Is this friendship illegal

[Dubaiwali]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

I dunno why after reading this thread, it makes me want to know what you look like. hmm.

[Bobby1]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@fitoor

I think that’s why a lot of us assumed you were a man because you’re acting all devdas estyle with this married woman.

Ask yourself if you would do the same for any other patient though or is it only the fact that you’re fascinated with everything Pakistani?

Will anyone else non Pakistani that is nice also gain from your soulmate type of good friendship?

If she ends contact, you will stop contact right? You do not want to get to the point where she does the whole restraining order thing…lol. Not sure why you think being a good friend to someone is illegal.

I guess it’s just the stereotype we have of a physician being very arrogant, sophisticated, and being held in high regard. Not sure what kind of regulations and mandates doctors have to follow with the whole patient/doctor relations.

Why are people taking a nasty tone towards a kind gesture? Don’t many normally complain about how other cultures look negatively on their culture. Here we have someone who is curious about the culture and people are targeting her.

[fitoor]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Bobby1

Why are people taking a nasty tone towards a kind gesture? Don’t many normally complain about how other cultures look negatively on their culture. Here we have someone who is curious about the culture and people are targeting her.

I wasn’t being negative. What portion of this friendship is illegal as the title implies…? I was referring to that portion of it in the part you quoted, Bobby uncle.

[_RestLess]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

What if her husband finds out about you and her texting back and forth, what if he dislikes It ?

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@fitoor

I think that’s why a lot of us assumed you were a man because you’re acting all devdas estyle with this married woman.

Ask yourself if you would do the same for any other patient though or is it only the fact that you’re fascinated with everything Pakistani?

Will anyone else non Pakistani that is nice also gain from your soulmate type of good friendship?

If she ends contact, you will stop contact right? You do not want to get to the point where she does the whole restraining order thing…lol. Not sure why you think being a good friend to someone is illegal.

I guess it’s just the stereotype we have of a physician being very arrogant, sophisticated, and being held in high regard. Not sure what kind of regulations and mandates doctors have to follow with the whole patient/doctor relations.

I am just confused as to whether she sees me as a friend or a substitute person she can ask advice to. Ive not seen her child and im not a paediatrician so how can i give her the advice she wants. Neither do I have children.* Maybe* i need to show her the motherhood threads here and hope she doesnt see this thread. She likes my reassurance when she updates me on her visits to the doctor. I asked her to see me as a sister and not be formal and say “good morning doc.”

Anyone who i feel a connection for and who reciprocates will get treated same way. I do feel more of a connection with Pakistanis maybe because of the friends ive had. She reminded me of an online Pakistani friend who wore dupatta. I told her that and she said its good that i met her then. If a white woman or an Indian lady had similar connection i would treat her the same.

She said she was also as interested to make an Indian friend and had always mentioned to her dad she wanted to visit India once more than other countries. But her mum didnt want her to go far from her.I said i was the same when it comes to Pak. Her dad was in Pak airforce and had many Indian friends. He had been a few times and encouraged her.* She said she had indian neighbours who she wanted to invite for dinner. I dont know if she said all this to make me feel good but it was heart touching.

*I told her i dont know if we would get to meet again but i was happy to meet her for a few min. I finished work at 10:30 and we talked for 3 hours. I asked her if she wanted me to go as its late but she was happy to talk and she would tell her father and husband she had made a new friend. I said " this is it. I guess we wont get to meet after today. But im happy i met you." Then she gave me her number.

If i ever met a white or indian person who was as excited to make an indian friend or were ok with me helping them i would do that as well. But for them im just another brown face in a hospital with 80% desis. Ive given some indian pts advice on ielts english exams. But its the first time ive had a phone based friendship. In the beginning i just wanted to make her feel comfortable in an unfamiliar environment. I told her i had a few online pakistani friends and i get really attached. Friendship means a lot to me and l

I do have Pakistani friends but they are like me. We have to google meaning of urdu words but now i can just message her.* She helps translate words for me and is happy to help.
I live 40 min away from her and my hospital is 10 min from her house.

Ive not visited her since the 1st time. We talk on whatsapp. So no restraining order needed :). I just want her to achieve all her dreams and wishes like she wants to be a chartered accountant. I am happy for her to make new friends and i emailed a few pakistani australian fb pages and emailed a pak aussie paper to find her some pakistani friends. No responses yet. The Pak paper said people are hesitant with newcomers because times are difficult. He said he knew a girl from her city and will contact her. Im still waiting.

Probably appropriate is a better than illegal. Like i want her to see me more as a friend and sister then a doctor.* I want her to talk more other things with me like her interests and her city in pakistan then health stuff.

She sent me some interesting links.

*https://www.parhlo.com/8-struggles-you-go-through-if-youre-a-pakistani-student-living-in-a-foreign-country/

Maybe some physicians are arrogant but depends on the culture. In Australia most people are down to earth. I am a new doc so no reason to be arrogant. I just think if she was a family friend and in a new place id want her to find help and support.

What does fitoor mean. Aap se bhi thodi urdu seekh leti hoon

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Deloz

Could you pm me? ..for some reason i cant pm you ..im not sure. May be I too can help this lady.

I will message u. If u live in sydney would ve great. Are u a Pak female or know relatives/friends who are?

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Deloz

Can you pm me? For some reason I cant pm u ..i dont know why. May b I too can help this lady

I dont know if my PM worked but ive sent u a message.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Bobby1

I will Pm you the link to her TV interview baita, you remind me of her. She has a heart of gold, my brother in law is the best father and husband and has raised his daughters to be inspirational. I shake my head when people think non religious men cant be good family men.

Thanks for the interview. It was great. She is quite inspiring. Its silly to think only one group has good attributes. Some non religious guys are good and some religious guys are good. People who stereotype should not be taken seriously.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Dubaiwali

I dunno why after reading this thread, it makes me want to know what you look like. hmm.

Easterndresses an admin has me on fb. She has heard me speak.If u PM me i can add u. I have some videos there i made for some online Pakistani friends who have disappeared for some time now.
I can also let u know when im in Dubai and u can see a 3 D me.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@_RestLess

What if her husband finds out about you and her texting back and forth, what if he dislikes It ?

Well her husband knows she has a female friend who is helping her out. He knows about me and encourages her to make friends and get out.
I think its rare husbands are against female friends.i had one online friend who didnt want her to make any friends so that didnt work out. In essence i am helping the couple vent out their stresses as naturally they are overwhelmed taking care of their child. I helped make sure she got home help with feeding/sleep issues.

I doubt he would dislike it but if he did he would tell her. She said her husband has no issues. Instead of worrying about me he should try to get her a driving license or make her more independent so she can use public transport for doctor appointments and mum/child clinics

[fitoor]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

I had a tiny feeling you were a lesbian\bi the way you were acting with these women but since it’s such a taboo topic, I didn’t want to say it and if you were highly religious and conservative, insult you, unintentionally.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Deloz

Could you pm me? ..for some reason i cant pm you ..im not sure. May be I too can help this lady.

For some reason i cannot find the PM button on your profile. I dont think it would be wise for me to put my personal or professional email online. I think you can probably help this lady more than me.
I have posted about finding friends and mother/child support groups for her in the area on a number of Pakistani Australian fb groups. If u look up the popular ones you will find my post.
Alternatively you can contact sada e watan website email and ask about an Indian girl who asked about helping a Pakistani girl find support and friends from around the area. They may put u through to me.

My Pak Australian friend says its not wise for me to maintain friendship considering i met her in a hospital setting. Its not professionally safe. Her place is close to my workplace and its not professionally safe if i come across people who ask me how i know her. My work colleagues think i should block her. I will do neither. I will let her message me and help her from a distance. But i prefer and hope she makes friends close to her who can reduce her home sickness. Maybe i can help with some of this maybe i cant.

https://www.parhlo.com/8-struggles-you-go-through-if-youre-a-pakistani-student-living-in-a-foreign-country/

[Eastern_Dresses]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@shaasavera

Yes i was naive to post my gmail address and to share it with people. My only intention for posting it was so that the member from Australia i couldnt PM could get in contact with me to help this friend based in Australia. I have shared this gmail on PM with a number of GS members who have become friends. I have also shared it with Pakistani and Indian friends ive made online on a number of groups on fb.

I have had this email address for 6 yrs now and i have shared it with some people in the past which unfortunately didnt work out. Others have become friends from GS and other sites. Yes a friend of mine did use it as she was under marriage pressure. That site has people from around the world. Its a marriage of convenience site which has desi people of all backgrounds.

I know this is a topic of stigma and assumptions can be made about me but cant leave a friend in the lurch or ostracised because she is facing a difficulty dilemma. There have been Pakistani girls and guys in a similar dilemma i have helped. One who has been suicidal for past 6 yrs because he cant voice these concerns.

And creating a new email id for that purpose was totally out of question right? Yeah right!!!

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@fitoor

I had a tiny feeling you were a lesbian\bi the way you were acting with these women but since it’s such a taboo topic, I didn’t want to say it and if you were highly religious and conservative, insult you, unintentionally.

i know there has been some email controversy but i am not to be honest. The email mentioned was a way to help a friend find a moc. I dont get insulted by anything so rest assured im not insulted about anything u say unintentionally or intentionally.

If i was like that and interested i would have tried to meet up with her or initiated conversation. Neither do i have any attraction to her. But really i came across someone who needed help and support. I tried to help her in whatever way in could and help her finds friends in her area who can help her feel at home. Its not my fault i have got no responses from friends for her either on the fb pages i posted on nor the newspaper i emailed.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Eastern_Dresses

And creating a new email id for that purpose was totally out of question right? Yeah right!!!

It was not totally out of question but i was helping her. She felt comfortable sharing with me. I have helped many such people and i have email exchanges which show it.
I know you trust me api and i am sorry if this email issue has damaged trust between us. I didnt feel it was worthwhile mentioning.
I accept whatever decision you make aur hamesha dua karungi aap khush aur kamyab rahein

[Bobby1]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@shaasavera

i know there has been some email controversy but i am not to be honest. The email mentioned was a way to help a friend find a moc. I dont get insulted by anything so rest assured im not insulted about anything u say unintentionally or intentionally.

If i was like that and interested i would have tried to meet up with her or initiated conversation. Neither do i have any attraction to her. But really i came across someone who needed help and support. I tried to help her in whatever way in could and help her finds friends in her area who can help her feel at home. Its not my fault i have got no responses from friends for her either on the fb pages i posted on nor the newspaper i emailed.

We live in a free society and the rights to freedom of sexual orientation is as fundamental as the right to practice one’s faith. Trying to help someone is admirable and you have all my respect. People who squeal on getting judged are the first to judge others.

[Eastern_Dresses]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

Trust what exactly? This is a lamest reason I have ever heard.

Anyway, I’ll not engage in any further discussion on this topic or anything else.

[Bobby1]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Eastern_Dresses

Trust what exactly? This is a lamest reason I have ever heard.

Anyway, I’ll not engage in any further discussion on this topic or anything else.

I am so confused, she is the politest, one of the most educated, cultured and interesting posters on this forum. Can you please elaborate on what is it that she did that people are upset.

[SID_NY]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

Thread reopened.

[third_string]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

This thread is so sketch