And we’ve only been married for 3 months. I can’t really talk to anyone about it and which makes me even more upset but I really need to vent, so I sincerely apoligize for it being such a long read.
My husband and I had a love marriage, he has a sister who’s younger than me and who’s married. we live apart and inlaws said they were happy with that. We live 15 minutes away from them, we’d go there every weekend, and husband would go whenever he was needed during the week (take FIL to the doctor, take them to grocery shop etc).
About a month ago, we went there and we both felt they were in a bad mood, especially my FIL who barely said salam to me and didn’t talk to me during the whole time we were there. My husband went to talk to MIL and SIL at some point , I don’t know what they said, but he was pissed, he asked if we should stay for dinner and no one replied so we left.
The day after, we went to my parents’ for lunch and mum packed some rice for me and my Inlaws. Husband then went to give them but he told me they didn’t open the door, they must be sleeping (it was early evening). I begged my husband to call his parents the whole week but he didn’t, my parents called my inlaws several times but they wouldn’t pick the phone.
Husband eventually called his BIL to ask what was wrong. Basically they blame us for not spending enough time with them and for sitting too close to each other (me and my husband) in their house. FIL doesn’t appreciate it when husband and wife are too close to each other (his own wife never eats at the same table as him and always eats way after him). They have a couch which can sit 3 people, and we were each sitting at one end, not even that close to each other, my MIL was sitting on a chair, I told her to come sit next to me so she can be more comfortable, so I moved and sat close to my husband to make her some room, which apparently was inappropriate (the way they say it, it’s like I was sitting on his lap…)
Then my SIL tells my husband that I ignore her and didn’t even reply when she asked me how are you. I then took the phone and asked her why she said that and she denied what she said 2 seconds ago to my husband, then she goes : “you two spend 5 days together and when you come around you still talk to each other and laugh together, you didn’t even say Salam to my dad last time etc”. I tried my best to keep calm and not get mad, I told her we are husband and wife and you guys should be happy that we’re happy with each other, we laugh, we talk and we have a great friendship, we are a happy couple, besides, we always incluse you in our jokes. We both come home late and tired and commuting to work takes us 3 to 4 hours a day, even in the evening we barely have time for each other, and I did say salam to my FIL, I got up so he can ‘haat pherna” but he simply ignored and that really made me uncomfortable, he didn’t talk to me during the whole time. I then asked her why she keeps telling that I don’t talk to her, I’ve always treated her like a friend and had long conversations with her, I even invited her to our place so she can see our flat and eveything. My husband was there during the whole time (FIL ignoring me and me talking with SIL so he knows she’s wrong, and he knows how she is anyway).
My parents called my inlaws 4/5 times during the week and I called them myself many times but they wouldn’t pick up the phone , at this point, my parents didn’t know anything because I didn’t want to upset them, but they’re not stupid and they suspected something was going on.
Anyway, we go to my inlaws to apologize on Friday after work, but my FIL started saying stuff like “it’s not your fault it’s mine, I’m the pen***d (mean Punjabi swear word), a son is supposed to share his time between parents and wife in equal amounts but I gave you 75% of your time for your wife and 25% for us but you ignore us, I don’t need your money (FIL doesn’t work) , take your remaining stuff and get out of my house”.Before leaving I apologised again, and told them that my parents wanted to visit them the day after and please pick up the phone when they call, they didn’t do anything wrong. My parents just wanted to visit because my FIL was a bit sick.We arrived and they all looking gloomy, didn’t even properly say salam to my parents let alone to me, my mum had baked some cake rusks and brought some for them so she gave them to MIL who looked at them like they were crap.
I then went in the kitchen to inform my MIL that last week mum sent some rice for you but you were sleeping, she says “no I simply refused them” (my husband told me they didn’t open the door because he was so embarassed) I was really confused and didn’t know what to say, I asked her why, she said “why didn’t you stay for dinner the previous day?” I said “I don’t know what happened, Husband asked you if we should stay and no one even replied and you were all mad at us and we didn’t know why.”
That’s when my SIL starts screaming at me (if the Exorsist had Mimmie Mouse’s voice, it would sound like her) “how dare you ask questions to my mother; who do you think you are etc”. It just felt that she was waiting for an occasion to scream at me because I was very decent with MIL eventhough she was being so rude at me and my parents. I then go to husband and tell him to calm down his sister, obviously my parents heard her screaming at me. She then start screaming at her brother and tell him that I ask questions to her mum like I’m the police or something, she said all sort of things and kept coming towards me in a threatening way, so I hold her back, seriously, by barely touching her with my fingernails and she goes “haey mujh pey haat ootha ti hai”.
FIL then comes and tells me “what do you think of yourself, you don’t know me yet etc”, basically threatening me. FIL then humiliated and insulted my husband in front of my parents and told him to get out so he left although I try to stop him. FIL then told my parents a whole lot of crap : -
that my husband doesn’t spend time with them, although we always go there during the week end and even during the week, even though we come home really late and barely have time for ourselves, we still give them time so they don’t feel left out-
that he asked him to get him a car but he doesn’t care which is not true because he spent the whole week looking for cars for his dad and he knew it-
since we’re married, HUsband is always in a bad mood when he goes to their place and doesn’t even drink a glass of water which is such a lie, everytime we go there we all have a good time and laugh and eat and sometimes order food for everyone -
that he (FIL) doesn’t even have 10 euros in his account and my husband doesn’t even give him money which again, big lie, he transferred 1200 euros last month into his account -
that it’s their daughter who gave them the money when they needed it, I just can’t believe how he can say that, my husband has been working since the age of 12 to help his dad and earned in total 70 000 euros which all went to clear his dad’s debts, and kept 0 euro to himself, and he paid for his sister’s wedding-
he then told my parents I was a liar because one day, I was really busy with house chores so I couldn’t go to inlaws’, so I apologised on the phone and said I had a lot of “kaam” (work) and then husband told them I was doing “safayi” (cleaning) so for them it wasn’t the same thing so we lied -
I didn’t even give them my mobile number which is again a lie, they even have it recorded in their house phone (and anyway, they don’t pick up my calls right ?)-
I didn’t show them what was in my jewellery box (there was only the jewellery I wore at the wedding and nothing more, and since they didn’t give me anything I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable and basically give them the impression that I was showing off how wealthy my parents are)-
That he never saw me without dupatta on my head before the wedding so he thought I was well educated but now how dare I sit on the same couch as my husband and eat at the same table like “Leila majnu”, I promise you guys, he really said that.-
That when he wanted to cook andhi/salen for us we’d say no don’t bother, because I probably thought he’s do some kind of jaadu with it ! wth, I didn’t even have that kind of mentality and he knows neither I or my husband like desi food.
Later I learned the real reason why SIL was pissed at me, because she passed her driver’s licence and even though I congratulated her over the phone, I didn’t in person…
My parents tried to reason him and tell him look you only have one son and look at all he did for you, it’s no big deal if a husband and wife eat at the same table.But FIL wouldn’t budge, he kept saying that he didn’t have anything to do for us and we were out of their lives. My parents even apologized and asked him to forgive us and that’s we’re still young and can make mistakes, they told me to apologize too and my mum apologized to my SIL who said she’d take her revenge and we’ll see what she does with me.
Anyway we left, my parents were upset but not surprised because they knew my FIL’s and SIL’s nature from the beginning and didn’t want me to marry in that house for that reason.Even before the wedding, FIL would say so many bad things against his own son and SIL’s husband would reassure my mum and tell her “don’t worry aunty, he’s a really good and selfless boy and he’s helped his parents his whole life”, which is true, my husband is the most generous and selfless person ever.
My parents, who are really forgiving people and always taught me and my sisters to love and respect our inlaws like we did with them , felt so bad for my husband who was practically crying that they advised to find a house away from his parents because if we’re too close, there will always be problems.
I feel extremely humiliated and I never thought they’d say all the things and lies they said especially to my parents, but I feel especially bad for my husband, even though he says he’s happy with me and they’ve always treated him like that even before the wedding, he gave everything he could to his parents but they’d always complain he wasn’t a good son, and now he’s tired of hearing it. That’s it, still no sign of life from them, and I just don’t understand how that happened and how they can sleep peacefully at night. I truely apologize for the lenght of this message :-/
