Re: In-Laws deciding name...
Muzna: I'm curious since this is something that was not mentioned in your post. Do you have any brothers? If so then did your parents choose the names for his children? With your children, did anyone ever ask your parents their opinion regarding the name?
Yes...I have 4 elder and one younger brother.
And yes.....my parents did choose names for their children......in fact....it was a community exercise....everyone had an opinion including the DILs and everyone was given an opportunity to make a suggestion. The decision was left to the parents and they sought final approval from my parents.
Were my parents consulted? Well....sadly my mother was in hospital and passed away a month after Noor was born. During this time she was in no condition to contribute her opinion. My elder brothers and bhabhis were consulted and they did veto some of the names that we had picked. The short list was presented to my MIL and FIL for approval.
I'm happy that the situation worked out for you. As I've said many times in various posts.....not everyone has the same priorities. *We all choose different "battles" to fight. *
Considering the fact that we have very non-traditional, non-desi names....lol.....its a very safe assumption on my part to think that my dada/dadi had no say in our names. As the daughter of parents who have no sons, I would find it highly insulting towards me and my parents if I was in a situaion where my husband's parents were given the final authority in deciding the name. It would not make me feel "loved" or any closer to in-laws. It would only make me resentful. I fail to see any love or positive feelings towards situations like this where the control is taken from the mother and/or father, and automatically handed over to the paternal side.
What message does this give to people who have daughters? That their feelings/opinions only count until the nikahnama is signed? If we continue the attitude that its somehow "ok" for the paternal side to have control, and the maternal side needs to stay out of the couples life......then can we really blame people who have abortions just b/c the fetus is a female? Heck if I didn't know any better, I myself wouldn't want to raise daughter knowing that once they're married, I won't matter.
I've high-lighted the point that I mean to stress here. There are going to be many battles in life and we need to choose wisely which we are going to fight. Ultimately we have the ability to let the smallest mole hills become huge mountains or to reduce monumental circumstances into minor, insignificant bumps in the road to happiness.
Here are the choices that I see I have as a parent of a female child:
I can teach my daughter to view every opinion contrary to hers' as an attack on her being/self-esteem/dignity or I can teach her to be an intelligent individual capable of seeing more than one aspect to a problem and able to find a non-aggressive path to resolution. Which do I think will net her a happier life? I'm sure you can guess my opinion.
In a well-orchestrated union of two families there shouldn't be any lop-sided decisions.......ultimately both families should come together as one and share in joyous events like the birth of a child. After all both sets of parents should realize that the child would not come into existence without their respective contributions. Unfortunately this is a rarity so my objective is to raise a child that hopefully will end up in a good situation but in the event that she is faced with these challenges I don't want her to perceive them as acts against her or her family.
I think in simple words what i'm trying to say is that rather than make an issue bigger than it already is for the OP, our efforts should be to console and calm her and help her to find an amicable way to accomplish what she would like.
On a side note: when I was talking about perceived discrimination et al I was referring in general....not specific to the OP's situation.
