Re: Insanely Jealous
Didn't read that OP's wife was doing this three or four times a weeek. That is definitely not okay.
Re: Insanely Jealous
does the facebook search history show up by date?
Re: Insanely Jealous
browser history.
Re: Insanely Jealous
I'd be upset too. Just talk to her and talk it out.
Re: Insanely Jealous
I just went on Fb to check my activity log... and who you search for does not show up on that. Ooh I went on a searching spree... this has to be browser history. Either that or I am insanely technically challenged and the OP dug deeper than he lets on.
On a serious note, don't let this eat you up and resent her for something that just may be nothing. The seed of jealousy brings nothing but trouble.
Re: Insanely Jealous
^There’s a box which says “only me activity” or something like that, did you tick it off?
Married for 14 years and still looking up her Ex 
Married for 14 years and still bothered by your wife’s past
There are some serious communication gaps, aren’t there?
Re: Insanely Jealous
If OP has been checking her wife's FB activity then he needs to ask what lead him to do this. That reason might be more important than act of searching for ex, which to me seems trivial.
Has as she been acting differently?
Has she started to keep her PWs secret? Etc etc
Re: Insanely Jealous
does the facebook search history show up by date?
Yeah. The Activity Log>Search Log has a list of facebook searches by date.
Re: Insanely Jealous
I agree about the communication gap bit. As for the duration of the marriage, you take one step forward and sometimes two steps back. Sometimes the level/quality of communication is inversely proportional to the duration of marriage. Anyways, thanks everybody for your input. The common theme here is that i should come clean and discuss what’s been bothering me. What I’m afraid will happen is that she’ll be less open and more secretive with me. As for discussing her past, she’s mentioned multiple times that discussing it is not an option as it brings up too many bad memories for her.
Re: Insanely Jealous
^ really a terrible position to be in. :(
Hope things work out for you.
Re: Insanely Jealous
Wa’lahi. I would look with him.
Re: Insanely Jealous
**hmmm would most women be okay if they found out by snooping (after being married a number of years) that their husband was doing this? **I don't think so. But with the responses I see here it's made to feel like "oh, no big deal". And I think that comes off as somewhat of a double standard. It's one thing to be curious, and wanna know about someone you were close to at one point.; but to be doing it 3-4 times a week (as OP has said his wife is doing) , it's borderline stalking. If it was a one or two off, I would agree, no big deal. But if it's a pattern then that's troubling.
But to the OP, you're in a bit of a quandary aren't you? Cause you'll get crap for snooping, or you live with the doubt.
It's best to let go. I guess it all depends on the level of trust you have in her.
Exactly. I love when women rationalize crap like this. Yes, there is a communication gap, and yes, the OP needs to talk to his wife, but to suggest that her behaviour is acceptable, or simply curiosity, is ridiculous. Curious makes you look something up once. She was repeatedly searching for another guy.
Re: Insanely Jealous
I agree about the communication gap bit. As for the duration of the marriage, you take one step forward and sometimes two steps back. Sometimes the level/quality of communication is inversely propotional to the duration of marriage. Anyways, thanks everybody for your input. The common theme here is that i should come clean and discuss what's been bothering me. What i'm afraid will happen is that she'll be less open and more secrative with me. As for discussing her past, she's mentioned multiple times that discussing it is not an option as it brings up too many bad memories for her.
You have analysed it correctly, if you talk to her, she will become more secretive IF she is guilty of something.
Re: Insanely Jealous
We while analyzing women : Awww … she is secretly thinking about someone else … poor girl … awww …
We while analyzing men: MOFO … how dare he emotionally cheat on his wife … F’en divorce his azz out of the this house … once a cheater always a cheater
Re: Insanely Jealous
All you women are doing a Nadz again. Defending the wrong idea because its a woman who is at fault.
That or you all secretly stalk your exes without telling your husbands and are defending it because you feel guilty.
Re: Insanely Jealous
Re: Insanely Jealous
I am married and I have a past.
No, I don't look up old flames but I have. I actually searched for them, found out random tidbits about what they were doing, who they were dating, etc.
Curiosity is just that much...curiosity. Don't try to fix something that isn't broken. Don't look for drama when there isn't any. Don't make life miserable for yourself.
She has not been unfaithful, she has not cheated on you, she is a good wife by your own admission, etc.
Something are better left alone...14 years of marriage and now you want to rock the boat over your wife's past?
She may be curious but you have bigger issues. Insecurity, lack of trust and a suspicious nature.
Re: Insanely Jealous
A few things have really been bothering me lately and I can’t discuss these with people I know because of the nature of topic. I’d really appreciate some feedback from folks here. I’ve been married for a while now and it’s been generally a happy marriage. My wife’s had a relationship in the past which she told me about before we got married. I’ve never asked her details about it but it has always bothered me. The less I know, the more blanks I try to fill in myself, which hasn’t exactly been a healthy exercise for me. Anyways, long story short, I’ve tried to forget and move on with more important things in life. A couple of weeks ago, she left her facebook page open and curiosity got the best of me. I went to her activity log and checked her search log. She had been regularly searching for her ex (three four times a week). I searched through her messages and it doesn’t seem like they’ve been exchanging messages (or they may have been deleted). The guy is not in her friends list either. **Now I don’t know what to do or how to feel. If I confront her, the first thing she’s going to do is to get really upset about me going through her account. **I admit I shouldn’t have done it. However, the whole episode has touched a raw nerve and I can’t seem to think about anything else. Thank god for anonymous questions and thanks everyone in advance for your response.
Someone steals your stuff and you happen to find out after going through their purse - which was lying open in front of you in the first place - who should be the one getting more upset?
Re: Insanely Jealous
I am married and I have a past.
No, I don't look up old flames but I have. I actually searched for them, found out random tidbits about what they were doing, who they were dating, etc. ...
Do not continue doing it please.
...She may be curious but you have bigger issues. Insecurity, lack of trust and a suspicious nature....
If a wife gets really upset about husband of 14 years having accessed her FB account, it only fans insecurity, lack of trust and suspicion.
If a woman meticulously guards her private stuff, it only causes her man to (rightly or wrongly) get suspicious. It is absolutely not a pleasant experience for a man, desi or not.
The thought process is like this: "If there is nothing to hide, why try so hard to hide?". Even if she is hiding to not have his feelings hurt in any way.
Re: Insanely Jealous
If a woman meticulously guards her private stuff, it only causes her man to (rightly or wrongly) get suspicious. It is absolutely not a pleasant experience for a man, desi or not.
If the wife was meticulous about guarding her private stuff and truly had something to hide....isn't it reasonable for her to ensure that she is logged out of her FB when she's not there and her search history has been deleted?