Re: Jealousy In Girls
I don't know. Giving others respect is something that is about upbringing and maturity. But I also feel that when feel scared, uncertain, or insecure, then our bad qualities come out. So if MIL or DIL is feeling disrespected, neglected, etc, she may take it out on the other, even if that's not who is causing the concern.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Yeah that is right but see if you do not respect her and she does not respect you she will never treat you right and there will always be badgumaniya in their hearts for one another.. So you mean to say that those people who are not brought up right and are not mature enough have a tougher time then those who are ?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
^ I think so. Some people are quick learners, so it wouldn't be an issue. But for others, it's more difficult to change their ways.
Since the shared person is the husband/son, I feel he really has a lot to do with the reasons behind the tension and developing a good understanding. If he's too afraid to speak up and point out what's wrong to either woman, he's just making it worse.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
But dont you think its psychological?? i have even seen this in my own family that someone tells her son that now u are oging to get married and bahu is comign you will forget ur mom and stuff???
MILs drill stuff into their sons heads which make them be quite when this kind of situation comes?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Yup. And they need to understand that the husband should not have to choose between the two. As long as he remains attentive to his mom while explaining to her that this new person in his life is important, hopefully things will be fine.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
And do not you find it funny that in some cases of arranged marriages it is the MIL which basically brings in the DIL and later on she is the same one which badmouths about her DIL all the time and picks on her and talks about her to her son and complains that she is not good and all that, then why did you bring her in the first place if you wanted to do all this?
And why is it that MIL likes to talk about her DIL to her friends? Usually it is all negativity which comes from her!
And do not you find it funny that in some cases of arranged marriages it is the MIL which basically brings in the DIL and later on she is the same one which badmouths about her DIL all the time and picks on her and talks about her to her son and complains that she is not good and all that, then why did you bring her in the first place if you wanted to do all this?
And why is it that MIL likes to talk about her DIL to her friends? Usually it is all negativity which comes from her!
this is a very common problem in our society...reminds me of the Salem Witch Trial .......turned out it was just girls jealous of each other throwing accusations of a someone being a witch....etc.... of course other reasons include lack of education,boredom,and Ergo...(contaminated rye)
And do not you find it funny that in some cases of arranged marriages it is the MIL which basically brings in the DIL and later on she is the same one which badmouths about her DIL all the time and picks on her and talks about her to her son and complains that she is not good and all that, then why did you bring her in the first place if you wanted to do all this?
And why is it that MIL likes to talk about her DIL to her friends? Usually it is all negativity which comes from her!
Yup, and the thing is some people will continue pushing and taking advantage of others as long as you let them. So don't let them. You don't have to be rude, but it is important to be firm. You don't gain anything by being a doormat.
this is a very common problem in our society...reminds me of the Salem Witch Trial .......turned out it was just girls jealous of each other throwing accusations of a someone being a witch....etc.... of course other reasons include lack of education,boredom,and Ergo...(contaminated rye)
Yes i know i have seen it alot, even with my own mom and grandmom. even though i was young i still remember what used to happen in my house so that is why i am extra curious when it comes to these kinds of topics. my grandmom did not at all respect my mom or anything of that sort even though my mom was my grandmom's brother's daughter.
Really? i had no idea salem witch trials were about this!
Yup, and the thing is some people will continue pushing and taking advantage of others as long as you let them. So don't let them. You don't have to be rude, but it is important to be firm. You don't gain anything by being a doormat.
Sahar you are right but in our desi society with desi mentality of MILs being firm is also considered rude, they think the bahu is very chalaak and zubaan chalane wali jadugarni who has done something to their sons and now they are blind and deaf to anyone but their wifeys
Re: Jealousy In Girls
They're complaining about her anyway, right? So let them call her chalaak. At least they'll leave her in peace.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
But dont you think calling her chalak is hurting her i dont know self image or something? And by calling her chalak jaadugarni doesnt this provoke her to badmouth her MIL and that is how fights and arguments start? The wife will tell his husband that his mother is a bad person and the MIL will tell her son that do not listen to what she is saying, woh tumhare kaan bhar rahi hai mere khilaf?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
two words..."Dark Ages" :)
jahalat is very dangerous..for the society..for the development of human mind....women of our subcontinent are deprived of education, respect, love.....they take it out on each other!!
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Yeah i know about that but what is the reason behind all this, what goes through their minds when they are doing it, were they not DILs themselves once?
But chanda see i am not talking about women who are deprived of education love and respect..
Here in dubai i have seen many MILs too that are well educated, they are principals of schools colleges etc but yet they treat their DILs like crap.
Like yesterday some people came to my house and obviously the friend brought her MIL too and we were talking about something and my friend was telling me something when her MIL started badmouthing her in front me!! whatever she said, MIL would say the total opposite and even told me to not listen to her bahu as she does not know anything!
Re: Jealousy In Girls
amma tells me..."beta who is more dangerous than a jahil?......
a parha likha jahil!! LOL!
Re: Jealousy In Girls
LOL even my mumsy tells me that all the time and also forbids me from ever becoming one, so in essence those MILs who do this are parhi likhi jahils? I still can not believe some of the things they do for power and position in the family. These days everyday i get a lecture on life and relationships from my mumsy that is why i have all these questions in my mind.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
yeah....if having a degree in physics could rid someone of jahalat ka parda...then life would have much simpler...unfortunately some people are naturally jahil....yes i do believe in that.....
havent you come across these self-proclaimed 'alims'/scholars...who have the most unbelievably thickest brains....
yes jahalat is very much prevalent.....and is the cause of many..many problems...in every society....
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Hey wait, how can a degree in physics help remove the jahalat ka parda?:)
I think what MILs should have is a bit more knowledge, i do not mean studies and degress, knowledge of their surroundings and environment and abit of religion as well.
This will help them adapt to the time changes and adjust with their new DIL much better and they will not be such jaahils.
Yes i have, have seen one or two on telly as well. They fail to listen to anyone else and just force their reasons and opinions on others. If jahalat is the cause of many many problems in our society what should be done?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
thats what i meant aisha.....degrees dont erase jahlat...
insight,empathy,consideration,care.....are not taught in school.....
solution to problem...hmmmm ...free thinking,relating to children as they change and become adults....LET them become adults...spend time with them..without thinking about how they will pay you back.....raising children..is Allah's hukam...you shouldnt expect a payback from THEM...Allah's reward is greater....
thats what my mother says....'I raise my children kyunke khuda ka hukam hai..aur uski amanat hain ye.....they are not my property....jab chahey Allah can take them away...so why be so selfish when they start their lives...why sabotage their relationship with the woman they will be spending their lives with..after us''---mommy!
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Your post reminds me of a classical parents sentence, "humen tumhare lye itna kuch kya tumne hamarae lye kya kiya?" or "we did soo much for you over the years and this is how you repay us? by betraying our trust etc"
But dont you think sometimes it is valid for parents to think like this?
And Allah did say that heaven is underneath mother's feet (jannat maa ke kadmo ke neechay hai) so parents have rights over their kids as well? and like there is a popular saying adn observations no matter how much kids grow and become old for their parents they will always be kids.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
the reason mothers have that muaquam is due to her selfless nature..we love her,we spoil her,we take care of her,...of course...such mothers are the crown of glory of the womankind!!
i dont think our discussions have been directed to such mothers..because it is highly unlikely they show up in the "most discussed MIL" catagory...
Mothers need us..but they also need a life of their own...they like to wake up at a certain time..take naps...eat certain types of foods..go out at different times the of days...hang out with a crowd of their own..you know....
when we start our families..we are in a position where our spouses and children need us..just like we needed our parents.....
parents ki khidmat apni jaga hai.....i am all for that...but again...i know my mother will be the sweetest MIL to my bhabhis...!! and they will have no problem pitching in to help out....but I would expect my BROTHERS to do more....its natural...dad doesnt care...he is just happy to be among the family....I do think...people who are happy and content dont feel like making someone's life hell.....its the inner self that drives us to express nakhushi for someone's khushi...