I have nowhere to discuss this without coming across as strange for pursuing sich a friendship. I have told one Pakistani Australian friend and she said my story sets off alarm bells. She said i should be careful and not overstep the mark or meet this friend again in person. I could get in trounle since i first met her when i was her doctor and she was my patient.
So it started when i had a weekend shift at the hospital. She was one of maybe 100 patients i was looking after in the wards. I saw her name in the list of patients and immediately i guessed she could be Pakistani. There are plenty of Pakistani docs where i work and quite a few Pakistani patients. Being an Indian it might sound strange but whenever i see a Pakistani patient i feel a connection and i am pulled towards them to go out of the way to help them. I was seeing a patient in the bed next to her. When i was walking past i saw a glimpse of her in her dupatta and chador. It was midday and her family had not come to visit her yet. There was just something in her eyes something deeper and a story behind her sad smile which made me want to be friends.
It was a Saturday and i was torn the rest of the day as to whether I should introduce myself. Most likely after today i would never see her again as she would go home tomorrow. I had only known about her for that one day. So when my 14 hr shift visited i decided to introduce myself. Her husband had left as it was late. So i went to her bedside she was still awake.
I introduced myself and asked her how she had been. I told her this might seem strange but i had seen ur name and noticed ur presence here..i asked her if she was Pakistani. She said she was and had come from this city of Gujrat. The place where Sohni Mahiwal’s story originated.
I told her i had heard a coke studio song about sohni mahiwal. 2 yrs ago she had come to Australia after marriage. She had given birth to a child recently and was having a tough time balancing things. She did not have family or many friends. She said her husband worked long hours. Before they had travelled a lot together now they didnt have as much time.
She had wanted to go to mother/ child clinics but transport had been an issue. We talked about Pakistani dramas and i mentioned to her about all the Pakistani friends in Pakistan i had made. Like all online friends some had gone some had stayed. She felt sad for me for the online friends tht i had lost contact with. She said her father was in Pak air force but had many Indian friends. She told me she always wanted to make indian friends and told her dad she wanted to visit one day. Just like i had wanted to visit Pakistan. Its like i found my counterpart. She said after our meeting she would tell her dad and husband she made a new indian friend and they would be happy for her. I told her it was lucky i came back to meet her after work or this start of a friendship would never happen. She gave me her number. I told her when i saw her i was reminded of my Pakistani friends i had made online.
Next day she wished me good morning and for the next week we have been messaging each other. I researched about home visits by nurses/midwives in the hospital so she could get help with feeding/unsettled behaviour of her baby. I spoke as if i was the doctor who took care of her. I booked a breastfeeding nurse to come see her and they said they would call her. They were aware of her transport issues. I encouraged her to get her driving licence here.
When she was worried about her child I told her she needs to take care of her health as well then only will she have energy to take care of her child. She said when her child is older she wants to pursue accounting. I sent her links to some universities including online ones.
I want to be able to help her adjust to new life here. I want her to make most of life. She gets sad because her mum in Pakistan ks bed bound and she misses home. I went on some Pakistani aus pages and asked if there were any cultural female only events in the area. Didnt get a response yet. I found links to some muslim organisations offering educational classes and mum/baby groups.
She said she will go when her baby is older. I told her not to worry about transport when i have a free day she can book an appointment and we can go together. She lives 40+ min from me. I dont know if i am doing too much or offering more than i should. I want her to see me as a friend not as the doctor who met her that day. Its true that maybe our paths would never have crossed had i not introduced myself. I think its the start of a beautiful friendship but i dont want the circumstances in which we met to be an issue.
She thanked me for doing all this research for her and for my help. She sent me a pic that said sisters are second blessing after mothers. I said she didnt have to thank me. I just fulfilled the duty of a good friend and she is like a younger sister for me.
I asked her about urdu words i didnt know meaning of and she was surprised she could help me with something. I suggested to her while her baby is small and if she wanted to do something she could do home tutoring of urdu for children here. I told her she could become friends with the Pakistani friends i had here who had lived here many yrs.
Am i helping her or am i making her emotionally dependent on me? Is it right of me to give her advice considering i met her in a hospital setting? Would it be wrong if i drove to her house to help her? Or helped her get to appointments by driving her?
Friends help each other. I asked my Pakistani australian friend of 11 yrs and she said if i met her in private or at her house or if i drove her anywhere i could get in trouble. Should i only stay friends on phone? Am i doing too much in this friendship? Where should i cross the line-at meeting her in real life or driving her to urgent places? How do i help her feel welcome in a new country?
Its tricky because i know they say u should not be friends with patients but she was never really my patient and neither is she my current patient. She does ask me questions about her and her baby. I dont know much on this but i google and answer her. But i dont want her to see me as a medical professional but as just a friend.
her indian australian khala. I told her she can call me api as im few yrs older.