i think sister in laws can get even more jelaous at times then mils..:(
Your husband actually said that to you? wow
yes dear.. unbelievable eh? :D hehehe but seriously, my hubby dotes and loves his mother. he understand's woman's psychology so well, it puts me to shame sometimes :p but as you always say "palla phir bhi maa ki taraf hota hia". mom always comes first, no doubt!
thaz why i said i agree with sahar cus waki mein yeh aurtein pori zindaghi shohar, baap ke samnay dabti hia... they need some control too so what better way than to dominate the DIL. have you noticed ever, how FIL never argues with his wife over the fights with DIL???? first, its woman thing, second they dun interfere on purpose cus they want to give MIl the control he never gave her in life. go check out any paki home and you'll see :)
^ actually iv seen case where husband doesnt contorl ANYTHINg and he never did and thats why wife goes aorund contorlling everything(extremely dominating)..doing it even more cause she knows theres no one to stop her, never was and never will be!
^ actually iv seen case where husband doesnt contorl ANYTHINg and he never did and thats why wife goes aorund contorlling everything(extremely dominating)..doing it even more cause she knows theres no one to stop her, never was and never will be!
are you talking abt the MIL whos hubby doesnt stop her(from fighting with DIL) or just a wife who dominates everyone??? :S
yes dear.. unbelievable eh? :D hehehe but seriously, my hubby dotes and loves his mother. he understand's woman's psychology so well, it puts me to shame sometimes :p but as you always say "palla phir bhi maa ki taraf hota hia". mom always comes first, no doubt! thaz why i said i agree with sahar cus waki mein yeh aurtein pori zindaghi shohar, baap ke samnay dabti hia... they need some control too so what better way than to dominate the DIL. have you noticed ever, how FIL never argues with his wife over the fights with DIL???? first, its woman thing, second they dun interfere on purpose cus they want to give MIl the control he never gave her in life. go check out any paki home and you'll see :)
Yes it is hard to believe lol has he studies psychology or something? Well do not be ashamed just try to learn from him:p no doubt, mother comes first.
Yes that is true because it is a women thing. Well it is also because men do not want to get into petty issues like DIL and MIL arguing and that is why they do not interfere.
^ actually iv seen case where husband doesnt contorl ANYTHINg and he never did and thats why wife goes aorund contorlling everything(extremely dominating)..doing it even more cause she knows theres no one to stop her, never was and never will be!
are you talking abt the MIL whos hubby doesnt stop her(from fighting with DIL) or just a wife who dominates everyone??? :S
Some cases the women treat their husbands really badly and be very dominating and controlling. You are right about that, again i would like to include real life experiance by saying about my grandparents. My grandmom never respected my grandfather that much and was always in control. She was the one who was from a better khandaan and she had that thing in her mind always. When my grandfather died he had hardly anything in his posession everything was in my grandmom's possesion and she left inheritance and a lot of it.
I think she is talking about a wife who dominates everything.
are you talking abt the MIL whos hubby doesnt stop her(from fighting with DIL) or just a wife who dominates everyone??? :S
im talkin about the wife who dominates everything and everyone and has been dominating hte whole kanadaan for sooo long so naturlaly when bahoo comes shes gonna do the same..
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Yes unfortuntely there are women like these but more of them are in Pakistan with their backward thinking mentalities and dominating personalities. They have an ego problem and see their DIL as a threat to their throne and kingdom.
They have an ego problem and see their DIL as a threat to their throne and kingdom.
for some reason this made me laugh :D throne or kingdom... filmy na! :)
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Well lol it is true because they see their family as their riyasat and when a DIL come's they think they are losing control of not only their son but also the household!!
Well lol it is true because they see their family as their riyasat and when a DIL come's they think they are losing control of not only their son but also the household!!
you girl, whatcha doin here. go drink ur coke and watch FREIJ! rest ur eyes and hands
Sahar you are forgetting that it is not just the Pakistani society that is constructed this way, forgive me for being old fashioned but essentially this is what every society is even to this day.
You're right, any patriarchal society is set up this way. We were talking about Pakistanis, so I only mentioned them specifically.
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You are forgetting even those women who work in modern countries these days deliberately resign from their jobs and choose to become homemakers
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That's not relevant. I'm not disregarding that. I'm saying women need more to preoccupy them and make them productive members of society for the times that their children and families need them less. Otherwise they become clingy and overbearing.
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and you are also forgetting that it is no longer that era and time period where women were called housewives and given reference to their slavery to the husband and MIL. In the past women were required to stay at home even if they were educated and were asked to bare kids and just look after them. This is no longer the case, this is why no one calls these kinds of women housewives anymore, we call them homemakers to be more politically correct.
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I know that, but societies take more time to change as a whole. There are still some places where that's how it works. And there are still places where even though that's no longer the overt expectation, one is made to feel guilty doing otherwise. So though not everyone is a slave for her husband any longer, that time period still influences thinking today. And besides, you make my point for me below, by saying that the only legitimate means of success for a woman is through her husband and children. And that's precisely why we have all these women who aren't capable of letting go. Because when they don't have all these people dependent on them, their lives become meaningless. That is sad, indeed.
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You think women who are educated, it is imperative for them to get of the house and get jobs and work?
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No. I didn't say that at all. Please don't put words in my mouth. I'm saying women need more to preoccupy them and make them productive members of society for the times that their children and families need them less. Otherwise they become clingy and overbearing.
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Allah did not make a woman to work, essentially what we are supposed to is increase the Muslim Nation and take care of our husband and family.
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This is just silliness. You think women aren't made to work? In some rich families in the mid-East you may find women who recline all their lives, but in most of the world women DO work. It may not be called a career and they may not get paid for it. But they are working. And they are damn good at it.
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That is why it is said that husband and wife ek dosre ki dhal hain. As for the car thread all of you guys have misunderstood the situation, you all blame the MIL. However, it is just a matter of respect!
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True. And the MIL has no respect for the DIL, to yell at her like that for something so trivial.
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Imagine this, you are a sister of your brother and you, your SIL, your brother and your mother are going somewhere. Who would you want to sit in the front seat? Your mother or SIL? I will always say my mother and there is no shame in this because she is mine and my brother’s mom and she is the one who is the elder of the family with wisdom and years of experience.
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I would want my SIL to offer the seat to my mother, but I also would expect my mother not to mind if SIL sits there sometimes and to recognize that it is not a big deal for her to do so.
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The DIL should understand this, that her MIL is not just “saas” that is a very desi mentality which sucks. If she will always treat her MIL as just a “saas” she will never be able to respect her, you should see this woman as a female who conceived your husband and raised him and went through troubles and hardships for him and the least you can do is this much and not make such a fuss for sitting in the front seat.
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What I object to is the disrespect she showed her DIL by yelling at her to get out and the complete passivity of the husband to allow that treatment of his wife. Is she treating her DIL with respect there? No. And that is not acceptable.
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And you say assumption, what is wrong in it?
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What are you referring to here?
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You will raise a son Inshallah, I do not know your marital and family status so cannot say much but consider yourself in this situation, would you like it if your son got married and stopped talking to you? Or he left home and hardly kept on touch or if your DIL did not talk to you properly and badmouthed you at every possible opportunity and kept your grandkids away from you?
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Of course not. That kind of behavior should not be tolerated either. But that doesn't give the MIL the right to behave like a child. It also is not the same as the car seat scenario, from what I read.
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And you are saying about grandkids, who does not want grandkids? They are such a blessing and bring happiness in to a family, you are right that when some of the MILs kids grow up they do not have that much stuff to do but see that is where grandkids come in, when a baby comes in the household it gives the utmost happiness to its grandparents too as they see their child in it. They play with it, they share their love and affections with it and it is very natural.
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True. I didn't say anything against that.
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I have many other things to say but even this post has become a bit too long so i will continue once you reply.
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Go on then.
BRAVO!! hats off to you for such a thought provoking post. i agree with you a 100 percent. its true that its the way society has been shaped... with due respect to the "home maker", they have idle time to think, talk and socialise. not to say that working women do not gossip( i work and i can assure you, i do gossip too, who dusnt??) but not as much as the home makers. no matter how busy they are running after kids, cooking, cleaning etc... they do get some free time which is spent in idle time and talking. they cannot exercise power in their own homes... becus the husband has the last word.. when the son grows up she expects him to listen to her and pay back. Sahar, you said the same thing which my hubby says.. these ppl are kids he tells me, when they are old.... all their lives these women listen to parents, husbands, relatives etc... when their son grow up, they get a sense of ownership and power.. its so unexplicable really but its so true.. my own husband said that cus he knows women need the power to control something also.. after all, they have been in someone else's control for so many years.
this is so true in some cases. in others the women have just been control freaks all their lives (my dad's sister, lol).
i have been explained this so many times about my case. my MIL really had no say about anything in her marriage and on top of that she had to listen to crap from her husbands sisters. the only thing she had any control over were her sons. now, all parents wish certain things for their children - my dad wanted to be be a doctor (what a surprise!) but being in the UK my parents were pretty open minded. life doesn't turn out the way you expect but you have to go with the flow, as long as your children are happy and successful it should be enough. obviously my MIL had plans for all her sons, they are like her evidence to the world of her life's work. when they grow up and want to make their own decisions and marry the girls they have chosen etc etc, some mothers just cannot handle it. they are too set in their ways and the life there.
importantly, they are also just obsessed with what other people think and say. no where else in the world have i encountered a culture where people are so obsessed with what others are doing and trying to put them down.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Sahar: save your thoughts. someone who thinks "Allah did not make a woman to work, essentially what we are supposed to is increase the Muslim Nation and take care of our husband and family." will not be able to understand much you are saying.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
^ I guess I’m an optimist. 
Sahar: save your thoughts. someone who thinks "Allah did not make a woman to work, essentially what we are supposed to is increase the Muslim Nation and take care of our husband and family." will not be able to understand much you are saying.
hahaha! yup, with due respect to aisha, i think there is no harm in a woman working, i myself work. but yeah in a way she is rite, essentially or islamically, we were not born to work, i guess we were born to nurture relationships, which is sad but true so we cant deny that either :)
Re: Jealousy In Girls
exactly mall:k: and stopit i suggest you refer to your nick and do not call me indirectly thickheaded or arrogant. i know what you mean but you do not attack my opinion. it is my thoughts and opinions and i have one hundred percent right to writing them over here. plus have you even read the quran or anything like that? allah ne auraton ko kaam karne ke lye nahi banaya… no i wont say you guys just sit at home and have kids and that’s it because today’s westernized society and hi fi thoughts have all rattled our minds and we have stopped to think clearly. Plus did you even read what i wrote clearly over there?
Oh yes, i forgot to mention that it is proven that women who work do not take care of their kids that well as those women who dont and kuch ke bachay rull jate hai blah blah blah…
You do not guess you are an optimist, you are an optimist and as i told you earlier, i appreciate you having this conversation with me in this thread. This is between me and you. Essentially you were answering the doubts and questions i had in my mind and i think you are a teacher so you are of the noble profession and it is good to pass on opinions wisdom and knoweldge to other people. Now if stoppit over there thinks i am thickheaded and will not get what you are saying then that is her/his problem. Stoppit can be such a good example of a passimist:hmmm:
Re: Jealousy In Girls
i didn't call you anything. i merely stated that sahar should put her energy into something else.
islamically a woman is not required to do any household duties for her husband either. so tell me then, what is her purpose?
hahaha! yup, with due respect to aisha, i think there is no harm in a woman working, i myself work. but yeah in a way she is rite, essentially or islamically, we were not born to work, i guess we were born to nurture relationships, which is sad but true so we cant deny that either :)
And who said working and nurturing are mutually exclusive?
Oh yes, i forgot to mention that it is proven that women who work do not take care of their kids that well as those women who dont and kuch ke bachay rull jate hai blah blah blah...
By whom? In what circumstances?