I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

No one forced the girl's mother to send her daughter away to the hell hole...........there is always a choice............ get a ghar-damaad ........

if you send the daughter away willingly, knowing the facts beforhand...... stop playing the victim later??? you did it out of your own free will..........

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

No this is it.. That same bride will have deep and close relationship with her mother but doesn't want that for her husband and his mother..

I know where I am wrong and I know where my MIL is wrong.. But what i don't believe is that all of these MIL threads make it out as if the bride has done no wrong.. That I do not believe..

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

So true.. My own mum never actually mistreated my SIL but the jealousy was obvious. She would complain about why my brother bought her an expensive engagement ring, why they were going out for dinner so often, even when my brother praised his MIL’s cooking she would say ‘what about mine?’ If they were going on holiday she would say how unfair it was that she wasn’t going lol.. Petty litttle insecurities but they can be grating and tiring to listen to.. My own mum like most of her generation obviously didn’t have anywhere near as much freedom as girls have today, she didn’t get to choose her wedding outfit, her engagement ring or anything whilst my SIL was able to pick what she wanted.. within reason..

I think that lack of control over her own earlier life turned her a bit bitter and resentful.. She prob thinks ‘I wasn’t able to do this or that so why should she?’

(Some guy on here made a thread once about problems with his fiancee and made excuses for the mum by mentioning a similar thing, she never had control of things in her own life so she should be allowed to now :smack: Why not try dealing with that first issue rather than trying to fix one ‘wrong’ with another?)

I do sometimes wonder if girls back then who weren’t happy were told by their mothers ‘don’t worry, when you become a mother things will change’ :devil:

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

You just made SO MANY generalizations !lol. Moving on though if what you said was true for a hundred percent of people( its not because I know way too many men that are not like this) and if the sons can't give time to their mothers or totally ignore their own family, then ITS THE SONS FAULT. The MIL should take her anger out on her son because HE is the one ignoring her, its not the DIL stealing her son away.

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

hello.. Look at the threads out there.. ! My husband has took his sister out for shopping and bought her an ice pop.. Poor me .. How dare he spend 5 seconds with his sister who has known him since infancy.. one thread after another..

MIL were once DIL's and I agree they may not have had the very western influenced reflections of love bestowed on them but todays women in the majority want a perfect life without compromise in work, husbands, family and everything else in this world

I compromise and I am realistic. I accept my faults and rather than try and find ways to blame others for being wronged. I try and think what I could have done to not have caused a situation and 8 out of 10 I could have done something for 2 out of 10 times I need to begin to forgive even when i was wronged.. and I know that when you keep quiet and walk away, the wrong doer realises and sometimes if they have a heart they try not to make the same mistake again .

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

I try and think what I could have done to not have caused a situation and 8 out of 10 I could have done something

Well yup, if we always put the other person ahead of ourselves and be selfless that will be the case. Chances are the situation would not even arise if the other person was also more considerate.

Also, it is different when you are only doing it for a month or two. It's easier to tolerate something when you know that is not going to be your life for ever more.

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

^ This is stoppit

I see too much selfishness.. I don't wish to be a door mat but I just think when I go infront of ALLAH will I be punished for keeping a grudge or being stubborn enough to think I was right in all situations or will ALLAH forgive me for where I was wrong because I have forgiven those who have hurt me.

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

@Confucius, I must say you genuinly sound like a really nice person (not being sarcastic at all)! And I like how you put yourelf in others shoes because if everyone would do that there would be no problems. BUT saying that all IN-LAWS threads say stuff like "My husband has took his sister out for shopping and bought her an ice pop.. Poor me .. How dare he spend 5 seconds with his sister who has known him since infancy" is a total exaggeration of some of the problems on this forum..
That being said it does go both ways, sometimes the DIL is wrong and other times MIL is wrong but saying that "90 percent" of the problems with in laws on this forum are the DIL's fault is a REALLY BIG generalization and assumption, the wording is a put of :)

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

only liking wouldnt have been sufficient. So quoted for truth. :k:

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

Your niceness is really appreciable and trust me, everyone has these moments of self revelations one or the other time in their lives. Even the evilest of the DILS. But why resting the blame on the DIL's shoulders only? How about bringing into consideration the glorious achievements of the SILS and the MILS.

I am sorry but I am not buying this newmembercomeandstealsthesonaway theory. The new member that comes is brought with the mutual consent or rather sole consent of the family in the arrange marriages case and it is only ethical and human on the part of the family to give the new member some space and let them adjust first. Funny thing that people want a happy marital life for their children and thats why arrange marriages for them and then they suddenly have these pangs of intrusions and jealousy and possession and whatnot.

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

Much respect.

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

So you're saying guys' families are hell holes? Do they consciously create a hell hole or is that how it is?

This thread is...special.

I am sorry I don't buy any of this self-glorification.

You don't live with your in-laws...enough said.

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

I don't think I am at fault.. Maybe I see myself as 1 of the 10% but I know that I have at least 3 or 4 times in my married life made a decision which I could have reacted to better..

I have seen some lovely DIL's who weren't at fault and are in horrible situations, maybe if I had a chance to write the subject name again.. I would say 90% of the Brides / Brides to be could make their relationships so much better if they put their heart into it..

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

Reha I don't mean to go all Dr. Phil on you but honestly you sound way too cynical and negative. This self-glorification is perhaps someone's healthy positive perspective, which is working out fine for her and for many others. There is a clear difference between healthy scepticism and downright cynicism.

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

offcourse they are hell-holes............ do you think otherwise?? or rest of your fellow guppans??

they don't need to create hell hole.......the incoming lady comes with all of the hell-hole mindset...........

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

whaddup stockholm syndrome, how you doin'

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

Since when did parents start thinking that they were sending their girls to helll holes...they usually try to arrange marriages with afamily that looks, inviting and accepting. Its a whole another case if the girls in laws turn out to be mosters(which is very rare IMO).No parent has a way of knowing whether thier daughter will have a hellish time with her in laws after she is married. Its not like potential in laws say "we are gonna make life hell for your daughter, now will you please marry her to my son?!"

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

And likewise, 90% of the Inlaws could do so much more to lessen tensions if they just put their heart into it. All the expectations shouldn't be put on the bride, since she is the one you know...experiencing the most change, not only does she have to get used to respecting, getting along with new people- she is also moving into someone else's house/territory unlike her In laws:)

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

I understand I come off as negative and cynical. I know. Maybe I am being a bit too direct here.

What I am hearing is the easy stuff. The little khit pit here and there. This is the easy stuff.

I cannot see "look at me...i ignored my MIL's biting remarks about my salan and look at how happy i am now...hayyye...meri qurbani" as an example to be admired. Most of us women ignore majority of the things we have to deal with. They come here to vent so you see a bit of that, yes. But most of us DO keep our mouth shut when dealing with in-laws' drama.

Hmmm.

It seems like NomiCA is saying living with in-laws is like living in a hell hole.

That explains a lot.

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Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be

so apparently when u all were under the same roof you had problems.... now that u r living apart and spending some time /hours with your inlaws, things between u and them have changed automatically...... distance makes heart grow fonder..:)..nai??
.NOT the 24/7 surveillance /controlling in the name of 'tumko tou main aapni beti bana ker laii hon..
...I am glad things are working for you and May it remain same when you all start living together again ....