I'm shocked

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: I'm shocked

There is your reason. She is mature - what your friend is looking for. Support him in his decision. Don't offer your opinion unless asked.

The girl is your sisters friend. I am hoping your sister is supportive of her friends choice just as you should be of your friends choice. Bas.

62

Re: I'm shocked

WTF's your problem?

OP , are you guys located in Pakistan?

63

Re: I'm shocked

Yes and those families live in rural Sindh.

64

Re: I’m shocked

Muqa bhai, ye kia siypa dala wa hey? :hehe:

didn’t you hear that, jub larrka larrki razi etc. etc. pretty much what khatti said etc. etc.

65

Re: I'm shocked

welcome to life1, muqawwee! congratulations on being the first person in GS history to open a thread on a real issue on life1. :D

this is the forum where protocol is an absolute must, or you will get shredded by crazy women obsessed with marriage outfits and other people's mothers-in-laws. for example, you said "shocked" when you meant to say "mother in law going to steal my friend's kid". kos kos pe pani badlay, das kos pe vaani. learn to speak like the locals, you must.

coming to topic, i find it a bit strange the guy says he wants a mature woman, and then is adamant on someone who is barely older, and hardly has any interaction with? the life1 in me says, there must be something more to it. could it be that he is gay or has a..er..bio-mechanical issue with his "central regions (thanks psyah)" and doesn't want to disappoint anyone?

66

Re: I’m shocked

:cb: no siyapa.. I was just getting ideas and got some good one including Khatti aapa’s reply.

67

Re: I’m shocked

phir “life” mein maza aya? I mean “Life” forum mein post karne ka?:hehe:

I get my share of maza only by reading:cb:

68

Re: I'm shocked

Muqa: Isnt it common in interior Sindh to get marry older woman?

69

Re: I'm shocked

First of all thanks for hardik swagat and a good tutorial for life1.

I don't think the guy is suffering from the issues you mentioned.. But as I mentioned it may be a reaction to social norms of society (cousin marriages, superficial relationships, etc) . As far as I know him he is very responsible and caring person and the only bread earner in his family and was entrusted with these responsibilities at a young age. I never heard complaining him for this.

70

Re: I’m shocked

:nahi: Its not that common from last two generations. There may be exceptions. My Dadi was 2 years older than my dada and they had MashAllah a very successful life. I think the age in this case won’t be big issue in this case because the difference is only 2-3 years. the issue is marrying a widow (having a child), which is not easily acceptable in our society (though we all show to accepted it).

Let me ask if anyone near you take such decision, how would you react?

71

Re: I’m shocked

I think this is my second thread to life1. The first one didn’t get good response as no one was shocked with that issue :cb:

72

Re: I’m shocked

Naturally, It would shock me if that person is not that kind nature wise of supporting other people.

73

Re: I'm shocked

Muqawwee, I can totally understand why you feel "shocked". Its human nature to get taken back (or shocked) whenever they see something that's not a norm even if its the right thing. So as long as your are just shocked and not disappointed, you can ignore all Muqawwee-bashing :)

(your experience in posting politics forum can come handy here in Life1 ... :D )

and now to main issue, does this girl know about your friend's intentions? what is her take on this? If not, is there a chance that your sis can talk to her before anything else? (your sis is her class fellow right?). Once she gives it a go ahead, this should be talked in guy's family (you or he can do it) before talking to girl's. He has to make sure that his family is on-board and then you can talk to girl's family.

Personally, I am all for divorced/widow men/women getting into relationship (married) again unless there are circumstances that they cant. Having a kid from previous marriage is not any issue. Mother will get the custody of the kid (over grandparents) any-day, anywhere even legally.

Take a step ahead, if you can make this work, you will end up doing something good.

74

Re: I’m shocked

you know I know someone who was widowed with two kids…she remarried and has a really good life mA (well that we know of); I wouldn’t be shocked or surprised. And many ppl are angry over the word “shock” because marrying a divorcee/widow shouldn’t be seen as a shocking act…it shouldn’t be such a taboo in our culture or at least amongst educated people.

Islamically as well? Let’s say the family is that messed up that they would take away her kid just to spite her (because if they really did care for her and their grandson…they wouldn’t have kicked her out right?), do they have any legal or Islamic right? and even if it can’t be done legally…does anyone really follow the law there? No seriously. :halo:

I’m just wondering, why would the girls’ family have a problem with her remarrying?

75

Re: I'm shocked

I am sorry i dont have multies otherwise i had used all my multies to like your post..........:D

76

Re: I’m shocked

This was funny… :cb:

Regarding the bold part- mature does not have to be with age…it can be through life experiences…and as she has already been through quite a bit..he must expect her to be more mature than other ladies because of this.

77

Re: I'm shocked

^ True. But with OP's friend..........I'm confused as to what about shi particular widow that attracts him so much. He obviously hasn't shared his intentions of marrying a "mature" woman with this family yet.....b/c they're looking for a younger girl. And it doesn't sound like he's considering other widows (or even divorcees) at this point. From OPs posts so far.....it seems that his friend also doesn't know the girl or her family too well (if at all?).

I don't see anything wrong with OPs friend wanting to marry someone "mature". But I'm wondering why he's so he*l bent on this particular widow (especially since he nor OP has any idea if she's even willing to marry again).

78

Re: I'm shocked

My friend knows the girl and may be he might have seen her some where at coaching centre, etc, but he never ever mentioned about his interest in her. Even a few years back, when the girl was getting married, he didn't share any kind of affection or sort of depression on the news of her marriage. Actually, he might knew from beginning that the girl was engaged to her cousin (her first husband) for long.

79

Re: I'm shocked

But does he know her as a person? As in have they talked on multiple occassions or something? I'm still baffled as to why he's not open to meeting other "mature" women. Especially since's according to you, he's not in love with this girl And I imagine his family has no idea of his intentions.....again...why.

I don't see anything wrong with him wanting to marry someone he considers mature. But I find it very disturbing that he hasn't share his thoughts with his family....when he knows they're looking at younger girls for him. And so far, he hasn't expressed interest in considering any other widows except this one.

80

Re: I'm shocked

I think he never had a personal encounter with her, but he knew about her family and her conditions. I again and again asked him that is that a pity on girl, but he refused. I think he has decided about this girl as he know much about her, though never interacted with her personally.