Interracial relationship

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: Interracial relationship

I don’t have any hostility towards the OP. I actually find her comical at this point. She did get support/advice that she sought. However, OP didn’t like the advice being given so she chose to get hostile towards members who took the time to share their opinions (in a rather respectful manner might I add). Yet go read her responses to the advice/support given to her in post 30](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=30) and #34](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=34) .

OP herself stated that she fights oppression on a daily basis and accused Reha of not being able to perceive a solution to fighting injustice….all b/c Reha basically told her being honked at is not a big deal. Based on HER own comments, I simply asked her a question (ie. what solution would OP herself suggest). She didn’t like that either and you can read her response yourself. I agree with you regarding one thing Southie…..If she does not agree with someone’s advice, there is no need to get personal.

:rotfl:

Yes, you’re 100% correct. My ego is fragile, and I have deep-seated arrogance. And generally, I have 0 ability to employ logic to situations. Forget a moment, I will spend the rest of the weekend to reflect on this. Your time is precious….I can only imagine fighting oppression on a daily basis can be demanding since my fragile ego/deep-seated arrogance prevents me from really understanding what its like to be honked at in the street while walking with my white BF. No need for you to waste any more time dealing with a lost soul like me. Its the whole being on my high-horse thing….really messes up my perspective in life with everything. Even though I ended up dating/marrying a man outside my culture and dealt with plenty of backlash from community & both our familities….that really doesn’t give me any idea on what you’re dealing with. :bummer:

Did I mention you’re 100% right? Please do continue doing what you’re doing to handle this situation and any other injustice you may see/experience in society. World needs more people like you. :slight_smile:

42

Re: Interracial relationship

I did read the entire thread. I may.have post nos wrong. But the just is

Post 30 from OP simply disagreed with post 28 from a poster. (I felt op was not off base here) In response to that, post 31 came back hard at OP. So before we jump from post 30 to 34, we should consider post 31. OPs strong response in post 34 was to counter what in my opinion was unnecessarily strong grilling and questioning of what op is doing to end oppression. All because op said she doesn't agree with approach proposed in post 28.

These posts listed here, taken as a whole, show that op is not off base to respond as she did.

Your subsequent post grilled her along the same lines. Hence OP'S response to u in that manner.

That is how I see it.

43

Re: Interracial relationship

^ I don't disagree that certain posts came back hard on OP. But that is the point is a discussion forum with adults. People will disagree and ask someone to further explain their statement/views. We're not dealing with children here where we must walk on egg-shells and refrain from being a bit direct/hard at times. However, I see only one person here calling others names and being outright rude/disrespectful. Anyways, I think I may be de-railing this thread with our personal conversation which is not OP came here to seek. I appreciate you explaining how you viewed the exchange & came to your conclusion. We will agree to disagree. :)

44

Re: Interracial relationship

Sweetie, you know how you feel that because you have dealt with backlash from the community for marrying outside of the culture gives you an idea as to what I am dealing with? That is called assuming authority over the experience. You and I clearly are not having the same experience with possibly similar scenarios. Why? Because I am a different person. To assume authority over any and every person’s experience of interracial relationship just because you are in one is nothing but arrogance - it is the assumption that everyone feels the exact same way you do - or ought to.

Plenty of other people in this thread said that honking is no big deal, but they did that respectfully without questioning my experience of it. You challenged me when I said I deal with oppression on a daily basis. What exactly was the intent behind the question? Was it coming from the right place?

Being adult means treating the other person with respect. Being direct does not equal being disrespectful.

All the common sense that you apply when responding to other peoples posts, please apply some to yourself too. You do appear to be a very smart woman.

I also expect a rather nasty response to this post. So I am done here.

45

Re: Interracial relationship

Thank you for your thoughtful advice. I’m not as smart as I appear to be, so all the things you want me to do (ie. get off my high-horse, stop being arrogant, apply common sense to myself etc.) may take a while but I will do my best.

You appear to be a mature woman fully capable and ready to handle all the negativities a desi woman can/will face when she chooses to be with a white man with a calm/well thought-out plan. I wish you nothing but the best as you continue to further your relationship. :flowers:

46

Re: Interracial relationship

Have chosen not read the exchanges above.

Re your first two sentence (which I can't see on my smartphone as I type), yes. Some came down hard on OP. Yes, we don't have to walk on egg shells. So that should apply equally to OP also. She shouldn't have to walk on egg shells. And can speak her mind as well.

As for who is calling whom names, one could state that once folks start coming down hard on each other, a little amt of not so soft language gets used.

In a ballgame, the ref sometimes misses the first foul (or coming hard on OP) and focuses on the reaction. We have now arrived at a stage where no useful advice can be given or received by the parties involved in the "debate"

I wouldn't focus on OP using some rude language. Cause that is happening from both sides.

yes we can agree to disagree on whether OP is the only one using disrespectful language re others. Won't derail anymore per your suggestion.

47

Re: Interracial relationship

[RIGHT]Lol y'all are MIL in the making jk[/RIGHT]

48

Re: Interracial relationship

It will never stop because you can't change everyone around you. Just remember the problem isn't yours but theirs. Relieve yourself of the burden. Avoid those places until you can reinforce yourself enough to walk down those streets with huge smile on your face. I promise you that'll burn the haters more and give you more satisfaction.

49

Re: Interracial relationship

why is this an affirmative action issue? should I go out of my way to date/marry a "kaali" (negro) just to make other black people feel "included" in society?

I'm not attracted to black women (Caribbean maybe), not even attracted to desis (and I'm desi), I grew up in a white country, we don't have many desi/black women here, so probably that's why I'm not attracted to them.

50

Re: Interracial relationship

I'm attracted to guy with an 8 pack. Oh, wait I thought it was over sharing of sexual preference time.

51

Re: Interracial relationship

There are a million reasons someone could have honked at you.

You were jaywalking, walking too slow, etc etc etc.

Do you know for a fact, it was because of the race issue? Did you stop and ask? Did they wave a sign?

I think this is a case of overreaction and exaggeration. There's no reason to be upset...people get honked at when they drive maniacally on the road or cut someone off.

If you cannot stand the heat, you need to get out of the kitchen. Meaning, you shoulda thought about this before you decided to get into a relationship with a non-desi if you're so weak a honk can set you off. Its common sense that you WILL get stares, backlash, etc...unless you're telling everyone off you meet...you'll have to deal with it.

My high horse is awesome...the view helps me see things you can't so I think I'll stay.

52

Re: Interracial relationship

Wow, what is wrong with the two of you!

You can tell me that I shouldn't feel what I feel (because somehow you have the authority over what anyone is ought to feel), when I respectfully disagree with your view, you challenge me for what I am doing to fight such an issue. How childish is that?

Seriously, if you can't take someone disagreeing with you, why don't you just show some respect to the other person's experience in the first place AND state your opinion? Plenty of people did exactly that. Do you see me having an issue with them?

Your post is so beyond arrogant that I cannot fathom it. It is what the nastiest of people do and seeing your often common sensical posts around this forum, I am having difficulty understanding how someone who seems to be so level-headed can be so nasty.

And just to prove further how wrong your questioning of my experience and judgment is, let me tell you this:

There was not a single soul on the road. We were on the sidewalk. In each incidence, there was no other car on the road. I have been in the exact same situation before with either a girlfriend or a brown guy friend and nothing of this sort has EVER happened before. We were either walking or sitting down in the parkette.

Like I mentioned before too, I live in a very diverse city where interracial couples is NO big deal. I could not have imagined this could happen in my city. It was too shallow a thing to do, and it happened too often for me to see it in any positive light. Honking when done for reasons other than safety is rarely considered positive (unless it is around sports teams and the reasons are VERY clear).

The reason I initiated this thread is to share the experience with people who are/have been in interracial relationships because this is my first one ever. I did not expect anything like this. I wanted to see if this is "to be expected"

Does my shock and feeling disturbed by it make a bit more sense now?

53

Re: Interracial relationship

JT,

Let's be real here.

Your scenario is on a public forum where you're asking for POV's. If you posted in a private blog where you were looking for comments that would soothe you, it would be different.

I disagree with your view. Completely. You don't like it. Wonderful.

But that is my view. I don't post things people want to hear, I post what I feel.

I am really not sure why this is so surprising for you...this is common sense.

54

Re: Interracial relationship

If you are expecting to hear that life will be bed of roses after Interracial marriage then, then you are wrong. Even western liberals will have a 2nd look at the couple let alone us desis who are one of the top ethnicity who does racial discrimination .

I am just wondering if you are even ready for the next step or not. I mean if honking is bothering you this much I am just imaging what will those looks and slurs from desi aunties do to you. Start learning to ignore ignorant people

and finally, I am not justifying anyone but in big metropolitan cities, people will honk you even if you are 2 seconds late in pressing gas on green light.

55

Re: Interracial relationship

The difference of opinion has already been established eons ago. You are being arrogant and that is what I am calling you out on.

56

Re: Interracial relationship

The levels to which people stoop is surprising - young people. How disgusting are you to be honking at a couple because they are interracial!

I am not sure I get the connection between your point about getting honked at the green light and getting honked as an interracial couple.

If someone calls me names on the street, do you think I will quietly take it? What do you mean by not being ready for the next step?

57

Re: Interracial relationship

Are you sure you are not being parano?

I am sure the haters would have a better way than honking to show the disagreement of your interracial relationship.

Maybe you were blocking the traffic by walking too slowly? maybe you dropped something?
or maybe the person who honked was honking for the person infront of you..because he knew her?

you dont seem very confident about your relatioship yet...thus you are thinking everyone is eyeing you.

58

Re: Interracial relationship

Okay...good to know I was being called out...

How am I being arrogant? By telling you to suck it up? If that is arrogance, I'm okay with it.

I don't understand the reason for the whining...that's all. Maybe you can explain why a car honk has you so worked up first? Because I find it ridiculous and not even worth a second thought. In fact, I'd never have even remembered it...but for you it seems traumatizing. If I was in your shoes and married someone outside of my race, I'd have much thicker skin than this.

What are you even doing marrying outside of your race if you cannot handle something so small?

This ^

59

Re: Interracial relationship

all the push back from you on suggestions (that you do not want to hear) tells me that you are not ready to take it to next stage …

:chai:

60

Re: Interracial relationship

I see. So, according to that line of thinking, you should not call arrogance out, because that means you are not able to take the next stage in your life.

My next stage in this relationship has nothing to do with morons who did the honking. If a woman gets cat called on the street and is disturbed by it, does it mean she is not ready to go out into the world to work?