Re: Interracial relationship
The choice is hard but nothing in life worth having is easy to have.
Random people should not bother you. You should be secure in your choice.
Do you mean I shouldn't feel the way I feel upon harassment from random people?
Re: Interracial relationship
i have never had people honking but I do get weird looks all the time from some desi people when I am with my husband in a place where theres alot of desis, like pakistani restaurants or stores. I guess they are just not accustomed to seeing interracial couples, especially a Pakistani/desi girl with a white or non-desi guy. but really, i have never felt bothered by them. who cares? at the end of the day, if you're happy with your boyfriend/husband, what difference does it make what others think? people always judge couples not just when hey are interracial but many other reasons too when its none of their business. if you actually start caring about what everyone thinks, you will drive yourself crazy.
The honking came as a major surprise to me. Thus the thread. I for some reason believed no one (strangers on the street) really cares about what I do/don't do. But the honking made me realize even strangers would try to butt in to my life/
It seems like these are the growing pains of an intercultural/racial relationship.
Brownies have a really really bad habit of doing this. Never been honked at but the stares on public transport and at public places was ridiculous. Ive actually had confrontations with some cuz they are so.....resilient.
And such besharam too. You stare back at them and they dont even have the humility to look away.
You will find these numbskulls wherever you go. You just need to not let it bother you. Our people are well known amogst ourselves, as being extremely judgemental. You just gotta let it go.
Although our people go abroad and ask for the tolerance abd acceptance of the locals, our people have yet to learn to extend the same courtesy to each other.
You can ignore it. You can give them the finger. You can have a harsh word with them. You can stick your tongue out at them. But dont let it bug you.
With the extended family im exactly like you. Just love a big family get together, but I dont know how much tolerance I can expect from extended family.
At the end of the day you gotta do what's best for you. Youd rather be happy and miss their company than be miserable and be bitter because of their intolerance. Trust me on this one.
Re: Interracial relationship
The honking came as a major surprise to me. Thus the thread. I for some reason believed no one (strangers on the street) really cares about what I do/don't do. But the honking made me realize even strangers would try to butt in to my life/
It seems like these are the growing pains of an intercultural/racial relationship.
dont let some random hating stranger affect your mood. some sad people have no lives and the highlight of their day is when they mock others somehow. don't give them the satisfaction by actually taking this to heart and feeling upset about it.
Re: Interracial relationship
Well atleast one thing is confirmed then: you look pakistani/desi :D
Re: Interracial relationship
Both our immediate families have shown willingness for acceptance but extended families will not find it easy to accept.
That's the most important part. If extended family has a problem with it, then that's their problem. And as someone else mentioned earlier, unless you live on the same street as your extended family and see them every-single-day, their opinion really shouldn't matter as long as you have the support of your immediate family.
Does this mean we should not think about moving to smaller cities, ever? His career might require him to go to smaller cities!
Here's the issue I see with you….you're very sensitive. If a random stranger honking bothers you this much, I can't even imagine someone saying a nasty comment to you about your mixed relationship (whether directly or indirectly). So if you move to smaller city where there is not much diversity, it's just going to put more stress on your relationship. More importantly, if YOU can't handle rude/ignorant people's comments/looks/honking etc……then how on earth are you going to teach your mixed children to deal with it?
Unless/until you grow a thicker skin, I think its best for you to live in a large/diverse city. As for his career, it may or may not require him to move to a smaller city. IF and when it does require him to move, you two can discuss the pros and cons of moving to that specific small city…including what type of environment your future children (as a product of a mixed marriage) will be exposed to.
Re: Interracial relationship
Both our immediate families have shown willingness for acceptance but extended families will not find it easy to accept.
That's the most important part. If extended family has a problem with it, then that's their problem. And as someone else mentioned earlier, unless you live on the same street as your extended family and see them every-single-day, their opinion really shouldn't matter as long as you have the support of your immediate family.
Does this mean we should not think about moving to smaller cities, ever? His career might require him to go to smaller cities!
Here's the issue I see with you….you're very sensitive. If a random stranger honking bothers you this much, I can't even imagine someone saying a nasty comment to you about your mixed relationship (whether directly or indirectly). So if you move to smaller city where there is not much diversity, it's just going to put more stress on your relationship. More importantly, if YOU can't handle rude/ignorant people's comments/looks/honking etc……then how on earth are you going to teach your mixed children to deal with it?
Unless/until you grow a thicker skin, I think its best for you to live in a large/diverse city. As for his career, it may or may not require him to move to a smaller city. IF and when it does require him to move, you two can discuss the pros and cons of moving to that specific small city…including what type of environment your future children (as a product of a mixed marriage) will be exposed to.
Re: Interracial relationship
Do you mean I shouldn't feel the way I feel upon harassment from random people?
I am not sure what that would accomplish.
If someone honks...what can you do in reality? Is there a sign you should carry that says "please stop it" or will you yell, give them the bird or is there another tactic to just make them stop?
If there's nothing you can do about it - you'd best prep yourself to either deal with it or reconsider your relationship because you feel this way. Those are the only things in your control.
I really don't think its worth another thought...people will stare, honk, make comments at parties, etc. It happens, such is life.
Re: Interracial relationship
I have NOTHING useful to add here.
Re: Interracial relationship
I am not sure what that would accomplish.
If someone honks...what can you do in reality? Is there a sign you should carry that says "please stop it" or will you yell, give them the bird or is there another tactic to just make them stop?
If there's nothing you can do about it - you'd best prep yourself to either deal with it or reconsider your relationship because you feel this way. Those are the only things in your control.
I really don't think its worth another thought...people will stare, honk, make comments at parties, etc. It happens, such is life.
If the world thought this way, no changes will ever be made. No affirmative action for racism and no law enforcement on organizations to have at least a percentage of women on their boards. I completely disagree with your point of view of the world and life.
If you don't speak up, people will not learn.
If you disagree with my point of view, that's wonderful. Lots of people out there like you. No biggie.
You're not the first person in an interracial relationship and not the last.
But then I'm sure someone like you who firmly believes in affirmative action has done something about this issue already. In fact, I'm not sure why you'd rather post about it but not actually do something about it. Whats your plan on raising awareness? Staged a rally, a protest or at least worn a sign that says "please don't stare at me, I don't like it".
What have you done?
I don't believe in whining. I believe in either sucking it up or doing something about this "issue" of being honked at.
Your post exhibits lots of complaining but that's about it. Which is why I ask.........what's your point here?
Re: Interracial relationship
Give them the middle finger and move on? I would probably do that.
Re: Interracial relationship
If you don't speak up, people will not learn.
So in your specific situation....you and your BF were honked it b/c you two are a interracial couple. What do you plan on doing in order to "speak up" against this type of behavior?
Re: Interracial relationship
If you disagree with my point of view, that's wonderful. Lots of people out there like you. No biggie.
You're not the first person in an interracial relationship and not the last.
But then I'm sure someone like you who firmly believes in affirmative action has done something about this issue already. In fact, I'm not sure why you'd rather post about it but not actually do something about it. Whats your plan on raising awareness? Staged a rally, a protest or at least worn a sign that says "please don't stare at me, I don't like it".
What have you done?
I don't believe in whining. I believe in either sucking it up or doing something about this "issue" of being honked at.
Your post exhibits lots of complaining but that's about it. Which is why I ask.........what's your point here?
Sweetie, there is such a thing is getting support when you experience something troubling for the first time.
How about you get off your high horse and stop thinking that your opinion is the only right one?
I am an advocate of oppression on a daily basis. Now, what are you doing to fight any social justice issues other than telling people to shut up because you cannot perceive a solution?
Re: Interracial relationship
Give them the middle finger and move on? I would probably do that.
That is pretty much what I did. But that of course doesn't stop it. For the time being, until there are rings in place, we are avoiding all such areas.
Re: Interracial relationship
So in your specific situation....you and your BF were honked it b/c you two are a interracial couple. What do you plan on doing in order to "speak up" against this type of behavior?
O, how noble of you to challenge me thinking that would solve all my problems. You might want to consider getting off your high horse as well, madam.
Re: Interracial relationship
Getting honked at shouldn't be that big of an issue, it's not like they were throwing stones at you. For all you know they thought the two of you looked awesome together and wanted to let you know by honking. Next time you get honked at, just pop a big smile and wave at them. Heck whistle back at them. Okay I take back the whistling part. But a smile and a wave should discourage the haters. And the non-haters just might stop and start talking to you.
Re: Interracial relationship
O, how noble of you to challenge me thinking that would solve all my problems. You might want to consider getting off your high horse as well, madam.
LOL....If you don't have a plan, why not just admit that instead of resorting to a sad attempt of insulting me? There is no difference b/t someone who has no problem with behavior like this and someone who huffs/puffs saying we should speak up against it.....yet she herself doesn't plan on doing it.....and in fact, has no clue how to even go about standing up to behavior like this. Very easy to write on a message board things like "If you don't speak up, people will never learn", and then plan on simply avoiding those areas of town "for the time being" lol. The people who started the civil rights movement didn't simply avoid the areas where they experienced racism. The women who paved the way for other women to get on boards of organization etc. also did more than avoid those organizations. People who truly make a difference in the world aren't afraid of consequences (heck many are willing to die to fight for what they believe in), and they certainly don't run away from the problem.
But hey, who am I to say anything from my high horse right? After all, you're the one advocates for oppression on a daily basis.
Re: Interracial relationship
Why this hostility towards the OP. Asking questions like what have u done about it is totally unwarranted. OP came here to share her experience. And maybe get some support. Not sure she came here to be grilled about what she has done to fight oppression. If she doesn't agree with someone's advice, no need to get personal. IMO.
Re: Interracial relationship
LOL....If you don't have a plan, why not just admit that instead of resorting to a sad attempt of insulting me? There is no difference b/t someone who has no problem with behavior like this and someone who huffs/puffs saying we should speak up against it.....yet she herself doesn't plan on doing it.....and in fact, has no clue how to even go about standing up to behavior like this. Very easy to write on a message board things like "If you don't speak up, people will never learn", and then plan on simply avoiding those areas of town "for the time being" lol. The people who started the civil rights movement didn't simply avoid the areas where they experienced racism. The women who paved the way for other women to get on boards of organization etc. also did more than avoid those organizations. People who truly make a difference in the world aren't afraid of consequences (heck many are willing to die to fight for what they believe in), and they certainly don't run away from the problem.
But hey, who am I to say anything from my high horse right? After all, you're the one advocates for oppression on a daily basis.
Is that really how fragile your ego is? I call you out on your deep-seated arrogance and all of the ability to employ logical argumentation just falls through the cracks?
You can question my ability to handle this situation, disregard the weight of the experience and challenge me, and if I am to call you out on your arrogance, this is what happens? Are you for real?
How about just taking a moment to reflect?