Islam and marital rape...

Society Religion & Philosophy
101

Re: Islam and marital rape...

umm... no i am pretty sure same rules apply to rape when its done by a spouse or by non-spouse! you are not supposed to rape someone period!

PS! US resident are you suggesting that when a woman is raped by her husband its okay b/c she has "given him rights to sexual intercourse"?

Just from a legal perspective - when a woman says no wifey or not! it means no! and to think otherwise would really just omce back to bite u in the ass! b/c if she were ever to decide to bring it up with anyone - even friends lets say - it could get the guy in lots lots of trouble! Its not a small crime, you are going to jail for a long time, and believe me thats realy the hard way to learn what its like to be on the recieving end of it!

There are a ton of women rights organizations out there making sure that woman are comfortable enough to talk about these issues and pursue criminal actions against the guy. so i am just saying be very careful with that distinction - wife or not - rape is rape!

102

Re: Islam and marital rape...

oh and deedawar - the idea of 'raping' a spouse is a crime!
Because unfortunately some men do force themselves on their wives - i.e. the wife says no, and htey still force themselves on them. So because some men do rape thier wives - laws are made to protect the woman! and thus wife or not if a woman says no - you better respect it!

its not just a crime in the US! its also a crime by international standards!

so absurd or not its still a crime!

103

Re: Islam and marital rape...

I am not sure if I agree with that...As people who are steadfast in their prayers are also capable of imposing terror...men as well as women.

waiting
104

Re: Islam and marital rape...


Dear aly-sam, you are assuming that by Salaat I mean "prayer"... Please take my statement for its worth. I merely translated "to follow closely" back to Arabic.

Last person to answer this post wins!!!!
105

Re: Islam and marital rape...

^^ Absolutely agree with you....an excuse that may be used is..."I pray/fast/read Quran so I am in the right - to terrorise or whatever.... esp to terrorise those who do no think like me"
Hope that makes sense.

106

Re: Islam and marital rape...

A newly wed in an arranged marriage seems just a far fetched imagination of yours.

If a girl is married in puberty age as newly married as you wrote, in any
culture or religious society............. she would expect and be willing to have sexual act with the man she marries. No force is needed and thanks for painting the opposite picture.

Please answer this question honestly,

Have you ever heard or seen or expected that a female and a male legitimately marry and they slept turning their heads away from each other thinking that they are strangers and its OK to wait till they 'know' each other. The reason I emphasize on the word 'Know' is beacasue I know that even after dating or living with someone one cannot ever be sure that he or she knows other person. Just trust me.

I know that even after living together for years without marriage and finally marrying for few months couples get divorce and woman cries in the end.

107

Re: Islam and marital rape...

You said I agree in the beginning and had some disagreements in the post.

'Sex by force' and 'rape' in my opinion are two different scenarios.

One is having sex by force who you are actually allowed to have sex and other is having forceful sex with someone you are not even allowed to have sex.

Its the difference in these two situations which must be communicated clearly that makes me differentiate. A man has the right to have sex with his wife and a woman has full right to have sex with the man she married.

Please think hard and find the delicate difference between these two scenarios which current day laws seem oblivious of.

When you find the difference then you will not need my further explaination.

I do not think thst forcing a spouse to have sex automatically means a ground for divorce. A discussion and counseling is required in this situation.

Its brutal to even think of divorce so lightly.

Now, I really and sincerely need more info regarding your biases so I can OPEN my eyes.:)

108

Re: Islam and marital rape...

Sex without her will, even if htey are married is a RAPE and eventually it is a crime. In USA immigrant bring their culture here and stay the way they been back home all there life and goal they have is to make money and treat woman as a property.She is not his property. Many time in many places in USA women burned in their apartment by husband and community dont' like to support womenmost of hte time as it is nto their daughter thinking who cares, as long as she is not my sister or daughter or mother. in onecase in Chicago, one Pakistani taxi driver threw rockel on taxi where his wife ws sitting and burned her brutally and he been jailed. Point is no matter what Kuran says most mazority Paksitani dont' think women are human being just like them. And if forceful sex is not stop in society,which is without her will, even she is married to that man, he should get punished for that.

109

Re: Islam and marital rape...

1- Sex without will is clearly is not and should not be an honor for any person weather that be a man or woman.

  1. Do not forget that a forceful sex can be commited by a woman against a boy or a man depends on who is the weaker.

3- Please give credible evidence against Pakistsni man for the alleged incidence you wrote. At any rate, an isolated event does not and must not represent the whole nation or country's culture.

4- Muslims respect their wives and love to raise their children.

5-Men and women are encouraged to live in harmony in muslim culture.

6-According to your biased views, this means that the south koreans are the worst people on earth since someone from that place killed people in virgina Tech Center in USA.

7- A woman has and must have equal right to her emotions and bodily feeling as any man.

This does not mean that a woman has full authority to blackmail a man claiming anytime she wishes to.......... drag a man into rape case.

Bottom line:

A married man has equal rights to have sex (lovemaking as some people want to hear)with his wife as a married woman with her husband.

Did you get this point clear??????????????

110

Re: Islam and marital rape...

You exaggerate with your example, but yes I know of people who did not have sex on their first night. For many reasons. The whole, "Well I've never had a conversation with you before" to "Its 3 a.m. in the morning, and we're both tired". Would they sleep with their faces turned away from each other? I don't know what I said to make you think such a thing.

You guys have to understand one basic thing though. And its not much discussed, because of propriety reasons. However, the fact is that a LOT of women (I would go so far as to say a majority, but I don't have stats in my pocket, nor do I know of any official studies done), do not experience orgasm as early as men do. So during the act of sex, a male will get his satisfaction, but a female will be left frustrated. To add to that, women tend to get UTI's more frequently from sex, so the whole movie scene you see of the couple cuddling after sex isn't true for anyone. I was just recently talking to a girl who claims she has to go to the bathroom to wash herself immediately after the act is over, because she got 7 UTI's during her first year of marriage.

If a guy doesn't know what he's doing, and doesn't understand the importance of foreplay to get that orgasm achieved in the female, then its only understandable that many women don't look forward to the actual act of sex (the intimacy, yes, but not necessarily the actual act).

That being said, its not entirely impossible for some men to get frustrated in these situations, and take out their anger problems on their wife thru a forced sexual act. Makes them feel better that they got their wife to do something against their desire, makes them feel more powerful. It happens.

You can't conceive of it, probably, because you'd never do something like that. And that's wonderful. But sexual matters aren't easy. Loads of couples go to doctors, and therapists, and psychologists because of problems in their sex life, and unpleasurable sexual encounters with a spouse are cases seen frequently.

111

Re: Islam and marital rape...

Whoa... Long thread... But Im pretty relieved after reading this. It seems the genreal opinion that there is a brand of rape in marriage, which is right.

Around a month ago I read on Islam-QA (this website where people ask some religous dudes some questionns and they answer). There were many questions on this topic like what if man calls his wife to bed and she doesnt come what should he do and can you believe the answer? It said, if the wife resfuses to come, the angels will curse her all night and her prayers wont be accepted and what not. Im big on LIBERTY and personal freedom so that didnt sit well with me and I was thinking, is this how desi families think and work?? Fortunately, it seems thats not what the common opinion is. :D phew

112

Re: Islam and marital rape...

There's no evidence to suggest that she'd be punished that way.

113

Re: Islam and marital rape...

I think accomodating or respecting the wishes of your partner is one thing and forcing is another.

Everyone should be given a space.

114

Re: Islam and marital rape...

[QUOTE]

I was just recently talking to a girl who claims she has to go to the bathroom to wash herself immediately after the act is over, because she got 7 UTI's during her first year of marriage

[/QUOTE]

Washing won't help. She needs to take prophylaxis specially if she gets pregnant, she shud take prophylaxis after intimacy.

115

Re: Islam and marital rape...

What prophylaxis, antibiotics?

116

Re: Islam and marital rape...

Yes

117

Re: Islam and marital rape...

  1. Your opinion on sex by force and rape are just your opinion. The fact remains that rape is sex by force, regardless of the marital bed.

  2. There is no difference, no need to differentiate. Do you think that Allah thinks that raping your wife is a lesser crime than raping a stranger? I think not. Oppression is worse than death, and rape is the worst form of opression. I have yet to see in the Quran where Allah states that the Islamic ability to have sex (i.e. marriage), gives anyone the right to rape their spouse. The right to have sex does not mean the right to rape, it means the Islamic right to do it under Islamic ruling. What you are saying is that as long as I (as a woman), am unmarried, I have control over my body and over who can touch me. When I marry however, I have no right over what is done with my body. I am in essence, a piece of meat.

What you fail to realize is that marital rape is more damaging to a woman's psyche than stranger rape. Your spouse is supposed to be the one you can trust above all others. Once that trust is shattered, it is forever damaging.

Your opinion is just your opinion. The fact that you attempt to call marital rape by any other name means that you degrade the gravity of the crime. The fact that you think that "divorce," for being raped in the marital bed is an outlandish or harsh concept means that you again, degrade the gravity of the crime.

Society's perception of the gravity of the crime is reflected in the punishment for that crime. Lesser punishment, lesser crime. Because you do not think of punishment for marital rape, or even have the decency to call it rape, means that you demean the victim and the crime itself.

I understand perfectly well where you are coming from. It's misogyny at it's worst.

I wonder what my biases are. Taking rape seriously? What a horrid bias.

118

Re: Islam and marital rape...

Islam already has. There is no room for force in a married or sexual relationship. Islam clearly says to treat your women with kindness, compassion and with respect.

119

Re: Islam and marital rape...

I stand by my opinion that sex by force in marriage is different than rape.

For those who are not using something which lies inside their skull......here is the explaination.......................

When is the last time you heard a person arrested and sent to jail if this person spanks his/her child?

Another person who got involved in beating a chile not his own could be jailed however.

.........Same or similar act but different scenario.....hence different punishment.

Please read again if not fully understood.

And for those who said its my personal opinion, I am very thankful to them for giving me the credit.:)

Please remember, I said Spouse and not husband or wife in my posts.

120

Re: Islam and marital rape...

*A marriage is a sacred relationship where a couple trust each other with their life and wealth.

Its sad if someone destroy that trust.With or withiut an Islamic governemnt there is always a way out avialable for a person who go through suh ordeal in the form of divorce.

Even in an Islamic governemnt a victim has to ask a court or police for help but in most cases people just give up on their God given right and lay their self on the mercy of some one who is not so good to them.

*