i feel like there are so many pple in here who have the same suitation as me so i wud love some advice!
i went to pakistan this summer just to visit and some how i came bak engaged!! it wasnt planned or anything .. it just happened in 2 weeks and its hitting me now dat damnn i really got engaged. i made this decision in a hurry and didnt have enough time to really sit down and think abt it. I duno if i made the right or wrong decision but it seemed right at that moment nd wen i talk to pple it just gets to me .. is he really the one? since i have been raised here nd my fiance in Pakistan.. we think differently nd its making it hard for me to get to know him nd communicate wit him. It scares me now nd makes me think about my decision… any advice??
First of all, congratulations! What an exciting time for you I can only imagine... my advice to you is to take things very very slow... try and get to know him better, be patient with him, but dont force yourself to make it work. It should be natural. Things could work out for you both despite the two very different environments in which you were raised.... as long as both are willing to be openminded and open to compromise... education is a very important factor in analyzing the future of this rishta... hopefully he's an educated person and not some gunwaar from the village... right? Lets say things just dont pan out the way you had imagined them to be, how easy/hard would it be for you to end this rishta?
How often do you both speak? And how did you guys meet? Family friends, cousins, complete strangers?
Remember-- haste makes waste so take your time....and do whatever your heart tells you is the right thing... best of luck!
I would think of a few things before I did anything irrational. Is he educated? Does he have the potential to succeed here? Is he open-minded? Are you attracted to him? How do you guys get along?
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it is normal to have second thght abt these kind of issues...specially since i m guessing this isn't a love situation...even in love marriages ppl have second thoughts.
pink u should take ur time...get to knw him, u guys should try to understand each other differences and work out things.
good luck!
maybe this helps u a bit.. one of ma cousins was in the same situation.. she got engaged.. didnt really got the time 2 think abt (not the time she wanted).. then after a while she had seconds thoughts.. she shared it wid her parents.. in the meantime she tried to get to know her fiance better.. n her parents were really supporting her in all this.. it eventually turned out ok for her..:) maybe u can talk 2 ur parents abt how u feel..
and ofcourse.. try to get to know ur fiance better.. how is he as person.. education.. views abt life n stuff.. likes/dislikes.. zindagi ka sawaal hai.. don't think it's bad to have second thoughts.. I hope everything will go well for u..:) gud luck..
Congratulations!!! its never to late, you aren't married just engaged and now you can actually sit down and observe the guy and note down his plus and minus points, since there wont be any hesitance at the same time you aren't nikkao-fied...talk to him and see if he is the right one for you or not..all the best..
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anyways im in the same situation i grew up in the west n got engaged in pakistan
n now its been 3 yrs since im engaged n getting married inshallah in the summer
i know exactly how u feel but like everyones been sayin just have patience
becuz YES there are goin to be many many differences between ur thinking n his even if hes from the city n modern
its just how it is wen a sumone grows up in pakistan n sumone grows up here
but u gotta be open minded n accept his ways as well as let him know ur views too so u guys can compromise in the future
n im sure that ur parents n u made the decision together after seeing him n his family so inshallah everything wil work out in the end
i left the decision to my parents n they know more than us bout ppl....
so dont worry n enjoy ur time now and get to know him....
Mabrook Pink. Getting engaged is the best part of yr life. Make sure u make the most out of it.
Dun wanna put u down or anything but one of my cousins had the same issue. Sadly her situation didn't work out. But there were a lot of factors involved. She was a hard core party girl where as the guy was a typical "Vadera" kinda spoiled village guy. One mistake she did was she never voiced her concern to her parents until it was too late. She was happy in the start but then after couple months things started to change. Long distance relationship was another factor. She also got involved with some other guy over here. Long story short. Let yr parents know that u r a bit confused & in the mean time get to know him too.
I personally know 5 other girls who r happily married & started the same way. Its all about communication & understanding each other & as someone mentioned if the guy is educated, it makes a huge difference.
Enjoy yr engaged life.
Congratulationz.. Pink..
where are u guys goin to live after the wedding? Pakistan/ home country? It really matters, hows he abt moving...
I guess main point here is conversations, i mean try to talk to him as much as possible get to know him... i'm sure guys from Pakistan aren't that BAD,its just the image, or i should say its same every where...Achay buray log har jaga hotay hain.
Now u have to think what u want to do..? whens the wedding..? R u guys cousins,friends?
All the best, InshAllah, everything will b ok...
I guess ur afraid,bcz ur were mentally not prepared for engagement. Allah knows better, he'll do good for u.. :)
i think you should give yourselves some time...get to know each other. i hope everything works out but if doesn't, it's better to end an engagement than end a marriage. good luck and all the best!
Salaam and congratulations PINK. I have just read this thread and can understand your situation. I personally agree with everything eyelashes has commented on he/she is correct, and this is the advice i would give. I would just say dont panic, invest time in your fiancee and see where it goes, inshallah it will be fine. Pink i also got engaged this summer in pakistan, and my decision was also one made in under 2 weeks the time space of my holiday, in which i met the guy, got to sort of know him and ended up engaged. if you want to know more then just send me a reply. however all i would say is that i am very lucky my fiancee is very nice and he phones me daily and we get on great. i am off to get married this summer in pakistan so am busy planning that as well! i have just gone off the point.... so to end all i say is bee patient, work at it, dont make any hasty deiusion, talk to someone you trust about it if you cant talk to your parents about it. Inshallah it will be okay. Best of luck. Allah hafiz. Take care.
although engagements are not binding like nikkah, you already made a hasty decision to get into it, so you do have the responsibility to make the effort to get to know him. if you find he is not the one you can always end it. everything will be fine.
First of all, congratulations! What an exciting time for you I can only imagine... my advice to you is to take things very very slow... try and get to know him better, be patient with him, but dont force yourself to make it work. It should be natural. Things could work out for you both despite the two very different environments in which you were raised.... as long as both are willing to be openminded and open to compromise... education is a very important factor in analyzing the future of this rishta... hopefully he's an educated person and not some gunwaar from the village... right? Lets say things just dont pan out the way you had imagined them to be, how easy/hard would it be for you to end this rishta?
How often do you both speak? And how did you guys meet? Family friends, cousins, complete strangers?
Remember-- haste makes waste so take your time....and do whatever your heart tells you is the right thing... best of luck!
thanks its really hard becuz we are engaged things shudnt b akward but sometimes it is! nd it pisses me off like i can talk to my guy bestfrend abt more things than him nd i dun want it to b dat way! mashallah hes very openminded but i guess i am not nd i need to change this but its hard!
it will be hardd to end it if Godforbid things dunt turn out the way i want it to since hes my dad's really good frends son. we speak nearly everydayy but we hardly have meaningful convo or mayb im expecting too much iduno
I would think of a few things before I did anything irrational. Is he educated? Does he have the potential to succeed here? Is he open-minded? Are you attracted to him? How do you guys get along?
yeaa i thought abt all of that b4 agreeing to it and hes prefect for al of that mashallah but we dunt connect right away nd thats wat makes me think!
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it is normal to have second thght abt these kind of issues...specially since i m guessing this isn't a love situation...even in love marriages ppl have second thoughts.
pink u should take ur time...get to knw him, u guys should try to understand each other differences and work out things.
good luck!
thanks hun i guess it will take time nd i need to give it some time since hes not a guy from here!