My fiance lives with us, hes my cousin, hes been staying here for a while because his parents in pak, and hes studying and working here. well anyways he wants me to wake up and make him breakfast, but my mum didnt like him sayign that she said we are not married yet and so she should make it and its my job, i know this too so i said this to him that my mum dont like it, and we are not married yet, but he said if you can cook me dinner or make me tea why cant you make me breakfast, whats the diff, and your gna do it after marrige…and that hes goin to work cos of me, ( he staying in uk for a while cos of me we going to live here for a while, and not go pak even though he could get a easy well paid job there, instead hes doing hard work here, only for me. …i dnt know sometimes i see his point, but also i find it weird.
what do you guys reckon…its only breakfast, but its a issue now.
I can see the issue from both angles. You and him are not officially married right? And by officially, I mean you haven't had nikkah right? If the nikkah hasn't taken place.....then I don't think it's right for him to be making demands like this as if you are already his wife. A request if fine....a demand is a different issue.
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BUT** at the same time, he also has a point.** YOU** did make him dinner and tea, didn't you? So why do you have such qualms about making breakfast? Why didn't your mom have a problem when you made him dinner? Is it because at that time your fiance didn't make the comment....about "you must cook for me"?
Maybe your husband has made such a request out of affection. Perhaps he loves you so much, he prefers to eat a meal that's cooked by you. Pick and choose your battles, Nadz. You're an adult and although your mom did not like his comment....IF YOU personally don't mind cooking for him......then let it go. You and your mum can have differing opinions and that's okay.
Both my parents are excellent cooks and my dad has no problems making his own breakfast at times. And he'll make tea for my sometimes as well.
If this issue isreally bothering you....then talk to your fiance about it. Explain to him that gender roles within a marriage are not always black and white. There will be days when you are not going to be feeling well....and he might have to breakfast on his own. There might be days you'll sleep in....and he might have to make breakfast on his own. There might be days that your mom wants to give you a break as her daughter.....and cook him breakfast herself. Gently talk to him about exceptions to a situation.
And tell him that your mom thinks of him as a son. And she's like a mother to him and that it's okay if she lovingly makes breakfast for him.
great topic again! you should win something at GS! seriously!
okay jokes apart, I think your mom should not have interfeared by saying you guys are not married yet… actually she should have encouraged you to look after him, so you don’t look so “bigdi hui”.
ummm - I think this is a problem that will lead to bigger problems
He is “expecting” something from you and you guys are not even married. Does he get angry that you did not make him breakfast? Does he get angry that your mom said something?
If he gets angry, then girl I suggest you hop, run, hide, do everything to run away and not marry this guy
did he ask you nicely or was it an order? does he expect a cuppa tea and toast or a paratha anda grand breakfast? ok seriously, if u feel comfortable with it and its not a big deal to you then its ok but if your mother has issues with it and it might become a source of contention then forget it, welcome him to the 21st century with a grand tour of your kitchen and guide him to the stove
^ That's another point as well, Nadz. Did he make a "demand" or was it a request? Consider language as well. Sometimes people say things in a way that makes it sound harsher than actually intended.
If you personally don't mind cooking for him (doesn't seem like you do since you cooked dinner)...then let it go. Consider it as practice for when you get married.
And if it bothers you.....then** GENTLY** explain to him that while you don't mind cooking him breakfast, sometimes exceptions can be made to this expectation. And tell him that your mom just wants to treat him to breakfast like he's her own son....and he should enjoy her pampering.
^Rather than turn things into a huge issue....you can discuss things in a calm, lighthearted way.
My fiance lives with us, hes my cousin, hes been staying here for a while because his parents in pak, and hes studying and working here. well anyways he wants me to wake up and make him breakfast, but my mum didnt like him sayign that she said we are not married yet and so she should make it and its my job, i know this too so i said this to him that my mum dont like it, and we are not married yet, but he said if you can cook me dinner or make me tea why cant you make me breakfast, whats the diff, and your gna do it after marrige...and that hes goin to work cos of me, ( he staying in uk for a while cos of me we going to live here for a while, and not go pak even though he could get a easy well paid job there, instead hes doing hard work here, only for me. .....i dnt know sometimes i see his point, but also i find it weird.
what do you guys reckon...its only breakfast, but its a issue now.
simple solution, ask him to start paying for your clothes, phone, and other expenses. use the same reason...
There will be much adjusting to do after marriage when you move to Pak....SO....while you are in the** comfort of your own home**.....take the time to practice cooking. Experiment with making various breakfast items (parathas, halwa/poori, or pancakes, waffles, hash browns, crepes, pastries, different types of omelets, etc.)
Why'd you make him dinner? Now he's gonna be demanding breakfast lunch and chai. Ugh. I have a solution. Start making really nasty food like stale cold unda and he will neverrrr ask you to cook for him again.
But seriously he shouldnt bee soo demanding and ask you for breakfast...its just not right,maybe if he said something like can you please make me breakfast today it would be okay but if its a demand.forget it .
There will be much adjusting to do after marriage when you move to Pak....SO....while you are in the** comfort of your own home**.....take the time to practice cooking. Experiment with making various breakfast items (parathas, halwa/poori, or pancakes, waffles, hash browns, crepes, pastries, different types of omelets, etc.)
the point is that IF she wants to practice it is up to her, if she wants to make him breakfast some day it is up to her, but a demand that breakfast is made daily is just idiotic at best. and then what she makes is up to her. put a box of frosties and a bottle of milk on the table ya? u know that sint gonna fly.
the statement that the dude is there for her while he can be making big bucks in Pak, well, what kind of lame reason is that. First of all it sounds like BS, secondly, even if it is true that is what was decided as the best for the couple, independent of other things, now to use that for something else is just a little off.
the point is that IF she wants to practice it is up to her, if she wants to make him breakfast some day it is up to her, but a demand that breakfast is made daily is just idiotic at best. and then what she makes is up to her. put a box of frosties and a bottle of milk on the table ya? u know that sint gonna fly.
the statement that the dude is there for her while he can be making big bucks in Pak, well, what kind of lame reason is that. First of all it sounds like BS, secondly, even if it is true that is what was decided as the best for the couple, independent of other things, now to use that for something else is just a little off.
^ My apologies for omitting your beloved eggs benedict, X2, LOL. I've yet to try the dish.
^ I agree with your above points. As I mentioned in my previous posts in this thread....a request is better than a demand. A demand will turn most people off. And the gender roles in a marriage are not always black and white, know what I mean? There might be days when the wife is sick, or sleeping in, or out of town....and you might have to make breakfast for yourself. And about the guys who eat cereal for breakfast........do you really need someone to get up and pour the cereal and milk in a bowl for you??? (that's pushing it)
You can look at this from various angels. If she doesn't mind cooking for him, then she should let it go. And if his comment is bother her that much, she needs to discuss the issue with him....and bring up the point that some days there will be exceptions to one's expectations....even in a marriage....even in Pakistan. And the guy needs to understand that they can take place no matter who is working or where one is working. His reasoning is a bit off.....and I get the vibe that these two individuals are trying to keep score of who is doing what in the relationship.
did he ask you nicely or was it an order? does he expect a cuppa tea and toast or a paratha anda grand breakfast? ok seriously, if u feel comfortable with it and its not a big deal to you then its ok but if your mother has issues with it and it might become a source of contention then forget it, welcome him to the 21st century with a grand tour of your kitchen and guide him to the stove 
