thats just one view.....that late marriages last longer...
feminist point was about the not getting rishta/guys part........ see most of the guys don't really like feminazi traits.....that could be a factor too
Explain what you mean by "feminazi traits," rather than just name-calling and making assumptions. My initial use of "feminist" was not referring to the male perspective, but to the females who consider themselves feminists and don't always know how to make a romantic relationship fit into their lives. You are referring to something different. In order to avoid simply derailing the thread and inflaming others, be more specific about your meaning.
our desi marriages are carried out in a very "material" sense, too. but i agree with some of your points.
balance. balance. balance. agree.
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but that still doesnt explain why 30+ women cant find a good match and are considered too old. that mentality is the root of the issue.**
I think this will change a lot within the next generation.. Already most guys don't want to follow the tradition of marrying someone 10yrs younger like many of our own fathers and grandfathers did..
PCG, a lot of these issues come down to individual mindsets. I don't know if this is going to make any sense, but whatever a person is feeling inside will show on the outside. Any woman who is independent and educated should be proud of herself (not egotistical, but proud). It's not easy, especially growing up in Pakistani culture, to do this and hold on to your ethics, morals and have a strong sense of character.
A lot of people don't even know themselves. I've said this before too. You are in a prime position to evolve your mindset by better understanding yourself and accepting yourself ... which will lead to more confidence and attraction, which so many people can't do cause they simply don't have that motivation or desire to.
Law of attraction. Whatever you put into the universe in terms of your thoughts will come back to you. It's easy to focus on the negative while forgetting all the positive things around you. Hope that made sense.
Also, stop allowing outside forces define you. You define you. You define your happiness. Not anybody else. General statement which applies to everybody.
I dont know any one in my family, parents, aunts/ uncles, or grandparents, that married anyone 10 years younger than them. I don’t think thats a tradition… That’s some sort of odd want (based on looks) for younger girls.
I personally would want an older hubby. Guys my age are immature
5 year older. Any older than that, I’d feel like I was with a buddha .
Explain what you mean by "feminazi traits," rather than just name-calling and making assumptions. My initial use of "feminist" was not referring to the male perspective, but to the females who consider themselves feminists and don't always know how to make a romantic relationship fit into their lives. You are referring to something different. In order to avoid simply derailing the thread and inflaming others, be more specific about your meaning.
an example of feminazi traits = "the females who consider themselves feminists and don't always know how to make a romantic relationship fit into their lives"
whats difference between a feminist from a male perspective and female perspective?? is there any difference??
whats with your assumption about derailing/inflaming etc etc?? just because you don't like what i wrote doesnt make it all that you assume it to be........ and for the record...i don't owe you an ''explanation'' for what opinion i state here........... so tone down your danda and be a bit more tolerant of different opinions. thank you :)
whats difference between a feminist from a male perspective and female perspective?? is there any difference??
I meant the issue I was referring to was one women may have. You were referring to a different issue. That is all.
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whats with your assumption about derailing/inflaming etc etc?? just because you don't like what i wrote doesnt make it all that you assume it to be........ and for the record...i don't owe you an ''explanation'' for what opinion i state here........... so tone down your danda and be a bit more tolerant of different opinions. thank you :)
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I don't see where I disagreed with you. You barely stated an opinion in your first post in the thread. Just threw around the usual words that often derail discussions. Just keeping an eye on the thread.
The other thing that I think complicates this issue is that I DO feel that if it is possible, a woman should spend time home with her children, rather than working full time. So either that means pursuing a career that gives you lots of flexibility. Or giving up on your career. So why make so much effort pursuing something I am going to give up in a few years?
The other thing that I think complicates this issue is that I DO feel that if it is possible, a woman should spend time home with her children, rather than working full time. So either that means pursuing a career that gives you lots of flexibility. Or giving up on your career. So why make so much effort pursuing something I am going to give up in a few years?
I'm not sure of the specifics in most careers...but I would think that if you worked hard on your career right now, you'd have more flexibility later on?
I'm not sure of the specifics in most careers...but I would think that if you worked hard on your career right now, you'd have more flexibility later on?
not necessarily......... some careers keep you engaged......and sometimes flexibility reduces even more........
^ Yeah, I don't think a lot of careers work this way any more. It's hard to be successful at a career if you see it as a cushy way to maintain a very flexible lifestyle. There's always someone willing to put in more time and effort. And often there's a preference for someone who is younger and more familiar with the latest trends/technologies/etc. If you own your own business/practice or something, maybe you can have the flexibility you need as long as you have the right people working for you. But not many people have this option. And if you are passionate about your career, it's even more frustrating to do it halfway.
NO! being an independent, educated and professional girl is NOT mutually exclusive with being happily married family wife. Its all about mindset and making right decisions. Its all about "only if I knew this 10 years ago".
I am not generalizing but unfortunately many professional girls (specially Desi girls) like to play ice queen and play it hard on guys when the time is right to get settled or at least secure your future (relation wise). Those girls think that time will always be on their side. Being professional is not the name of keeping the guard up and standard ridiculously high all the time.
Its all about having the "screw them. I do not need a guy to live my life" attitude. God has made us so that we need a opposite sex partner sooner or later in the life (some realize it too late).
and in the end cut some slack for housewives. Their life isn't always bed of roses. I am not sure why only the example of STAR-PLUS house wives are given when talking about housewives and why they are always painted as Mazlooms or suppressed. There are tonz of housewives who are housewife by choice. They are no less intelligent and educated than professional girls its only that hey made a choice what they see fit. If they find pleasure in it, good for them.
1) you're not alone 2) you don't have to think TOO MUCH 3) no one is judging you, and scrutinizing you at work on a daily basis like you're some lab rat 4) you can plan your day as you want 5) you can fit in as much work out time as you want and STILL BE ABLE TO GO SHOPPING (or even window shopping if your husband doesn't make that much money) 6) You can get laid and be fussy about it, and the next day, get laid again 7) someone buys you shyte 8) someone thinks you look beautiful and 9) you can watch TV for more than 10 min a day and actually follow a Pakistani drama to it's completion.
What world are you living in that you think marriage is all about that. There are times the space between the bed is not a few feet but miles away, we THINK and not just about ourselves but Other and gasp wait for it.. We even are in tuned with the happenings of the world or things that interest us most. Married women are judged all the time, the working ones aren't giving family enough time and the housewives are not productive enough for the society.. I say we have our share of judgements flung our way.. With marriage comes children and with children time is chucked out the window!! Tiny humans are time consuming beings and the workouts usually becomes constant running to to catch up with time and oh yah sleep. Getting laid sometimes almost becomes a hassle!! All this someone sees you and tells you that you are beautiful is not measured in words but small actions that need to be understood. Settling for becoming a housewife is nothing that should be beneath you or seen as something lower than what you have accomplished. Like x2 said, get to know all sorts of people because everyone has something to offer and like mehnaz said give positivity and you will it back from the universe. There are loads of educated women who put their career on a back-burner to give some time to their children and they socialize and they make an effort to look presentable along with their families and they participate in their communities in expanding them and making it a welcoming place for others. I understand you may feel like had you chosen the easier life and had you took the typical pakistani larki ki road, things would be easier.. Maybe or maybe not.. The outlook you have on life whether you take things optimistically or pessimistically plays a greater role in taking you thru the hurdles of life. I know many single girls in their 30's who may feel like they skipped the right time to get married but these women take exceptionally good care of them, they work and play hard and they are having fun.. Maybe not with a guy but they are live their life the best they can, and when the right one comes along they will have a different experience that awaits him!! If you wanna work out, wake a little up early, if you have a problem with the way you looks, its okay to dab on a lil moisturizer and a swipe of gloss.. You will still be pcg!! Grooming yourself isn't something that is the forte of a married housewife or a wife in general!! Have fun and enjoy life!!! Don't think the route you took is what brought some sort of misery. Everyone is struggling in their own right and even the rich and famous have their own heartaches. We are all human here and we are all trying to get by with the choices we made.
Pcg, I love you to death, you know I really do but c’mon…seriously!!! Is that what you really think marriage is like!!!
Lemme break it down for and you give you a true picture of what it’s really like on the other side:
Get up get yourself ready while simultaneously stepping over your husbands crap all over the bathroom floor and trying to convince your namoonay children to brush their teeth 1)being alone is a dream come true when you’re trying to pee in peace but can’t because you’re husband needs the checkbook NOW, your kids want to be fed NOW, your MIL wants you to dial a phone number for her NOW 2) you are constantly judged by your husband, your inlaws, your friends, your siblings, kids’ school…there is always someone who can do it better and faster than you 3)you cannot plan your day as you want because the whole households needs and errands and appointments come before your own…I’ve been waiting 3 months for a chance to get a pedicure, hasn’t happened yet 5)endless shopping time?!? Are you kidding me??? Can I have some of what you’re smoking please 6) getting laid and laid again is not all cracked up to be..especially when you have to make the decision of telling your husband no because that would mean getting up at 3:30 am to do ghusl and shower before having to prepare sehri at 4:00 am vs pissing him off because he doesn’t care, he’s not the one flinging parathas at 4:00 am 7) someone buys you shyte?!? Yes, in the early days…wait till you hit your 14th year of wedded bliss, phir batana mujhay 8) I’ll give you that one 9) bahahaaaa!!! when is this supposed to happen when all 3 TV’s in the house are occupied by husband and kids watching their own shows
The grass is always greener on the other side my dear. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, children and life more than anything, and would not trade them for anything..BUT, there is a lot more to marriage then just being a “kept women”. It’s a hard and thankless job being a housewife or better yet a full time working mom.
I never said or implied married women are miserable or single girls are blessed.
Independent women who own their own properties, live on their own, run their own households on their own … that is something to be proud of. How many girls in our culture are encouraged to do this? It’s becoming more acceptable now, but how acceptable was it 10 or 20 years ago? It wasn’t.
I want her (and people who thing negatively - in general) to look at the positive things they have going for them. It takes strength and confidence to be proud of yourself and your status, be it if you are single or married.
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