Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
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Hey everyone! I’m new to this forum but have been lurking around the wedding section for sometime now. Im getting married in 2 months (In Shaa Allah). I was so excited (a bit nervous) but after reading all these posts on evil in laws, I’m really scared now.
I’ve recently seen my best friend turn into an evil SIL and I just couldn’t believe she was the same person I’ve known for so many years.
I wish there were a psychological study done on the mentality of in laws and why sometimes they act as if their lives depend on making sure to they don’t “lose” their son(s).
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Parakeet dont worry girl. Inshallah you will have a very happy married life. If your hubby is loving all this wont matter much. Yes there will be days when you'd want to smack someone at inlaws but with a loving hubby by your side you ll eventually learn how to deal with all this.
And ohh I am so sure my bhabi (whoever she would be) would hate me too. This is a cycle in our culture. My bro is a teenager for now no bhabi in the scene for the next 10 12 years. Once my eldest sil was complaining how she didntget her space at Iinlaws as a newly wed (plz note she never actually lived full time with her inlaws maybe a month or two after her wedding) I told her its pure pakistan ka masla she was like naheeee tu ab khud ko bhi dekhlou tumhain itne ache pil mile hain n I was like :s
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
"I told her its pure pakistan ka masla she was like naheeee tu ab khud ko bhi dekhlou tumhain itne ache pil mile hain n I was like :s" LOL
So the saying goes that the grass is always greene ron the other side :p
btw, my best friend isn't my SIL. Her brother recently got married and she never has anything good to talk about her bhabhi.
I hope things are better at your end now :). Just visit you're family in dubai by yourself and get a break, you so need it. You can always go some place closer with your hubsy maybe?
p.s. i live in dubai as well, while my soon to be in laws live in pak. However, my hubsy and i will be settling here in Dubai. (In Sha Allah)
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Hahaha just on a funny side as everyone saying about double standards, about evil SILs and evil MILs but aren't you all girls SILs to your brothers's wives?
No I'm not & never will be. I don't have a brother.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Hahaha just on a funny side as everyone saying about double standards, about evil SILs and evil MILs but aren't you all girls SILs to your brothers's wives? how does your bhabhis rate you as SILs and your moms as MILs?
Actually my brothers are from another Mother so they can't really rate my Mother as an MIL. As for being a SIL I let my Bhabhi get on with it; I don't interfere, demand my brothers time, wallet, or anything else. He is free to call me/text/email and vice versa but I'm not stupid; he's a married man with a young family and WORKS full time. He has a lot of demands on him and as any good sister will tell you it's more important to have a happy brother than a brother who is stressed because he is being pulled from pillar to post. Just my own opinion.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Chic pinnacle what i can see from ur posts is that ur hubby took step to marry u against dad's choice n then converted into a coward. The only advice i can give u is to stop depending on ur hubby. u have told him ur probs several time n he's not taking an steps so its time to handle things ur way. stop telling him things. stop trying to spend alone time with him.
Start spending time alone with urself. give more time to urself n ur baby. Lock urself in ur room n do yoga or dance, chat with family/friends on phone or do anything that pleases u after finishing ur main chores. if fil asks y u were in room say u were tired n resting or praying namaz/quran etc. if u have friends invite them over sometimes or slip out of house to meet them by making some bahanas. very slowly n without getting into arguments take control of ur own decisions. if fil/mil gets cold or fuss u keep happy n pretend as if nothing happened.
if ur mil/fil asks u to cheer up sil after her fight with them. just take a casual round of her room n come back without talking much.
as for the trip n anniversary celeb drop the agruement n go for as many weeks as u can. then try to stretch time by making new bahanas if possible. u r tied up in a tough situation n only way out is to stop fighting it. try to stay as much happy as u can n pay attention to ur health n spend quality time with ur baby. things will get better with time IA.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Just reading the first few posts...it seems to me that your in-laws feel insecure as your husband is the only son/brother and they perhaps fear losing him to you.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
^ So what's going on with your Dubai trip? Are you going with the baby? I saw on the other thread all the stuff your SIL expects you to do b/c of her wedding. Wouldn't a trip a Dubai w/ the baby give you a break from all that?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
I am going with the baby and inlaws will join me by the end of my trip. I an going for a month inshallah. How I got the permission is an entirely different story. However, I am going after the sil's wedding including the makllawa. Poore laad utha k hi jaoon g. Today my baby turned six months I wanted to have a little celebration but couldn't do anything because sil had a fight with her parents locked herself in her room and the house was full of tension. I had spoken to hubby about how I hate going to her room to reward her for her tantrums. He took notice of it so when today pil asked me to go to her room my hubby said no sh isn't going you guys need to let her realise what she does. Pil felt bad but stayed quiet and as soon as hubby left home for sports pil asked me to go and ask her for food. I had no option but to listen to them. I made sure to be very cold to them the rest of the evening. Honestly I am fed up. I wasnt brought up this way to be rude but their own behaviour is turning me in to that. I cant digest how I couldn't celebrate my babys half bday. It may sound stupid to you all but six months mean something to me :/
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
I think mil has sensed my disliking for how they reward that manner less sil by makibg me cook her favourite foods. Today she was like she'd make something for her daughter tomorrow whereas she always used to ask me. I didn't offer either. Am I being rude?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
^^ you had an option...you could have said that your hubby told you not to go. Common!
You know, you need to stop caring about everyone and go on about your life. We can only give you suggestions but you are the one who can change things for yourself and your family. If you are fed up with this behavior, stop bending infront of them. Start saying "No".
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
^ Agree with Lusi. Your husband told them himself what he wanted. You should have simply told them that you will not go against your husband's wishes. But no.....you made the choice to do what they wanted even though your husband already stood up for you!
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Cmon girls you don't have an idea how drama baaz mil are back in pak. If I had said that I couldn't go her bp would've shot up tabyat kharab ho jati and dramay shuru. Why did they even ask me when hubby clearly told then he doesn't want me to go. As soon as hubby left they asked me to check on their beloved daughter :/
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
^ So what if she causes drama? You can't control what she does. She will handle things how she wants. You need to take control over your own actions, rather than acting like a victim and whining and complaining. You need to be willing to help yourself, otherwise no one else is going to bother because it is clearly a waste of time.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
So is this what you’re going to teach your child? Just stay quiet and do whatever others want just so “drama” doesn’t happen? If you as the mother can’t handle drama…what will your child learn by watching you being treated like this by in-laws?
If you’re too scared of “drama” and not willing to stand up for yourself…then no point in asking your husband to do it for you. It’s ridiculous for him to stand up on your behalf…and then you turn around and go against him!
