Re: In-Laws deciding name...
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We were all named by either grandparents, aunties or uncles. Yet, we still live and exist. :/
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Milly - My sister and I were also named by our dada jaan but my mom and dad didn't have a preference. I think if she did feel inclined towards a name, she would have been given a choice to make her decision.
Re: In-Laws deciding name…
I was being sarcastic 
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
Milly - My sister and I were also named by our dada jaan but my mom and dad didn't have a preference. I think if she did feel inclined towards a name, she would have been given a choice to make her decision.
I get what you mean, there is a discussion about it. My mum didn't actually have a say in the matter at all, she used to tell me she hated the sound of my name and for a long time so did I as I was only named my name so it could be shortened to what I now get called.
I do think that OP has the capacity to turn this into a discussion.
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Thanks for everyone's input, I think I'm going to approach my FIL directly and tell him. My husband is being really unreasonable at this point, I tried bringing up the points you all mentioned and he said, "You'll spend your whole life doing everything/making all the deicisons for your kid, this is just his name." =/ I don't want to argue with him, and my FIL is a reasonable guy...
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
I just skimmed through this thread and from what I got,it seems that the husband is being adamant about it and telling the wife that she has no right to name her child.Right..?
I might have missed it,but I did not see the FIL being that insistent on naming the grandchild.
I hope the OP is able to decide on a nice name for her baby and everyone is happy.It is not an issue one should be arguing about and should be a pleasant experience for all.
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
Thanks for everyone's input, I think I'm going to approach my FIL directly and tell him. My husband is being really unreasonable at this point, I tried bringing up the points you all mentioned and he said, "You'll spend your whole life doing everything/making all the deicisons for your kid, this is just his name." =/ I don't want to argue with him, and my FIL is a reasonable guy...
That will be the better approach,IMO.Good luck,iA..!!
Re: In-Laws deciding name…
I was named by my grandfather 
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
if you're close to your FIL and do call him now and then... maybe casually ask him if he's thought of any names and what kind of names is he thinking about... and then maybe you can drop a hint about a few names that you may like... im sure ur FIL wont mind.
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
Her being pregnancy, giving birth etc. does not give her more rights than the husband when it comes to naming the child. They both have a right to decide what the baby will be named. The husband has chosen to give up his right....and that's his decision.
Interestingly, if you read the original post, he hasn't given up his right. He told his father he didn't like the first name. But when his wife expresses her dislike of the second name he essentially tells her to shut up. The FIL supposedly won't get offended if his son rejects a suggestion, but will if his DIL does. If the husband is truly neutral about this, he should keep quiet when his dad actually names the baby King Kong. Then I'll applaud him for being a compliant son. The guy wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Noteworthy : even if he gave up his right to naming the child, he gave it up to HIS father. Not HER father. There's a pattern here that I'm not supposed to bring up. A maternal grandfather has to defer to a paternal grandfather. A mother has to defer to a father. But we're expected to ignore the elephant in the room that is patriarchy and pretend this is just about a name. Tomorrow it'll be the same underlying mentality dressed up as another issue.
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Did the topic of who will name your first child come up before marriage or before pregnancy?
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
Interestingly, if you read the original post, he hasn't given up his right. He told his father he didn't like the first name. But when his wife expresses her dislike of the second name he essentially tells her to shut up. The FIL supposedly won't get offended if his son rejects a suggestion, but will if his DIL does. If the husband is truly neutral about this, he should keep quiet when his dad actually names the baby King Kong. Then I'll applaud him for being a compliant son. The guy wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Noteworthy : even if he gave up his right to naming the child, he gave it up to HIS father. Not HER father. There's a pattern here that I'm not supposed to bring up. A maternal grandfather has to defer to a paternal grandfather. A mother has to defer to a father. But we're expected to ignore the elephant in the room that is patriarchy and pretend this is just about a name. Tomorrow it'll be the same underlying mentality dressed up as another issue.
THIS x1000! Finally someone said it. People may call me a B for not bending to every whim that my inlaws might have (if and when it does happen) but I simply won't do it just because he's the man and me and my family have to bow down to his family. Maybe I grew up in a society that teaches us women are equal to men so if they do something that I do not like I won't have it. Point blank. Period.
This is the problem with desi families - as much as they're fun, supportive and loving they just don't know when to keep their hands out their children's business. Stand your ground TODAY because tomorrow it'll be something else. Also you don't have to be disrespectful when you stand your ground. You can be tameez and still get your point across.
Re: In-Laws deciding name…
@ Chaibiskut: You’re right. I re-read the original post and yes, the husband had no problem sharing his own dislike with his father…but has an issue doing the same when the wife dislikes the name. 
When it comes to things like this…where the husband and his family are given more importance then the wife or her family…honestly…at the end of the day, I personally feel that us women are to blame for this. After all…we put up with it don’t we? We let them disrespect us and our families. Many of us are too scared to speak up b/c we’re afraid of arguments…and have a terrible fear that the husband will leave. I’m not sure if its a lack of financial independance or specific upbringing…but for some reason many desi women are just simply afraid to stand up for themselves and demand respect.
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
I was named by my paternal grandfather.....I'm sure that my mother (after giving birth to four sons and wishing and praying for a daughter) had her own ideas about the name (she would have named me Anjum) but she didn't kick up a fuss. I'm glad that she didn't.....and I proudly tell everyone that asks about the story behind how my name was chosen. My name was then copied in my naniyaal.......Ammi wasn't upset.....she was flattered.
My husband and I were allowed to suggest names for our own child but the ultimate yay or nay rested with the paternal grandparents. I felt honored that they would take such an interest and wanted them to feel a part of the process. (For the record I had wanted to name her Onaisa Noor but they didn't understand the name Onaisa and wanted Noor to be first...I didn't like this because it came too close to "Noorunnisa"......then they didn't like the spelling of Onaisa so I devised Onaysa). Ultimately it took more than a month for our child to be named in accordance with their preferences but I am still happy that we took the time to please them and let them feel as if they were in control and making the decision. I will never regret that.
I know for a fact that most of the grandparent that I know were not able to select their own children's names......it was their own parents that did that.....and yes....usually the paternal grandparents. So they see our kids as an opportunity for them to pick names. I don't see anything wrong with that.
In this particular situation the problem seems to be one of communication. The OP feels like she has been excluded from this process but I haven't read anywhere that she has been forbidden from sharing her views. I would speak with the FIL directly, politely and express my concerns. There isn't anybody in this world that would not take kindly to a pregnant woman. I remember my FIL was the sweetest to his pregnant bahus. Take advantage of your condition and reach out to him as you would your own father.
As for those that say the paternal side takes preference........perhaps that is the case. Are the women to blame? Maybe. Or maybe it is the way natural order is set-up with the whole virasat rules even as dictated by our holy Quran. Whatever the case might be.....there is nothing saying that as the DIL you are not an equal and contributing member of the paternal side too. This might be one of those situations where you have to exercise your rights as that member and make your vote count.....albeit softly and strategically.
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It's a completely different equation if the parents want or don't mind that the paternal/maternal grandparents or whoever name their child. I was named by my paternal grandmother and my mom still has ill feelings about it because she would have liked to name me.
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
What Muzna said and
This is a great moment (birth of the baby). Its a great time to make your bond strong with the family, do not ruin it. YES parents should have final say in this matter but it aint worth all the thoughts and fuss.
You have a very valid reason to not have name "Ibrahim" and you should be able to to convey it to your FIL nicely. Talk to him, suggest 2-3 names to him as alternate. There always is a way to keep people involve, make them feel good and yet have it your way unless of course other person is rigid like stone in that case nothing will work really.
Re: In-Laws deciding name…
I was trying to suggest that one shouldn’t mind if the grandparents want to name the child. This should be perceived as an honor…somebody cares enough about your child to want to name it. They love you enough to want to be an integral part of your big event.
At the end of the day Allah bestowed the great honor of motherhood upon me…the name is merely a small part of this process. I would love my daughter no less had she been named Sher Bano (
not that there is anything wrong with that name).
on a side note… sometimes “growing a pair” means getting what you want without ever appearing to have done so.
Re: In-Laws deciding name...
Interestingly, if you read the original post, he hasn't given up his right. He told his father he didn't like the first name. But when his wife expresses her dislike of the second name he essentially tells her to shut up. The FIL supposedly won't get offended if his son rejects a suggestion, but will if his DIL does. If the husband is truly neutral about this, he should keep quiet when his dad actually names the baby King Kong. Then I'll applaud him for being a compliant son. The guy wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Noteworthy : even if he gave up his right to naming the child, he gave it up to HIS father. Not HER father. There's a pattern here that I'm not supposed to bring up. A maternal grandfather has to defer to a paternal grandfather. A mother has to defer to a father. But we're expected to ignore the elephant in the room that is patriarchy and pretend this is just about a name. Tomorrow it'll be the same underlying mentality dressed up as another issue.
^ worth reading it again and again.....
......
sadly this is our hypocritical culture (and some leftover advocators/preachers .. lol)
.. ....you are forced to accept everything in the name of Love .. Respect... Honor etc. ... :-)
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^ no...I don't think that you are "forced" to do anything......you can choose to not be a part of this hypocritical culture.......but are you willing to give up all that is good about it too?
Re: In-Laws deciding name…
I think there are two separate issues in this thread, one of the grandparent naming the child, and the second, the way the husband is treating her.
Nothing wrong with a grandparent having a say in the decision, but what’s more troubling is the way the husband is acting in all of this; he was easily able to convey his own dislike for a name to his father, but reacted negatively when she didn’t like the name.
Personally…my father-in-law was the one who named all the children (I assume my MIL also had her say with him); after he passed away, any child born after was named by his/her parents. My nephews were named by their dad (my brother had liked these names for a long time and his wife went along with it)…ideally I would like for my parents to have a say in the name, since they never really had a chance, and my in-laws already had many chances to name children…but ultimately, like you said…if I’m ever blessed in this lifetime to be a parent, I’d like to think I won’t make too big a fuss about the name.
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yeah....I think you are right Sara......there are two different issues here......and maybe even three with the perceived discrimination of the "girl's side of the family".
I don't mean to sound patronizing but I think that during pregnancy a woman is often riding an emotional roller-coaster and the people around her need to understand this and work within some boundaries. Her husband likely needs to be more sensitive to how she might be feeling and help her to communicate with his father rather than reign her in and dismiss her request.