One of my friend is determined to marry a widow (having a son) and whose husband died of cancer last year.
The problem is both his and girl’s families are too much conservative (conservative doesn’t mean religious to put before them example of the Prophet SAW and his beloved wife Hazrat Khadija).
The girl is living with her brothers. Her parents died long ago. Her In-laws didn’t help them during her husband’s illness and got her out after chehlem.
He has asked me to help him as I know both his and the girl’s family. The girl’s brother was my class-fellow and a good friend and girl was class fellow of my elder sister.
I’m very confused with this news and asked him whether he is doing all this because of sympathy with the girl (as I know he didn’t have interaction with her before and there won’t be anything like Love). His point of view is that its not due to sympathy (Tars), he needs a mature wife. I told him that there will be problems for the girl in case of marriage as her in-laws will fight for custody of their grandson. But he is determined to do that and ready to brought up the boy too.
Nothing wrong, but its like disturbing girl's life considering the conservative family she belongs too and the boys family will also not accept this easily
I can see that you are concerned, but you used the word "shocked" in your title. What is so shocking you think? What is the age difference between them?
bhai jo determined hai vo kisii kii nahiiN sunegaa chaahe vo kitnii hii obvious baat ho...usko zindagii kaa tajraba nahiiN hai so ba'd men use mushkilaat kaa saamna karnaa paRegaa...agar vo yeh sab jhel saktaa hai to:
I can see that you are concerned, but you used the word "shocked" in your title. What is so shocking you think? What is the age difference between them?
The difference is not that big. I think 2-3 years, but as far as I know his sister was looking for a younger bhabhi and may its a reaction to such things. I'm shocked because I was not expecting this from him.
Why are you so shocked? He wants to marry her. He's ready to take care of her son as well.
As far as I can see there's no issue at all here.
I'm less shocked, but when this news reaches his family, I perceive it to be shocking for them. Problem is our society is still not that open to accept such things easily.
Muqq Bhaiya, I understand where you're coming from. Going against "social norms" is never easy. But neither your friend, not this widow would be doing anything wrong in the eyes of Allah. Think of it this way: unless someone takes a stand against the archaic ideologies that plague our *culture *(not religion!), we will never be free from these shackles. Support them and guide them the best you can. Inshallah, the respective families will grow to accept the decision sooner or later.
Wtz the problem...i had seen people marrying there widowed sister-in-laws to idhar kya problem hain....
Aaj kal log zina bardasht kar lete hain magar Nikah nahi...........:(
marriying widowed sister in laws is another issue and in some families its used against widows for property custody, etc. In this case girl and boy are from different families and in case of this marriage the girl's in-laws are expected to go for custody of their grandson, which will restrict the girl to take any decision freely
One of my uncles (he is not even that old, under 40) married a woman with two kids from a previous marriage and ppl were surprised but they are doing fine now.. He didn't marry out of pity, he fell in love with her.. There have been no major issues at all..
muqa bhai: it is personal matter of choice, some guys feel loads of attraction in mature women. It is time to support them, least you can do to offer them quick gs account approval and guide them wedding, and life 1 forum just in case if they need any help in future.
One of my uncles (he is not even that old, under 40) married a woman with two kids from a previous marriage and ppl were surprised but they are doing fine now.. He didn't marry out of pity, he fell in love with her.. There have been no major issues at all..
I also know such example form the generation of my grandparents, but the generation afterwards seems a little bit inflexible. I'm sure that this guy is not in love with the girl and he also denies for pity. He says he want to marry a mature lady.
The difference is not that big. I think 2-3 years, but as far as I know his sister was looking for a younger bhabhi and may its a reaction to such things. I'm shocked because I was not expecting this from him.
Muqa Bhai,
As a widow and mother of a son...her life is actually hard.
If she found a man that would be willing to care for her and her son...WILLINGLY...then I am not sure I see what you were "not expecting this from him".
Your post makes it sound like he has disappointed you, surprised you and let the people around him down because this woman is not only a widow but a mother and also older than him.
If you're concerned about his well being because marrying someone who is older, a parent and widowed is not right (in some families its not preferred) then talk to him about your concerns.
Can we keep this serious. Question is how to disclose this to the boy’s and girl’s families. I’m not sure whether the girl will be ready for this too.