Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Society Religion & Philosophy
101

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Nice post Dedawar

Well, girlfriend and boyfriend is a term introduced in western societies to justify the "adjustments" necessary to be made in order for them to function properly. The reality behind this is what most of our youngsters are unable to grasp. They often are captured by the charisma apparant in these things.
We have to look a little better in this whole issue.

The relation between a man and a women has been destroyed in the western world. There are many reasons behind that. Women have been forced out of their homes and lured into unjustified labor in the name of freedom and "equality" of women. The thought process of women has been changed so as to make them in competition with men on the same criteria that makes men different from women. Their family laws, their family structure and dynamics have been influenced and completely modofoed by the secular and industrialized thinking.

The differential and unique role a man and woman play as a married unit in society has been confused and then replaced with the concept of "exact equality" in term of criteria other than what is natural.

Men are scared to go into a relation of marriage because of many reasons (I can elaborate on that)

Men have been cleverly "using" women for their sexual gratification in this manner. Girlfriend and boyfriend in their real meanings (what they are regarded as) someone whom you can substitute for a spouse. In doing so, what you don't accept is the differential roles of each gender and the responsibilities God has given to a man and a woman. This is because man made laws have been in place instead of Divine Law

Another perspective is that breaking the family structure can tremendously boast the labor force for those "top minds" who are taking control of the whole world. The west has been ruined and now they are upto destroying the Islamic Family system.

What we see extreemly attractive to us as having boyfriend or girlfriend, doesn't matter how we justify our positions in this relationship is just one aspect of the bigger picture of globalization and industrialization of the world. And also, realistically, if we take girlfriend/boyfriend in western sense (having a substitute for the spouse) or align it with Islamic perspective (by saying that it is okay to have a male/female friend and call it a boy/girlfriend, without any physical relation) and present it as Islamic or whatever, both are wrong.

Islam has beautified the relation between a man and women and our youngsters are unable to see and feel the nature of love, the tranquality and contentment of "love" between a husband and a wife which Allah puts in their hearts. Thats why they are lured into these traps and destroy themselves and assimilate into Western Culture gradually over times as "generations"..... we have forgotten the meaning and message of Quran which is "Sabar" and "perseverence" in this aspect.... and get married as soon as possible. We do not want to pay head to what Allah says to us explicitly in Quran that it is Me who gives you Rizk, don't worry about it but we ignore this message and reply on the materialistic criteria for settlement, setting up worldly goals and objective and delay marriages to be able to control the "Rizk" (to some extent it is okay)

I am sorry, I cannot support the idea of girlfriend and boyfriend and justify it is Islamic perspective in any way.... I trust in Allah that whomsoever I'll marry, Allah will give me all the satisfaction, contenetment and tranquality of following His command.

102

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

I have not read the whole thread but it remind me of my time I lived in East Asia. In most of the East Asian MUSLIM countries it is a norm to have a girlfriend boyfriend as soon as you turn 13. It is certainly a hight of hypocrisy that most women wear hijab but also have a boyfriend. When I was in highschool, my sister and I were asked numerous times why we don't have a boyfreind. This is ugly side of it as we we MUSLIM are not allowed to have gf and bf.
Now the good side of this I have learned that there is no oppression in those countries when it comes to girl and boy relationship. And due to this reason there is no hidden dating like we have in Pakistan. They don't have girls getting pregnant or girls going wild like we have in Pakistan. I don't know, to me it was extremely odd to see whole nation accepting the dating system. But then I saw the advantage of it that children don't run away from home or go completely dumb after each other. Parents are aware of who their children are going out with and are in control and kids usually have long term relationship which end up in a marriage, then I don't see anything wrong in that.

103

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

jal pari_ not everyone ends up with mariage, some boys misuse girls, some boys say, We will have a relationship with that girl, but we will NEVER marry her, but some are really serious with the relationship, and have plans for marrying ..

104

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

u r ritee...not all relationships end up in marriage but at least it is their own decision and doings. I don't agree with when two are willing to go out and when they really like each other then why just parents butt in and ruin kid's lives. Due to this factor mostly girls suffer and there is bitterness between children and parents all their lives.

105

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

yeah that is true, i mean if a girl has found a good person for herself, everthing is ok, the guy, the family everything is good, then why do most parents still say no .. ? But some ppl see a relationship as a toy , one broken, another, second broken, third and so on ..

106

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Just agree already... Friendship (or companionship if you want to be Islamic about it) should be allowed. If feelings develop between male-femake friends, they should seek to get married. Male-Female friendship between married people is ok if the spouses of the friends dont mind. If feelings develop in such a relationship, the people have to fight against that desire as they would fight against any other desire to do evil.

You get to have fun and dont break any rules if you use your head, AND, you dont have any fun and dont break any rules if you dont use your head. :D

No need to ban RH. Lets all get along. :D

Peshwaaz/Anarkali Dresses
107

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

I understand where are you coming from and what you are trying to convery but you not being able to answer them why we Muslims do not have bf/gf is not an excuse to say its ugly side of it we Muslims are not allowed to have bf/gf.....
Too bad. Does that mean if others are doing wrong, we have to do wrong to feel comfortable among them...

Besides, I understand the peer pressure on the youngsters attending the schools here. I am 29 and I also get bombed by others why I don't have a girlfriend. I am a professional now at such an advanced stage in my career. Moreover, I was not here while young and such questions are way awkward for me but I don't feel shy in projecting what Islam says..... I have no issues with Islam.....

108

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

I like reading your posts, sincerely.

109

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

When people ask "What does Islam say" , they usually mean how have the traditional scholars from about a thousand years ago interpreted Quran and Sunnah on this matter.
The more interesting question is how valid are the interpretation of these scholars a thousand years later.

110

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

yes it does. You did make sense on many points.

Your discussion was mainly giving the message that purity of relation can happen and hence it is Ok to have 'platonic' relation. Your point if I got it correct is that bad things do not happen as commonly so its Ok to have these kind of relations.

I say intimate relation or 'intention' to have intimate relation is more common than platonic relation.

Even if on the surface we see two compatible opposite sex persons engaged in platonic relation................expectation for intimacy is there most likely from male side. But female partner also has hidden intent that someday 'he' will either propose or advance this relation!

One thing I must add.... unfortunately the loser of these relations, most commonly......... is the female partner!

111

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Thank you very much sir.:)

112

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

I am sorry but your analogy can be applied to ANY religion not just to islam.

When a question is asked what does Islam say it implies .........
what is the teaching of Islam as Evidenced by:

1- Quran and its translation. (Tafseers or explainations in many major aspects are same)
2-Life and Sayings of the Prophet PBUH ( Sunnah and Hadeeth) *repeated *in many authentic books.
3- Examples of muslim societies as close to the Prophet's PBUH time as possible.

113

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Thank you and................ again................. thanks for bringing many good points to light.

114

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

I find it a bit strange that its mainly the girls who want to legitimise the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, girlz ???exercise some self control.

115

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

^^^ i totally agree with you

116

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

good luck bud.

My wife was my girl friend for 8 years before we got married. was it a sin that she was my girl friend? I think not. because the intentions were clear from day one, sure there were temptations on the way before getting married but if a normal person like myself (who doesnot really follows the religion) can follow the moral code of conduct, I don’t see where is the harm.

I perfectly understand it’s not allowed by religion for the sake of not falling into sin, but hey I survived eight years. Believe you me it’s was not so hard to stay out of trouble. I guess it has a lot to do with up bringing as well not only religion.

117

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Indeed!

Yes, but ....
This is not a simple process. Someone has to study the evidence and make rulings. People who undertake this task are fallible and limited human beings and make decisions based on the knowledge available to them in their particular historical and cultural context. Scholars from a thousand years ago often disagreed among themselves and never claimed that their opinions would be valid for all times and places.

118

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

If the words Boyfriend and Girlfriend is replaced with "Friend" I can understand it in an Islamic persective (by stretching and mutilating it it in different way).

I cannot interpret the words Girlfriend and boyfriend in Islamic perspective in any way which means the one who has been substituted for a spouse for an illegitimate sexual gratification.

A man and woman can get into different discrete interactions in different situations. They can have professional relationship, they can have business relationship etc. And Islam is not againts such interactions. The problem starts where the gender differences and the feelings based on gender differences get confused in any relationship between a man and a woman.

The problem with our yougsters is that they are trying to align themselves with the non-Islamic way of life by acting in the same way as other do, because they don't have any explaination of why there are such differences. Reading all the supporters of gf/gf, I can clearly see that they are confused about the reason why there are such differences. All they know and see is what the Media instills in their mind and what they see happening around them with out any input about their own customs and religion.

I swear to God, we can live in a non-Islamic society in a completely functional way yet retaining and practicing our Islamic way of life. That is the way we can influence the societies and spread the message of Islam. Not by changing ourselves and then claiming to represent and spread Islam.

119

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

According to Islam... sex outside marriage is prohibitted..! anywayz
Gf and Bf... r they cool... as far as islam goes...

For Islam..:
yes its cool.. as long as no indecent behaviour (including sexual contact or intimacy) is involved!
Example: Prohpet muhammah and kadija

For Mulla:
No its haram... u will burn in hell ..bla bla bla..
i would say Shut the he** up! and get ur acts staright u morons!

For me:
Do whatever u think is right... if u smart enough to get enganged in such a discussion.. i am sure u r smart enough to decide ur self.. if its right or wrong..
Remember nothing is right or wrong... its the society that u r brought up in makes that call! if u wana be an outcast be an outlaw...if u wana be in the mainstream...follow the norm!

120

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Again your above analogy can be applied to ANY religion. Sorry for repeating myself but had to say it for your above paragraph as well.

Now, if your analogy is considered correct, then we should not have any organized way of learning in any matter be that religious teaching, law, science or art!

Difference of opinion does not always mean one is wrong and other is right if it involves minor acts.

We are discussing strong potential of greater sin via girlfriend-boyfriend culture. And I know of no islamic scholar who would say its OK to have bf/gf in the current day sense.

BTW: Even many western societies not too long ago were skeptical of this kind of practice.