Re: In-Laws deciding name…
Muzna, when OP’s parents are being actively excluded it is not “perceived” discrimination - it is actual discrimination. I doubt any woman is going to feel “loved” or “honored” when she’s being told she has no say in deciding her firstborn’s name. I doubt any woman is going to feel “loved” or “honored” when she’s being told her father and mother’s opinion is irrelevant. With all due respect, we have enough men implying women are prone to hormone-induced irrationality without you suggesting this is what OP might be experiencing. She’s pregnant, yes, but her posts are sensible and her concerns are valid. Noting that pregnancy makes one ‘emotional’ so her husband needs to make ‘extra’ efforts with her makes it sound like she’s being unreasonable while he’s being overwhelmed. He isn’t even showing basic respect, so the question of him being “more” sensitive is moot. We’ve all urged her to be subtle, non-confrontational, tactful. Why is it ‘understood’ that she has to bend over backwards, that too while pregnant, when he can’t even meet her halfway like a grown adult? (Diaper is right, @The Last Straw).
It’s ‘understood’ that her parents won’t partake in the naming. It’s ‘understood’ that the birth of a child holds more significance for the father’s side vs. the mother’s side. It’s ‘understood’ that the word compromise applies primarily to women. She’s constantly walking on eggshells around him and his short temper. Yet whether the scales are imbalanced here is a matter of “perception.”
While the Quran does give precedence to all things male, I’m not aware that it grants naming-powers to the father’s family. Since we agree it’s a patriarchal system, why not throw the mother a bone? Let her decide the first name as a consolation prize. After all, the child defacto gets his father’s identity and the paternal grandfather’s lineage will be represented for generations to come. But she’s expected to gestate for 9 months, risk fistulas and permanent incontinence to push out another human being, only to be told to “stay out of it, what’s your problem?”
But hey, our claim to fame is heaven under our feet. What’s in a name, anyway.
YOU are awesome!
This goes back to an argument I had with my mom about how in Islam women are second class citizens. But that’s a different discussion for a different day.
