i just got done having this convo with my cousin...she had her heart set on something totally modern...off white/chamagne with silver kaam and purple accents...her soon to be MIL vetoed that right away, and said she wants her bahu to wear RED....
she was bummed, and a little pouty, but i calmed her down (a little!) and kept reiterating that it is not wise to step on toes right off the bat...she'll get over the disappointment..like we all know, it really is one day, what's that compared to a lifetime, right???
OP, I'm sure you'll look absolutely beautiful in whatever you are given!
aww thank you INSHALLAHTALA....i wish it was just one or two days things...but wedding is a once in a life time event. and bad memories hunt for life time. i don't want to look at my wedding pictures later and still feel bad about that one issue later. i don't want to look at other gorgeous brides later and be sad about not getting what i always wanted even since i was little.
urgh...i really hate being that way
just to clear my self i am really not going to be involved in my wedding at all. i live in USA and my wedding is going to be in pakistan. i will arrive in pakistan just few weeks before my wedding...my wedding hall, decoration, jahaiz/bari cloths, jewelry shoes are all going to be bought by my extended family or my inlaws. and none of this bother me except that one freaking issue :(
Look in the mirror, take a deep breath and tell yourself, "You will not let this little issue ruin your wedding day. That's it."
Just let it go for the sake of having a genuinely smile on your face on your wedding day and for not holding any grudges against your in-laws from day one. No woman wants to go in to a new life with bad feelings about their in-laws. You'll have enough things to worry about after marriage. Trust me.
Marriage, esp. when it comes to in-laws, can get VERY MESSY. This is your first test in dealing with in-laws, so be patient, because you will need to be patient A LOT in the future and learn to compromise for the sake of keeping both sides happy! Take a lesson from it.
New people are coming in to your life, so there will be more give and take from here on...
Look in the mirror, take a deep breath and tell yourself, "You will not let this little issue ruin your wedding day. That's it."
Just let it go for the sake of having a genuinely smile on your face on your wedding day and for not holding any grudges against your in-laws from day one. No woman wants to go in to a new life with bad feelings about their in-laws. You'll have enough things to worry about after marriage. Trust me.
Marriage, esp. when it comes to in-laws, can get VERY MESSY. This is your first test in dealing with in-laws, so be patient, because you will need to be patient A LOT in the future and learn to compromise for the sake of keeping both sides happy! Take a lesson from it.
New people are coming in to your life, so there will be more give and take from here on...
alright...i will start chaning my mind from today....i will give updates later :p lets see if it works
just to clarify...except few things like that. i love my inlaws. i really love them. they have given me so much respect and love that i am overwhelmed. and honestly i have given them same in return and is why even though wedding dress is a huge deal for my i am not fighting for it even though i know that if i make a big deal out of it they will let me have my way but i don't want to lose their love and respect over a dress......but it just hurt me too much :(
Wait they are choosing the dress for the baraat too ?! Never heard of that, but its fine, as upsetting as it is, you will get over it one day :) TBH in the very beggining after the in laws said that it was a tradition in their family to pick the dress you shouldve just had your family say " HUMARAY HAAN HUM DRESS CHOOSE KARTEIN HAIN "lol.
My sisters in-laws said the some thing about choosing the wedding dress, but both families compromised that, this choosing thing will only happen on the valima. But her hubby was behind her 100% so it was a 5 minute conversation and everyone moved on. SO see if you can change the rasm a bit.
Wait they are choosing the dress for the baraat too ?! Never heard of that, but its fine, as upsetting as it is, you will get over it one day :) TBH in the very beggining after the in laws said that it was a tradition in their family to pick the dress you shouldve just had your family say " HUMARAY HAAN HUM DRESS CHOOSE KARTEIN HAIN "lol.
i said that...and they said no hamaray yahan yeh nahi hota and i didn't argue any further. and yes they are choosing both day dresses and maybe jewelry too :(
My sisters in-laws said the some thing about choosing the wedding dress, but both families compromised that, this choosing thing will only happen on the valima. But her hubby was behind her 100% so it was a 5 minute conversation and everyone moved on. SO see if you can change the rasm a bit.
But if not, remember it's just a dress.
nope, my husband doesn't agree with me either. and i can't choose either shadi or walima dress.
and i know it's just a dress that will either give me imanse amount of happiness or make me sad for whenever i will think back about my wedding day.
in Hyderabadi tradition..they groom's side brings both shaadi & valima dresses (we don't use the term "baraat" for the wedding day, i actually never really heard that term until i got active on GS!)....my khala was super scared to ask the new in-laws if we could do one day's dress ourselves within their allotted budget...the future MIL begrudgingly said ok, but laid down the stipulation that it had to be the color red, and that we show her pictures of the design and keep her updated/in the loop....sheesh...
in Hyderabadi tradition..they groom's side brings both shaadi & valima dresses (we don't use the term "baraat" for the wedding day, i actually never really heard that term until i got active on GS!)....my khala was super scared to ask the new in-laws if we could do one day's dress ourselves within their allotted budget...the future MIL begrudgingly said ok, but laid down the stipulation that it had to be the color red, and that we show her pictures of the design and keep her updated/in the loop....sheesh...
in Hyderabadi tradition..they groom's side brings both shaadi & valima dresses (we don't use the term "baraat" for the wedding day, i actually never really heard that term until i got active on GS!)....my khala was super scared to ask the new in-laws if we could do one day's dress ourselves within their allotted budget...the future MIL begrudgingly said ok, but laid down the stipulation that it had to be the color red, and that we show her pictures of the design and keep her updated/in the loop....sheesh...
it refers to convoy of groom. or somthing like barat aagye barat aagye. mean dulhay walay aagaye.
we all want the perfect dress, the perfect jewelery the perfect makeup and a good photographer… we cud care less about the food the venue and other such things …i totally understand where you are coming from I know if i was in your shoes i would be extremely upset too
but i would like to say three things maybe you can show your husband pictures of 3 of the dresses you absolutely love and tell him ur fave colors for wedding and just say somehting like i dont want to interfere in you guys picking the dress and I have no issues but I would be very grateful to you(i.e. husband personally) if you at least kept in a mind a little bit what my choice is…afterall this is iA the first and last time im getting married
second thing i want to say is that ive seen pictures of countless brides on GS, ive been to countless weddings a lot of the times the girl had a say in how she looked on both days sometimes she didnt and some brides ended up in dresses they would have never chosen for themselves… sometime the dress by itself was hideous…BUT no matter how a dress has been ive NEVER seen a bride that didnt look absolutely stunning on her wedding day… if u end up hating the dress u will also be excessively self critical and thikn u look hideous but if u were able to get the honest opinion of all ppl present they would tell u the same thing i said because…when ur marrying the right guy and ur off to begin a new life the happiness of that event put an entirely unique beauty on the bride’s face …please remember that
lastly youve not even seen the dresses they got you yet and ur fretting over it …wouldnt you feel silly for putting urself through this when you actually see the dresses and end up loving them? what are you basing your worries off of? brides youve seen dressed by ur in laws? when was the last weddding at ur in laws’? how long ago was that maybe what you saw were dated dresses…BUT if a year from ur wedding you still find yourself not able to get over it…ask your husband for your anniversary present for a bridal dress you love and have him arrange for a photographer and do a couple’s shoot again
yaar the last wedding was just few days ago and that is what actually upset me so much because judging them based on those cloths i have no doubts i will not like the dresses they will chose for me.
i can show them photos of few dresses that i like but it’s pointless because no matter what it will just create problems since my inlaws and my husband has clearly told me that the dresses are surprise.
the idea for wedding anniversary is great, but nothing NOTHING can ever be same as the wedding day itself.
^ true, but you know, they love you and i'm sure they will take your taste into consideration when choosing your dress. at the very least, know that they will choose it out of a lot of love and care for you and the desire to make you happy. choosing the dress for larka waley for the new bride is a very thoughtful, careful process. they don't insist on these things out of a desire to give offense or assert control, they do it because they recognise the importance of the day, recognise the importance of the person who will be wearing the dress, and really just want to be a part of the process. there is a lot of anticipation and excitement surrounding the process.
i can understand your anxiety and your concern, but i hope that you realise the importance of this ritual for your in-laws too. and you never know, you might be pleasantly surprised! the joras for the other brides might be reflective of the taste of those brides. you are your own person and i'm sure they've observed your dressing and will make something for you with that in mind.
aww thank you INSHALLAHTALA....i wish it was just one or two days things...but wedding is a once in a life time event. and bad memories hunt for life time. i don't want to look at my wedding pictures later and still feel bad about that one issue later. i don't want to look at other gorgeous brides later and be sad about not getting what i always wanted even since i was little.
urgh...i really hate being that way
just to clear my self i am really not going to be involved in my wedding at all. i live in USA and my wedding is going to be in pakistan. i will arrive in pakistan just few weeks before my wedding...my wedding hall, decoration, jahaiz/bari cloths, jewelry shoes are all going to be bought by my extended family or my inlaws. and none of this bother me except that one freaking issue :(
listen ... this topic is never-ending ... and this is BAD .. i 100% agree with u ... I understand where u are coming from because my in laws did my engagement and that made them happy .. even regardless of whatever i was lookin like .. however .. i "agreed" to the fact tht my sweet MIL is bringing me somethin ...
she spoke to me about my bridals too .. as she knws that some families have the trend of doing their own bridal AT LEAST for the weddin day . .and some just hand it over to the in laws ... brides feel comfy in both ways .. in the first scenario they have their own choice to wear .. in the second .. it saves them a lot of money ..
i told my MIL sweetly but bluntly that its okay .. wedding day we'll do everything and valima u guys can .. so in essence it also saves them money right?
talk to someone who has an influence since ur in laws already have made up their minds .. at least find out where they are gettin the dresses from when u give ur sizes .. see how the bridals are there online ..
this practice is very common in for weddings in karachi .. not in lahore .. and karachi has variety .. so if i were u .. id either have their minds changed or deal with it .. :)
U R RIGHT when u say tht weddings come once in a lifetime - and if u cant do anything about this .. dont let it come in ur way .. in fact .. since u will not be spendin grands on ur weddin dress .. spend the same money somewhere u like to .. AYASHI KARO! ..
