suffer a lot.
Cz i knw who eva brings guy frm pk they hav 2 do a lot rathr thn own country.
My fiance and I didnt connect right away either. It took work. Im not married or anything so my advice is from a fiance's point of view. You might find a married woman's advice more helpful.
We didnt connect right away at all. I am born and raised in the US and he was born and raised in Pak. He has been here for a few years now though.
I was introduced to him through family and was told to get to know him. So I started to make an effort and found it sooooooo wierd. We barely had anything to talk about. If I let the conversation lag, he did too. There were awkward gaps and so many times I was at the point of shaking him! One day, I got so irritated, I told him this. I told him I never sense anything meaningful from him and how can I sign away my life to someone who cant even converse with me? He listened for a good while and then said he was sorry for not making an effort. After that, I noticed him changing things around...he would call me more, text me more, he would bring up interesting topics, he opened up! I started seeing a funny and more engaging side of him that I didnt think was there.
There could be a number of things here:
He is shy
He is taking his time to get to know you
He is not a talker
He is better in person than on the phone - Im not much of a phone person myself.
If the basics are there...then it would be a good idea to give this a really good try before making any irrational decisions.
wow i never thought of it this way .. mayb i need to let him know that i dun think its working nd believe me im one of those grls who will try to make it work but its just not getting anywhere! hes deff not shy nd hes a TALKERR but not wit me for some reason or i dun see it! we hardly have meaningful conversations. yes hes deff a better person face-to-face! i try to involve him wit my life but its like im talking to a dummy!! if i tell him somthing i need some input like tell me wat to do or juss anything but dis guy wud change the topic or be like i gotta go like UGHH! neways thanks for the advice mayb i need talk to him abt dis but i afraid dat he will talk it the wrong way :(
sounds like she is getting influenced by the people who are telling her she made a stupid decision by not marrying someone in the country she is who is settled instead of this fob guy who is going to be trouble and a big responsibility.
iduno if im getting influenced but yeh its tru dat most of my frends dat i made a stupid decision nd dats y its making it hard for to go talk to them abt it cuz they will be like "i told you so" nd i dun need dat right now!
thnx for your reply. i guess i knew he was the one becuase i feel it inside my heart. me and my fiancee have deep conversations about what we going to do after marriage, life, having kids etc. i have very strong faith and believe that he is the one for me, i dont know its just there. i just pray that after marriage it will be the same. i will be honest with you, in that i am very educated and oxford graduate and postgraduate and have a good job alhamdolillah and many people came for my rishta here but turned me down becuase i weighed 16 stone. i went to pakistan and he didnt turn me down, he got engaged to me i know that it wasnt for a visa [long story beind that]. he gave me the willpower, belief and self-confidence and since i have been back i have lost 4 stone on a medical diet, got anothe 2.5 to go, becuase for me and mainly him. he cares, gives me time, has sent me gifts like flowers and that is not cheap from pakistan. i dont know how to describe it, but all i know is that i care about him soo much and feel like i am falling in love with him, even though he is the other side of the world! Just want to say best of luck with everything. anything eklse you want to know send me an reply.
tk care
allah hafiz
zeebs100
thats greatt nd u know he likes u for who u r nd im sure ur inside and out! U SHUD BE PROUD OF URSELF! oxford grad! wow nd congradss nd aww ur story is like one of those fairytales nd inshallah it will stay like dis! my story is opsite of urs dis is 1st guy my rents asked me nd i didnt want to regret it later on so i sed yes!
^Did he look happy at the engagement? Maybe he's also just in it for the sake of making the parents happy? I dunno, ask him if he's really into you or just doing it to strengthen ties with your family.. better safe than sorry!