A few things have really been bothering me lately and I can’t discuss these with people I know because of the nature of topic. I’d really appreciate some feedback from folks here.
I’ve been married for a while now and it’s been generally a happy marriage. My wife’s had a relationship in the past which she told me about before we got married. I’ve never asked her details about it but it has always bothered me. The less I know, the more blanks I try to fill in myself, which hasn’t exactly been a healthy exercise for me. Anyways, long story short, I’ve tried to forget and move on with more important things in life.
A couple of weeks ago, she left her facebook page open and curiosity got the best of me. I went to her activity log and checked her search log. She had been regularly searching for her ex (three four times a week). I searched through her messages and it doesn’t seem like they’ve been exchanging messages (or they may have been deleted). The guy is not in her friends list either.
Now I don’t know what to do or how to feel. If I confront her, the first thing she’s going to do is to get really upset about me going through her account. I admit I shouldn’t have done it. However, the whole episode has touched a raw nerve and I can’t seem to think about anything else.
Thank god for anonymous questions and thanks everyone in advance for your response.
Re: Insanely Jealous
So what is issue?
You wife searching on FB her Ex?
The answer to this is grow up buddy. We are all humans, not angels. We all do these silly things for no reason.
I keep searching on fb one my cousin (male). Our family are not talking terms since a year or so I am kind of really annoyed at him? still search his fb now and again. Its weird, I know but its a harmless thing. I would rather search his profile than keep fighting the urge what is he upto. Now this is my reason. Other may have their reasons.
So its not necessarily that she is still into him or anything. You have a happy marriage, right? I dont think you want to ruin it for the reason that your wife was searching about her ex on fb. if you do, please accept the "most stupid husband award" from me in advance.
The second issue which I think what you should do to ease yourself and let your wife know about your act ( again grow up buddy) ...
Confess to her that u did a wrong thing by going through her account and everything. Apologize to her and make sure it never happens again (promise her).
Now the last part depend on how do u fight your inner fears/insecuity/ name it anything. if I would be you, I will be upfront and tell her, look, this things bothering me from sometime, it has nothing to do with your relation with me, just the knowledge of you having this past relations bothers me sometime. Again, apologize for thinking like this but tell her you cant really help it.
My suggestion/ Dont do the last bit. It's not gonna do any good to any of you.
Peace.
Re: Insanely Jealous
^ Are you planning to bone your male cousin? If not, the situation is hardly the same.
Re: Insanely Jealous
^ Are you planning to bone your male cousin? If not, the situation is hardly the same.
Lol. That's what I'm tellin him. Searching somebody on fb doesn't mean anything.
Re: Insanely Jealous
Stork:
She have no right to put you in such state of mind. Pack her bag one day(when she is not home) and ask her to move along (when she comes back).
Set her straight. Tell her what you saw on FB and tell her its filthy.
Don't suffer because you are kind by nature. Save good nature for good people eg children.
Re: Insanely Jealous
I'm engaged and I still look up a close friend who I had a huge crush on fb regularly. I'm still fb friends with exes and I'll look them up as well- although not 3 times a week. I'm happy with my fiancé. But the curiosity gets to you... just like how curiosity got to you and you went through her fb. I have no desire to be with my former crush or exes. I look up former friends too. I have no desire in being friends with my former friends again either.
My point is... we don't look up people because we want to be with them. Sometimes you look them up because they hurt you and you want to see what they're up to or what they look like to find fault in them to satisfy your own ego. It sounds twisted but it's true.
He was her only previous relationship... Maybe she was friends with him before... Maybe they have mutual friends... Maybe he shows up on her newsfeed often so all these things make her look him up more.
My point is... Just because she's looking him up, it doesn't mean that she's in touch with him or has lovey dovey feelings for him.
Re: Insanely Jealous
Looking up for an ex might be just out of curiosity. But one thing struck me in your story, you said, you happened to find her FB page open one day and then searched the log. Does it mean you otherwise have no access to her FB page? Coz you two shud not be hiding your FB pages or passwords from each other. And if u do then there is an issue.
Re: Insanely Jealous
And you mentioned that the less you know about her past the better but you fill in blanks... you're a curious one as well. Just ask her. I have a feeling it's going to bother you for a while.
I used to have that idea, that I don't want to know about my fiancé's past but we opened up about it and found out our relationships were very similar. It actually helped us bond more and we realized that the qualities that we were missing in our exes, we found in each other instead.
Re: Insanely Jealous
FB band kar do.
Re: Insanely Jealous
Two simple questions.
- Do you trust her?
- Do you thinking she will be frank and honest with you if you bring it up?
I would recommend you bring up the issue first that this past relationship bothers you still and that you want to discuss it. You should talk to her about it and ask all the questions you want.
Trust is a fundamental aspect of a marriage. If you are going to let this bother you it will affect your relationship with her and affect your marriage. You need to sort yourself out first and part of that is talking to her about your issues.
Yes it ain't easy. Yes being vulnerable is never easy for a man but you have to start somewhere with your wife.
Re: Insanely Jealous
A few things have really been bothering me lately and I can’t discuss these with people I know because of the nature of topic. I’d really appreciate some feedback from folks here. I’ve been married for a while now and it’s been generally a happy marriage. My wife’s had a relationship in the past which she told me about before we got married. I’ve never asked her details about it but it has always bothered me. The less I know, the more blanks I try to fill in myself, which hasn’t exactly been a healthy exercise for me. Anyways, long story short, I’ve tried to forget and move on with more important things in life. A couple of weeks ago, she left her facebook page open and curiosity got the best of me. I went to her activity log and checked her search log. She had been regularly searching for her ex (three four times a week). I searched through her messages and it doesn’t seem like they’ve been exchanging messages (or they may have been deleted). The guy is not in her friends list either. Now I don’t know what to do or how to feel. If I confront her, the first thing she’s going to do is to get really upset about me going through her account. I admit I shouldn’t have done it. However, the whole episode has touched a raw nerve and I can’t seem to think about anything else. Thank god for anonymous questions and thanks everyone in advance for your response.
this does not mean anything if you have a strong relationship with your wife.
some ladies just care enough to check whether the other person is fine or not.
also maybe she wants to make you jealous and left it deliberately open.
Re: Insanely Jealous
OP, you wrote in a post back in 2011 that you have been married for 11 YEARS. So by now…you’ve been married to this woman for 14 YEARS! And you have known about this other guy all this time. It sounds like your marriage has been a good one and your wife has never done anything to hurt you or make you think that she may be unfaithful.
I can understand insecurity if this was a new marriage but 14 YEARS!!! 
If its still bothering you after all this time then man up and talk to her about it OR let it go. You even wrote in that previous post that her thing with the other guy wasn’t anything serious. Stop being so insecure. Like the other women wrote…her looking up her ex (especially after all these years) is probably nothing more than curiosity. I have looked up my ex’es before and I know my husband has looked up his too.
If after all these years you’re still this dang insecure…then instead of worrying about your wife’s past, you need to look within yourself and figure out why you’re unable to trust your wife, who it seems hasn’t given you any valid reason to doubt her commitment to this marriage.
Re: Insanely Jealous
Why is his wife looking up an old flame 3 or 4 times a week after 14 years? Now that is worrying.
Re: Insanely Jealous
maybe she heard something from someone
Re: Insanely Jealous
maybe she heard something from someone
"Or maybe she has been doing the same thing for the last 14 years.... check up on the old flame 3-4 times a week....." <== This is how a jealous mind works.
She is trying to keep a flicker of the old flame alive and he is trying to fan it into a fire. Talk it out and douse it before it burns everything down.
Re: Insanely Jealous
She just wants to know what he is up to, marrr tou nahi gya, fb account hai ke nahi, see latest pics, kids, etc., etc. not necessarily look him and go dating. Come on now!
Re: Insanely Jealous
I really don't think its a big deal. Lots of people search for old friends/exes on FB. Probably out of curiosity.
Re: Insanely Jealous
...you should give her list of your EXes so she can concentrate on you buddy, turn the tables.
My wife looks up my EXes all the time... gotta keep that womanly mind occupied and busy.
Dude...ever heard of PANCHAT. ..or GOSSIP...thts the birth rite of every gal...besides...in case of stalking ex's profile...tht even men do...
My fiance wuld do tht all the time when we had broken off...and when I blocked him, he called me up asking y the heck did I block him..:p (I found it very cute thn)...
There is no harm in getting updates abt ppl...
But yeah, dnt have the SHAKK wala factor in ur relationship. .confront her and clarify..
Best approach is talk it out and get it sorted..and stop over thinking. .
Re: Insanely Jealous
counseling