Maybe I’m feeling emotional and crazy cos of pregnancy hormones…but this has been making me super-depressed lately. My hubby wants my FIL to name our first kid. The problem is, the name they’ve picked (Ibrahim) is a name that someone else in my family, who is also pregnant, has already picked out for her baby and she told us this before I found out I was pregnant. They also picked another name (Azeem), which my husband and I both don’t like - hubby was able to tell his father this. However, when I asked him to convey that Ibrahim isn’t going to work out either…he got all defensive. He thinks I’m being unreasonable. He wants there to be complete naming authority given to his father, no questions asked. His reasoning is that his grandfather named him (kind of), so he wants that same tradition for our baby. Apparently, asking my FIL to suggest another name would be disrespectful. =/
I don’t know what to do, since I’m not against my in-laws giving suggestions/naming our baby…but I want to be on-board with the name they pick. And another thing is, my husband hasn’t considered my parents thoughts on the matter at all. This is their first grandchild, and the first boy in our family. He won’t budge from his father solely choosing the name though.
How do I approach this without making everyone go nuts? =/
Well since you don't mind your in-laws picking the name for your baby (which let me tell you, most women would go crazy over), they should respect your wishes too. Just tell your husband that you'll be more than happy to let his father decide a name but you have a good reason to not pick Ibrahim.
That sucks. I feel like since children automatically get their father's name, no questions asked, the mother ought to get priority in naming the kid. Since your husband was able to convey his dislike for 'Azeem,' maybe it can go the other way - somehow suggest a name you both like, and if it clicks with the FIL, he'll pick it thinking it was his idea. This has to be done in an indirect, subtle manner, obviously. Can your MIL/other in-laws help?
(What would he say if you told him there's a tradition in your family where the maternal grandfather names the child?)
^Seeing as a guys family usually has a more hand in everything, I doubt any tradition as the materal grandfather would be established in our culture. But lets not make it about why his and not hers now.
Do you have a MIL or SIL? You could perhaps tell them that someone else in your family has picked the name Ibrahim? I'm sure they would convey the message to FIL. If I was you, I would just tell FIL myself about the other someone. I really dont think its disrespectful at all.
Why don't you just talk to your FIL yourself. Exam him how you prefer not having two children in the family with the same name. You would really appreciate if he can suggest other names.
My hubby wants my FIL to name our first kid. He wants there to be complete naming authority given to his father, no questions asked. His reasoning is that his grandfather named him (kind of), so he wants that same tradition for our baby.
So it's great to know that your husband feels to passionate about the FIL choosing a name. But what about the FIL? Does the FIL himself care so much about being the one who decides the baby's name? Or did he choose the name b/c your husband asked him to?
What's preventing YOU from talking to your FIL about this? Who are you scared of offending? Your husband or FIL?
So it's great to know that your husband feels to passionate about the FIL choosing a name. But what about the FIL? Does the FIL himself care so much about being the one who decides the baby's name? Or did he choose the name b/c your husband asked him to?
What's preventing YOU from talking to your FIL about this? Who are you scared of offending? Your husband or FIL?
My husband, pretty much. Since my FIL is in Pakistan, he feels like this is the only connection he'll have with our grandson so I shouldn't interfere. I want to say something to my FIL myself since we're pretty close, my husband has implied that his dad would be offended if I said anything.
^Seeing as a guys family usually has a more hand in everything, I doubt any tradition as the materal grandfather would be established in our culture. But lets not make it about why his and not hers now.
Do you have a MIL or SIL? You could perhaps tell them that someone else in your family has picked the name Ibrahim? I'm sure they would convey the message to FIL. If I was you, I would just tell FIL myself about the other someone. I really dont think its disrespectful at all.
I want to approach him myself, but my husband seems so adamant that anything I'll say will be seen as offensive by his father. My MIL is on the same page as her son, and as for my SIL...she let her in-laws name her first child as well (he claims she accepted the name her in-laws suggested without any questioning), and my hubby loves bringing that up. =/
That sucks. I feel like since children automatically get their father's name, no questions asked, the mother ought to get priority in naming the kid. Since your husband was able to convey his dislike for 'Azeem,' maybe it can go the other way - somehow suggest a name you both like, and if it clicks with the FIL, he'll pick it thinking it was his idea. This has to be done in an indirect, subtle manner, obviously. Can your MIL/other in-laws help?
(What would he say if you told him there's a tradition in your family where the maternal grandfather names the child?)
My husband and I both like the name 'Azan', however he feels like if he suggests that to his dad, it'll be disrespectful. I don't know how to explain to him that asking for another suggestion in not at all wrong or disrespectful. He just expects me to blindly say yes to whatever him and his family want. I sound like I'm accusing him of being evil lol but I'm saying that because he was able to convey his own feelings about the name he disliked, but not my feelings about the second name. Sigh.
If you don't like the name your fil is suggesting its another thing but why does it matter if another person in your family is gonna name their kid the same?! there r gonna be million people with yr name or yr kids name, u cnt tell others to stop picking that name.
Take yr husband in confidence and let yr inlaws know that oh so n so have already picked this name in your family and see what they feel about this. However i had suggest that if u dnt have an issue with the name they pick u shud just let it be.
This kind of crap always annoys me and I don't even have kids. I've always felt that it's more the parents right to decide upon the name....and not the in-laws.
Maybe work out a compromise with your husband....that the in-laws can suggest names, however it must be something that you both (as the parents) also approve of.
Personally I think the mother has more rights to name their baby more as the mother goes through a lot with carrying the baby and then the birth and then nurturing the child. The husband needs to be included too but yeah.
What i would do is wait until the person in your family has the child before u and names it ibrahim and then u can bring it to the attention of your FIL? Im assuming she is due before u. Maybe then your FIL will reason with u?
If you don't like the name your fil is suggesting its another thing but why does it matter if another person in your family is gonna name their kid the same?! there r gonna be million people with yr name or yr kids name, u cnt tell others to stop picking that name.
Take yr husband in confidence and let yr inlaws know that oh so n so have already picked this name in your family and see what they feel about this. However i had suggest that if u dnt have an issue with the name they pick u shud just let it be.
Erm, I understand that any name I pick will probably be really common around the world, that's not the issue. It's the fact that it's someone we're quite close to...I'd like my child not to share the same name as someone close in our family. =/ We'll be seeing her @ various events blah blah....plus, idk if this is childish...but if she's already expressed that it's a name she wants for her kid...I don't want to kind of 'steal' it from her. It would just create unnecessary drama in the family.
This kind of crap always annoys me and I don't even have kids. I've always felt that it's more the parents right to decide upon the name....and not the in-laws.
Maybe work out a compromise with your husband....that the in-laws can suggest names, however it must be something that you both (as the parents) also approve of.
I suggested that to my husband...he says he wants absolutely NO involvement from me regarding the name. =| I initially said the same as you, that as parents we should have the final say...however, seeing as it was important to him that his parents/father name our baby, I didn't say anything except that we should all agree on the name...including me. His reasoning for me not having involvement is..."my parents aren't naming our baby 'king kong' or something, why do you have a problem with it?". When I explained the family member issue, he said he didn't care/it's what we're naming our baby.
We have 5-6 cousins named one name, it was never an issue even though they all are extremely close. Having said that, if it bothers you so much then step up and talk to your FIL in a decent way and make your point across.
Yes, all of us think moms should have more say in naming the baby but unfortunately it doesn't always happen.