Hm... many of us have mothers who lived in differnet times, different rules./society/culture with different expectations of em than us... Many of the things my mother dealt with, I could never deal with. Some would say I'm weak or spoiled, some would say that I'm more "modern" or "empowered" . But does this mean that we won't make decent wives? Women of my mom's generation, at least from family stories that I've heard, were encouraged to take all the bullshiit that came at them, from in laws, society etc, and not complain or fight back, and i think that's still teh case sometimes... if i decide to fight back wud that make someone a bad wife/bad person?
If your marriage is about fulfilling the needs not only of yourself but your husband then you'llbe fine...if you want everything your way...and believe marriage to be solely about satisfying yourself then your in trouble...
We are too selfish when it comes to relationships and that is why they tend to fail...we always expect our own expectations to be met...me...me...me
Back in the days...it seemed to be the other way round...wives would be all about their husband and fulfilling their needs even if it compromised their own aspirations....
Find a middle ground and then its all good
A woman's independent thinking and the ability to stand on her own has a lot to do with it too. I think it's a good thing. Why should a woman put up with a man just for financial reasons? Back in the old days, women would think og marriage as a means to living.
A by-product of high-rate divorces is a higher percentage of non-abusal and successful marriages.
A national study of over 1,800 married couples indicated that the probability of getting a divorce was twice as high for couples that had cohabited prior to marriage compared to those couples that had not.
Cohabitation, in my mind, = How much more do you need to know about that person???
The strong proponents of the idea of letting guy know gal, are missing the point that it really is impossible to learn everything about a person in such a short time. Someone blamed the interference of parents in the marriage as one of the leading causes of divorce among desis. While I am not downplaying these as irrelevant, (they are relevant to some extent), I will say, by re-emphasizing my previous view, that a lack of willingness to compromise is the most important reason why marriages dissolve.
Spousal abuse, money problems, unreal expectations are often cited as causes for divorce. But these causes are really effects arising from the real cause: lack of compromise.
The stigma attached to a divorced man or women has less impact in society on them today than let's say five years ago and therefore its become more suitable as an option than it did ever before. People may turn their cheek to possible flaws in proposals but families nowadays are less likely to force their daughters n sons to "nibha a rishta" against their will. Women and men are more aware of what they want in a marriage than just plain old security and kids. factors such as compatibilty to endure each others flaw as well as emotional, mental and phsycial support matters and people are now willing to take a chance to actually seek it instead of dragging a relationship to it's tattered ends.
Heres a quote I love - and it is very true for women (in my family at least)
“many of us are becoming the man we wanted to marry”
We no longer “need” a man, no longer are women “one man away from welfare”..its the unfortunate that comes along with liberation. Its a necessary unfotunate in my opinion and one that fails to be the concern of anybody but the two individuals involved.
and destroyed childhood, dysfunctional families, not to mention that studies have shown that children coming from “broken homes” mostly destroy their own marriages as well (because of all the baggage they carry with them).
^ not as much as kids who come from abusive homes and environments who plague their own as adults. boys watching their mothers being treated like serfs, abused, watching their sisters get second class treatment love to relicate this. Girls who grow up in these dysfunctional environments come with low self esteems and promote the culture.
Coming from a “broken home” doesnt mean a destroyed childhood. That is bull. It makes you more cynical about the lonevity about any relationship - and the sincerity etc of future partners but doubt your studies shw that they “destroy” their own marrages - a child is likely to have more baggage in a loveless hostile home where the partners no longer want to be with one annother and where abuse takes place.
Strong and happy parents are a good role model for kids.
^ PD, I am not advocating domestic abuse, nor am I saying that women who are abused should not get away from the psycho. I was merely pointing out that not all "by products" of increased divorce rate are good.
Hiccup, come talk to me about this after you finish your Ph.d in clinical psychology with “abused children” as a part of your dissertation. Plus, we are talking about emotional scars which are not so visible and can only be observed and confirmed after years of research and study.
^ Kaleem, people don;t just get divorced because it is the 'in' thing to do. Even in the morally depraved west (kaffir going to hell people) there are more avenues in salvaging marriages than running to the local court or uttering talaq-3.75 times.
oye kothay...I am not saying that divorce is in thing...I was just saying that divorce does cause problems for the kids, yes, I am well aware of the fact that all you have to do is file for divorce and than a moron shows up to server you papers....easire than saying divorce 3.75 times to the person you once loved.
Ill assume you will also hve completed your PhD in the same, otherwise there aint no use discussing - your wives qualifications don’t count.
1 in 3 families get divorced. By that statistic and that stat is seemingly right - by now most of my friends parents have spilt up. Most of them are from “broken homes”. They are fine. Some of them are stable relationships etc.
now, the families my mother works with involve women who need<< to divorce, should divorce but do not have the power to do so. Now, there are some fked up kids right there yo. They have seentheir mothers treated like ****. Divorce would have set the right example in those households.
But you are right - what do I know. I am simply one of those kids froma broken home that is potentially messed in the head.
A good law can play a vital role here, after all laws are made for communities. Here are some options:
[ol]
[li]Upon divorce, women or men must not get some benefits out of it (money, kids...). Usually women are interested in divorce because they get money in most parts of this globe. In many situations men get certain sort of benefits out of it.[/li][list=1]
[li]Kids must be kept with court (i.e. some organization) and both dad and mom must be ensured by the court to pay their monthly expenses.[/li][/ol]
[li]Divorced ones must not be allowed for another marriage, until they are certified by some psychiatrist to have enough mature-ness.[/li][ol]
[li]All marriages must require mature-ness certificate[/li][/ol]
[li]Kids of divorced must not be allowed to meet their parents as they can have some psychological problems as a result.[/li][ol]
[li]Kids need to be visited by psychiatrists to treat any sort of damage they might have got from parental disputes.[/li][/ol] li Only graduates must be allowed to marry.[/li]li Court must ensure that candidates have enough resources; candidates must have to submit their testified financial reports.[/li]li Courts must ensure that there is no sort of pressure involved in the marriage through long sessions of discusions with candidates and families.[/li][/list]
But no really, and they are mighty pleased you agree