^ I enjoy cooking and I would love taking care of kids. I hate cleaning tho. However, there has to be choice involved. Just as the husband chooses whether or not to contribute in these ways, so should the wife.
If you look at it from an Islamic standpoint -- a woman's only requirement is to be mother for the kids -- the husband is expected to provide a clean home and proper food, etc. If she chooses to fulfill that role, then fine. Good for her and her lucky hubby. But in no way should it be a required of her.
Each person has to be respectful and considerate of her/his partner's needs and abilities. I wouldn't want it to be ALWAYS one way or the other. And even tho I love to cook, I wouldn't do it if the hubby and his family forced me to. I'm annoying like that.
god im takin so much interest in this topic… sad sad life
CB: its not the fact that both the husband and wife should help each other out that bothered me (indeed.. that is how it should be if the woman works aswel)… .. its the attitude u have towards household chores and cooking that got me off ..be u a working woman or a housewife…
hmm.. maybe ive been fortunate enuff to see women juggling both work and home and do it splendidly.. without any chip on their shoulder or "damn it..bahar ka bhi kaam sambhalo.. ghar ka bhi.. bachay bhi "… positive attitude… that’s why i dont have any issues with having a job and working at home… both are important areas of anyones life…
what i did notice with the couples i have mentioned.. was.. none of them (girls) expected much from their significant other in terms of help with housework (altho tehy all spent quite a huge portion of their lives living in the west)… that is why when their husbands did start to help out with household chores.. kids etc… they were so pleased… they didnt enter marriage with high expectations… sometimes that is the best route… if he helps.. good good.. if he doesnt.. no biggie… but usually it never comes to “he doesnt help.. no biggie” cuz very few men will be besharam or uncaring enuff to see their wives work and come home to cook clean etc and they seeing all this and still not help… so in the end it does work out u know.. u just have to have the right kinda attitude…
women are indeed destined to be mothers… sometimes housewives (at some point in their lives)… and no amt of womens lib will change that
just an addition to those couples.. i am not talkin bout poor ghareeb illiterate women who dont know much and follow age old traditions blindly… being mature is all bout accepting responsiblities… since u rate education so highly .. one girl is a lawyer.. one is an architect and the other a CA.. none of these are easy to study subjects… but they realized life is more than a job.. more than a career… and when u can think like that… u my dear will be what most ppl call mature
p.s) u made me sound soooo old by that “ppl from my generation”
It's inculcated in them if not verbally then visually that a woman is destined to stay at home no matter what, and the effects show up even in the most educated of the people, one can't really erase such strong influences that easily<<
Just repeating it because you mentioned the girls were all highly qualified. And a woman is destined to be a mother( naturally) any other expectations of her are purely cultural and societal. If you are saying a woman is destined to be a cook, cleaner etc, I will have to say you cannot be more wrong. I know a husband has to be a low life to not help out a working wife, but why is expecting it from him that bad? I am only asking for what is fair. I think it should be a compulsion on everyone in the house to help out.
Sad life indeed, but I fret everytime someone brings up this or any topic hurting my feminist ego on gs. :p
oh hooo... now we're going around in circles... i havent said it anywhere that women are destined to be cooks or cleaners....
as far as expecting help is concerned.. ive known guys who have asked their wives to quit work cuz things were getting outta hand at home... (this usually occurs once kids have entered the picture)
unless ofcourse the guy chooses to quit his work adn become a stay at home dad... that will take some major courage if we are talkin bout a desi guy :D
hehe khawa, that’s what..guys expecting their women to quit work instead of them helping out a little bit more is what is unacceptable to me. Anyway, we have derailed the topic a bit too much, I rant about this every chance I get..I need to watch myself..already ppl like fg have labeled me ..disgruntled woman and stuff..I mean I am fien with disgruntled…but woman? I am a girl!
in light of what is said in this thread, it is surprising to see that men tend to be better cooks than women.
But then again, in general they tend to be the better bread winner as well. So in both aspects mentioned in this thread, men tend to be the one with the better cards. However, when having to chose between these two, men are generally inclined to letting the cooking part go and have that handled by their wife. So therefore they put more emphasis on a woman being able to cook better than her earning money
mannn. just wen u think ure home free.. they pull u right back in…
nessy.. the men i know wouldnt know their sugar from their salt.. so unless I want diabetes or High BP.. wouldnt want them to cook anything
the only reason there are more male chefs than females.. its cuz there’s always a charm in doing something out of the ordinary… women have always been the ones cooking /feeding… u think they want to make a career outta it aswell???
i know this theory is very shaky.. but it could be one reason
and men being better than women at cooking… so far only met one guy who could seriously cook betterr than me… rest all make do… just cuz u can improvise doesnt make u a good cook
^ Also, historically speaking, whatever men do becomes a career, whereas what women do becomes household chores. Women weren't nearly as openly rewarded for their talents and hard work so hence the abundance of male chefs, as opposed to female chefs.
Even though it may not matter to a guy whether a girl can cook, it will to the mother of the guy. And whats so wrong with that, any mom by nature wants the best for her child and with desi mom's i've noticed one of their MAJOR concerns is always if the daughter in law will be able to feed her son properly. My brother is getting married next year and my mom always says that she's going to send a list of my brothers favorite foods and likes and dislikes to my sister in law because otherwise she will be too worried, haha.
If you ever want to see a scared look on a guys face just ask him if he likes your cooking better than his mom's. It's just one of those things that will come up. Cooking is something anyone can learn how to do, shouldn't be worried that you will end up single because you don't know how to cook.
I think it is not a big deal but it is just an element of surprise if you see a woman who doesn’t enjoy cooking…It’s like a guy not wanting to play sports. The immediate question is 'why'
Wow, I’d typed a lengthy answer but somehow it wasnt posted. Im trying it again but it may not express my point exactly the way as was in my lost post. So… you’re saying that it is not really that important and noone really cares about it, yeah? Is this why this is a question they ask in their very first meeting with the girl/her family? In the thread’s initiator’s case, they had not even SEEN her but they wanted to know whether she knew how to cook. So, you really think it is not all that important for the guy’s family?
You talk about a “bf” asking the same question to the girl and she wouldnt be offended surrrrrre… but Im yet to come across a couple where the guy asked girl this question in their very first meeting. Have you seen one? There is no point comparing the two scenarios. These two are entirely different. What is offensive in the first scenario is that by asking superficial questions like these the guy’s family proves that all the other qualities are inferior. Maybe the girl KNOWS how to cook. Maybe she is the best cook. Maybe cooking is her hobby and she loves to do it. But why ASKING the question in the first meeting or when you dont know sh*t about girl so important. Why?? It’s like you’re looking to RECRUIT her depending on whether she can cook or not.
In my case, although I object the bhabhi should not have asked the question as they were meeting us for the first time but I was not “offended” as she asked decently and listening to my answer only smiled and did not make it a big deal. Everyone smiled and were amused at my answer. But the second family… the guy’s brother.. he honestly needed to learn more. He needed to learn there was more to life than just “pakana” then “khana” and “shadi” then “abaadi”. He was a typical JAHIL paki. The way he was talking, I could tell He had no respect for women. I remember him boasting in a loud voice, “Aur aurat ka muqaam kya hai? Aurat ka yehi muqaam hai. Shaadi Pehle apne bhaion or baap ka khayal rakhna (as in pamper karna), shaadi ke baad apne shohar or jab bache hon to unka. Aurat ki zindagi yehi hai. Tum kahan bhaago gi? Kaise change karo gi ye sab.. yehi hota hai or tum bhi yehi karo gi”. This is not all. He talked too much more than this. This is the extract of what I can remember now.
My ears were releasing steam until that point. Even I saw His mom getting embarrassed. But she didnt say a thing. Like she was scared to. Yes I was highly offended and thought I’d be a fool to even consider a house where existed such sexist mentality. I saw his mother feeling so helpless at how his son was boasting on the “duties” of a wife, mother AND women in general. And describing where the women BELONG.
I what did you say… it’s sad girl’s reject a nice rishta only cz they were asked this question? Oh please!!! The sad thing here is that the guy’s family loses a nice girl bcz of asking STUPID questions like these and in such a JAHILANA way. Maybe he was getting used to boasting this way and maybe was behaving in just his typical regular way without realising that he was not inside the walls of his own home. He was in OUR house he should have watched his toungue.
Maybe such people have that typical cheap paki mentality that they would be doing a big “ahsaan” to the girl and her family by accepting her so they have all the rights to ask cheap questions in a cheap way. These people need to grow up. Come out of their little selfish world of “kahana pakwana” or “bache paida karwana” and learn to be better productive humans themselves.
Yes Muzna, Im frustrated at how these people think. You must have read my answer above. I wasnt frustrated at the first family's attitude. Only this guy and how he was talking. Dont you think ANY normal girl would get frustrated with that? That was the day I decided that I was not gonna waste myself and my time meeting people like those. I was only doing that for my parents who were insisting me to get married. I gave it a try for their sake. My dad had told me, "Beti, hum aise hi thora apko bhej dein ge. Jahan aap khushi se kaho gi wahin karen ge". So I had agreed to meet these families. Even the others who came, this question used to be there on their first visit.
This was the last family I'd met and told them I had decided to go back and they can always let me know when they have some better people to meet me. My parents respected that. Thank God, I am much happy with where I am and they are happy with me too. Although, they still want me to get married but do not insist as they want me to be happy.
Now that I've lived alone for four years, I can manage to cook little bit but it is a cooking for survival, not survival for cooking, know what I mean? I mean I know there are people who survive to eat and our LAHORIS are majorly into that catagory. Im not saying eating is bad but what Im saying is that there is more to life than growing those big bellies by making their women cook for them and then feed them. Call me crazy but I refuse to follow this stupid system.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Muzna: *
New Wannabe,
There appears to be a great deal of frustration in your post. It is obvious that you have been upset when faced with this cooking question....but can you explain why you have been so angered?
[/QUOTE]
"… positive attitude… that’s why i dont have any issues with having a job and working at home… both are important areas of anyones life…
