khwateen - i think the turn off is where it becomes one of the main questions, while other questions which should be asked are not asked.
I only have experience watching my dadimaa find girls for my uncles. And it was one of their main points to ask if the girl knows how to cook - how good she cooks - if she knows silai, etc.
Then my dadimaa and phuphi - who were the ones arranging the rishtaas - would complain about the women they chose. The last time they visited me and started one of their complaint session - I told them they have no right to complain as they were the ones who asked the wrong questions about the girls. I was like "you didn't even converse with her until after the wedding night - what do you expect?"
And now they realize once its too late. shrugs jaaney do.
lol… i guess anything taken to an extreme wont turn out right…
ive never seen it being the only thing asked or favoured in my family or rishtas ive seen take place.. its one of the big questions.. but more importance is usually given to the khandaan and upbringing… hehe.. actually…education and cooking are usualy asked in the same sentence …
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by PyariCgudia: *
khwateen - i think the turn off is where it becomes one of the main questions, while other questions which should be asked are not asked.
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Exactly, that's what surprised me!
It was literally the first question they asked, shoot me for finding that odd :p
If it was 'one of the questions', or someone who was interested in me would ask me personally in a converssation I would absolutely not have any problems with it.
What are the "main questions" for girls? Let's make it an educational thread for guys.
btw...for some guys cooking is everything and it IS one of the main questions.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by Fayz: *
What are the "main questions" for girls? **Let's make it an educational thread for guys.*
btw...for some guys cooking is everything and it IS one of the main questions.
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Well I tried making this an educational thread for girls but so far not many guys have posted what else they find important :-p
Fayz, I understand it is an important questions, but really is it something you'd decline a rishta for? I mean everyone can learn how to cook (no?)
Shinoo, what the guy finds important and what his parents find important are usually two seperate things. You might have to open an individual thread for each. Like a lot of guys don't really mind if you don't know how to cook beforehand ... it can be super important to their mothers though. Afterall, you will be looking after their baby. They expect you to feed and pamper him. :p
Everyone can learn how to cook but does everyone want to learn how to cook? Usually if a girl has not taken an interest in learning how to cook before settling down in a relationship a few factors have been in play:
She has been too busy in her studies and has not devoted time to the task.
She has been too busy developing a career and has not devoted time to the task.
She doesn't enjoy cooking and therefore has not devoted time to the task.
She believes that roles should not be categorized and why can't he do the cooking?
When a girl answers "No" to the question "Can you cook?" most people will arrive at one of the above conclusions. They probably wouldn't be wrong. If they pick option 1, they will likely expect a Master's Degree in Nuclear Physics or something. If they pick option 2, they will expect that she is a resident working on her specialization in neurology.
God help you if they find out it's option 3 or worse, 4.
I so can't cook and I so won't learn if I am forced into learning it just for the sake of increasing my chances of landing a fyne groom.
But cooking, I think everyone needs to learn it, irrespective of the sex.. once you leave home, you will need to atleast know a few basic dishes, one can't eat out always eh.
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*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
I so can't cook and I so won't learn if I am forced into learning it just for the sake of increasing my chances of landing a fyne groom.
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But why?
If someone told you that by getting a Master's degree you would increase your chances of landing a better job would you do it?
^Muzna, so the chances of you hooking up with a 'good' rishta increase when you're a good cook?
The reason I opened this thread was because in my humble opinion there are more important things I'd like to know from a potential rishta than whether or not he/she's a good cook.
But then again, that's just my opinion :-)
I probably would. Job has a higher priority on my list than getting hitched to a paindu who wants a wife who can toil in kitchen just so his life is easier.
And I agree with shinoo, cooking is so secondary when finding a match. It just seems so petty if someone has that on the list as a requirement for a potential match.
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*Originally posted by ShiNoO: *
^Muzna, so the chances of you hooking up with a 'good' rishta increase when you're a good cook?
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I didn't say that Shinoo. That was the scenario painted by chandbeti.
Heck, you can never truly know whether a rishta is good or not. All you can do is go by the information available to you and measure the odds.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
I probably would. Job has a higher priority on my list than getting hitched to a paindu who wants a wife who can toil in kitchen just so his life is easier.
And I agree with shinoo, cooking is so secondary when finding a match. It just seems so petty if someone has that on the list as a requirement for a potential match.
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Since when does cooking a meal become "toil in the kitchen"? Would it still be toiling if he was doing it? Is it okay if the guy decides that he just doesn't believe that he should have to work and provide? Perhaps he can say "Why can't she be the bread winner?" How would that go over with your parents?
And all guys that want a wife who can cook are not paindus that want their lives to be easier. Generalizing against a group makes you the target.
I didn't say that Shinoo. That was the scenario painted by chandbeti.
Heck, you can never truly know whether a rishta is good or not. All you can do is go by the information available to you and measure the odds.
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errrrr.. came across a couple where they broke it off after 17 years..
:-) i know.. i was stunned too. didnt see it coming..another case was after 1 year of EXTREME liking for each other, girl was sent to visit her mom in pk, and divorce papers follwed her there ..
was stunned again..so u can never tell any more.. even against the odds and references.. both came from very 'shareef and nice' family references :-)
The cooking question was never made an issue by my in-laws. In fact the only time my mother in law talked about it was when I brought it up and she said she would teach me. And hmm it depends on the situation too, like with my father's second marriage, the questions asked of my stepmom were can you cook, clean, manage two young girls, deal with their tantrums etc because the husband wouldn't be there much. So it deopends on the situation. Aside from that, most women I know have a genuine desire to cook and many others have learnt after getting married because 1) their husbands were busy with work, 2) the woman took responsibility for houswork.
sorry muzna.. :-) just got carried away .. both were kinda extremely close cases so mind's boggling'bout it.. all i was trying to say is when a rishta comes, DO consider it.. that hey, it might be the greatest decision, and it might be the worst situation.. u CANNOT tell until u get in it.. sure it will be too late if its the worst one..but oh well.. life isnt fair?
