^^And why should she? She is answering me right? I am not forcing her to answer my replies in this thread? It is up to her and you let her decide, do not tell her to put her energies somewhere else.
As for the husband duties, see you do not get one thing is. Some of the wives they like to do things for their husbands, it is not because they are forced to. Also consider this, your husband will be more happy if you cooked the food for him rather than a maid. Same way your husband will be more happy if you did the work because he knows you love him etc
Plus you are questioning me about this what about the mentality of some wives who think gifts are necessary for each and every occasion and love is weighed in how much gifts he has given? Same as wife working around the household is not necessary gifts are not necessary then why do we expect them? Gifts should be given with love and not forced and similarly the work is done with love and not forced upon the wife. Plus dear, not all people are rich enough to afford maids who can do the work for you. Also if you do not actually know how to do the work then how can you tell the maid to do it correctly?
Sahar when mommies and daddies work the kids are left in the care of babysitters and daycare people and maids. I do not know about how it is done in the US but over here and in Pakistan the parents leave their kids with the maids and they are busy doing their things and do not look after the kids properly and niether do the kids get the properly love care and attention that they need from their parents. I have seen many cases of people who were mentally disturbed or did crimes because they were deprived of maternal and paternal love and also because they harboured this revenge like instint against their parents because they were not there for them when the kids needed them in childhood. Later on when the child is all grown up and does things on his own he/she says mai aap ki baat kyon suno? aapne kya kiya tha mere lye? where were you when i needed you? aap tu mere sports day par bhi nahi asake/asaki!
It has been suggested for many years that, women are each others worst enemies.
You do not necessarily have to be related to have 'issues'. The women at where I am doing my work placement are always slagging off co-workers behind their backs and then act all friendly to their faces.I avoid such office politics.
I don't think it is just jealousy, but can be an accumulation of a variety fo factors such as annoyance, insecurity and frankly having nothing better to do, that to cause friction!
Sahar just like Sylvia Plath wrote her emotions in her poem Daddy about losing her father at the age of ten and death and all sorts of suicidal tendencies were also expressed in her poem along with her disastrous relationship with her husband. She was always looking for her dad in her husband but that could never have been possible. Now i am not saying all kids lose their parents or one parent but it is similar to what i am trying to say. A parent god forbid does not need to die for a child to lose him/her. If a parent works for long hours and hardly sees his/her kids and even when he/she comes home early he/she is so tired that all they want is rest. They hardly take their kids out and there is next to none existant family time. It is recorded and proved that parents working especially the mother does take a toll on the kids and their is hardly any bonding or attachment or even love!
it's offtopic, but why does it seem like that household duties are a BURDEN for women?
Islamically Men has to feed family, not WOMEN...If you ever had anything to do with your Religion or had a slight interest in your Religion, you know that. Household duties are given to WOMEN for her "relief", but yaan ki parri likki AUNTIAN ke liye yeh to BURDEN hai...
yes jealousy exists everywhere, even in men, but jealousy in girl has developed into a sickness...
Wow i so agree with you! And if you would have read my posts i did support your post to some extent. And when i mentioned that women are supposed to not work because allah ne nahi banaya hai and stuff they told me that sahar should not waste her energy on me.
yeah i cannot agree more to your post!:k:
and as for off topic the discussions went off topic long time back.
And who said working and nurturing are mutually exclusive?
yar sahar cmon... i agree with in most cases but sometimes some truths in life might hurt you and against your perspectives but they are in the end, the bitter truth. its not like i m not working you and that i cant relate to you. all i m sayin is woman was born to take care of the family.. u can do that even while working but it requires alot of patience and juggling of work and home and kids... its difficult but not impossible. chill, i m with you guys ok! :)
they should waste their energy on their career...I'd encourage them to do so, later on when kids got no values they can all blame it on the multi millionaire mother who has gained money, a piece of paper but no love...they can do that, I'm fine wid that...as long as my wife isn't like that I have no problems...
this is why people in the west put their parents in the home for aged...because they have no rishta to them anymore...I have 2 friends, the one sits downstairs 24/7...he only talks to his mother when he needs money or something to eat or if he has something to do and he needs his mom because of the car. His brother sits 24/7 in his room. Starring like a dumbass, drool coming out of the mouth, to the TV...
Same story with him. Their mother is a governess...She's raisin' other kids, but couldn't raise her own...The mother will go on voluntary base into the home for aged...She realized she failed, they both would be 2 dumb 2 sign her in the home for aged...
Sahar when mommies and daddies work the kids are left in the care of babysitters and daycare people and maids. I do not know about how it is done in the US but over here and in Pakistan the parents leave their kids with the maids and they are busy doing their things and do not look after the kids properly and niether do the kids get the properly love care and attention that they need from their parents. I have seen many cases of people who were mentally disturbed or did crimes because they were deprived of maternal and paternal love and also because they harboured this revenge like instint against their parents because they were not there for them when the kids needed them in childhood. Later on when the child is all grown up and does things on his own he/she says mai aap ki baat kyon suno? aapne kya kiya tha mere lye? where were you when i needed you? aap tu mere sports day par bhi nahi asake/asaki!
aisha, i agree with you to an extent. but ab pehle jaisa zamana nahi raha meri jaan. now u have to work and support your husband. ap toh dubai mein ho, u shud know what i mean. nowdays if a woman dusnt work, how can the children study in the best schools, have the best car and all the materialistic things the children of this age want? nahi naukri karo then also children become insecure becus of their parent's inability to provide them luxuries.
another thing, its not necessary honey if someone has a maid, the children will b unloved and not looked after. han, thora bahat time management mein different aye ga but that can be taken care of, its not impossible you know. i believe if you try really hard you can juggle, its not that tough. the situation you are talking abt is of a woman who is like, working long hours, dusnt have weekends, dusnt find time to play, teach, sit with kids... most of us are working 9-5 and its not that tough.
So suddenly this thread has gone from jealousy in girls to MIL and DIL to kids and mothers to home vs career, interesting indeed. Lets change the name of this thread shall we.
Well both sides are correct, you can work but it is not necessary and i completely agree with you numb, money cannot buy happiness for the kids. Working will make you happy in the short term but your kids will be neglected. See if their is no need to work, then why do women work?
they should waste their energy on their career...I'd encourage them to do so, later on when kids got no values they can all blame it on the multi millionaire mother who has gained money, a piece of paper but no love...they can do that, I'm fine wid that...as long as my wife isn't like that I have no problems...
this is why people in the west put their parents in the home for aged...because they have no rishta to them anymore...I have 2 friends, the one sits downstairs 24/7...he only talks to his mother when he needs money or something to eat or if he has something to do and he needs his mom because of the car. His brother sits 24/7 in his room. Starring like a dumbass, drool coming out of the mouth, to the TV...
Same story with him. Their mother is a governess...She's raisin' other kids, but couldn't raise her own...The mother will go on voluntary base into the home for aged...She realized she failed, they both would be 2 dumb 2 sign her in the home for aged...
how lucky of you to have a nice wife... gud for you dear. but please dun generalise. zarori nahi that working women pass on no values to their children. what you think is your right but please dont impose it and make it appear as if this is it, if youre not with me, youre gone... i know western ppl have no values and desi ppl are also turning into them, which is not gud, but not everyone is same. and who says if u r working you dun love ur kids and cannot raise them to b gud individuals??? yeh sab apki personal opinions hian jinki mein respect karti hon.. so why not we act like mature adults and let one another speak our mind without getting any fierce retailiation back... thanks :)
aisha, i agree with you to an extent. but ab pehle jaisa zamana nahi raha meri jaan. now u have to work and support your husband. ap toh dubai mein ho, u shud know what i mean. nowdays if a woman dusnt work, how can the children study in the best schools, have the best car and all the materialistic things the children of this age want? nahi naukri karo then also children become insecure becus of their parent's inability to provide them luxuries.
another thing, its not necessary honey if someone has a maid, the children will b unloved and not looked after. han, thora bahat time management mein different aye ga but that can be taken care of, its not impossible you know. i believe if you try really hard you can juggle, its not that tough. the situation you are talking abt is of a woman who is like, working long hours, dusnt have weekends, dusnt find time to play, teach, sit with kids... most of us are working 9-5 and its not that tough.
yehi to tum logon ki ghalat soch hai...why provide them with luxuries? why? It doesn't have to be the best school. People go to Russia, Romania, Bulgaria, study medicine or whatever they like for less money, but get the same education...
materialistic things? Dajjal has arrived on Earth, I'm so sorry, but I had 2 mention this. why would parents become insecure if they can't provide their kids with the so much needed luxury...
Saadgi ke saath jeena chai hai and say never no. No offense, but the way you think, no wonder we are goin' away from the values to luxuries, money, blood, kill and whatsoever...
aisha, i agree with you to an extent. but ab pehle jaisa zamana nahi raha meri jaan. now u have to work and support your husband. ap toh dubai mein ho, u shud know what i mean. nowdays if a woman dusnt work, how can the children study in the best schools, have the best car and all the materialistic things the children of this age want? nahi naukri karo then also children become insecure becus of their parent's inability to provide them luxuries.
another thing, its not necessary honey if someone has a maid, the children will b unloved and not looked after. han, thora bahat time management mein different aye ga but that can be taken care of, its not impossible you know. i believe if you try really hard you can juggle, its not that tough. the situation you are talking abt is of a woman who is like, working long hours, dusnt have weekends, dusnt find time to play, teach, sit with kids... most of us are working 9-5 and its not that tough.
Well alright i can give you points there because you have made some very valid and logical arguments ke it is no longer money cannot buy happiness and love is all you need time and era. Especially Dubai, i know how expensive Dubai has become and everyone is feeling the burden. Did you know they are introducing VAT soon? And there is already a homeowner's tax and plus maintenance tax and this tax and the water and electricity!! my god plus the petrol prices are just sky rocketing. Yes, i can definitely understand from where you are coming from. See what i was saying does not apply to Dubai or anything i was just saying in general that women should look after their kids and what our religion tells us. Now obviously the religion has also said that a wife can support her husband in times of need and in these times means working so i am 100% with you. As long as work and home life can be balanced i have no problems. Definitely even i would like to see my children to to go to the best schools etc etc like i did.
I agree that some working parents neglect their children, but so do plenty of parents who are at home with their children. Sitting in front of the TV watching Dish Network all day is not raising children. Stay at home and working parents can each be great parents. Most will stay home until the child starts preschool, and then resume work. I don’t think that necessarily makes them bad parents. My mother stayed at home with us until my youngest brother started KG and I think I really benefited from her care and consideration and I hope to be able to do the same for my children. I have friends that resent their mothers for sending them to daycare, and I don’t want my children to feel that way. At the same time, I don’t think that it necessarily makes you a bad parent. There are ways to give time to your kids with a career, IF that’s what you want.
How is mopping the floor a “relief” for women? I don’t mean for this to sound rude; I’m just trying to find the logic of your ideas.
I agree with you, mall. I just meant that that tendency to nurture can actually be an asset in the workplace. It doesn’t mean that being a mother is ALL a woman can do. It is the most important thing for her – but not the only important thing.
Wow. It’s easy to make your case based on extremes, isn’t it? It would probably require too much energy and intellect to deal with the complex situations of the moderate households, right? So why not make a whole bunch of insulting and irrelevant generalizations to make our point. Great job. :k:
yehi to tum logon ki ghalat soch hai...why provide them with luxuries? why? It doesn't have to be the best school. People go to Russia, Romania, Bulgaria, study medicine or whatever they like for less money, but get the same education...
materialistic things? Dajjal has arrived on Earth, I'm so sorry, but I had 2 mention this. why would parents become insecure if they can't provide their kids with the so much needed luxury...
Saadgi ke saath jeena chai hai and say never no. No offense, but the way you think, no wonder we are goin' away from the values to luxuries, money, blood, kill and whatsoever...
numb jee, kitne tameez se, khuloos se apse baat ki mein nay.. ap toh zara sa bhi lihaaz nahi karrahe. i m not here to fight but ap toh finger pointing pe utar aye hai. ure being impractical and philosophical.. life is not like that.... ajkal ke bacchay apke zamanay ke jaise nahi. saadgi se zindaghi ghuzar sakti hia badon ki, ajkal ke bacchay yeh baat nahi samjhtay... why dun u compare youreself with your parents and they will tell you how many luxuries YOU have, that you dun even realise.
how lucky of you to have a nice wife... gud for you dear. but please dun generalise. zarori nahi that working women pass on no values to their children. what you think is your right but please dont impose it and make it appear as if this is it, if youre not with me, youre gone... i know western ppl have no values and desi ppl are also turning into them, which is not gud, but not everyone is same. and who says if u r working you dun love ur kids and cannot raise them to b gud individuals??? yeh sab apki personal opinions hian jinki mein respect karti hon.. so why not we act like mature adults and let one another speak our mind without getting any fierce retailiation back... thanks :)
I didn't say they moms who work don't love their children. I said kids who don't see their mom often enough can't develop a love relationship with their kids...I'm not generalizing, please read my post cleary next time :)
She can raise them, but to gud individuals? In the end it depends on the person if he wants to be a good men or bad men. I didn't even say that they pass no values...They may pass values, but what kind of?
yehi to tum logon ki ghalat soch hai...why provide them with luxuries? why? It doesn't have to be the best school. People go to Russia, Romania, Bulgaria, study medicine or whatever they like for less money, but get the same education...
materialistic things? Dajjal has arrived on Earth, I'm so sorry, but I had 2 mention this. why would parents become insecure if they can't provide their kids with the so much needed luxury...
Saadgi ke saath jeena chai hai and say never no. No offense, but the way you think, no wonder we are goin' away from the values to luxuries, money, blood, kill and whatsoever...
Numb my family and my upbringing can be the best example for you to show you that it does not mean that if you are rich you do not have values and if you have values you are not rich. I am mashallah well off but i also have values and education.
As for what you are saying, even a toy is a luxury. Having the best mobile phone is a luxury, having a colour screen on a mobile phone is a luxury. The fact is sadgi ki life is no longer going to happen. Plus would not you want your children to dress nicely and go to good schools? Plus Numb the thing is peer pressure, if you buy cheap clothes for your kids and send your kids to cheap schools, first of all they will not be as good as those kids that go to better schools and you have saved the money what are you going to do with it? Why do you guys and fathers make money for? Not to provide for your family then what? You can save all your money and your family looks in shambles. I am not saying that wasting money is good but being a miser is not all that good either. You should have a balance and see what is needed because these days some luxuries have become needs and yes i know that money is Allah ki imanat and we have to spend wisely. I am not saying that i am all a perfect angel as well, i have made mistakes handling money but that is how we learn.
Numb my family and my upbringing can be the best example for you to show you that it does not mean that if you are rich you do not have values and if you have values you are not rich. I am mashallah well off but i also have values and education.
As for what you are saying, even a toy is a luxury. Having the best mobile phone is a luxury, having a colour screen on a mobile phone is a luxury. The fact is sadgi ki life is no longer going to happen. Plus would not you want your children to dress nicely and go to good schools? Plus Numb the thing is peer pressure, if you buy cheap clothes for your kids and send your kids to cheap schools, first of all they will not be as good as those kids that go to better schools and you have saved the money what are you going to do with it? Why do you guys and fathers make money for? Not to provide for your family then what? You can save all your money and your family looks in shambles. I am not saying that wasting money is good but being a miser is not all that good either. You should have a balance and see what is needed because these days some luxuries have become needs and yes i know that money is Allah ki imanat and we have to spend wisely. I am not saying that i am all a perfect angel as well, i have made mistakes handling money but that is how we learn.
thats what i have been tryin to explain him since half and hour. thanks Aisha. maybe now numb will understand the real meaning of "luxuries".