What if you are just relaxing after a long day of housework (there are days when we do it ALL - like clean up the entire place baths, floors, kitchen, all rooms etc) and are tired. When hubby comes home from work - he demands - to have his FRESH home made food served. Meaning take it out all in a nice bowl, the rice, the breads, the salan, the salad, the pickles, the plates, water/juice/soda, EVERYTHING served on the table for him - like a Al-E-Shaan Maharaja. He would not go in the kitchen to get his food in a plate from the cooking pans. =( Then he says - it just tastes sooooo much better when you serve it buttering up.
What if you are just relaxing after a long day of housework (there are days when we do it ALL - like clean up the entire place baths, floors, kitchen, all rooms etc) and are tired. When hubby comes home from work - he DEMANDS - to have his FRESH home made food served. Meaning take it out all in a nice bowl, the rice, the breads, the salan, the salad, the pickles, the plates, water/juice/soda, EVERYTHING served on the table for him.
What do you do then?
That's what I meant when I said that gender roles in a marriage are not always black and white and that there will be exceptions to the expectations. Some days a wife will be tired, sometimes she might be sick, or she could be out of town. There has to be compromise. And as many have suggested, she needs to communicate her expectations to her fiance. Right now, their style of communication seems to be problematic, with each side either keeping score or imposing on the other.
Nadz, this along with the other stuff u have said about him, not allowing u to wear jeans at all, making it a big deal that he 'allows' u to wear trousers etc. makes it seems as tho he is a bit of a controller. Of course they are all minor in themselves but all added together it seems a bit much. I mean if the issue was simply he wants u to dress more Islamically trousers and long top should be fine, I mean long as ur covered it shouldn't be a big deal if ur in trousers/jeans, should it? Sorry if it sounds harsh but I think it's a slippery slope, to demand ur fiancee makes u breakfast each morning before ur even married (and what kind of religious man demands his other half to wear hijab and cover up but has no problem living in the same house with her before nikkah?? He wants Islam when it comes to u but can't be bothered to follow the rules himself), to tell her what she is and isn't allowed to wear (tho he had no problem with the way u dress all this time u've known him?). Is he going to start telling u who u can and can't be friends with as well (I've seen this happen to others) and make u ask his permission every time u go out to buy some milk or go grocery shopping?? U seriously need to speak to him if u already haven't regarding his and ur expectations of marriage, could well be he wants u to change other things as well..
Regarding the breakfast thing like someone else already said when he brings it up tell him to pay ur phone bill, expenses lol and see his reaction, he wants u to act like the subservient wife but watch him balk when u announce u are entitled to ur rights too.
Now some people may disagree with this, BUT, whatever you do, do NOT allow him to develop the "permission granting" habit or u will end up asking his permission to breathe.
Really, in most cases it is sufficient to TELL him that u r going out.
lol ye that’s a typical response… but the wife needs to reply back saying then she will find someone too who has loads of money that can hire help too… and not be stuck wid poor u!
^ Lol, I always joke with my Dad that if he ever did that to my Mum she'd gladly walk away with half the house and as a millionaire, soon shuts him up..
Now some people may disagree with this, BUT, whatever you do, do NOT allow him to develop the "permission granting" habit or u will end up asking his permission to breathe.
Really, in most cases it is sufficient to TELL him that u r going out.
^ I agree with this. You don't need to seek consent for each and every little thing. By doing so, you are relinquishing your power to do even the simplest things that are your basic right and don't require permission at all. And you'll be giving the other person the idea that their permission should be sought. Do it for some thing.....not all.
^ I agree with this. You don't need to seek consent for each and every little thing. By doing so, you are relinquishing your power to do even the simplest things that are your basic right and don't require permission at all. And you'll be giving the other person the idea that their permission should be sought. Do it for some thing.....not all.
EXACTLY!!! This is a most important lesson for newly married girls.
Unfortunatly that aint as easily as possible for the gal.
I meant that response as a typical paki or religious guy who means getting another wife as in an addtional wife.
pick & mix till 4.
that dodgy law does baffaffles me though.. will till end oftime
In Saudi it's pretty common for the super rich to change the 4th wife every few years, kinda like a rotary sytem. Makes a mockery of marriage and of course messes the kids lives up.
Funny, men who want more think it's so easy to have a 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife and in the UK they will often just stick them in a council house and leave them to live off Gov handouts. They want all the benefits of another woman (or 2 or 3) but without any of the responsibility. It's a sin not to treat them all exactly the same way and they should be allowed to leave if they don't want to be part of the arrangement, but unfortunately the Islamic rights we've been given often only go one way :(
Hey that also happens very commonly! As Debba said.
NOW HOLD UR BREATH:
I saw a documentary on the man with the highest no of kids in the world.
Of Course Drum ROll
He was an ARAB.
A 64 year guy. He had 84 Kids. From his like 17 total young women.
What he does is have 4 wives at a time, F...KS and exploits the livin heck out of them..after all this sacrifice.. he divorces them when become infertile and prompty replaces with new young patani bachis.
makes me jealous.
Perve says Hes trying to break the world record.
But hes unaware that he has already broken it by 59 kids, or maybe knows but needs the excuse.
Personally, I think this 4 wife thing is really an outlet for men to furfill our polygamic cravings and two-three-timingness.
^ That idiot was being praised on some Islamic forums. He couldn't remember the names of his kids. Poor children having a Dad who only thinks of 'putting it about' without any regard for the consequences.
^ That idiot was being praised on some Islamic forums. He couldn't remember the names of his kids. Poor children having a Dad who only thinks of 'putting it about' without any regard for the consequences.
True....he does not have respect for women. And it's sad that he can't keep track of his own children. He's not someone to be jealous of, lol....eeew. What he's doing is disgusting to say the least.
^ You laugh in his face and go back to relaxing in the bubble bath.
Amen, seriously. That is exactly what I would do. As iffffffff anyone is getting cooked breakfast. If they do they are gonna have a ) earnt it b) be very very grateful.
sorry but what kind of loser lives with his fiance and lives off her parents?
a real man wouldnt do that.
There are various circumstances, Sara. In Nadz's case, the fiance is her cousin. So that changes things. It would be hard for most desi parents to kick out their own nephew. If he were an outsider, perhaps it would be different.
Plus, we don't know the details of living arrangement. Since he's working, he might even be contributing to the expenses.
okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk HANG ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN LISTEN UP GUYS....breathe in and then exhale....
ok yes hes an idiot we all agreed?
but I GOT SOME THINGS WRONG.....about the jeans...he didnt say that i misuderstood him. he said wear whatever as long as theres along top over it...and i AGREE WITH THAT......
ok secondly he never ORDERED BREAKFAST....he said he doesnt like my mum doing it cos shes ill, etc etc and why dont you help your mum more..he didnt say it in an offensive manner...but i didnt like it cos i dnt thinkits my dutyy to, but if mum is not well then why wake her up at 7am when i should really do it cos shes my mum, its less work for her...thats what he meant...although i said why dont you make it urself....thats when we had alil tiff, but hes calmed since and realised. i will not make excuses for him and i do what i want, i have compromised a little but i have made it clear im not a slave.....
and thirdly hes not LIVING OFF MY PARENTS..if it was up to him he would hsave moved but hes been here 2 years as a student first, it made sense he stay here we were not engaged then. we only got engaged and rishta happned 5 months ago....
buttering up.