I have noticed for quite some time now that you and your husband are having communication problems. Even before, in an earlier thread, you had complained that your husband doesn't not talk or respond to you....as if he goes mute.
Also, I have a suggestion for you. When you create a thread...please tell us what question you want answered by everyone. Ab tum jaa kar apna post parho. Kuch samajh main nahin aata k tum kya chahti ho. Kyoon k tum ne koi question hi nahi likha. You did not mention what you need help with. And it's frustrating because banday ko pata nahin hota k tum sirf shikayat kar rahi ho ya kuch advice bhi chahti ho. Job bhi advice tumhay chahiye....ussay question k form main poocho. This will make your problems seem a bit more understandable by readers.
Now about your husband: You need to talk to him about this problem directly. Start the discussion off by mentioning *POSITIVE **things about him (such as things you like about him) and the discuss what is bothering you. Tell him that *"I find it to be inconsiderate when you don't respond to me at all. I'm not a mind reader. And this behavior makes it more stressful for me because I feel like I'm left hanging.....when you dont' respond. IN our marriage, if I have done something wrong, I will apologize because I believe it's the right thing to do. And apologizing doesn't make one weaker or smaller. It takes a lot of courage to admit that one is wrong and to apologize. If you dont' want to apologize, that's your decision, I can't force you. But at least communicate your thoughts to me when we're having a discussion, nobody likes to be deliberately ignored. This isn't a healthy pattern for our relationship. And I want our marriage to work."
**
The guy didn't open up the thread here it doesn't mean that he is wrong. We just know the one side of the story. Men can absorb a lot. If he is not talking to you for quite some time than it must be big. At least for him. You must close this debate that who is right and who is not.
My suggestion is don't say sorry or expect an apology, but at least start talking. Trust me like you are waiting for his initiation, its same for him too. Just put a little spark there, and fire will burn by itself.
I have noticed for quite some time now that you and your husband are having communication problems. Even before, in an earlier thread, you had complained that your husband doesn't not talk or respond to you....as if he goes mute.
Now about your husband: You need to talk to him about this problem directly. Start the discussion off by mentioning POSITIVE *things about him (such as things you like about him) and the discuss what is bothering you. Tell him that *"I find it to be inconsiderate when you don't respond to me at all. I'm not a mind reader. And this behavior makes it more stressful for me because I feel like I'm left hanging.....when you dont' respond. IN our marriage, if I have done something wrong, I will apologize because I believe it's the right thing to do. And apologizing doesn't make one weaker or smaller. It takes a lot of courage to admit that one is wrong and to apologize. If you dont' want to apologize, that's your decision, I can't force you. But at least communicate your thoughts to me when we're having a discussion, nobody likes to be deliberately ignored. This isn't a healthy pattern for our relationship. And I want our marriage to work."
wonderfull post
rv i m not exactly asking a question was just depress so shared with u girls...
i called him today..he said how are u..i said how r u he said how are studies...whats happening..then i try to talk about the issue he said ok u take care bye..
u know he has a nature or a habit when ever he is at fault he never admits...never taked about it...always skipped or ignored and i know what he wnats from me that i care for him..call him make him that there were nothing happend....love him ..behave like normal etc...
i m also human untill or unless he say sorry or coax me how can he expect all good from me
atleats i cant do this...
i always bend..but limit is limit...he should realise that i m naraz...which he is not relaizing at all
i called him today..he said how are u..i said how r u he said how are studies...whats happening..then i try to talk about the issue he said ok u take care bye..
u know he has a nature or a habit when ever he is at fault he never admits...never taked about it...always skipped or ignored and i know what he wnats from me that i care for him..call him make him that there were nothing happend....love him ..behave like normal etc...
i m also human untill or unless he say sorry or coax me how can he expect all good from me
atleats i cant do this...
i always bend..but limit is limit...he should realise that i m naraz...which he is not relaizing at all
just nikkah..rukhsatiin few months...
You tried to talk to him about something important..........and he said "take care. goodbye"???????????
That is RUDE behavior. And it's also immature of him. If he doesn't respond on the phone...........then you need to send him an email. You can copy and quote the sample response in quotations I gave you in my first post on this thread and paste it in your email to him.
I understand that you're depressed. Woh to saaf zahir hai. Lekin sirf depressed rehnay se koi masla nahin hal hoga. You need to take action. And several people have told you that you need to talk to him. And if he's such a BABY that he can't respond to you on the phone........then you need to email him.
You tried to talk to him about something important..........and he said "take care. goodbye"???????????
That is RUDE behavior. And it's also immature of him. If he doesn't respond on the phone...........then you need to send him an email. You can copy and quote the sample response in quotations I gave you in my first post on this thread and paste it in your email to him.
I understand that you're depressed. Woh to saaf zahir hai. Lekin sirf depressed rehnay se koi masla nahin hal hoga. You need to take action. And several people have told you that you need to talk to him. And if he's such a BABY that he can't respond to you on the phone........then you need to email him.
i dont think he would be too bothered to reply back if she sends him an email
maybe u shud just cry to him over the phone , it worked for my friend :D
i dont think he would be too bothered to reply back if she sends him an email
maybe u shud just cry to him over the phone , it worked for my friend :D
The reason I said that is because some people respond better over email than they do over the phone. And vice versa. And others can handle both very well.
The crying might work this time. But should she have to "cry" every time in her marriage.....when husband doesn't have the basic courtesy to listen? And the "crying" routine become old quickly. The first few times he might show compassion for her crying. But people can become disgusted and turned off with frequent crying. She doesn't want to be labeled a "cry baby".
Suhaina, you once mentioned that this is a "love marriage". How is this is a love marriage when he doesn't even have basic courtesy during communication? If it's a love marriage, then you both must have had a relationship before agreeing to get married. So........did he behave in the same way during your relationship before marriage?
suhaina when its clear to u that he'll never admit,say sorry or come fwd to make it up wats the point in waiting?its not gonna happen.period.
now that u hav understood his nature u need to set a strategy for dealing with it. remember this prob is gonna arise everytime u'll hav a disagreement.he might never change.
when u get mad stop talking for a while.giv urself time to cool off n relax.do things that make u feel better.when u think u r no more upset resume talking,laughing n behaving nothing happened.this might not solve ur prob but will keep away tension.aisay banday se kabhi shikwa kero na koi arguement.don't fall for "communicate ur probs with ur partner"trap coz with this type of a person u'll find urself talking to urself or a hard wall which doesn't listen or respond back.
once u too develop a really good,close bond with no bitter memories he'll listen to u more n learn to b more mellow.
You tried to talk to him about something important..........and he said "take care. goodbye"???????????
That is RUDE behavior. And it's also immature of him. If he doesn't respond on the phone...........then you need to send him an email. You can copy and quote the sample response in quotations I gave you in my first post on this thread and paste it in your email to him.
I understand that you're depressed. Woh to saaf zahir hai. Lekin sirf depressed rehnay se koi masla nahin hal hoga. You need to take action. And several people have told you that you need to talk to him. And if he's such a BABY that he can't respond to you on the phone........then you need to email him.
i know he will read mail but he will not respond so no use rv honey
The reason I said that is because some people respond better over email than they do over the phone. And vice versa. And others can handle both very well.
The crying might work this time. But should she have to "cry" every time in her marriage.....when husband doesn't have the basic courtesy to listen? And the "crying" routine become old quickly. The first few times he might show compassion for her crying. But people can become disgusted and turned off with frequent crying. She doesn't want to be labeled a "cry baby".
Suhaina, you once mentioned that this is a "love marriage". How is this is a love marriage when he doesn't even have basic courtesy during communication? If it's a love marriage, then you both must have had a relationship before agreeing to get married. So........did he behave in the same way during your relationship before marriage?
i,ll not like to cry...ye s i do crying nwo days but when i m alone .i cant show him that i m this weak..or i m getting week..
he was good but now he is changing i dont know why..once in past i aksed him about something particular around 6,7 times on mail.on fone on sms but he didnt respond about it once ..
why he skipped i dont have an idea...may b he dont have this much courage or dont wana talk abt it ...
which is so annoying u need to share your feelings otherwise i can get an idea whats in his mind...(ghunnah)
I've gotten the age-question several times. There are people on GS who I feel write better **advice, however I don't see them being asked about their age and nor have I asked them. Because "age" is one of those "iffy" topics that some people (not all people) might consider to be **personal.
I don't think I'm that wise. Many times the ideas in my post are the SAME as everyone else.......it's just that people have different writing styles. Also, one need not be old to have common sense.
Mabrook, you yourself give such mature and intelligent advice.
that really is very insensitive of him …im sorry i dont really knw what to say …what would i do if was in ur situation :hinna: