Re: i would prefer a sexless marriage
hmmm :( terribly sorry can understand ....now y u dn wont...
Allah bless u
Maybe it is low libido..anyway I don't feel its him desiring me. For him its just a release, its just fullfilling a basic urge and if it doesn't happen he's in a bad mood. Anyway theres other issues which make me not want to have that physical closeness with him. There's too many I won't list them but we just don't get on that well and he's always criticising me these days and i answer back in an increasingly cutting way. So, when he makes me feel like crap all the time I definately prefer sleep! Btw we sleep in separate rooms, have done for maybe 2/3 years.
There you go! That's your issue right there.
It not a low libido issue but an issue to "distance" yourself away from your partner. You don't feel any attraction towards him (considering all the personal issues you may have).... then how can you make love ?
I think you really need to "separate" temporarily (hold your guns people I am not talking about divorce). Do you have the option to go to your parents for a short vacation? This will give both of you some time to "think over" on what's happened so far... and you will maybe (?) miss each other ?
Re: i would prefer a sexless marriage
NJMasti, I have seen that in a sour marriage distance usually never helps. What helps is first the willingness to change and then open communication between the 2 parties. But again, you may be right.
not sure if you were pointing at me … but yes even I know that it’s ok for hubby to want to have sex with you - and yes desire is a good thing… but one must understand that desire alone does not work in bed if the desire is only one sided.
She does not desire him because he obviously has irked her off.
NJMasti, I have seen that in a sour marriage distance usually never helps. What helps is first the willingness to change and then open communication between the 2 parties. But again, you may be right.
True Nik... If the marriage is falling apart then distance does not help them get together - actually it gives them comfort that they can survive without each other too... <<<< Even realizing this in a marriage is a big thing. At least you know for sure it's a dead end... and you can start moving on from there.
However, let's say if the distance makes them realize their stupid mistakes, and makes them realize that they CAN manage their issues... then actually distance plays the biggest part in BRINGING the couples together too :)
Re: i would prefer a sexless marriage
I'd be willing to bet that the husband is pretty sexually frustrated. That will bring out the worst in most men for sure. I agree with the more-togetherness approach. Buy him a book on tantric massage and read through it together. I bet that after a few bedtime story sessions, you'll be able to turn that 2nd bedroom into an office.
^Men never have the patients… I bet he would just say - “babes let me teach you the rest.. there is no need to read”
… and what if she really wants to read the 100 pages and he wants to skip it after half page read?:halo:
__
Although I agree with you - if he is frustrated then “togetherness” approach is better
Re: i would prefer a sexless marriage
I think concentration should be on giving the advice rather judging someone's personality.
That was before we knew of the “other” issues.
I will say distance is the wrong approach only because there is already a lack of communication. Distance just makes it worse between a couple that is already at odds to the point ajuba is.
Ajuba, it depends on you and what you want. Do you want to fix your marriage or do you want to coast and live the way you already are? Have you gone for counseling? Have you tried calling a truce and starting fresh?
Re: i would prefer a sexless marriage
ajuba, how about moving into the same room for starters? that may help?
with two kids, it can get extremely difficult to have a sane conversation with ur spouse about anything. I only have one and i know how difficult it can be. We need our couple time together, which is mostly when the child is asleep and we can go to our room and discuss anything thats bothering us.
You may need to start spending some more time with one another, just one on one.. to rebuild that relationship.
I think most couples go through sour times.. and sometimes we think there are more downs than ups... but with a bit of willingness to change.. or to maybe even compromise, things can get back onto track.
I am not saying to be a doormat.. but to save ur marriage, someone needs to make the first step, and there is no harm if u do it first. I hope it works out for u inshallah... I'll be praying for you
Re: i would prefer a sexless marriage
looking at the posts, I guess its not the question about sex but about marriage. you dont want this marriage hence nothing else to do with it.
refraining from it, will make it worst though. try rebuilding the marriage and hopefully this will also be fine with you.
your excuse that you had children already hence dont want sex is not real reason and do not hold any ground.
Re: i would prefer a sexless marriage
fair enough, is it OK if your husband gets sex elsewhere?
u making fun of single ppl ? :nono:
Ok lets try to have a decent discussion here without giggling like a kid if a thread is on the topic of sex.
Ajuba, you need to communicate the needs of your body to your hubby just like he communicates you his needs. I am sure you guys will be able to find a middle ground.
Seems like he never touched the middle ground...
Re: i would prefer a sexless marriage
^ 
We've had two kids and don't plan on having anymore, I need my sleep, I prefer my sleep. I know its selfish and my husband doesn't share this viewpoint but its what i want.
if your husband want more sex and you are not in the mood to satisfy him just tell him to do a second marriage. this will solve your problem of sleeping.
but if the problem is that he wants to satisfy himself and not you then you should communicate your needs to him. he has an obligation to satisfy your needs (sex/sleep both needs) too.