Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
First of all, if Allah SWT wants you to have a great future and husband, then you will, anything is possible.
Also if things are as you have described, then I think it is your right to ask for a divorce, Islam gives you that right, no one can take it from you, no one.
However, having said all that, I'm not going to paint a rosy overly liberal picture for you. Unless you are planning to marry an atheist Russian dude, please understand and be prepared to face some restrictions when you get remarried.
Most Muslim families/ men are prob not going to marry (or let their Bachelor son) marry a divorced girl, obviously they prefer a non divorced girl. I'm not trying to discourage you , I just want you to be realistic.
This is just a simple fact in our community, being a divorced woman is a taboo and you will have to struggle harder. May GOD be with you.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Divorce is not the end of life , it’s true that it is something that society / culture looks at with disgust. Some people treat divorced women as if they have some sort of disease but you can not stay in an abusive marriage just to make other people happy you have to take control of your life. It’s difficult very very difficult but 1 year or a little more I am sure Insha Allah you will start living and enjoying your life and things will start to get better for you and only Allah knows what reward He has kept for you in future. I have seen so many divorced women (with or without kids) getting remarried and living a much much better life. One thing I can tell you from my own experience that once you are out of an abusive marriage you will feel good and you will never miss those days. You will see a hope in your future and after sometime you will say Shukar to Allah for taking you out of that marriage. Time is the biggest healer and it’s true. I wish u all the best
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Your future is what you make of it. It won't be great if you don't do anything about yourself. I personally don't believe in counselling or psychology but you may need it. The only person who can judge is you really nobody else. This is gonna get me grief from people because nobody likes to spell out the harsh truth. But hey I am an idiot. You will have a future. A single one at that. Regardless of who is right or wrong our society is so ****ed up that the girl is always seen to be blamed for any divorce. A guy can remarry over time. A girl rarely can. And women generally take divorce harder than men due to the way society sees our roles and the way our parents bring us up from the day we are born.
Inshallah you will find a guy who looks past the issue of divorce at such a young age a family that is not as narrow minded and backward as they are these days. But the likelihood of that is as like 1%. Be content with who you are and what you have and strive to make things happen for yourself. Don't jump on the marriage bandwagon again.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Several folks have given good advice. Stay cool, calm and dont let the enemy (your husband) see you sweat. Get a good lawyer (as a wise person suggested). Donot roll over and be victimized again. And yes, if you need some counseling to help you get over this tough phase, by all means get help. No shame in that.
You will be fine. This is the 21st century . For the next year at least, just focus on regrouping and putting this behind.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Your future is what you make of it. It won't be great if you don't do anything about yourself. I personally don't believe in counselling or psychology but you may need it. The only person who can judge is you really nobody else. This is gonna get me grief from people because nobody likes to spell out the harsh truth. But hey I am an idiot. You will have a future. A single one at that. Regardless of who is right or wrong our society is so ****ed up that the girl is always seen to be blamed for any divorce. A guy can remarry over time. A girl rarely can. And women generally take divorce harder than men due to the way society sees our roles and the way our parents bring us up from the day we are born.
Inshallah you will find a guy who looks past the issue of divorce at such a young age a family that is not as narrow minded and backward as they are these days. But the likelihood of that is as like 1%. Be content with who you are and what you have and strive to make things happen for yourself. Don't jump on the marriage bandwagon again.
its a good thing you yourself imply your posts aren't to be taken seriously.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
One thing I would like to mention here is that first you need to take care of yourself , work on your physical and emotional well being , establish yourself try to complete your studies if you haven't yet or try to get a good job ............do something positive out of your life and let the 2nd marriage thing happen while you are enjoying an living your life. Don't start running after and looking for a 2nd husband immediately after divorce , things will happen when they are meant to be.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Very good advice in this thread.
Desirekills, you did the right thing in leaving, DO NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. What an absolutely horrible guy. He deserves to have serious bodily trauma inflicted on him. What an absolute disgrace to desis everywhere.
By the way your life is definitely not over. Especially since your in the west. Join a Pakistani club somewhere, volunteer, join a community organization. You'll definitely meet a lot of men there. Hopefully you will find the perfect partner and forget about this one.
One thing I do want you to warn you about is something I don't think anyone has mentioned. Not to scare you, but Desirekills, this ****has been cheating on you with who knows how many women. Just to be safe, I recommend you get an STD test. By doing what he did, he has put you seriously at risk.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Kismet. We have alot many 25+ and even 30+ women who are not married and there is nothing objectionable about them and same goes for you. But the bottom line is you need to get out of this mess for sure because you can't carry on with a marriage where there is no trust, no respect and no love. Nobody can guarantee your future or for that matter nobody's future, that purely depends on your kismet.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Not to scare you, but Desirekills, this ****has been cheating on you with who knows how many women. Just to be safe, I recommend you get an STD test. By doing what he did, he has put you seriously at risk.
Yeah... Aids epidemic ended a while ago here in the west. Most he probably could've given you is herpes. But getting tested is still a must.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
I feel for you, and wish you the best in your life ahead. Surely there is someone out there for you, who is better for you.
However, I do have a question, or a thought. How is it that you were with him for 6 years (4 years before marriage, I believe), and did not see a single red flag.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
thankyou soo much to every1 for their words of encouragement..and to the very few of u who wants to know why im asking people i dont know for advice..well if you were in this situation you might actually realise that it does become easier to talk to people you dont know to get a third person's objective opinion.
and about not seeing any red flags, thats the unfortunate thing, i mean my cousin knew him before i did and even she didnt see anything. i mean everything he used to say before was the 'right' thing to say, which he totally changed after marriage. he totally switched everything he said to the opposite after marriage..he used to say you can see your parents whenever you like, i will never touch you or give you any sort of abuse im against that sort of thing, i will respect your parents and family like your own...after marriage...i used to go see my mum and dad for a few hours 1 day a week which he didnt like, obviously the abuse thing was tota;ly wrong, and my family and parents..well iv seen how much respect he gives them. ialways treated his family as my own, and this is what i get back.
I want to make something of myself now, make sure i keep mum and dad happy, try and work over the mental issues...i mean his mum put a taavees on me wich she told was for nazar..i only wore it to keep her happy..well got that read and found out it was for control..i mean who does that??
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Honestly, right now you should not even be thinking about remarriage. Focus on healing yourself and making yourself emotionally stronger. Do this for yourself. You owe YOURSELF this time to take care of YOU.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Hey dk,
Like many of the posters have said, life is what you make of it. Stay positive. Do the right thing and keep your parents happy and inshALLAH you will find the right person.
I have many friends who have divorced and married wonderful men but then I also have seen others who still found it hard the second time round. The one thing I have noticed is that those who have married have found their faith through the struggles and had an inner drive and calm to lead them to their spouses.
I think it is much easier to remarry again as a 25 year old than it would be for a 45 year old. So yeah a lot of reasons to be positive.
Chin up, There are always two sides of a story. Look at the experience see where you could have done things differently/better and learn from them. You can't predict/control what someone else will do but you definitely can have control of how you manage life..
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
thanx darling xxx
Honestly, right now you should not even be thinking about remarriage. Focus on healing yourself and making yourself emotionally stronger. Do this for yourself. You owe YOURSELF this time to take care of YOU.
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Inshallah..thanks for you positive words. xx
Hey dk,
Like many of the posters have said, life is what you make of it. Stay positive. Do the right thing and keep your parents happy and inshALLAH you will find the right person.
I have many friends who have divorced and married wonderful men but then I also have seen others who still found it hard the second time round. The one thing I have noticed is that those who have married have found their faith through the struggles and had an inner drive and calm to lead them to their spouses.
I think it is much easier to remarry again as a 25 year old than it would be for a 45 year old. So yeah a lot of reasons to be positive.
Chin up, There are always two sides of a story. Look at the experience see where you could have done things differently/better and learn from them. You can't predict/control what someone else will do but you definitely can have control of how you manage life..
Re: is there a future for a 25 year old divorced girl?
Ya know Desire chic..ya're strong woman. You future is bright..just focus on what ya need to do and insha''llah someone would come. He'll love and respect ya like never before. I just don't want ya to give up. There are good chaps around still. But heartily sorry for what ya had to go through.
