Re: Walima Dress Woes :(
Glad it's all falling into place for you! When's yoru wedding InshaAllah?
Re: Walima Dress Woes :(
Thanks for all the feedback girls :)
-I actually don't have a problem with her picking it, I would just prefer that she listen to the style and the different colors I would want. At least this way she knows what I like, she doesn't have to get the exact thing, that's for her to decide. I just think at least asking the bride to be is the courteous thing to do :)
-Just an update, she has asked me the colors I want as well as the style! I'm sooo glad she asked, Alhumdulillah :)
yay!
inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
i am really sad about this and i just can't get over it :(
everyone's been telling me that at the end it's all about living happily with husband, which i am Alhamdulilah blesses with an amazing guy.....but my point is that wedding itself is a superficial event. the entire point of wedding function is to get happiness through materialistic things, and i am not getting what i always dreamed of my entire life then i am definitely not going to be happy that day :(
ever since i was young, i have been obsessed with wedding dresses. i used to save pictures of wedding dresses, i have countless photos of bridal dresses saved up. For my wedding day all i ever wanted was amazing dress, nice photography, and beautiful makeup.
but now when i am getting married, my inlaws told me that in their family they chose the dresses for wedding, and they wouldn't even ask me the color or style, anything at all.
at first i was a bit relaxed that they might choose a pretty dress but now when i get to know them more i saw that i didn't like their dress choice at all. it's completely different from my idea of a pretty dress. And i am % sure i will hate the wedding dresses they give me :(
i am trying my best to get over it, trying to tell my self it's ok, but every time i see someone's wedding pictures, i get really really sad.
I know you guys might be laughing at me for being so materialistic but i can't help it :(
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
sorry hon...that sucks :(
maybe they'll surprise you with something you do like...
chin up....keep your eye on the prize...your soon-to-be hubby!
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Many of us had our wedding dresses chosen y our inlaws. No big deal.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
[QUOTE]
the entire point of wedding function is to get happiness through materialistic things,
[/QUOTE]
That's not true at all, sis. Best wedding is the one that's the simplest. The simpler it is the more blessings of Allah will fall upon it.
You should say Alhamdulillah, because there are many, many, women who don't even have any dress for their wedding. I agree with those who are saying that you should focus on what's to come after the wedding. The wedding is just one day, but you being related to your in-laws will last forever (hopefully, InshaAllah).
I have a feeling that if you go out of your way and break their "tradition" (as silly as it is), they might remember that for a long time. However, you will probably not worry too much about the color or style of your dress once you've settled in your married life. Just ask how many women think about their wedding dresses few months after their marriage? Yeah, probably none of them.
It's just one day, so tell your heart to compromise Insha'Allah, to keep things going smoothly. I'm sure there are enough drama and tension that goes on during weddings, so let's not add to it. Let it be.
Lastly, your beauty, make-up, dress, adornment, should only be for your husband. Not for all the non-mahram men who will come and look at you. It's pretty saddening that we have this culture now that every bride has to be dressed up and displayed on a stage while men from every corner of the city come and look at her. Where's our sense of haya?
Khair, anyways..just look past it and pray that Allah blesses your nikah.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress 
patience is key. and Allah likes **sabir **people.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
it's not a big deal i know....but for me it is.....i had spend hours on different website just looking at dresses..........it is all i really wanted. i had dreamed for a gorgeous dress.
I know they will try their best for a nice dress....but i have seen their choice and it's completely different from what i will even remotely like :(
i wish i can get this thought out of my mind and stop worrying about it, but it's just not working. i have cried so many times over this issue, and i know it's stupid but i just can't help it.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
man, you should just say thanks to Allah. Look at those people who are still looking for spouses.
I will suggest you to change this tradition by allowing your future son's wife to pick dress on her wedding.
masla hal. :@:
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
you are so right, i am completely agree that all my adornment should be for my husband, but it's should be for my self too...it should provide me with happiness too. i don't want a nice dress to show other people, i want it for my own happiness.
i know my relationship with my husband and his family is a lot more important than a wedding dress and that is why i never complained to them about it and never ask for them to change their family tradition for my wishes. but.....i just can't stop feeling sad about it.
I already had my nikkah so for me my wedding is just a superficial event. i am not getting anything out of this superficial even honestly if asked i don't mind a simple rukhsati. but since i am not getting a simple rukhsati, i just wanted this one thing that i know would make me happy.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
man, you should just say thanks to Allah. Look at those people who are still looking for spouses.
I will suggest you to change this tradition by allowing your future son's wife to pick dress on her wedding.
masla hal. :@:
i will never ever pick a dress for my brother's wives, or my son. i will never ever take that simple happiness from anyone
i am Alhamdulilah very very thankful for such an amazing husband....just because i want a dress i like doesn't mean i don't care for my husband
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Oh, honey, trust me, I had the same problem that you did. And it was no fun for me during the engagement process. But my husband (fiance at the time) was very supportive of me, and he really advocated my wishes to his family so that I could get a dress that I wouldn't feel ugly in. Granted, it wasn't a dress that I would have chosen, but in the end, I felt beautiful. If it makes you feel any better, a beautiful bride is about more than just a dress. No matter what they pick for you to wear, you can still make it your own style with your hair, makeup, jewelry, and most of all, by enjoying your wedding and having it show through your pictures.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
it's not a big deal i know....but for me it is.....i had spend hours on different website just looking at dresses..........it is all i really wanted. i had dreamed for a gorgeous dress.
I know they will try their best for a nice dress....but i have seen their choice and it's completely different from what i will even remotely like :(
i wish i can get this thought out of my mind and stop worrying about it, but it's just not working. i have cried so many times over this issue, and i know it's stupid but i just can't help it.
It's a big deal for many girls. And of course we all want a gorgeous dress.
But you will wear many gorgeous dresses in your lifetime, inshAllah.
The wedding is not the end, but the beginning. :D
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
It's a big deal for many girls. And of course we all want a gorgeous dress.
But you will wear many gorgeous dresses in your lifetime, inshAllah.
The wedding is not the end, but the beginning. :D
i am trying to think that way...it's just not working
i really want to enjoy my wedding worry free. i don't want to be upset over small things and regret having my wedding day ruined later. but what can i do i just can't make my self feel better no matter what i think.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
i just got done having this convo with my cousin...she had her heart set on something totally modern...off white/chamagne with silver kaam and purple accents...her soon to be MIL vetoed that right away, and said she wants her bahu to wear RED....
she was bummed, and a little pouty, but i calmed her down (a little!) and kept reiterating that it is not wise to step on toes right off the bat...she'll get over the disappointment..like we all know, it really is one day, what's that compared to a lifetime, right???
OP, I'm sure you'll look absolutely beautiful in whatever you are given!
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
you are so right, i am completely agree that all my adornment should be for my husband, but it's should be for my self too...it should provide me with happiness too. i don't want a nice dress to show other people, i want it for my own happiness. i know my relationship with my husband and his family is a lot more important than a wedding dress and that is why i never complained to them about it and never ask for them to change their family tradition for my wishes. but.....i just can't stop feeling sad about it. I already had my nikkah so for me my wedding is just a superficial event. i am not getting anything out of this superficial even honestly if asked i don't mind a simple rukhsati. but since i am not getting a simple rukhsati, i just wanted this one thing that i know would make me happy.
Seems like your mind agrees to it, but your heart doesn't. Console your heart. It's just one day, it'll go away.
I, honestly, can't figure out how this is something anyone would cry over, but I guess, women are different.
Just let it be, sis. I mean, would you really want to look sad on your wedding day over a dress? Imagine walking around with a sad face, instead of putting aside this issue and be happy on your wedding day? Which one sounds better?
Just let go of it once, and you'll feel much better InshaAllah.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Oh, honey, trust me, I had the same problem that you did. And it was no fun for me during the engagement process. But my husband (fiance at the time) was very supportive of me, and he really advocated my wishes to his family so that I could get a dress that I wouldn't feel ugly in. Granted, it wasn't a dress that I would have chosen, but in the end, I felt beautiful. If it makes you feel any better, a beautiful bride is about more than just a dress. No matter what they pick for you to wear, you can still make it your own style with your hair, makeup, jewelry, and most of all, by enjoying your wedding and having it show through your pictures.
my husband is not supportive at all in this issue. he doesn't even realize it's a big deal for me. my inlaws has already told me they will not ask me for even the color. they will pick the jewelry too. so i have no control over anything at all.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
Seems like your mind agrees to it, but your heart doesn't. Console your heart. It's just one day, it'll go away.
I, honestly, can't figure out how this is something anyone would cry over, but I guess, women are different.
Just let it be, sis. I mean, would you really want to look sad on your wedding day over a dress? Imagine walking around with a sad face, instead of putting aside this issue and be happy on your wedding day? Which one sounds better?
Just let go of it once, and you'll feel much better InshaAllah.
thanks for the advice....i agree with you..but i have no clue how to apply it on my self.
that is why i opened this thread so i can talk to some people about this..i can't even talk to my own family because they will get mad at me for being that way.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
i will never ever pick a dress for my brother's wives, or my son. i will never ever take that simple happiness from anyone
i am Alhamdulilah very very thankful for such an amazing husband....just because i want a dress i like doesn't mean i don't care for my husband
good gal. now just take a deep breath and try to feel happiness in the happiness of your MIL's bridal suite.
I will advise you to make it your rule in life that try to make others happy, and believe me it will make you feel happy. at least i learned it from my life and believe on this principle.
Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress :(
time heals all wounds...but only if you'll let yourself stop dwelling on it....