I understand how you feel. I had no input in my engagement outfit-inlaws picked it. Really not to my taste at all...the clothes, shoes, jewellry. Didn't hate it but wouldn't have picked it. I just made sure that I got it tailored and it fit me well because when a garment fits you well it automatically makes you feel and look better. I also made sure I chose my hair and make up so I had input in my overall look.
Now the wedding is coming up and all the clothes for my jahaiz have been picked and made by various other people in my family. Seriously I'm the kind of person who spends a week picking out a pair of jeans or shoes for normal day wear! I've had 0 input in the jewellery. I said no to hold but guess what I'm getting gold!
My inlaws are picking my walima outfit and I'm having 0 input. There getting it from Pak and I'm in the UK so I won't know the colour style nothing until its here.
But you know what I'm happy. I like to have a moan sometimes but I'm happy. Yeah I wish I had more input but everyone's doing it out if love. It's not just my wedding, it's everyone's. It would be selfish to get all this stuff and have all this money spent and think it was all about me. Overall everything works out.
Also I think the stress of the wedding/marriage and everything that's related to it can get a bit much and sometimes it's easy to focus that onto something that can seem a little irrelevant and make it into a bigger issue than is genuinely is. I've done this myself.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Those who didn't get to pick their outfit at what point did you see it for real in front of you?
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
^3 days before I had to wear it.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
whatever this rasam is..it is ridiculous and unfair...when are we going to get rid of these rasams that end up hurting atleast 1 person...if yanzala insists and makes a big deal that she wants to choose the dress then saas would end up being hurt and if she gives up her right then she wud be hurting atleast until her wedding...
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Out of curiosity, all those girls who want to choose their own dress, are they planning on paying for their own dress, jewellery and accessories or do they expect his family to pay for their attire?
And what about their husband's outfit - who chooses that? What if it clashes with their own outfit - are they okay with that?
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Lol, I don't blame you for feelng that way. It's the one day where all eyes are on you, and you kind of remember it for life. If you don't like the way you look it will be obvious by your face or whatever. Why don't you talk to someone in your in-laws family that you're close to and give suggestions? In our family, the dress on the walima is chosen by the in-laws. So groom wears his in-laws choice and bride wear's her in-laws choice. When my cousin got married in 2010, her in-laws were going to chose her dress and jewerly and makeup. She was really worried, but was also really close to the youngest SIL. The SIL would ask her fav color, what kind of gold sets does she like (simple, huge and extravagant, plain gold or stone-studded etc), and on the day of the walima my cousin absolutely loved her outfit/makeup/jewelry. She didn't know anything about how it would look, she just gave simple/basic answers as to what she preferred. Maybe you should try talking to someone.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Out of curiosity, all those girls who want to choose their own dress, are they planning on paying for their own dress, jewellery and accessories or do they expect his family to pay for their attire?
And what about their husband's outfit - who chooses that? What if it clashes with their own outfit - are they okay with that?
Good point actually!
For me personally, I paid for my own outfit/jewelry. I will also be paying for my own MU/hair. My dad gave a certain amount of money to my fiance and that money will be used to buy his outfit....and we will go shopping for it together.
I could be mistaken but I don't think any bride expects HIS family to pay for her attire. I think generally it's the brides parents who pay for it. But in cases like this, where there the groom's family insists on paying for it (ie. the outfit "MUST" come from their side as per their tradition)....then it's a bit unfair for them to not give the bride any say on the outfit. After all.....in this specific situation OP is in.....it's not that she and/or her family isn't willing to pay for it.
There's a huge difference between the bride expecting the groom's side to pay for her attire....versus the groom's family insisting on paying for it b/c of their tradition.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Out of curiosity, all those girls who want to choose their own dress, are they planning on paying for their own dress, jewellery and accessories or do they expect his family to pay for their attire?
And what about their husband's outfit - who chooses that? What if it clashes with their own outfit - are they okay with that?
Well, yes. My parents paid for my dress and jewelry. My fiance is gonna buy his own suit. And we've discussed our colours and stuff so no chance of random clashes. But I've seen families where the in-laws finance the dress and/or jewelry even if it's picked by the girl's side.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Out of curiosity, all those girls who want to choose their own dress, are they planning on paying for their own dress, jewellery and accessories or do they expect his family to pay for their attire?
And what about their husband's outfit - who chooses that? What if it clashes with their own outfit - are they okay with that?
If I actually ever do get married I'd have no issue paying for my own everything and gifting my fiance with clothes too if we do go the matchy-matchy route :)
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Well, yes. My parents paid for my dress and jewelry. My fiance is gonna buy his own suit. And we've discussed our colours and stuff so no chance of random clashes. But I've seen families where the in-laws finance the dress and/or jewelry even if it's picked by the girl's side.
This happened with my cousin. Her MIL asked what she wanted, she sent a picture and colour choices and the MIL actually listened and got her exactly what she asked for. This, IMO, is how it should be if the ILs are insisting on paying for the outfit.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Those who didn't get to pick their outfit at what point did you see it for real in front of you?
The day before the mehndi, three days before the shadi.
I sobbed as I was upset at the sight of it. I felt it was too light and did not feel bridal, though it was pretty. But I loved the complete bridal look on my wedding day.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Out of curiosity, all those girls who want to choose their own dress, are they planning on paying for their own dress, jewellery and accessories or do they expect his family to pay for their attire?
And what about their husband's outfit - who chooses that? What if it clashes with their own outfit - are they okay with that?
I think most girls wouldn't mind paying for it themselves, but I do remember some bride posting on here all her demands and expectations of the designer outfit she expected her fiance's family to pay for. I was horrified reading her comments. But I don't think most girls are like that.
As for hubby's outfit, he selected it based on suggestions we gave. We paid for it.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
i am really sad about this and i just can't get over it :( everyone's been telling me that at the end it's all about living happily with husband, which i am Alhamdulilah blesses with an amazing guy.....but my point is that wedding itself is a superficial event. the entire point of wedding function is to get happiness through materialistic things, and i am not getting what i always dreamed of my entire life then i am definitely not going to be happy that day :( ever since i was young, i have been obsessed with wedding dresses. i used to save pictures of wedding dresses, i have countless photos of bridal dresses saved up. For my wedding day all i ever wanted was amazing dress, nice photography, and beautiful makeup. but now when i am getting married, my inlaws told me that in their family they chose the dresses for wedding, and they wouldn't even ask me the color or style, anything at all. at first i was a bit relaxed that they might choose a pretty dress but now when i get to know them more i saw that i didn't like their dress choice at all. it's completely different from my idea of a pretty dress. And i am % sure i will hate the wedding dresses they give me :( i am trying my best to get over it, trying to tell my self it's ok, but every time i see someone's wedding pictures, i get really really sad. I know you guys might be laughing at me for being so materialistic but i can't help it :(
even if they don't ask you- TELL them anyway
just because they haven't asked doesn't mean you can't tell them what you like or find an "in" to influence them (such as your husband's younger sister or cousin or something that can slyly help MIL choose what you want)
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress 
btw- my MIL chose my dress and i hated it (and even still she tells me what to wear on every special occasion and has clothes made for me without even consulting with what style or color i prefer- i mean of course i appreciate her making them for me, but i would think she’d want to get her money’s worth and make sure i will like it first)
point is- take action before it’s too late! 
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Those who didn't get to pick their outfit at what point did you see it for real in front of you?
i will see it one the mehndi day i guess when they will bring all the baree
Good point actually!
For me personally, I paid for my own outfit/jewelry. I will also be paying for my own MU/hair. My dad gave a certain amount of money to my fiance and that money will be used to buy his outfit....and we will go shopping for it together.
I could be mistaken but I don't think any bride expects HIS family to pay for her attire. I think generally it's the brides parents who pay for it. But in cases like this, where there the groom's family insists on paying for it (ie. the outfit "MUST" come from their side as per their tradition)....then it's a bit unfair for them to not give the bride any say on the outfit. After all.....in this specific situation OP is in.....it's not that she and/or her family isn't willing to pay for it.
There's a huge difference between the bride expecting the groom's side to pay for her attire....versus the groom's family insisting on paying for it b/c of their tradition.
in my case my in laws are going to be paying for the dress according to their budget and choice. honestly if i was the one paying for my dress i could have spent up to $5000 on it. call me stupid or anything, but that is how much i wanted a good wedding dress. also because i don't care much about other stuff like jewelry. i don't mind wearing artificual stuff as long as it looks pretty on me.
my husband has specifically told me they won't be able to spend too much money on the dress. from what i understood not even fraction of $5000 that i am willing to pay.
My family will be paying for my husband's outfit but he will chose it by himself because neither our family or his family has any tradition which deprive dulha from getting his choice.
even if they don't ask you- TELL them anyway
just because they haven't asked doesn't mean you can't tell them what you like or find an "in" to influence them (such as your husband's younger sister or cousin or something that can slyly help MIL choose what you want)
i would have if my husband's hasn't told me off so strongly against it :( . Just because i want a wedding dress of my choice doesn't mean i am going to lose my self respect over it. To my understanding, i have a right over my husband to get a dress of my choice, if he is denying it then i am not going to fight for it. But he have a strong idea of how upset i am about it and if he is still not going to do anything about it then i will let it be that way. Honestly i feel like if i fight for it and even i do get my way i will still not be happy about it. Fighting for it will not give me the same happiness that i wanted out of the dress.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress
the sad part is, if they compromise a little, and instead of showing us “who is the boss” by doing things like that, if they give a little respect and let us chose our dresses they will literally own me for that. I will always be grateful and have so much respect for it. but no body thinks that way.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Yanzala - now would be a good time to start a tradition of getting your husband's clothes and not letting him see it or have any input... Just sayin'.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Yanzala - now would be a good time to start a tradition of getting your husband's clothes and not letting him see it or have any input... Just sayin'.
yaar...honestly first of all wedding dress is really not that big of a deal for a guy anyways. so even if i do that all i am going to have is a bad name for getting back at them which i don't want.
i really don't want to get back at them in anyways....it's not going to give me equivalent happiness that i desired from a wedding dress of my choice then why even bother. i really like my in laws, and i love my husband. my intention is never to hurt them. i am just venting here because i am really upset.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
very sensitive, I really think a bride should choose her own dress.
You will feel better... With time. But I totally understand your need to vent... So yeah use this space, healthier than having a go at your husband etc. Xxxx hugs Xxxx