Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
^ i have seen people like those.......please don't sit and listen to the 'be-izzati'.........they want to bring you down to their level and in that you can't beat them........so better to keep the distance.....
...........just finalize the divorce and be thankful to allah that you guys got saved...
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
So where are these examples of Pakistani women divorcing for 'fun'? Educated and/or wealthy middle + upper-class women might be more likely to divorce than those from poorer families but most sane ppl can see that's usually because they're less likely to be totally dependent on their husbands and/or their families might be more likely to support them rather than them being left to fend for themselves.
Bottom line is they divorce because as RV already mentioned they're more aware that they have rights and are less likely to need to stay in bad marriages, not because it's 'fun' or some sort of weird fashion to show how 'modern' they are.. Do ppl even realise how ridiculous that sounds??
^^thank you
there are very few women or even men for that matter who wud divorce for fun.... (like the OPs bhabhi is seemingly doing) most women do it because they are in a bad/oppressive marriage and by that i dont mean that they decide they didnt have to cook in their parents home and in their in laws/hubby's home they have to and therefore they are in a bad marriage...no they are truly in a bad marriage and thats why they walk out--the only thing is highly educated/independent woman are more likely to step out of a bad marriage because (as deeba said) they are independent (not dependent on the husband) and they dont have to worry about who's gonna provide them with financial support for the rest of their lives if they leave their husband and cant find someone else to marry ....not even they do it for fun or to make some kind of psycho fashion statement... thats a laughable idea,,,why wud any woman just do it for fun's sake or to make a fashion statement when they know that the stigma of divorce for a woman is such that it is in desi society and why wud a woman get married in the first place if all she really wanted to do was divorce the person for her personal enjoyment? seriously? c'mon
perhaps u can say that some ppl end up throwing away a marriage for the tiniest of reasons...i would still venture to say that those people are:
a) in the tiniest of minority...
b) the tiniest of reason has become big because of of numerous other reasons and they have been unable to reconcile their differences due to lack of cooperation for either side
c) and/or we think its a tiny reason but we're not the ones in the situation and this person may have many other valid/bigger reasons why they divorced
no one gets married and spends all that money...just so they can get a divorce...its not like its some kind of an award or a degree that everyone aspires to acheive... to think that someone does it for some kind of sick enjoyment of to make a statement is an extremely cynical and skewed viewpoint on the matter
so my dad called up her dad this morning (my dad doesnt live here in Pakistan) and told him that he came to know what happened yesterday and requested to discuss the issues and let bhabi come back home. her dad said ‘forget about it. chaar banday aap layen. chaar hum layengay, hum apki be-izzati karayngay, aap hamari karna, PHIR main SOCHOONGA aagay kya karna hai’ and my dad said ‘hum itnya ghattiya nahin hain. agay apki marzi’ and hung up.
finally,no more chances for any settlements. it is family court trips for 3 months before the divorce is applicable. sigh ! Maybe we had to get through this pain before we could get rid of the messed up family...she already blocked us all from her FB this morning and changed to her relationship status to ‘single’ ! good for us Alhamdulillah or we had to deal with them all our life !
She has some crockery and furniture left in upper part of the house. My dad is really annoyed now and said to disassemble it,pack it and move it to the porch and tell them to pick it up at their convenience because no one from them should dare to enter our home like they did yesterday when he cousin and brother opened up every cupboard and drawer of almost all rooms of our place to gather her stuff according to the list bhabi had made and gave them. my mom was in her room all the time,very upset,brother was at work when they suddenly turned up and I was left there to accompany them and felt like being under a search warrant. It was such an embarrassment to see how daringly they went to all the washrooms gathering her shampoos,ironing spray and what not (even taking ours,telling that she will sort out your stuff and send back) and still creating an issue that one of her artificial earring is missing ! kameenay loag !
I really feel that my family SHOULD agree to their demand of making whole family sit and listen to all this BS .. atleast their family will know how cheap they have been .. but my husband and mom say jitni izzat se sub ho jaye,utna acha hai when those people dont deserve any izzat at all anymore.
I told my husband about dad's call and her FB status for my brother and said chalo ..tum logoan ki jaan chhooti..mainay tau roz dekhna hai dono ko apni workplace pe :( poor guy..he never knew things will turn this way and kept apologizing my mom to suggest this proposal to them on basis of his 6 yrs acquaintance with bhabi's dad :(
wow i am sorry for this...i agree with nomi dont agree to a sit down in which all they wanna do is insult you
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
thanks nomi and llxxll and everyone else for all your time. It is easy to get out of the guilt now that we didnt try enough to get things settled and after seeing real faces and moves from all of them, we are gradually moving towards thanking Allah for saving us from a life full of mess ! 'khas kum,jahaan paak' !
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
there are very few women or even men for that matter who wud divorce for fun.... (like the OPs bhabhi is seemingly doing)
see llxxll, this trend does exist. why is it so hard to believe? fun is not fun as in fun but as in recklessness, as in don't-care-attitude.
this thread is an example. this girl is on a train wreck, but has little to no remorse or foresight about what's going on, and what might happen. she is doing it for the heck of it. can you pin-point a single plausible reason for the girl to act the way she is? one?
i am not short of examples but i dont have the energy to post everything here. details are too long and tiresome. one example is in my immediate family, one in extended, another one my close friend, and yet another my best friend's brother.
the trends for all these cases were so similar: compromising husband doing minnat samajat of his wife to save the marriage but to no avail. and the same recklessness, lack of responsibility, and non-responsiveness on part of the girl.
call it whatever you will, a lot of divorces are happening on petty issues that could otherwise be resolved without much ado. and its nothing to be proud of on part of the women folk.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
thanks nomi and llxxll and everyone else for all your time. It is easy to get out of the guilt now that we didnt try enough to get things settled and after seeing real faces and moves from all of them, we are gradually moving towards thanking Allah for saving us from a life full of mess ! 'khas kum,jahaan paak' !
i don;t know how your brother is taking this....but I honestly think you should definitely thank Allah...Allah knows best...this happened for a good reason and it happend because it was good for your brother your family and also your bhabhi and her fmaily ...i know this is somehting u probably dont want to read but I honestly believe whatever happens happens for the best for all those that are involved. Alhamdulillah!
see llxxll, this trend does exist. why is it so hard to believe? fun is not fun as in fun but as in recklessness, as in don't-care-attitude.
this thread is an example. this girl is on a train wreck, but has little to no remorse or foresight about what's going on, and what might happen. she is doing it for the heck of it. can you pin-point a single plausible reason for the girl to act the way she is? one?
i am not short of examples but i dont have the energy to post everything here. details are too long and tiresome. one example is in my immediate family, one in extended, another one my close friend, and yet another my best friend's brother.
the trends for all these cases were so similar: compromising husband doing minnat samajat of his wife to save the marriage but to no avail. and the same recklessness, lack of responsibility, and non-responsiveness on part of the girl.
call it whatever you will, a lot of divorces are happening on petty issues that could otherwise be resolved without much ado. and its nothing to be proud of on part of the women folk.
i get it uve seen divorces happening for such reasons around you but ur little world is just a small percentage of the whole world...thats the point im trying to make...i dont doubt that divorces may happen for petty issues im just saying that ...only a small percentage of divorces happen for petty issues and out of those that do...most probably happen because one little thing became two little things became 6 little things became 100 little things, became a 1000 little things which equated to one big thing and one of the partners got frustrated because despite their continuously vocalizing their concerns the other partner was unable to work with them to solve their issues
and even if i look at this thread ive heard nothing from the bhabhi's side maybe there is a huge issue here that we do not know of or maybe it was just recklessness but like i said before i dont believe a vast majority of the divorces happen due to petty issues i believe a vast majority happen because of big issues or numerous compounded small issues that didnt get resolved and became something big
why are you so hell bent on making it something that women have instigated? ...you seem to be a woman hater to me honestly speaking and thats nothing to be proud of either, my friend.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
why are you so hell bent on making it something that women have instigated? ...you seem to be a woman hater to me honestly speaking and thats nothing to be proud of either, my friend.
of course personal comments are but a part of GS. and frankly, that's where my fun ends with arguments.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
of course personal comments are but a part of GS. and frankly, that's where my fun ends with arguments.
nope it wasnt a personal comment...it was an observation based on ur comment below:
] and its nothing to be proud of on part of the women folk.
however if you felt like I was attacking you personally ...i apologize
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
I have to say I know what Wane and Nomi are talking about. There is a section of society that culturally don't have the same issues as the majority and are not particularly religious. Both marriage and divorce are taken lightly. Of course, if either partner is not happy, they should have the right to divorce without stigma but the question is why did they get married in the first place if they were not prepared for what marriage really is?
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
see llxxll, this trend does exist. why is it so hard to believe? fun is not fun as in fun but as in recklessness, as in don't-care-attitude.
this thread is an example. this girl is on a train wreck, but has little to no remorse or foresight about what's going on, and what might happen. she is doing it for the heck of it. can you pin-point a single plausible reason for the girl to act the way she is? one?
i am not short of examples but i dont have the energy to post everything here. details are too long and tiresome. one example is in my immediate family, one in extended, another one my close friend, and yet another my best friend's brother.
the trends for all these cases were so similar: compromising husband doing minnat samajat of his wife to save the marriage but to no avail. and the same recklessness, lack of responsibility, and non-responsiveness on part of the girl.
call it whatever you will, a lot of divorces are happening on petty issues that could otherwise be resolved without much ado. and its nothing to be proud of on part of the women folk.
WOW this entire thread is scary, I had the exact same thing happen to me, the girl was a total headcase and expects everyone to bow to her feet 100% of the time, including her husband, I tried my best to save the marriage but it really was to no use unfortunately.
Her background was 1 sibling and very middle class, however the family mentality was that they were very much upper upper class and were the best of the best. These people have zero respect for anyone at all, and will only respect those that they will benefit something from.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
Is there any place for reconciliation?
Well there is always place for reconciliation as long as both parties are willing to reconcile which does not seem to be the case here.
We can sit here and analyze the girl's stubbornness and lack of compromise to no end but whatever the case is, her heart is or was not set in the marriage.
However this thread has taken a whole new direction and it warrants a separate debate. Divorce rate is definitely higher nowadays and it is for so many reasons. Valid discussion but scary one too
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
May I ask, what was the wedding like?
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
Do we know what "section" the OP's family and her bhabi belong to......for us to wonder if she wants to end her marriage to show how modern/independent she is? Has the OP mentioned it? If there are "few" women like that in society.....and if they are mostly in just one section of the population....and don't really reflect the "majority" of the population......I don't really see it as a "trend." Sure, they may be some women and men for that matter that treat marriage like a game....entering it and ending it carelessly.....but I think that divorces usually aren't pleasant for either party.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
Look OP basically what everybody said in 3 pages. I said in 1 line on the first page. Just listen to me and you shall never go wrong.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
^she didn't have to listen.......the girl's side dumped them...
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
Yeah that is my point. He as the man should have dumped her first. It was pretty obvious, when the father has more influence over the wife than her own husband.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
the two of u are sho cute 
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
^offcourse we are…
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
multinicked: after reading all your previous threads, I honestly suggest you to divorce her.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
OP, may I suggest something, before you finalise a divorce?
Why not get a few influential members of the family/community to mediate between the two families? You might actually find out the issues causing your SIL's behaviour through this method. Many times, people don't go for this route because they feel everyone will find out their problems, but I've seen situations where this has helped resolve issues between married couples, and their respective families.
If this fails, then you can start thinking about divorce.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
^ the girl's side isn't willing to find a solution......they want to gather people do 'be izzati''.......