Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
Thanks for all the support and advice, it's definitely given me some strenght. Some of you said I shouldn't have apologized since I did nothing wrong, I only did it cause I was hoping they'd just be upset for a while but then we could all move on, you know like normal people, and above all I did for my husband... but I didn't know they would create such a big drama and humiliate us, especially in front of my parents, I still can't believe they said stuff like "leila majnu ki tahra rehtey hai" to my parents, because they don't like us to sit at the same table or same couch, seriously who says things like that ?!
Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
People who thrive on drama, I guess even at expense of their son..
Live your life, be happy and iA hope they come around in time for your husbands sake?
Someone had mentioned this is a cultural thing because their Punjabi. Is that true? I'm curious why that is? What about punjabi culture is it that makes them this way or maintain this kind of attitude? I'm pretty sure someone mentioned it here, hope I'm not mixing threads?
Imagine what it means to be someone who is offered a sincere apology, but instead of accepting it graciously and forgiving the “offender,” uses the apology as an excuse to spew more baseless insults and accusations.
We are also told that one of the most hated sins is that of breaking the ties of kinship. Here are just a few Quranic references: Greater Sins
Just based on these verses, it seems your inlaws are really hurting not only your husband and you, but also themselves by committing acts that are disliked by Allah SWT. It is on them. Maybe one day they will change and will come to you asking for forgiveness and to reconnect. Don’t let their bad behavior draw you into sin. Rather remember what we’ve been taught by Allah SWT and keep the possibility of a relationship open. In the meantime work on your other relationships and pray to Allah SWT for guidance.
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
Honestly S02, my inlaws are not the most religious type, FIL doesn't even fast, I doubt they even fear Allah at all... and I think their attitudes show exactly that. I don't really care if they come ask forgiveness to me or not, I'd just want them to apologize to my parents because it's their humiliation through mine that I couldn't stand. Even if they reconcile with my Husband and I limit my contacts with them, I'll always have the fear that they'll keep turning him against me, like they've always done...
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
People who thrive on drama, I guess even at expense of their son..
Live your life, be happy and iA hope they come around in time for your husbands sake?
Someone had mentioned this is a cultural thing because their Punjabi. Is that true? I'm curious why that is? What about punjabi culture is it that makes them this way or maintain this kind of attitude? I'm pretty sure someone mentioned it here, hope I'm not mixing threads?
I'm punjabi and we don't treat people like this or carry attitudes like this, its not a racial thing its a jahil thing to do and I have heard of pakistanis from all over Pakistan do atrocious things.
OP What you've done is the best you could do, the best you can do is just distance yourself and support your own family...The family will eventually realize how wrong they are, your severed relationship is punishment enough for them in this situation they have humiliated themselves more than anything.
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
Someone had mentioned this is a cultural thing because their Punjabi. Is that true? I'm curious why that is? What about punjabi culture is it that makes them this way or maintain this kind of attitude? I'm pretty sure someone mentioned it here, hope I'm not mixing threads?
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
This certainly is NOT a Punjabi thing.This is a crazy thing…!
Regarding the perspective from the other side,I am pretty sure there wont be any…I know people who behave like the way OP’s ILs have been doing and they usually have no solid reason to behave the way they do.
And as Muzna said,no matter how much you distance from them,the son would have to reconnect to them one day.And it is never gonna be pretty.It is still gonna be ugly once there are grandkids in the picture.
To the OP..I am sorry you have to go through all this and I also understand how hurtful it is esp when they insult your parents in any way.But eventually what will bring peace to you and your home would be to stay away from them as much as possible (and same goes for your parents..!) and let the husband deal with them however he wants to.
Good luck..
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
The first thing that came to mind when i was reading this was.. " typical punjabi style".. Dont be offended please.. i dont mean the abuse and all to be punjabi, thats mostly illiteracy and background.. but u have to agree punjabis are way more expressive and expect the same too. i kno this coz i married into a punjabi family as well. but one thing that i have noticed abt punjabis is.. they dont let their families go.. they fight they argue. they abuse.. and then the next day they are together like nothing happened.. i couldnt help smiling when i was reading this post as it was a bit too relate able ( even the sister in law part).. my SIL got her parents to kick my DH out too :D. but after a few months they came around and every things been great since.. CR u just need to hang in there.. support ur husband coz hes gona be real emotional too and will have his depression bouts.. never tell him how hes better off.. coz that wont work.. u have to stick by his side so when they finally get together again inshALlah.. he knows exactly who was at fault and that u guys get time time to become even stronger as a team
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
Maha Shonu, my family is like you described, I have a huge family mashAllah and but we're really close and love each other, and a lot of people from husband's side said they've noticed that as well during the wedding. We fight and yell at each other, say everything we have on our hearts but our issues are solved within secunds, we don't hold any grudges and I realise now how lucky I am. We never talk about this topic with Husband, I know he's hurt but he's not depressed, I guess since they've always treated him like that so he's gotten a little numb to it... since I was upset after what his family did, he actually told me that I was the best wife in the world and I had to be strong... he cared more about me than his own humiliation.I agree, whether or not they reconcile, it is best for my mental health and my parents that I stay away from them as much as possible, my dad warned me before I got married, he told me he had no doubt on Husband being a good man, but I had to be really careful with my FIL. I diddn't expect them to prove my dad right within 2 months of marriage.
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
. I don't really care if they come ask forgiveness to me or not, I'd just want them to apologize to my parents because it's their humiliation through mine that I couldn't stand. .
Don't wait around for that to happen, cuz the likelihood is that they won't. Also, some people "apologize" (if they even come round to it) by resuming ties or doing favors, giving gifts, etc.....they won't utter the words "I'm sorry." Moreover, this apology matters more to you than your parents. I doubt that they're expecting or even waiting for this. I doubt that your parents even have a strong desire that your in-laws apologize to you. They would be satisfied if your in-laws were to be normal with you and your husband again or at the very least...that they not give their daughter a hard time. I think that's what matters to your parents most. So move on from this expectation.
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
Ohh this is so relatable. My pil are equally dramatic. I had suchhhhh a tough time in the beginning and had to put in some serious efforts to help them accept me. As newlyweds hubby and I would sit until midnight in parents in laws bedroom and watch tv. It was something I hated the most. We couldn't go out alone as hubby was under serious pressure. Fil lectured us how we should avoid going out alone and always take or atlesat ask mil n sil. I was not allowed to sit in my own room unnecessarily and if I did I was asked questions. Now as almost two years have passed all because of my patience I have understood the psych of such controlling inlaws. They love drama and they can be handled with drama higher in level of their own drama. For eg when your sil started screaming and complaining you should have started screaming too and should have cried and said things like youare like a sis to me tvthat's the last thing I expected from you bla bla .. but only if we had gutts for this...sigh. .
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
Redvelvet, I know they won't, I don't have have high hopes for them to apologize to me or anyone else, and even if they do, I know how two-faced and hypocrite they are now so it wouldn't even sound sincere and they'll start their dramas all over again, so best option is so to stay away from them as much as possible... My parents are just scared for me because both FIL and SIL threatened me like "you'll see what we do to you" but again, I know that's just drameybazi.
Re: Inlaws kicked us out of their lives (beware, long story !)
CR.. dont ever expect an apology.. if and when they start talking to u guys again.. its going to be their way of going BEYOND what they are expected to u Any ways.. infact if i were u i would wish they didn't apologize coz that would become an other life time drama..for now u just take care of u and hubby.. may be ur hubby can try calling or some thing on eid and c if any thing has changed.. but dont worry .. these family things always work out.. u just need to ignore the drama and not let it grow even if they try for it to.
