Re: Jealousy In Girls
No that is not right because see the wife does not have a special place in the guy's heart even if it is a love marriage, for the sons it is almost always the mom who has a special place in the son's heart, you have to work for the position and even if you become the most absolute best and nicest wifey ever for your hubby still you can never take the place of the mother in his heart.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
^
I don't admit...Sure, mother has a special place in heart, but my wife is my wife, mera "jeewan saathi", jiske saath zindagi guzarni hai...usko special place naheen deni, phir kisko deni hai?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
AID -- That's her point. It's not about taking each other's place. THEY ARE DIFFERENT AND HAVE DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE HUSBAND. Jealousy arises when they feel insecure in their relationships with the guy. If he's not man enough to keep them secure, then he can expect to deal with a lifetime of tension.
What a bunch of messed up oedipal crap.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Numb what i meant was just right after getting married obviously as the years go by you will get more closer and even i know that mian biwi ek dosre ke dukh ke saath hote hain and all that and each other should have a special place in each other's hearts etc etc
Sahar so why does the DIL feel insecure then?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
If the PILs pick on her and the hubby never speaks up, never supports her or her rights, never gives her the sense of dignity and respect that she deserves, then yeah, she's going to feel insecure.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Sahar tell me something, what is the root cause of fights and arguments between DILs and MILs? If the girl acts like the husband is her domain and property and does not act nicely towards the PILs isnt it then the PILs pick on her?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
^ Well, why bother asking the question if you're just going to assume the root cause.
I would trust people older enough to be inlaws to act more mature than 8 year olds. Everyone keeps saying, would the DIL treat her own mother that way? Well, would the MIL treat her own child that way? If a child misbehaves, do you trash them and abuse them? Is that acceptable behavior? If elders want to be treated with respect and honor, then they need to behave with wisdom and perspective.
Act like a spoilt child, and that's how you'll be treated, regardless of age.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
I am not assuming the root cause just stating it from observation reading and personal experiances and besides that is why i asked you a question and did not force my opinion on you
Yes i agree that the DIL will never treat her MIL just like she treats her mother because, a daughter and mother have a more deeper bond then any MIL will ever have with her DIL.
But a question isnt it suppose to be from both sides? Compromises, the PILs should understand that now they have got a DIL and the DIL should understand that it is indeed the parents of my hubby and they deserve some respect at least?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
^ seriously? is that all you have ever encountered? in most cases i have seen it is because the MIL demands the DIL to be at home all the time to cook and clean, wait on guests etc. they think that the only point of the marriage is for this and to produce babies.
spending time alone, pah! what do you need that for?!
to be honest, most of the husbands in these cases are sick of their mothers behaviour too. they just don't know what to do. islam demands that they look after their parents - even though it places zero onus on wives to do anything for them.. but he can hardly say that to them without looking like he doesn't care about them too. they are just stuck in the middle.
but thankfully in a lot of the marriages going on around me recently, the guy's mother's are absolute diamonds.
But a question isnt it suppose to be from both sides? Compromises, the PILs should understand that now they have got a DIL and the DIL should understand that it is indeed the parents of my hubby and they deserve some respect at least?
Of course. Who said otherwise?
^ Well, why bother asking the question if you're just going to assume the root cause.
I would trust people older enough to be inlaws to act more mature than 8 year olds. Everyone keeps saying, would the DIL treat her own mother that way? Well, would the MIL treat her own child that way? If a child misbehaves, do you trash them and abuse them? Is that acceptable behavior? If elders want to be treated with respect and honor, then they need to behave with wisdom and perspective.
Act like a spoilt child, and that's how you'll be treated, regardless of age.
well said sahar. my mother has a lot of respect for my late dadi and dada. she often tells us that if they didn't like something any of the 'kids' were doing, they would handle it in the most understanding and caring way. a way in which the person being told would not feel bad and would want to change that thing to please them. then it was never mentioned again.
it makes me go crazy inside when i hear MILs bad mouthing their DILs to other people. keep that stuff at home! and really insignificant things, like 'she woke up late' - oh, the horror. if your own kid woke up late, would you make it headline news?
Re: Jealousy In Girls
^ Seriously, I can’t believe all the stuff MILs and FILs do. Mine are wonderful and very caring of me, my husband, and larger family. Even when I’m naughty. :halo:
They explain things to me and correct me while still being respectful to me, and I listen because I know that they care. We are family.
I guess becoz we girls are more emotional.
Any way I feel that the "Who will sit on front seat" thread was not about jelousy, it was about control.THe MIL has control issues and the girls in our society lack the courage to stand up for themselves. This behaviour is suger coated as values and traditions. She is afraid to say anything bcoz her husband doesnt support her. She is the one who has to compramise for the sake of marriage coz a girl is nothing without her husband in our society.
Of course. Who said otherwise?
i had some notions plus i did read it somewhere here but cant recall it.
but the bottom line is that niether of them are perfect angels..
Re: Jealousy In Girls
^ Who is the "them" you're referring to? It depends on each specific situation. Sometimes it's both, sometimes the DIL is being unreasonable, sometimes the MIL. But it is unfair to assume that each issue is the same.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Yes i can understand that each situation is not the same and that both DIL and MIL could be at wrong sometimes and sometimes only one of them.
Have you encountered a situation where both are wrong? The MIL became angry for some reason and the DIL reacted in a way she did not need to?
I meant DIL and MIL ofcourse
Re: Jealousy In Girls
^ Yup.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
so what was the situation?? how did it get resolved? if both of them are thick headed and both of them are very egoistic? how does it get solved/
Re: Jealousy In Girls
With them, both of them really did want to be like family, so with time and talking they got back to normal. I don't know the kind of MIL-DIL pairs that are more extreme situations.
Re: Jealousy In Girls
Well that is good, can i ask something what makes both of them give respect to one another? i mean izzat is necessary in any relationship right?