So my in laws are apparently very broad minded(this is what they think of themselves) and love me to the extent that they are not okay with me visiting my parents who live abroad. I wasnt allowed to visit them ever for my chilla as my MIL said my FIL would be very depressed without the baby :S. Now I want to visit my parents and stay there for two months but my FIL says a couple of weeks would be enough. Please note I would be visiting them after a whole year :(. I need advice on how to convince them.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
What does your husband say about all this? What country are you in now and where are your parents (I'm trying to see how far the distance is/how long the flight)?
. Please note I would be visiting them after a whole year :(. .
According to your birth story.....you mom and sisters came to see you during that time.....Jan 1. So you saw your mom and sisters 6 months ago?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
What does your husband say about all this? What country are you in now and where are your parents (I'm trying to see how far the distance is/how long the flight)?
According to your birth story.....you mom and sisters came to see you during that time.....Jan 1. So you saw your mom and sisters 6 months ago?
This is something I love about you...Hahahaaa.You have made OP answerless.
Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Even if she saw them 6 months ago maybe she means its been a year since she has been back home and visited her family on her own since that period. This is something you need to talk to your husband about and come to an greenest about your time of stay.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
I’m sure you’re right but I wanted OP to clarify this. When women have…difficult…in-laws…it’s important for us to pick and choose our battles.
I found the answer to 1 of my q’s…OP lives in Pindi…she grew up in Dubai. She’s also been married less than 2 years. She had her baby on Jan 1 so it makes sense that she didn’t travel to Dubai in the last year (mid-end of her 1st pregnancy + having a baby 6 months ago). We really need to know how her husband feels about her traveling to Dubai with his 6-month-old baby for 2 months.
However, if she saw/spent time with her mom and sisters 6 months ago during the birth…I’m not so sure if its really worth causing drama with the in-laws for the duration of the visit (ie. they’re ok with her going for a few weeks). Those few weeks could be stretched to 4 weeks…so she can go for a month.
And BTW, my parents live in a different city and I see them 1-2x/year so I understand OP missing her parents and the desire to spend time with them. Still…maybe its just me but I can’t imagine wanting be away from my husband for 2 MONTHS to see them. I miss him like crazy if I’m away from him for a few days. 
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
If the issue is only related to the length of your stay, perhaps you can split it? go for 1 month now and in 6 months time, go again (for 1 month).... i feel even 6 months without seeing any family is too long :(
besides, i dont see why its your MIL/ FIL dictating how long you stay with your folks, where is your husband in all of this?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
I am not answerless and neither did I say its been a year since I last saw family. I clearly said its been a year I have not gone home. Its a tradition not only at my parents side but also at my inlaws that girls go to their parents for chilla. But as my mil had to visit her daughter right 2 weeks after my delivery for 3 months she dint allow my mom to take mr. That's another drama. My mom had beencalling her to confirm dates of her departure so she could buy my ticket too. Mil kept on ghumao phirao by saying her plan isn't pakka. However 3 days after the baby she told mom that she is going and she dint know about it. Fil srcretly bought the ticket. Mom asked her if I could go with her she said no she needs a woman in the house for fil and sil.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
My fil is extremely dominant. I usually get the baby only to feed and sleep with. Plus they have a completely different set of standards for me anf their married daughters. The married daughter visits every other weekend spends kids holidays with us comes for allthe bdays anniversaries etc. On the other hand when I ask to stay for a night at my aunts place who lives 5 mins away I am told to go some other time cuz I ll br missed. Hubby is supportive most of the time but as he is the only son he has a lot of pressure. Oh btw as I could not go anywhere for my last anni my hubby had promised we'd spend this one in dubai
Now his parents say they will accompany him. They dont let us have our space at all. I am too low. Hubby is allowing me for 1 month and I am ready for that but fil is not allowing. He says emotional stuff. I am extremely low.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
And I don't understand why they want to come along with my hubby. They know it was our anni plan. If they come along we have to go everywhere with them. They do that here aswell. Infact hubby and I were lectured a month after our wedding about how we should avoid going out without mil n sil as this could make them insecure
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
And yeah paheli I dont intend to cause any drama infact I am the quiet type who avoids drama at any cost. Have sacrificed my self respect many times just to avoid drama. Its just that I am too low and need a listener. Their double standards are giving me constant depression.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
hi CP, I can totally relate with you of how you are feeling low and all other things. But before I say anything, I obviously want to know what your husband has to say about it. What's his opinion. What sort or relation do share with him?
Is he amma ka laaj dulara or he also takes stand for you? You are not married within family right?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
My hubby and I have a good relationship it was a love marriage and his parents accepted me wholeheartedly. He does understand me and supports me (within our room) but he is so obliged by tge fact his parents let him marry me that he is ready to stay silent on many issues. His dad didnt approve of me earlier saying I wasny pretty enough lol though people always compliment me. Btw this was told by my youngest sil to me. Khair hubby is willing to let me stay for a mobtht cuz he too thinks it was unfair I wasnt allowed to be with my family for chills and how mil did what she did. Yet he can't tell his dad that he wants to visit alone with me. I just dont understand why on earth are they tagging along when hubby told them in dabbe lafz k its our anni holiday
Maze ki baat sil who is recently married wants to come too with her hubby when my hubby would visit me and jokes about how they are gonna celebrate our anni holiday with us in my parents hone :s I dont mind tgem coming but the point is we ll have to go around as a family. My sils have such diff standards for themselves and dont like inlaws interference in their matters. None of them lives with inlaws. When they gather they sit n talk abt how bad their inlaws are n I just sit n wonder they do worse things to me. Hubby being the only son n bro is def very ladla but he isny unfair to me aswell. Probably that's why I still haven't lost my sanity. I am expected to spend time with mil 24/7 even if I am going for a walk with my baby she would either ask me to leave the baby to her or take her along. I have no say in anything. I just have to do what in laws want and like :(
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
My fil also tells me not to stay in my room unnecessarily. If I stay in my room for long he would question me. If I am sitting with them and I get up to go somewhere one of them would ask me where am I going and why. If I discuss my issues with hubby he'd listen but would get deprssed after a few days as he cant do much. If we want to out thats an issue k kaise poochain k we want to go out as fil would alwaysssss say kiun jarahe ho akele akele ja rahe ho humare sath nai jana bla bla
Am I negative? Is this not something to be bothered about? As newly weds we were expected to sit in parents in law room n watch tv until they d ask us to go. When I discussed this with hubby he said this is his routine since childhood I told him we need time alone aswell. He did understand eventually and started taking me out alone once a month lol. But in laws dont let me breathe. Their love gets suffocating. They want to do every freaking thing bajamaat.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
And hubby changed after the baby. Started taking me out alone. Uss se pehle he would always worry k akele kaise jaein iss ko burra lage uss ko bura lagge ga etc etc. I seriously don't want inlaws to come with my hubby. I want to enjoy with my hubby alone. Yahan pk main her jagga saath hi jatay hain na :(
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
that's terrible. :\
there are some drawbacks of love marriages and this turns out to be one of them. Were you guys able to meet before marriage? Uss waqt ur hubby was making bahanas or he use to tell his parents k ammi ji abbu ji main aapki bahu to be se milnay ja raha hoon? I can't understand. mere hubby bhi kuch issi type k hain magar yahan problem ye hai k he has got a step mom and they both don't get along well. But my hubby don't want to let his father down. Hamay ghar main dominancy meri saasu maan ki hai
but as I work too, we have lot of outings :D
its always good to put your concerns forward. Manwana parta hai itnay aaraam se baatain maani nahi jaateen :(
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
how sad when adults act like little kids and self-invite themselves whenever a couple go out ghoomney you’d think the extra years they’ve been on this planet would earn them some extra wisdom/ self respect.
I wouldn’t put up with my in laws staying at my parents place at the only time i get with them, but then i dont know how i’d stop it either. Cant your hubby tell his folks that you need some alone time with your family and that it isn’t appropriate to be staying in your parent’s home?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Tell ur hubby to tell his parents that they could plan some nice trip together after a while but this is not appropriate that all of his family go with you to your parents place. tell him to tell them it would be putting burden on your parents like staying at their place,having outings with them etc. may be they would understand.
as for your outings here alone with your husband, can you guys not do this like once a week you all go out togather and then another week just you and your husband go? or is this also too difficult for your parents-in law to accept?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Again, the husband needs to grow a backbone and keep a balance between his parents' and wife's rights! Why do guys like these marry when they cannot provide security to their wives outside the bedroom?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Girls my hubby does speak for me not straight forwardly but indirectly he always tells them stuff which leads to mils high bp emotio drama and completely cold to me. If any one person was less dramatic I would ve cared less but my FIL is equally dominant. My hubby did tell my mil to ask sil to help me with aftari last ramadan as I was expecting. Plz dont even ask me the drama that I had to witness. I spent my eid super tensed and crying and hubby fought fot me but that just made things worse for ME. Anotherissue is my sil who is soon to be married is very very pampered. She yells at the top of her lungs does extreme level batamizi and locks herself in her room. This happens almost once every week without any exaggeration. I am then asked to go to her room and ask her fir food cheer her up and make something of her choice. We do have plent of servants but mu mil belongs to that school of thought who want bahus to do kitchen stuff. Anyway today was another such day where my sil screamed at the top of herlungs misbehaved with her patents over lunch not being of her choice. I soo knew id be asked to cook something for her and go to her room to pamper her but I am on the verge of exploding these days so I cant be fake enough. I told hubby I m not goi g to her room though I ll cook what fil asked me to cook for her. His ans was "ager main kahoon ga k ye nai jaye g tu tumhe pata hai kia ho ga tum khud keh dena aaj" what am I supposes to do? I am sooo done being her maid :/ my mil was leaving for somewhere and asked me k peeche se usse dekh lena n my face just went :/ she was like ab tum kiun moon bana rahi ho. Btw she is the same sil who didnt offer me any help on any ocf dawats made throughout my pregnancy n I worked alone. These dble standards kill me :'(
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Ok.....so the problem isn't even the duration of time in Dubai......it's that your in-laws want to come with you and your hubby when you go. Did I understand this right?
I'm also confused about this Dubai trip. What is the main purpose of your trip? To visit/spend quality time with your parents OR anniversory trip to spend alone time with your husband? I got the impression from your 1st post that you were planning on travelling to Dubai by yourself and baby to see your parents for 2 months. But now you're saying that this is a anniversary trip.
If you want to vacation with your husband alone...then why not plan a short vacation (let's say a week?) to somewhere closer than Dubai?
From what you've written so far.......I can completely understand your feelings depressed/frustrated. Unfortunately, NONE of your problems will be solved until you husband decides to stand up for you. Clearly him being "indirect" about it is not helping.