Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Society Religion & Philosophy
81

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

No ssingh, you had been very respectful. I am sorry you had been addressed so harshly by some fool, who's being asked to leave by majority, due to his arrogance.

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

larki NY...i didn't mind what some one said..i think nobody was not arrogant, atleast to some extent. He is not able to understand the context in which you guys are talking.

Besides, this is purely your religions discussion. He shouldn't have come and i shouldn't have come.

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

^ Yaar I have already left.

I leave the decision to the mods...

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84

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Well, you were nice and and I do appreciate that.

mehri photo
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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

and i am sooo... honored by it:D

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

So boyfriend or girlfriend..yes or no. What does that involve and what are the consequences.

In my humble opinion;

Loving someone to get married is absolutely fine. But outside movies and novels there is harsh reality of life.

Romance is good and brings happiness to the heart and mind but there has never been any guarentee that romance and love prior to marriage lasts long.

It takes much more than being passionately in love prior to marriage, to sail the boat of life!

After marriage, love and romance are essential and promoted/encouraged by Islam. Accepting and respecting someone as wife or husband after marriage is a good deed.

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Its alright if you appreciate my appreciation or laugh about it.

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

dear deedawar,

first off, women and men can be good friends just as well as male-male friend and female-female friend.

granted, either one of the given male-female friend may not get drawn towards the opposite sex friend either alone or mutually.
Islam prides itself in consultation of the friends, in a matter in which someone trusted can be asked for advice.

when as young boys and girls, we can play at the play ground, go to school together, why not as adults?

again, the issue is the intention of the opposite friends regarding the nature of their mutual friendship.

experience, unfortunately, has shown that developing feelings of wanting and worse , desiring each other, does happen and can happen, if the two spend a lot of time together and really like each other, beyond friendship of the usual type.

on the other hand, life long friendships may also develop and those are classic platonic - fall back, in case the spouse turns out to be bad or dies early.

as long as there is ethics in the relationship, there should be no problematic affair - guilt, indecision about the nature of the friendship, and even a thought crossing the mind to have some scandalous affair.
then, it is not trust worthy friendship and consensual relationship automatically takes pure friendship to the level of something else.

best advice. make friends and keep engagements transparent to ur own self, if ur own heart is clean, no one can blame u for any illegitimate actions in terms of starting and being in an indecent affair. some things are just reasoned well and others look shady. it ideally should do more with personal accountability than religious and / or social /cultural taboos.

we are all not perfect and being Muslims does not earn us the saint or nun hood.
best thing is to keep our own hearts and minds clear and relay this as is to the other party as well.

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

you are more then welcome to stay...because you havent been disrespectful.
i dont know if you have read raja hindustani's other posts. i'm sure you will find them disrespectful as well.

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Deedawar, YOU JUST SAID IT ALL. You took words out of my mouth, can’t agree more with you :slight_smile: well said! :k: :clap:

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Well said Dush :clap:

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

thanks.....and i have not read his other posts. But go ahead...I am a proud hindu. This is purely yours.

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

On your post I do not know where to begin and where to end since you brought SO MANY issues.

OK : one by one.
I will break your post by sentences so hopefully I am not causing break into your thoughts. Let me know if I commit that 'sin' by mistake.

The topic is of boyfriend and girlfriend. Not friends per se. Can you imagine friendship between man and woman of right age to be purely non-sexual?
Sure it happens in books and novels but at what percentage we really do see it in real life?

Yes they may not. But what are the 'chances of it? Have you seen a man being a friend to UGLY, bad smelly woman having a long lasting friendship or vice versa?

Even friendship requires some 'pre-requisites'...
(Please read this again)

Sure. women asked many private questions from Sahaabas (RAA). That does not mean that they were being 'friendly'.

Please be clear that Islam makes a clear distinction between innocent youngsters and ADULTS.....
And hope you have the knowledge enough to distinguish that too.

Nope. Sorry sir. NO ONE can get to the bottom of the true intention of the so called friendship. otherwise we would not have witnessed so many 'broken hearts' and 'date rapes'.
Vast majority of private relation/ interactions men and women lead to........................prohibited acts.

Ha! Aren't you now agreeing with my take on the issue here?
So why are we in argument at all?

You meant sex actually would not happen if spouse dies but platonic love would last longer?

If that is YOUR definition of platonic love then nothing wrong with that.

Continue to love spouse after his/her death is alright.

If spose turns out to be bad then continue to love spouse is admirable but if someone wants to be divorced then its fine by Islam. (one must define 'bad' however)

Your whole paragraph is based on 'ethcs'. Define ethics and SOURCE of eithics.

Why did you say no one can blame you for any illegitimate actions?
If its illegitimate then its illegitimate,.........and everyone should blame the act which started it.

Personal accountability?

OK if a murderer says in the court of law ' leave me alone since I want to deal with my own personal accountability and want to live rest of my life with shame.........should court set that person free?

The point is that whenever majority of people can get hurt physically or emotionally, the act is forbidden by Islam.

Who said men and women are perfect or muslims in general are perfect?

We are talking about the ideology of islam and what it says about having girlfriend or boyfriend. there are millions who are breaking islamic rule including muslims...but the discusion is about whqt Islam says about particular issue.

Unfortunately one cannot completely rely on 'clear mind' of the opposite party at all and even one's own 'clear mind' may not last long!!

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Thanks a bunch Larki-NY.:slight_smile:

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Reminder:

Platonic relation between man and woman.................of appropriate age...possible or not?

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend...by Islam.........possible or not?

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

so do u advocate the idea of gf/bf?

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

:bummer:
sadly it is haram if used for pleasure and self gain
however if GOD puts love in your heart or feelings
for some 1 special coz only he can provide with the one
of his choosing for you and you plan to marry that someone
I suggest go for it ask her hand in marriage so that less time
is spent in foolish day dreaming and GOD rewards those who
truly wish for that. I am trying and hoping that the one I love
and the one who loves me she knows she does will be joined
together for ever soon. She is a gift of GOD from heaven :frowning:

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Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

I cant believe you guys are STILL discussing it :cb:

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How to avoid people avoiding you?
99

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Islam is a religion of peace and love - not love making in the literal sense.

being hit by adulthood, does not mean, u let loose ur control over ur self-respect.

i do agree that things change, ppl sin and ppl revisit their past mistakes in confused states of guilt and longing.

but those people are few as well. pls note, i am not condoning having a male or female escort - a friend-cum-spouse

but,

simply this: a good mutual friendship that is defined by ethical rules of limits of involvement with the civil and private matters of a fellow citizen - who happen to be from opposite gender.

in work, in academia, in ur neighbourhood, a friend from across the continents, a dearly respected advisor, all have the benefit of doubt as potential mate.

but, how many times, such odd and unnatural relationship develops? a good person - a chaste person - will not even think about such a possibility.

the very basis of the relationship in these cases in solely found by give and take of respect.

our biological differences, our shame, our sense of control and pride, even our desires are nothing in front of a "good, pure and honest" friendship.

for clarity's sake, i define platonic friendship between members of opposite gender as a mutual accord of trust and honesty.
that is all that it should have. ugly or no ugly - even a stranger will make u feel go away and not interact with her/him if they are unhygienic. how can we have a friend who is unhygienic?

safaee nisf iman hey!

and the murderer instance - my philosophy and logic teacher always said - u need one right to make all wrongs, WRONG. to prove someone wrong, we need evidence.

Islam also condemns - bigotry and slander and labile.
no wonder, so many muslims are always gossiping and back biting and creating stories that are a direct harm, and a much greater harm to someone's reputation and personal position as a well-respected young or old single person - only because in her circle of influence there happen to be men her - young or old. is it not rotten?
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it is well taken that society needs clearly established rules to govern private and civil dealings of its citizens to make sure there is no wrong doing.

but when the whole balance is lop-sided with other aspects of male-female relations even within marriages, there is no better way, than for each one of us to guard our own backs. - i think so.

and if u sense that ur dost is being on to something else - clarify or if ur convictions make u stay away - then do so, without any qualms.

i would rather marry a dost, who is on the same page with me, than marry a total stranger.

that is why Allah has given us ability to speak and speak our minds, with reason. unless u get to know someone, how can u begin a relationship - even simple friendship with them?

i hope i make sense to u, deedawar.

best,

DUSH.

How to avoid people avoiding you?
100

Re: Islam and Girlfriend or Boyfriend

May Allah unite you with your loved one and all others too, who are in love, wanting to live a life together :slight_smile: ameen.

How to avoid people avoiding you?