Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

[Reha]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

@BarbieCue

jee MashaAllah behan kis ki hai!

Please don’t get into desi family politics… ever!

I love it and can totally picture it!

[Mirch]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

@Ashy2010

So, I will be a Bee Jamalo Then I should better not marry in their family. Aik aur acha rishta haath se gaya

:mirch:

I am calling JL bee jamalo who is scaring you. Go for it girl you will be fine . You seem to be as loving and caring as she is. Once you will not have job ka jhanjat you will have more time to take care of that family and your husband.

[STA]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

@Ashy2010

But what about the second bahu? Won’t second bahu have more difficulty in adjusting to this family since this first bahu has already established standards and since she’s already the favourite of this family? Didn’t first bahu get a very very easy susraal which the second bahu will not have since there is already a bahu to whom this second bahu will be constantly compared?

Yeah, she got very easy susral where she is accepted as daughter instead of DIL.

@Ashy2010

Aray baba… I am not talking about the household chores.

The second bahu will have a competition which first bahu didn’t have. She will be noticed if she hasn’t remember the names of the MIL medicine which first bahu has been doing.

First bahu got a level playing field and she is scoring century. Second bahu will not have this kind of field.

If second bahu take some responsibility and show sincerity toward household chores then she can get a place in in-laws heart.

@jaan_leva

What if FIL introduces 2nd MIL and 2nd bahu can do her seva while 1st one is busy with other MIL? They can partner up taking care of the FIL.

Feminists coming out of the woodwork… RUN!!!

@Ashy2010

I might get their proposal Nothing is sure as of now. But there are chances.

I have known this girl, very sweet natured girl, we get along very well. The way she has been handling the house, I think I am not that efficient. So I am afraid. She has been taking care of all the house, taking care of each family member.

Ashy, what I know from your posts you can do well in any family.

[Ashy2010]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

I guess you all are right. I am thinking it way too hard. Since I already know the family, I know its dynamics and see myself as not someone who can be as efficient as my focus was mainly on work since young age. But I will have to work hard to adjust into the family, if its in my qismat.

I guess I should start taking cooking classes :D

I really make dua if its good for me, only then Allah should choose this one for me.

[jaan_leva]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

OK Ashy, I've given you serious warning signs, now serious advice, whole thread summed up:

GO WITH THE FLOW and you will be okay.

Good luck Senorita

[devilish_angel]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

sorry but i dont agree wth it when i got married i had the same scenerio no daughter or DIL before me but life wa not a bed of roses for me :)

[stoppit]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

Lol... I love the self righteous bashing, like no one has these kinds of thoughts.

Ashy - the cooking comment - this is what I'm talking about. Why cooking? Coz it's something she does well right, so you want to show you can do it too? This is the beginning of creating a competition. Learn it because it's a skill you think you need to have, not for any other reason. And if you don't need it right now, then why bother? I don't know if you plan to be a housewife from day one or not, but do things accordingly.

If you are a hard working person who is used to multitasking, this will naturally translate over to home-making when you chose to do it. It really makes no difference to the future if you are not an expert in it right now.

[5amra]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

If they are good with that bahu, they will also be good with their second bahu too & that girl who takes care of each & every member of the family will take care of the second bahu too as you said you get along well with her. Why look on the negative side. Just because “you” think they will do comparison, which probably they will not, makes everything fishy in this rishta.
Look on the positive side .
May be they take more care of the second bahu coz she will be ladlee bahu as she got married to their ladla chota beta

[BarbieCue]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

@Ashy2010

I guess you all are right. I am thinking it way too hard. Since I already know the family, I know its dynamics and see myself as not someone who can be as efficient as my focus was mainly on work since young age. But I will have to work hard to adjust into the family, if its in my qismat.

I guess I should start taking cooking classes

I really make dua if its good for me, only then Allah should choose this one for me.

InshaAllah.

This is an issue that most girls face these days… the issue of not being “sugghar” enough… I know I’m too busy to be training as a housewife… my mother tells me she’s never going to come visit my home because it is going to be one of the most unkept homes ever But I never stress over it because (a) I know she’s just joking (she better be! ) and (b) I know I’ll learn when the time comes… responsibility teaches you A LOT! … I had never changed a baby’s nappy in my life until my nephew was born and I had to babysit him… I now know everything there is to know about the little monsters… I can tell when he’s about to poop just by looking at his expressions -_-

It sounds like a sweet family that will understand the fact that you need time and their support to learn how to manage a household… it’s not a big deal at all… just for your own peace of mind though, do mention it to them k I’m going to need some time to learn… I’m sure they’ll be okay with that… Afterall, they are looking for a daughter, not a maid.

[Hadeel]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

Seriously?

This is one ca-ra-zee thread.

Am I only one who feels for the family as what the future might hold for them? No one?

Just me then.

[Ashy2010]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

Lol... I love the self righteous bashing, like no one has these kinds of thoughts.

Ashy - the cooking comment - this is what I'm talking about. Why cooking? Coz it's something she does well right, so you want to show you can do it too? This is the beginning of creating a competition. Learn it because it's a skill you think you need to have, not for any other reason. And if you don't need it right now, then why bother? I don't know if you plan to be a housewife from day one or not, but do things accordingly.

If you are a hard working person who is used to multitasking, this will naturally translate over to home-making when you chose to do it. It really makes no difference to the future if you are not an expert in it right now.

Yeah you are right. I am in the process of changing jobs and securing a very good job in a very good organisation and I would like to take my career seriously. If the family doesn't like me working, they will not propose. Simple. Why worry? I am willing to quit my work after marriage but if I take up a job now, I will be signing a 3 year contract.

The uncle has been asking me about my work. I think they are having second thoughts about me. The family likes me but they also know I am not someone expert in home-making.

They will be the one to decide whether I can fit in their family or not. Once they make up their mind, only then they will propose. Till now, its been like a step forward and then a step backward :p

[stoppit]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

@Some of the posts - Yeh, it's much better to silently plot how you will usurp the other bahu.

[BarbieCue]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

@Hadeel

Seriously?

This is one ca-ra-zee thread.

Am I only one who feels for the family as what the future might hold for them? No one?

Just me then.

Come on now I think we’re being too harsh on Ashy. She just feels intimidated because she understands she is not as efficient at being a home maker as the first bahu is and she does not want to be put down because of that. I think she now understands that as long as she gets rid of the desi mentality and treats the family as her own family that these things won’t matter one bit. Pyar se samjhao na bechari ko

[Ashy2010]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

Seriously?

This is one ca-ra-zee thread.

Am I only one who feels for the family as what the future might hold for them? No one?

Just me then.

No, you are not alone. I feel the same for the family :(

[COCO]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

i don't get why does it bother anyone if she is good and gets along well. It is her life and her home..

[Ashy2010]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

@BarbieCue

Come on now I think we’re being too harsh on Ashy. She just feels intimidated because she understands she is not as efficient at being a home maker as the first bahu is and she does not want to be put down because of that. I think she now understands that as long as she gets rid of the desi mentality and treats the family as her own family that these things won’t matter one bit. Pyar se samjhao na bechari ko

The first bahu’s brought up was very different. I have known even before shadi, she has been given a lot of training from her mother on how to be good in everything. She has been sending food after her engagement to her in-laws. She has been perfect.

My brought up is different. I have been working all my life. Its just that I think I will not fulfil their expectations.

Mujhe mat samjhao. I have left everything to Allah. If its written in my qismat, I will have to improve myself. As my mom says, shadi ki tayari tau ki nahi, shadi kerne chali hai

[bebo]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

I am afraid that your approach is so very wrong when you just assumed scenarios and harbouring negative thoughts.
In whichever family you get married to, you will need to make your own place. Don’t think of it as a competition and make strategies to outshine her. I am sure that you are not the kind who can only look good when other screw up. That family seems easy going and you should not have hard time adjusting. But it would be difficult if you go in with the victimized mentality.

[Disney_Princess]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

Ashy, I totally understand where you are coming from. But it must have been very hard for the first DIL to fit into a family where there was no girl. It must have been truly challenging for her. It’ll probably be hard for you too, but it’s all about adjusting and compromising.

I don’t think you need to compete, you will have your own individual place in the family. As for cooking, well you can learn all of this, and tbh I’m sure the family understands that you won’t have had much experience in cooking.

Insha-Allah everything works out for the best for you.

[Ashy2010]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

I am afraid that your approach is so very wrong when you just assumed scenarios and harbouring negative thoughts. In whichever family you get married to, you will need to make your own place. Don’t think of it as a competition and make strategies to outshine her. I am sure that you are not the kind who can only look good when other screw up. That family seems easy going and you should not have hard time adjusting. But it would be difficult if you go in with the victimized mentality.

Its just that this bahu has become a role model for me. My mom keeps on giving her example. Its only only marrying into this family. I will be given her example even if I marry into any other family. Its not about competition. Its about seeing someone soo good and then knowing I cannot be as good.

I guess, I am not ready for marriage yet :(

[jaan_leva]

Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?

Ashy, dont worry. When you are all saddled up, you will fall into that role automatically... its what women are good at.