One of my fiance's friend's wife went through something like this last year. Her dad died years ago so it's just her mom. But his family is super rich and coordinated the entire wedding (they hired Shahrukh Khan and Bipasha Basu to perform at the wedding.....their wedding planner was the same one that did Aishwarya's wedding). Groom's family paid for and controlled the wedding entirely. It was held in India and believe me when I say this (I attended ALL the events in Delhi)....majority of us girls would consider it to be our "dream" wedding. No expense was spared.
Yet the bride was absolutely miserable. She and her fiance went to India like a week before the wedding. ALL her outfits, jewelry, make-up, hair etc.....every-single-thing was chosen by her MIL. She also wanted a simple wedding and the ridiculously lavish events made her super uncomfortable. The groom himself told us these things during the events.
I've met her/spoken to her a few times since then. She admits how miserable she was. But now....a year later....she says her only regret is focusing so much on her own misery during the events. She says she wishes she put more effort in enjoying her friends/family/husband. B/C now a year later.....she doesn't even really care anymore about the outfits (and yes, she admits she hated them all....despite all of them being expensive designer pieces). So yea....you're definately not the only one who has experienced this.
OP:
I know this is easy for us to say but hard for you to follow....but you don't know for a fact that you'll hate the outfit. No matter how small....there still is a possibility that you'll like the outfit. But even if you don't....don't allow that to ruin your entire experience. Are you having a mehendi? If so....do you get to pick outfit for that?
And as others have said....you can plan something for your 1st anniversary and have total control over that. :)
i know the meaning of the word…lol…i’ve just never heard of the actual wedding day refered to exclusively as baraat, like it is here…meri urdi itni bhi gaay guzri nahin hain
not sure if it will make you feel better or not...when my aunt was getting married har saas came from another province to see her for the first time and dropped the bomb on all of us saying in their family the tradition is to wear the wedding dress of the bahu of the elder brother...my uncle has brothers who got married before him so she brough 3 dresses of the bahus and my aunt had to choose the best of the 3 got it dry cleaned and wore it on the wedding..she looked beautiful...
she just didn't want to ruin the relationship with her saas...her saas(may Allah tala forgives her sins and give her a place in Jannah) didn't really want my uncle to marry her so she MAY have said what she said because of it..but in the end my aunt was her most beloved bahu and she only trusted her...
so point of this post is that atleast you are getting dresses that are new and only made for you..
You can do what most of the girls 're doing is make ur barat day outfit and let inlaws make the Valima only in that way u can wear ur choice of the dress otherwise be cool as this is what most inlaws do and you just can't force them :( so b happy n just don't spoil ur happiness over such issues u can't do anything
Ok so you can't pick the dress itself, but that's not all there is to becoming a bride. I think you need to focus on the aspects of your bridal look which you will have control over, such as your make-up and your styling.
this is strange! i can understand the inlaws wanting to be part of the wedding dress selection process however its the bride who is going 2 wear the dress so it might as well be of her choice . why r people weird like that?!
i dnt really know watelse 2 say…i know it must be a hurting the bride alot bt i guess the only choice she has is to be the bigger person and accept it and let it be.
in our family, we choose both the dresses for new bahu. but my inlaws will make my valima dress only. i think its not bad if they make both of your dresses. just think that you will wear what your hubby or would-be-hubby selected for you. he will give you more compliments in the dress he selected for you.. human nature :P
^ It's not weird. It's a tradition. It can be changed. But it's not weird.
Well it IS weird. You can't select both days dresses for the bride, it doesnt make sense. Infact i truly believe that even for walima dress, the inlaws shud prefer the bride's choice because at the end of the day its her who is gonna be wearing it so why make her wear something she is not liking. That is odd!
Well it IS weird. You can't select both days dresses for the bride, it doesnt make sense. Infact i truly believe that even for walima dress, the inlaws shud prefer the bride's choice because at the end of the day its her who is gonna be wearing it so why make her wear something she is not liking. That is odd!
ZK: it is not weird. i have seen this tradition in my own family too.
yanzala, do you have any SILs that will go shopping with your MIL for your outfits? Or maybe your hubby will go? you can talk to them and drop hints about what you like and dislike. That way at least they won't choose a color and style that you absolutely hate..
It's a tradition that should be changed - especially when it means so much to the bride. If the in-laws are already making the Walima dress, the bride should have the right to make her wedding dress. Tradition was passed down by our elders, who lived in a completely different time - a time where brides didn't even talk about their wedding day because of sharam and haya. Nowadays, for many Pakistanis (not all, but many) the girls plan their own wedding, and the dress is the first thing that any girl dreams of. So if you're hurt about this I completely understand. Plus, there is only one person in that whole reception hall to whom the dress means everything to - and that's always the bride - naturally she should be allowed to choose it. But oh well..
Regardless, didn't mean to rub salt in the wound - I hope that your in-laws come to realize the importance of this dress to you. If not, then try to cheer up, take your mind of it, because it's not in your control. Pray that it turns out to be beautiful and feel relief in knowing that you're giving happiness to your husband and in-laws by wearing a dress of their choice :)
Well it IS weird. You can't select both days dresses for the bride, it doesnt make sense. Infact i truly believe that even for walima dress, the inlaws shud prefer the bride's choice because at the end of the day its her who is gonna be wearing it so why make her wear something she is not liking. That is odd!
Maybe it doesn't make sense to you, or in today's world, for today's bride. But the tradition wasn't established as some heartless attempt to take away the bride's free will.
I do think that if inshAllah I have a son, I will let his bride choose her own clothes, and I do think that the best approach is to let the bride select the shadi outfit and the groom's side choose the valima outfit. But that is for our generation to change. If you are in a situation where your inlaws want to give you a gift that is your bridal jora, accusing them of being "weird" is not the right approach.
yanzala, do you have any SILs that will go shopping with your MIL for your outfits? Or maybe your hubby will go? you can talk to them and drop hints about what you like and dislike. That way at least they won't choose a color and style that you absolutely hate..
This.. maybe also show pics of stuff you really like so he could pass on those preferences to his mum (he could say that's what he'd like as well so she might not be as dismissive)..
Wow...I saw the title and my jaw dropped...I totally understand how devastating this would be. Im just like you in the sense I have a very clear idea of what I want as my wedding dress and If my in-laws said they'd choose the barat dress I would be very upset.
Im sorry but it is a very big deal - this is your wedding day and it should be a memorable event - girls spend a lot of time planning for this day - yes I understand there will be compromises that would have to be made but the bridal dress - geez - im like astounded - its fine if they wana select the walima dress - but choosing the barat dress is not cool.
I think you should talk to your husband about how you feel - maybe tell him what type of dress you would prefer or tell him that you want to go along with your mother in law when she chooses the dress.
I feel for you hun - I think I would put up a fight/stance if this happened to me - choosing my own bridal dress means a lot to me - i dont expect every1 to understand that - bt yeah - good luck :)
not sure what the big deal is, i did not pick the clothes I wore on my wedding day, I told my wife to be my general preferences, which included not wearing a pagg thingie...my mum picked the outfit for the wife, with understanding some preferences...we were happy to be getting married with a full participation of our family, and her mom got me the pagg anyways, while I had not planned to wear it, I figured i might as well. ideally would we have preferred to go pick our own outfits? I suppose we may have been, but really did not miss it then or now.
its a day, yeah its a special day, but i guess the word 'special' has different meaning to different people.
^ Yeah I see your point (to somegroovychick)- Ive never heard of this tradition etc and I pray it doesnt happen to me - lol
I think the husband should compromise if he knows his wife reaally wants to choose her own dress he should consider it - maybe take his wife and mum together to choose the dress...
Also what about the years of bad feelings the bride is going to have? (please dont argue about it being a materialistic thing and the bride needs to see the bigger picture - I could argue the same thing about the in-laws) why should the women be expected to get over it? Her in-laws dont own her...
Im not having a go at you hun - Im just trying to figure it out and am like reaally surprised by this...
[and theres a tiny chance Im imaging myself in the OP shoes hence my defensive stance ;)]
