I Wish

Lifestyle Relationships
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Carrying on my tirade of anger, and self-despair and WANTING TO SHOUT OUT PROFANITIES EXCEPT IT’S RAMADAN AND IT’S NOT LIKE ANYONE IS LISTENING TO ME ANYWAY

I wanted to start a thread in life1 that I am sure will generate traffic and possibly revenue for the owners of this site.

I can honestly say as I am nearing 30, and as this ship is increasingly rocky, unstable, and quite frankly, ready to sink, that maybe being a workaholic, so independent, and focusing on my intelligence and you know, stupid crap like that, as oppose to more important things like the shine in my hair, and the glow of my face, and my ability to sing songs in a high pitch voice and attract all the cute cuddly animals in the forest may not have been the best decision of my life.

I sit here typing this, in work clothes that are truly not clothes but pseudo-pj’s, unwashed over the past 40 hrs, somewhat constipated, smelly as my last shower was like 40 hrs ago, last time I washed my hair was probably more like 50 plus hours ago, feet that are not soft because of all the calluses, facial hair beginning to sprout, skin that is dry and saggy and the direct opposite of radiant, somewhat hungry but not sure what to eat since I’m too tired to cook, and too tired-looking to have someone cook FOR ME, sheerly exhausted after working so hard only to find myself disappointed in the very abilities I have been working so hard to groom, too tired to make myself more edumacated to stop the grind, over the past 12 hrs, grilled judged and looked down upon disapprovingly while I tried to explain myself to the world…

I sit here and think, it would have been better if I had just been the stereotypical girl. Maybe we Pakistani girls do have it right.

The routine for many women is - get up, work on making yourself look hot, get invited to lots of parties, and atttract the attention of men, and then get married and let him do all the work. Granted it’s not like even that life is a bed of roses, but 1) you’re not alone 2) you don’t have to think TOO MUCH 3) no one is judging you, and scrutinizing you at work on a daily basis like you’re some lab rat 4) you can plan your day as you want 5) you can fit in as much work out time as you want and STILL BE ABLE TO GO SHOPPING (or even window shopping if your husband doesn’t make that much money) 6) You can get laid and be fussy about it, and the next day, get laid again 7) someone buys you shyte 8) someone thinks you look beautiful and 9) you can watch TV for more than 10 min a day and actually follow a Pakistani drama to it’s completion.

Please explain to me what I was thinking getting an education, busting all these years of my life…to do what? Sit in my living room looking like a homeless person?

I think I should go sit down next to the homeless dude on the corner, I bet people wouldn’t be able to tell us apart.

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Re: I Wish

while your post actually made me laugh out loud, i feel like im heading down the same road. sometimes, i think about that too, I feel like maybe I shouldve just accepted a proposal when i was 22 and just spent a life all my friends are living. But then I go to the hospital and people are going through so much suffering and pain, and im like meh, life is too short and it will be over in blink of an eye, so maybe its not soo bad to overwork myself. I have finally accepted that its ok that my life isnt like every other girl around me.

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ok, while you count all the negative aspects of you life, can you please write out all the positive things you have going for you?

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Well I may be the PCG you were 10 years ago… academically and professionally motivated with absolutely no interest in shiny zulfein or mard hazrat … and I wouldn’t change a thing about it… 10 years later, if I’m still single, I still won’t have any regrets whatsoever so long as I managed to add some meaning to my existence… I’d be proud if I was you.

Men stink anyway, I don’t know why ye stress over them so much. :snooty:

Make the most of Ramadan and pray that “the one” shows his boothi soon InshaAllah and leave the rest to Him.

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This thread is not about me. I'm just using myself as an example. Beware, this is what you become when you decide to not settle down and be a housewife.

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i won't lie, I think about the same think.

maybe we should have just chosen the easy lives of our beloved "imported wives".

but i dunno. the contentment that comes from doing what you love is inexplicable. and no one says you have to pick only one thing. people do balance. At the end it is only our relationships and health that matter.

and a husband is not the only fulfilling relationship in the world.

so i dunnooo. it's a weird cultural divide, i guess. we are raised to accept the typical desi lifestyle so when we sorta go against it..and then when things arent always rosy (because they never are---even when you are married and a star plus bahu) we question our decisions.

can someone more wiser please explain this:(

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I would MUCH rather be a successful something or other than a desi drama freak! Allah maaf karre! :hayaa:

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exactly. the gift of being able to use logic and rationale and to have your own mind and identity is more fulfilling.

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I beg to differ. You don't have to look very far to find examples of highly educated, professionally successful and happily married Pakistani women.

The problem in your case, judging by your blogs etc, is that there isn't much muslim/pakistani community around where you live and you don't really have any family/friends introducing you to many guys hence the delay in finding a good match.... plus the fact that you're so busy yourself and don't have the time to socialise.

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Re: I Wish

I have a friend who got married in her mid 30s to a wonderful man, living a very good life. both are pakistanis, she has always been an independent, educated woman, always doing things for others, just kept hersocial circle small. Marriage will happen when it's meant to happen.

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Re: I Wish

I don't know any details about your life. However, I know quite a few desi women who spent most of their 20's pursuing higher education and currently have very high paying jobs. All are currently 30+. Some are married, some are still single at 32/33/34 etc. They all chose to pursue their education/career out of sheer love for the field. And to my knowledge, none of them regret their career simply b/c they get tremendous satisfaction from doing what they do.

I respectfully disagree. All the women I know personally in real life who pursed higher education, and currently have demanding high paying careers....none of them sit in their living room looking like a homeless person. Even the single ones have a active social life. While I understand the frustrations of trying to find a suitable husband when a woman happens to be a highly educated woman with a demanding career.....at the same time, not deriving any satisfaction from her career, and not having friends who can provide company has nothing to do with the degrees she earned. Having the belief that marriage is going to fill her life with full of joy (and not have its own set of "issues") can easily lead to path of dissappointment.

As someone mentioned earlier, having a husband is not (should not be) the ONLY fulfilling relationship in this world.

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Re: I Wish

Grass always seems greener on the other side. Its difficult for people to count their blessings.

Consider all the women who never got to pursue their education/career due to an early marriage......look at how often we hear stories in the desi community about wives suffering abuse in the hands of their husband/in-laws. They feel stuck in that situation b/c they have no way to support themselves. These days, divorces aren't that rare either. Of course, death of always unpredictable.

While its easy to see the negatives of not having a husband.......I think if we make the choice to think practically....we would realize that being in a position where we're totally dependant on someone else for ALL our needs (ie. not having the means to earn a decent living).........that's a worse place to be given how unpredictable life can be.

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PC, has a guy I would give anything to be in your situation I regret every single of getting married at an very early age. I got married when I didn't even finish my degree I forgot it was to be college kid. I have responsibility of an another person that I didnt expect at an early age. I wish I had choose of sticking to my career. I had dreams for my self. Furthering my career to something big, but instead I'm stuck in a rut. Go to work. COme home listen to whining of what other people said to me. Listening to story about drama. You find out yourself until you have lived on your own. Grass is always greener on the other side. Your only 30 that's old in our current. Like an other person think about positive things. This life is hard as is.

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u dont even have a boyfriend ? ..

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I totally agree with that. There are other relationships and things to do in life other then finding a husband. Yes, I know everyone wants a partner but sulking about it isn't going to help. One should have a fulfilling life without a husband.

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You know life of a housewife isn't all roses. Full time houswifery is pretty hard work with very little reward or acknowledgment.
Having a husband isn't all glowy mushy mush mush 100% of the time either. Having another person in your life means accommodating all their needs within your life. ... That isn't easy.
Bottom line is whatever one chooses to pursue. ... Be it marriage and housewifery only or career only or some combination of those. ... One has to find pleasure in it and know that it all comes as a cocktail of good and bad.

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Having been on both sides of housewife and working wife.... working wife is a million times better than being a housewife.

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can any body tell what is the issue?

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I always thought the independent, career oriented girls and women also looked way much better than sitting-at-home-waiting-for-rishta girls. They are able to carry themselves much better, are more pleasant to look at (without all the excessive make-up and stuff) and can have intelligent conversations.

If someone is looking like a homeless person, it should have nothing to do with the fact that this person is educated and career-oriented.

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Edit: Lack of sleep and food makes me a *****.

Anyway to restate what i stated so obnoxiously. You girls are educated, brought up in western environs where you have been forced to manage at best your modern emancipated existence with cultural roles and stereotypes which are by and large alien to your life. Simply put you should be able to do everything a man does in his life but you aren't. Meeting guys is one of those things. Desi guys can date. Desi girls not so much. Esp. not in Pakistani families.

So you are screwed. That is pretty much it.

You ladies I am assuming want a guy who is educated, western in out look in the sense that he would have no issues with you working, realize that your family is as important as his is, life and marriage is a compromise as is the need to treat each other as equals and lastly but not least be settled, have a stable job and has a family which meshes with yours. Of course he has to be good looking, well mannered, has good grooming and hygiene and it wouldn't hurt that he was well built.

You know where all those guys are? Out on a date. If you want a guy who is all that and more he is also not gonna be the guy who lets his mom choose his wife for him. Hardly an independent western guy when his mommy is choosing his bride for him. I have a dozen or so close Muslim friends and only one has had his mother find him a girl. The rest they all found girls themselves.

This doesn't mean that you should date every tom, dick and harry on the planet. However it does mean you have to be more open and available. Now I know the answer to this question I am gonna ask but its for you ladies to think.

How many of you have been in a position where you have had a guy hit on you and you have given him the ice queen attitude? Many right. Good. Now think how many guys have seen that ice queen attitude and not approached you even though you may have been willing to accept that specific guys advances.

And a second follow up thing to think about. How many guys have hit on you who you also liked but gave up because you played to hard to get for too long? A chase is fine. But damn it is not a marathon.