First question: Is it normal in our society that a girl demands from her fiancee that there will be a Nikkah condition that “you will not marry again, and if you violate this condition you will have to divorce me and pay me a large amount of money” ?
Ok may be it’s not normal in our society but i consider it as a justified demand. But when asked the reason why she needs such assurance, her reply was “Because i don’t trust you. I need security for my future. You cant mess with me, i know all about my rights. I will ruin you if you will divorce me”.
Second question: Is she being insecure or reasonable? If she cant trust on her fiance then why is she going for this marriage? Is her fiancee justified for being offended by the “reason” she gave?
Note: Her fiance isn’t involved in any outside affairs and she knows it very well.
I have heard you can mention few caluses at the time of nikah to the opposite party and if they agree, these can be added at the time of nikah on the nikahnama since it is a contract and if both parties are agreeing to few conditions, its ok. It can include financial support, agreement to allow the spouse to visit parents who live abroad etc etc.
One such clause in nikah is "whether there is any limitation on husband's divorce right'? May be the condition mentioned by OP can be covered under this condition.
It is not normal in our society. But I guess it is permissible. Just like Tafweez-e-talaq is also not normal in our society but is permissible.
I think, the condition mentioned by OP is automatically practiced in countries like USA and UK when a husband (even muslim) cannot marry second time until he divorces his first wife and of course they divide their total property between themselves.
LMAO! Yeh, she's definitely a keeper. Don't lose her even if it means selling your arse to a bunch of tribal pathans. To be fair, selling your arse to tribal pathans is not going to be much worse than this marriage.
I think she is being cautious, but its coming off wrong, and she doesnt know how to portray it in the right way. Every girl has the right to secure a future for herself. Especially if this is an arranged marriage, no matter how much research or investigation someone does into the guy, no one really knows what his intentions are, or what he could do in the future. And the same goes for a love marriage. Maybe she has heard some horror stories, and wants to make sure that nothing like that happens to her in the future.
I know a girl who had an arranged marriage. After she got married (they had a nikkah but didnt register their marriage until they went to the city where he lived - which was in another country). Without her knowledge (this is what she says, but who can know the whole truth, only Allah) he had her sign a prenuptial agreement, and registered their marriage that day. 5 years later, he divorced her, and according the prenup (that she signed), everything that ever came into the marriage would be taken by him. EVERYTHING - home, money, jewellry - anything worth anything! She was left with nothing.
So, I think every girl has the right to demand these things in her nikkah. Its not about trust, its about securing a future for yourself because you just never know what is going to happen.
Nikah is not cast in stone and no one can predict the future, divorces happen every minute in best of the marriages. This girl is being practical but the way she is asking is offensive.
She is feeling insecure that is natural specially if this is an arranged marriage. The way she is asking security is not normal way of asking.
If u dnt trust someone from the outset, no amount of guarantees wud reassure you. She has the right to b secure ,but to go ahead with this union at all ,is crazy as there is such a lack of trust
There was a documentary here in the UK on Channel 4 about Islam and marriage... It covered a lot of areas including the one the OP is in. Basically it comes down to it that the lady does have the right to have it in her Nikka nama that the husband to be cannot marry without her consent, which if she refuses is entitled to separation from her husband. She also has the right to have it written that if the marriage was to end she wants x amount. This is not because she is greedy or insecure. She is just securing her future. The money can help the lady towards living costs after marriage and child costs if any. It also mentioned that a husband cannot just kick her out after marriage. If she has nowhere to go he has to accommodate her until she finds somewhere. (Which I guess she would pretty fast)
LOLLL
thinking about divorce before marriage is completely messed up
someone insane would be marrying such a girl frankly
protecting yourself is not messed up.
its understandable given how girls are being told that "engagements can be easily broken", "so and so has a second wife and the first wife is miserable" etc etc
if you put enough fear in any person you would want to be cautious and protect yourself from it.
you shouldnt be getting married to someone with whom you are going to spend possible your whole live if you dont know that you are protected from him
if you want to protect yourself, protect yourself from everything, like if he yells at you, fine him 1000$, if he fights with you fine him 10000$, if if you have to do his work in the house he will be fined 200$
in short this idea is ridiculous
protecting yourself is not messed up.
its understandable given how girls are being told that "engagements can be easily broken", "so and so has a second wife and the first wife is miserable" etc etc
if you put enough fear in any person you would want to be cautious and protect yourself from it.
First question: Is it normal in our society that a girl demands from her fiancee that there will be a Nikkah condition that "you will not marry again, and if you violate this condition you will have to divorce me and pay me a large amount of money" ?
Ok may be it's not normal in our society but i consider it as a justified demand. But when asked the reason why she needs such assurance, her reply was "Because i don't trust you. I need security for my future. You cant mess with me, i know all about my rights. I will ruin you if you will divorce me".
Second question: Is she being insecure or reasonable? If she cant trust on her fiance then why is she going for this marriage? Is her fiancee justified for being offended by the "reason" she gave?
Note: Her fiance isn't involved in any outside affairs and she knows it very well.
Yes. She can put such condition in her Nikah Nama.
No its not normal (by that I mean not normally done).
No it would not be the reflection of her mistrusting her fiance. She could always say that based on what is happening in the society, she would feel comfortable if this condition is there.
In fact, instead of going all through that, she could just ask for 'right of giving divorce' in Nikah Nama. That will take care of all the situations.