Is this friendship illegal

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Bobby1

Human behavior my dear niece is so predictable especially when you get intimate with a culture you will fairly accurately predict future outcomes and behaviors.

I agree Uncle. I am new to this culture when it comes to real life experience but i have many online friends so i feel familiar with the culture.

[Bobby1]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@shaasavera

Redvelvet the fascination is there but its more than about pakistani dramas. Its also the way Pakistani girls speak urdu and the way the friends i have make me feel like family in 1 meeting rather than strangers. Thats the good side of my experience. I also find them more approachable then Indian girls.

She feels similar about Indians. Her dad was in Pakistani airforce and has many Indian friends. She had asked him if she can visit India and see the culture there. Her mum didnt want to let her go. She tried to make friends with some of her indian neighbours but they are much older with older kids. It didnt work out. I also tried making more Pakistani female friends online but got unfriended few timws due to over compliments. I told her this might sound strange but i had many pakistani friends online which is why i know a bit about Pakistan. I told her we both have had similar experiences and if she wants to see me as an older sister she can.

You’re also right in that I need to maintain distance and not be so keen. I just want to be there for her to encourage her to use her talents and abilities to achieve her potential. There is lot of support out there but

With your ethos baita ji, people should be fascinated with you.

[Deloz]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

Op that is so sweet of you! I am a Pakistani-Australian too and I rarely see such kinda gesture these days. Good on ya!

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Bobby1

With your ethos baita ji, people should be fascinated with you.

Thanks for the compliments Uncle. But i think people see me as a weirdo or unusual more than fascinating. Just like there are anglophiles and indophiles can there not be people who are pakistanophiles. Does it matter that the person is of indian background

[Bobby1]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@shaasavera

Thanks for the compliments Uncle. But i think people see me as a weirdo or unusual more than fascinating. Just like there are anglophiles and indophiles can there not be people who are pakistanophiles. Does it matter that the person is of indian background

All my life I made my living knowing people baita and I know you are a special human being. People can feel whatever they desire and should never be judged on that. I did meet many extremely intriguing people there and I am sure you will too. My niece went there on a volunteer group with CDRS with Todd Shea and was quite intrigued but got sick and had to leave early. She wrote a blog about it.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@muspus

Lovely gesture and I’m sure the lady appreciates this but the whole situation sounds very needy on your part. Be careful and consider the implications of such a friendship on your professional standing. Whether she was your patient or not, she was a patient at the hospital you work in. You need to be professional and not over step the mark. I’d take your friends advice and keep a distance.

I think you are right. I need to keep distance. Usually i dont act this way but something about her makes me want to go out of my way to help her. I can relate to her and i can imagine a situation where i am new to a city and know few people. Wise words tho

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Dubaiwali

Haha I am so sorry mate. I thought you were a guy! Scrap all that I said. If you are a female, it is okay to be friends with her. No worries. I just think you are a very compassionate and nice human being. Don’t over do the friendship thing, cos people do take you for granted if you just keep doing and there is no receiving. But yeah, apart from that, it is very good of you and admirable of you.

Haha no worries. Its happened a few times. My name doesnt give away my gender that much. It was meant to be shaamsavera but forgot the m. I was wondering whether u thought i was male because there is nothing about me for the husband to get jealous of. She doesnt call me api just yet api jaan toh door ki baat hai. at the moment its just “good morning doc” every day and sometimes questions about her baby. Ive said see me as a friend and if she wants she can call me api since i have 4 yrs older. Also told her im not a child specialist and best she sees her local doc or even someone who is a new mother. Their advicd will be more accurate.

She was making dinner fr some guests when i messaged her to see how she is going. Then she said she will make biryani for me so there is something i can get in return. Also she might watch coke studio and pak dramas with me. I have few other Pak friends but they are busy with work and we dont get to meet as much. You’re right i need to make sure i am not taken fr granted. Its just that she is like so many of my online Pak friends who i have lost contact with. I just dont want to lose her friendship. If we hadnt met in hospital not sure if our paths would have crossed since we live far apart.

Many yrs back i did watch thia video where a Pakistani girl is encouraging Indian girls to have Pakistani crushes. Now its just a natural thing..as u can see at 4:16

[fitoor]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

Hopefully, you aren’t bollywoodizing the whole Indo-Pak relationships thing and you are more geared towards reality. It’s great that you’re open minded and making friends without discrimination. Please tell me you aren’t clouded by the bollywood stereotype of how Pakistanis or any nationality of people are.

I don’t have much respect for Bollywood writers or directors(except 2 music directors that actually have talent and produce their own work) because of how black&white they portray non-Indian characters and even some of their good movies are copies of shows or movies of other countries and no credit is given because somehow they duck it by saying it’s their own original idea. But I digress…

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@BettyKoops

Lol. I just found out from previous comments that you are a girl.
Friendships see no politics or borders. Don’t overthink when it comes to being happy and making other people happy. It is a form of altruism that should not be conditional no matter what.
Have fun! Enjoy life and take life seriously only when it comes to diagnosing your patients.

Thanks for the comment Betty. Yes i am a girl. I know ita hard to tell from my name. I completely agree with you that friendship should be unconditional and this shouldnt matter. I had many online Pakistani friends but due to long distance i lost many of them. In a way she reminds me of then and i feel i have a chance to know them like i would if i lived closer. Borders shouldnt matter.

I want to make her happy but i worry what if our friendship doesnt work out and how we met is used against me. What if i dont meet her expectations? Last few days she had started with whatsapping me and saying “good morning doc” or some question about her baby’s health. I told her i am like her sister and im not a child specialist. Then she says by the time “baby’s name” grows up ypu will be. I dont think she treats her husband’s friends wives like that.
I will take thia friendship a day at a time then decide.

But i guess these are all risks we take with friendship.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Deloz

Op that is so sweet of you! I am a Pakistani-Australian too and I rarely see such kinda gesture these days. Good on ya!

Thanks Deloz. Great to meet a fellow australian and especially a Pakistani one. If u live in NSW u might be able to help me find some friends for her all my sweetness ks thanks to the great Pakistani australian friends ive made. I wish there were more opportunities to mix with other subcontinent people here then im sure we’d see more examples.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Bobby1

All my life I made my living knowing people baita and I know you are a special human being. People can feel whatever they desire and should never be judged on that. I did meet many extremely intriguing people there and I am sure you will too. My niece went there on a volunteer group with CDRS with Todd Shea and was quite intrigued but got sick and had to leave early. She wrote a blog about it.

Thanks for the reassurance uncle. I appreciate it. I hope i do meet many intriguing people. How did ur niece find it? I would be interested to read the blog.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@fitoor

Hopefully, you aren’t bollywoodizing the whole Indo-Pak relationships thing and you are more geared towards reality. It’s great that you’re open minded and making friends without discrimination. Please tell me you aren’t clouded by the bollywood stereotype of how Pakistanis or any nationality of people are.

I don’t have much respect for Bollywood writers or directors(except 2 music directors that actually have talent and produce their own work) because of how black&white they portray non-Indian characters and even some of their good movies are copies of shows or movies of other countries and no credit is given because somehow they duck it by saying it’s their own original idea. But I digress…

Fitoor i know the difference between reality and entertainment.copyright is another issue. Whether its pakistani dramas, bollywood or lollywood many shows are based on stereotypes. Even indians are not spared in bollywood. Indian christians would get sone stereotype, north or south indians another. Hollywood is not immune to it. Brown people are pictured a certain way. In Pak dramas nrps and indians are similarly stereotyped. I live in the west and have a few Pakistani friends.

I have many more online from different cities such as bahawalpur sialkot lahore karachi rawalpindi etc so thats where i make my views. I take people as individuals.

[fitoor]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@shaasavera

Fitoor i know the difference between reality and entertainment.copyright is another issue. Whether its pakistani dramas, bollywood or lollywood many shows are based on stereotypes. Even indians are not spared in bollywood. Indian christians would get sone stereotype, north or south indians another. Hollywood is not immune to it. Brown people are pictured a certain way. In Pak dramas nrps and indians are similarly stereotyped. I live in the west and have a few Pakistani friends.

I have many more online from different cities such as bahawalpur sialkot lahore karachi rawalpindi etc so thats where i make my views. I take people as individuals.

Your opening comment suggested that you were going to the extreme dramatic levels to make this person your friend. As long as you don’t cross over into the doormat and desperate category, you should be fine and more power to you.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@fitoor

Well then, more power to you.

Thanks. I really hope the friendship lasts. I told her in the beginning about my Pakistani fascination and the online friendships that didnt last. I told her my curiosity might come across as obsession but i have good intentions. Agar aap ko aisi dosti bardasht ho aap mujhse dosti kar sakti hain. Then she said that means u have to come over to meet me sometime.

Her house is far away from me but 10 min from where i work sometimes. I start at 8 and finish at 10. Her husband works from 10am to 12am. I told her i can either visit in morning or after 10pm. She prefers me to come after 10pm.
Im not really sure i feel comfortable meeting someone the second time at their house. I told her we can meet in public. Its ok if u cant drive there are lot of buses around. I would offer to drive her to places but i think it would be too much at this stage.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@fitoor

Your opening comment suggested that you were going to the extreme dramatic levels to make this person your friend. As long as you don’t cross over into the doormat and desperate category, you should be fine and more power to you.

Maybe ive watched too many drama serials.
Ive even told her im willing to drop her to mum/baby clinics. We have talked on whatsapp number of times. She used to say “good morning doc” but i suggested she can call me api if she wants. She sent me a sister meme but never actually ended up calling me api.
Crossing over into the doormat and desperate category is what im afraid of. I said im willing to meet her at 10:30 pm if that is a better time for her. We can watch saheliyan drama and coke studio. I guess its not been one sided though she has offered to translate urdu words for me and to make biryani.
Idk sometimes i feel like if anyone else heard about this friendship they would think its strange. My other pakistani friend said i shouldnt meet alone with her and my colleagues at work think i should not whatsapp her. But im not able to control myself from having this friendship.

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

I am not sure if she sees friendship in me or just extra health support. She messages me questions about her baby which i cannot answer accurately. Im not a child specialist but she said taking care of her daughter will make me one in no time.

Yesterday she said she was feeling alone and had no one to talk to and i told her she can always send me a voice message or message when she is upset. She said dont say such things u make me feeling teary.

Today she is having her husband’s friends wives over. Thats great news. She can develop friendships with them. Then why the loneliness. She lives opposite a masjid..there would be some classes there.

Ive emailed a pakistani newspaper and they will get in touch with a girl from.thw same city. Then she’ll stay in touch with them.

I sent her this anyway.

https://www.mangobaaz.com/away-from-home-remedies-for-loneliness/amp/

[fitoor]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

I think that’s why a lot of us assumed you were a man because you’re acting all devdas estyle with this married woman.

Ask yourself if you would do the same for any other patient though or is it only the fact that you’re fascinated with everything Pakistani?

Will anyone else non Pakistani that is nice also gain from your soulmate type of good friendship?

If she ends contact, you will stop contact right? You do not want to get to the point where she does the whole restraining order thing…lol. Not sure why you think being a good friend to someone is illegal.

I guess it’s just the stereotype we have of a physician being very arrogant, sophisticated, and being held in high regard. Not sure what kind of regulations and mandates doctors have to follow with the whole patient/doctor relations.

[Deloz]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

Could you pm me? ..for some reason i cant pm you ..im not sure. May be I too can help this lady.

[Deloz]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@shaasavera

Thanks Deloz. Great to meet a fellow australian and especially a Pakistani one. If u live in NSW u might be able to help me find some friends for her all my sweetness ks thanks to the great Pakistani australian friends ive made. I wish there were more opportunities to mix with other subcontinent people here then im sure we’d see more examples.

Can you pm me? For some reason I cant pm u ..i dont know why. May b I too can help this lady

[Bobby1]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@shaasavera

Thanks for the reassurance uncle. I appreciate it. I hope i do meet many intriguing people. How did ur niece find it? I would be interested to read the blog.

I will Pm you the link to her TV interview baita, you remind me of her. She has a heart of gold, my brother in law is the best father and husband and has raised his daughters to be inspirational. I shake my head when people think non religious men cant be good family men.